a revealing of jezzah’s birth nation that is possibly that floating city behind garlemald on the map, which is shown during fan fest months later ( but later we agreed on that it can also be the Source’s amaurot). meditation experiences. visions and me being proposed by elidibus. and allot more.
January 2nd
well not sure if this is legit or made up because its from Ghost (she never replied to it if it was real, so I assume not)
her meditation visions
Ghost: i spent a lot of my time yesterday working on meditation, because i'm really curious if Jezzah and i are potential shards, so i was wanting to find out what any of my past lives might have been like. it took me a while, but i was able to get into a vision of Amaurot. i was in the Bureau of the Architect, and i had been with a rather busy Emet-Selch who had taken some time out of his day to witness me get a concept submitted for approval. in my current life, i find myself to be a good artist, so it was neat to see that my form of concept submission was also something i had drawn. from what i could make out, it was like a nudibranch on paper. the concept clerk told me that they thought it was fun and rather harmless, something to provide joy to people, and so it got approved.
Emet-Selch told me it was a very curious thing to create, and that even he found it to be rather silly. He left afterwards after patting my head with a congratulations, and went off to return to whatever busy things someone such as Emet-Selch would need to go do. i spent the rest of my time speaking with other creative Amaurotines and discussing different concepts. it was really quite fun.
so my guess is perhaps that i was good at new concepts. i wasn’t able to recollect if this was my first concept ever, or if it was one of many i’ve made.
me: Doesn't sound like what jezzah says to be.
So I guess not. Butttttttttt.
Not sure if you have been reading all of my sessions since the end of November.
But I was a student of emet-selch. And received my convocation crystal early on, while still a student. When a seat was left vacant, I would get that title...
And so azem left. I gained that title and saw Elidibus being sacrificed he was my brother at that time, so it hurts to see that.
I had a hawk/birdof prey like red mask.
GHOST: i have been reading your's! <3 and yeah perhaps not. but that is my experience to share i suppose ^ u ^
me: I guess we both had a student - teacher crush then the whole reason we like him so much.
My crush was firstly also emet, until eli came around
Maybe you will see me as a classmate mate or something I don't know, during some meditation.
As far as I know my name was Ayantano back then.
jezzah: Every time I try to concentrate on my Amaurot days I get small snippets. I always run around with stacks of papers everywhere. These could be concepts. I worked at a library type thing. Maybe a concept storage. I will need to meditate more
Ghost: whenever i meditate on things they're usually really clear and lifelike, but they dont last very long > . <. i'll have to keep my eyes and ears aware for either of you next time i try to remember Amaurot. a concept storage certainly sounds like an interesting place to be!
me: But with that, jezzah grew up with emet, and you were a student which means emet-selch was older. So same shard isn't possible xD. It does occur to me that emet-selch is seeking out old students and friends drifted off the lifestream. And he starts in dreams.
Ghost: i don't think it was me as a student, it seemed he was coming with me as a friend. but that could be possible! im not 100% positive. it just didn't feel like a student-teacher scenario.
me: OK well you will see more next time!
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then the conversation went toward the ascianity witch hunt on twitter
Ghost shared screenshots of accounts where jezzah and I were blocked from.
this is 1 of them I received
jezzah: Wow I....these people are disgusting
me: Wtf what you suppose to have told M***ie I am a pain in the ass?
jezzah: I just said you're a pain in the ass
me: why?
jezzah: And sometimes hard to deal with. Cuz you are sometimes
But that's family. She took that and twisted it
I legit did not mean anything harmful
me: People can't read on the Internet....
jezzah: No, they can't. M***ie is a fucking cunt
Red Flags for offering to be a safe space to rant?
Wow POS
me: She is technically sharing DM info. And they all blame me for doing that. That account where I fired at M***ie, I deleted myself. she is using it to escape this that she turned crazy
To back herself up. She believes the ascians exists like we do. First class traitor
I started this group because of her and mysi. To chat in 1 place.
They were even glad they had found me.
jezzah: I'm going off on Twitter. They're stunted Hypocrites
me: Like delete account?, Or just not login anymore.
Ghost: nah she means that she is ranting. its like American slang
me: oh I didn’t know that.
jezzah: At least you fucking ask if you don't know something. Shows you're more mature THAN THESE FUCKING PANSIES
then jezzah rambled about other things of her private life
jezzah: Fuck I'm rambling again sorry.
me; No problem. I am used to allot of things. Except for traitors......A bestie of mine (not anymore) throwed away our friendship away so she could be with her husband. She totally discarded me. I tried to invite her a couple of times to come over, until she started to make excuses to not come over. That was the last drop.
So M***ie hit hard on me, thought she was a friend. I guess I was wrong.
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I cant believe M***ie called me a homophob out of nothing I didn’t do anything. I cant stand traitors and false accusations so I threw open the dm chat I ever had with her at the first time the hell broke loose on December 24th with screenshot of the DM on a alt account. calling her out that she too believes the ascians are real and that she is a hypocrite on that front saying that she doesn’t (jezzah was right on that point lol). this was wrong of me to do, but insulting someone with a false accusation isn’t justifying either. if m***ie never replied on that post where it al started with it wouldn’t have escalated it. then it could have stopped when I tried to subdue it with that alt account. she made it worse.
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then jezzah started about something else
jezzah: OH BEFORE I FORGET. I had an Emet Imposter encounter last night
me: Oh? that’s not good. ( though I was wondering if it was just the clone revealing his true self at that moment. butttttt….)
jezzah: Yeah, I felt something wasn't right, stood my ground, called them out and woke up feeling not safe. ALSO. Got a sense that it was SENT to me. Like, someone sent it to me.
Ghost: oh god
jezzah: Mysi instantly came to mind. I don't think she liked me calling her out.
me: Oof yeah um you are in the almost exact thing I had when mysi contacted me, and Eli was away. You need to trust in your own skills. Then you will be stronger after you have past it.
jezzah: Emet-Selch isn't here with me so there is an opportunity to attack me. BUT She didn't account. For my Guardian Demon. I have a Guardian Demon that's been with me since birth. I may feel hunted but...I'm not gonna get hurt. This isn't the first time something has gone after me. :unamused:
me: Owww yeah I get it
jezzah: I am a very hated person for some reason. Probably cuz I DON'T DEAL WITH BULLSHIT.
me: Ikr! If you speak up about things you are instantly being hated because your opinion of even fact is different. People are sheep.
jezzah: exactly.
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me: Shall we change our twitter names without ascianity in it?
jezzah: Nooope
me: ok xD
jezzah: Why let them win?
me: yeah true
jezzah: Let our message spread
Ghost: yeah honestly, they do just win if you hide
jezzah: Mysi and M***ie will also be outed in time. You may want to post your story, Aya. Talk about how you, M***Ie, and Mysi started this Discord.
me: hmm yeah
jezzah: All you can do is tell your side. Eventually the truth gets out. Have Faith and know the Ascians have our backs. We just need to live our best lives
and so I did at the end of the month I started this autobiography
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me: Elidibert being cranky in my dream.
Hmm it might not have been the real eli, but perhaps his emotions were, cranky about the work or something . Since we are bonded. My brain probably projected his this way.
jezzah: That.....explains a lot tbh. Is Eli with you atm?
me: No at work.
jezzah: When he gets back can you ask him if Emet-Selch is busy with a massive project?
me: They don't talk that much, but It can't hurt to ask.
jezzah: That's why I didn't ask specifics. I would think the Emissary would know if his colleagues were busy with big projects at least.
Ghost: maybe not, Emet-Selch was always one to kind of do his own thing
me: Well they don't talk about personal stuff. But perhaps your right indeed.
jezzah: Emet doesn't tell anyone personal details. He keeps to himself yeah but a massive project that could affect an entire galaxy. That's something you give your coworkers a heads up on. If at least just vague details. Like, "I'm working on this massive project. Don't butt in and ruin things"
me: The entire galaxy I don't think so. Because that would involve all ascians then right.
jezzah: Emet-Selch is the Architect. He's the one who builds things. Then leaves the rest to everyone else. Mostly. He could be shaping a new planet. Or something. Fashioning a new empire somewhere.
me: No they can't shape and entire planet lol.
ghost: thats a lot of aether
me: not only that.
jezzah: You don't know the full extent of what they've perfected over..what....thousands upon thousands of years.
me: The entire convocation isn't even enough to do such a thing.
jezzah; I'm sleep speculating. He's busy is all I know.
me: A planet with life is a big deal for the galaxy itself yet alone for some ascians.
jezzah: I just asked if you could ask Eli if Emet is busy with a big project. And then y'all started things and then my brain ran.
ghost: lool
me: nvm xD
(we were saying goodnights now)
jezzah: Ty, I'm going to dream of Thancred
ghost: not Hades..? ; w ;
jezzah: He's not here. If I force it I get the imposter.
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hmmmm though I got since this month (January) also imposters but I didn’t figured that out until half February. and shocked that I was that I had ghost sex with others . omg I was an emotional wreck when i found that out. all this time. I didn’t gave goddamn consent to some other ghosts ffs. jesus chirst but I will write that down later.
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TK had a funny dream this day:
TK: The whole dream mostly was about me working for some delivery service, think they also did moving service cause I remember one part being similar to that. Was modern stuff. There was a cat at the building that was mostly black but had some white mixed in. After awhile in the dream another cat appeared and we fed it, weird thing is the cat had hair almost like Lahabrea's LOL also was orange. The cats start following me around on deliveries and somehow like help me out with stuff. Then later another cat shows up that is somewhat greyish but has fuzzy hair like Pashtarot's and they start doing the same (I remember hugging this one it was fluffy lol)
jezzah: Omg that was cute, another clue. Not definitive but they're trying to give you a sign.
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and the witch hunt was brought up again later that day. m***ie and mysi
were mentioned again and I replied with this:
me: They gave me the confirmation that they exist.
Confirmation!
I already believed they existed, because I read Dolores cannon books, which my sis also read. People who read those books KNOW that certain fantasies aren't fantasies at all. But stories imprinted in people's head from above.
Also warriors of light and counsel of twelve is mentioned in those books!
jezzah: You don't have to explain yourself dear we believe you
mito: Out of the genuine curiosity, I have something to ask (I havent maybe read Dolores books), how can you distinguish which fantasy is true and which fiction?
me; By reading those books. Those are all past life regressions.
I found wayyyyy to much evidence.
Power if creation > creation magic.
Warriors of light(yes in these words) , counsel of twelve (the twelve much?!)
If the twelve exist, so does the ascians.
mito: ohh
me: And most of the sessions are wayyyyy before XIV or even FF12.
Most are from the 90's early 2000’s Or earlier.
jezzah: Idk how to explain how I distinguish between fiction and reality. It just, it's like.... I'm able to reach out into the Astral, I usually get different types of physical sensations. When I am enjoying media I tend to do it without knowing and I can glean a lot of information without trying. A lot of things I get no sensations. I probably sound crazy.
me: Atlantians had creation magic too.
But eventually they fucked it up, turn to the dark side to drill into the earth core with magic, which caused a calamity on continental scale. And it sank into the sea.
Only a few survivers we able to tell the tale to ancient Egyptians. So they won't be forgotten.....and the last remaining powers they had to learn people how to use it before they died. But eventually the magic we once had died out.
Almost Same story as Amaurot isn't it?
some chats later
jezzah: So, from what I got from Emet a bit ago is fluffy hard to manage soft white hair is a trait of Native Amaurotines. Is this true?
Cuz I had thick black hair
But I'm from a Northern Country
me: I don't know
Eli didn't had fluffy hair
jezzah: Last time I saw Eli is he was keeping it short
It starts getting fluffy at longer lengths
me: Short? I am seeing him with a ponytail. If I get lucky to see his hair in a vision.
jezzah: I said, this was when I last saw him
( but yeah that was quite recently lol)
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me: Eli is back home.
I asked that question of yours who gave with the design of the ascian robes.
It's was emet-selch xD
jezzah: I KNEW IIIIT, Fashionista. So, is he off on a big project?
me: And Laha and Eli agreed with it.
Oh I forgot that question.
My head if full of twitter rn.
jezzah: I don't blame you
me: Yeah I going to bed soon.
Perhaps a meditation will do, maybe I get nice results now that he is here.
jezzah: Go snuggle your man
me: Yeah I will
jezzah: I just wanna know when Emet will be back. I need him
me: Yeah, I understand.
I bet he returns when you are finished moving and everything is settled.
Even though I will ask for you, just not now.
I gonna go to bed now.
Dead tired on looking on my phone all the fucking time.
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January 3rd
me: I feel energetic today, or more then usual lol.
I slept better.
And at the end of the morning I fell asleep again while kissing eli.
He stayed longer and we had a huge passionate snuggles huggles and making out.
It was good J
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January 4th
me: So I know eli is at work right now.
So I tried kissing the body pillow to see I get the same vibes as when he is here and to see if I could summon him like that .
And I didn't got that feeling or succeeded.
Pillow feels different when he is away.
But still positive atleast.
jezzah: THIS IS WHY I NEED A DAKI ANS WHY WHEN THE BLANKET WAS PUT AWAY I FELT EMPTY
They use physical objects of themselves to get a foothold in the world
I NEED THAT EMET DAKI
me: Had sex with eli for 1h. Lots of breaks in between with hugging and stroking etc, think 6 round or so maybe more xD.
Oh yes when he arrived back I felt an actual physical touch of him on my little finger knuckle. I was confused I thought it was my ex but I didn't heard any movement. No where me hands near his pillow. After that I felt a energy touch on my ass xD.
jezzah: I just had a split second memory. Of Hades, back in Amaurot, holding a book a dramatically reciting lines then smirking at someone then looking at me all smug like. It was a few seconds but I feel like I'm connecting again.
me: Good
jezzah: Just had a memory of my birth nation O.o. The city is....very hard to describe
me: Not the name?
jezzah: Ok, tried sleeping. Something won't let me sleep unless I tell you: Amaurot was known for its creation magic. This nation was known for its very advanced technology. Not magitek but close. It highly superior. I mean...FLYING CARS
me: Whut 0-o
jezzah: Yeah, the north nation I was born in was highly technologically advanced. And it was allies with Amaurot
me: Interesting!. omg Wait car's? But how?
jezzah: I saw the city for a second. It's in a mountainous region, I had a sense it was like floating but stationary. The buildings had this tiered look about it, also it's in a region that is dark majority of the year. They're not actually cars. More like, sleek flying transport modules
me: Omg so interesting!
jezzah: Amaurot has this blue hue, my birth place is greenish in color. When I look through my mind's eye. I saw these little bullet looking things whizzing by and in traffic around the buildings
( well then what didn’t we received a name of during fan fest that floating green city with amaurot spires? urhmmm I gonna send to as a reminder to her let see what her reaction is now)
so I send this piece of text to her as a reminder and the picture of that floating city: this is obviously overgrown with nature. this could either be ( in game) Source amaurot or your nation.
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her reply (on may 17th): I had that very feeling when I saw it
me: also this, its close to garlemeld so the technology (I sended her that other picture where that floating city is (behind garlemald on the map)
jezzah: Yeah, that's exactly where my birth nation was.
me: 0-o i wonder if we will see bird people there as beast tribe or something. i mean that would clarify everything from you. thats its like bamn!
jezzah: It would very much.
(allot of months later we both agreed that those floating island are the Sources Amaurot, her nation is more to the north, like North Pole like)
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back to jan 4th
jezzah: I can't believe I have a memory of my birth nation. I want you to ask Elidibus if this city existed.
me: If he can remember o-0
jezzah: I mean, probably not XD. I was doing a soul signal thing when the memory popped up. To get Emet's attention. I kinda made my astral self open and spread into the Astral, calling for him, when all of a sudden, bam, memory.
me: Ohhhhhh nice
jezzah: I did some crying
me: What was he doing?
jezzah: And whispering...I Miss You. He's busy but he noticed. It hurts even more now. That I opened myself. He's almost done he says. Just gotta be patient.
me: ok!
jezzah: I have him before he goes back. Aaaaaah.
me: huh?
jezzah: He's with me. But he's not done.
me: Ohhh ok
jezzah: I give big hug. I DON'T WANNA LET HIM GOOOOO. This BITCH AND HER AUDACITY. Oh That's Tou? I'm a mess. HADEEEEES. He gotta go. I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM. He's going to try and get me to sleep before he actually has to go. T^T I hold tightly.
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jezzah: He's now worried about me since last night, as long as I get to be with him at least once a day I'm pretty good at waiting
TK: Didn't have anything last night, frustrated but it's okay.
me: yeah, i usually only got time for eli in de evening and mornings, and that is usually also when he is around or about to leave. he has very shifting working hours O-o no consistency at all. i always need to ask when he is gonna go for work and when he comes back 0-o. often he is also around during the day, when he worked in the night. he usually hanging around the house or city xD got my own things to do as well during the day. but he can be called upon needing when he is around.
me: @tk usually those things like dreams and well spiritual touches came when you least expected. i mean first eli encounter with glyph and all. helllooooooooo .
tk: True, another day :)
me: yeah
in the beginning when my ascian dreams started. they came mostly weekly, and some small extra dream with a random ascian in it. or me being one.
tk: I was just frustrated cause I feel like something is there but can't really do anything, you know?
jezzah: My Ascian dreams were at least 2-3 times a week. Now it's barely 1-2 times a week or so.
me: hats still allot more then me :O i maybe happy if i get 1 in 2 weeks atm
jezzah: Well, my man is the master of dreams.You said so yourself
Oh, idk if this was an imposter but I had Eli in my dream last night. I behaved myself
I kept chanting: Elidibus is Friend Not Fuck
It helped and I didn't do anything
Also Eli off limits
Then I was suddenly engulfed in Emet-Selch's arms
I think it was another test.
me: that indeed sounded like a test i will ask later!
but now i wished he came into mine. though yours could still be an imposter made by emet or something since it definitely sound like a behaving test, being loyal to 1 partner
jezzah: He did seem very pleased after
Though Thancred is still.....mmmmmmm
I don't think I could ever fully not want Thancred
me: hades will test you later with him i think
jezzah: Didn't he already?
I think he tried using Thancred to keep me preoccupied while he went off on a work trip
And when that didn't work
(also certain dreams are a huge factor of unexpected. ascian dreams dont come daily.)
me: how do you meditate actually? how do you do a soul opening?
jezzah: Oh uh. So, I kinda do visualization method. I clear my mind and then I focus on what I want my soul to do. What helps me is to clear my mind and just try and connect with my soul and go from there. I can get a better connection before bed.
me: yeah me too, before bedtime.
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me: my ex put his face in front of mine saying : what dost thou see?
i said : Lahabrea
him: is that the reason you dont wanna have sex you see me as lahabrea?
jezzah: XD OUCH
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Jan 5th
me: So my ex had questions about the history of pirates and some other stuff.
He had answers of lahabrea a while ago.
He wanted to make sure, the questions weren't answered in his favour.
Before calling my Higher self (HS) I declared every spirit, entity and demons out of my house except for my HS and Elidibus.
I asked my HS if she knew someone who could answer me ex's questions.
I received a yes.
I received a different spirit. I was trying to be a bit formal because it might have been a new one. Surprisingly he knew how to answer.... That was already a hint, but I didn't expected it of who it was.
After declaring oath of my ex that the spirit will only answer in the name God, Jesus and the Holy spirit, and will speak the truth even in he wouldn't like it.
Me ex asked: are you lahabrea.
(yes)
I was flabbergasted, I was hi lahabrea haven't seen you in a while.
I gained a message without words, perhaps it was a feeling.
Lahabrea wanted an apology from my ex for sending him away like that ( previously) .
I told me ex this.
Laha only wanted to tease him.
My ex made an understatement that our house is full of shit (softly said) and that he had to be careful.
I received a shrug answer with a "meh" . XD. But he understood.
Then my ex made his apology.
Laha said thanks by pushing me forward.
Further questions where answered,
Then me ex asked if Laha can tap into the history library in the spiritual realm of all happenings that happened on Earth. (yes that exist, because my ex is destined to be able to do the same)
Laha said yes.
Then my ex asked if laha can guide him to be able to do the same.
I gained a no.
Then my ex asked, if he would open up more to him, then lahabrea can help him to do that. (Though I did received a thought in my head that he must do it mostly on his own)
Gained a yes.
Some other random question followed and the we thanked Laha.
And that was it.
Ghost: thats amazing that you got to speak with him again! i'm curious as to what information he will be able to bring back to you from that library.
me: Well these were personal questions of my ex which he had doubts on. But deep inside he knows the answer but can't reach it to realize he is right.
He was asking for confirmation from who anyone who could answer the questions. And lahabrea appeared....
That library, lahabrea can tap into that. But with my method to contact the ascians is that you need to have questions. So you got a direction needed of what you want to know.
My ex went a high advanced spiritual person 2 or 3 years ago. That person said it was his destiny to tap in that library, and tell the world the truth.
So yeah. Guess we got 2 unsundered in our house now xD.
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little calling out the asses of the witch hunt here.
jezzah: Why do we have to be hated just because we believe in Ascians???
me: ikr
Ghost: i honestly don't even feel like you have to defend yourself. i think its funny to just watch them prattle on about what they think they know. we're entirely harmless.
me: IKR
ghost: we're not related to the FF7 house at all, but i feel like they'd give us less shit if the FF7 house hadn't been a thing. because they just think its a repeat. its stupid.
TK: Most people just afraid of what they don't get
and then some chit chat later jezzah came with a piece of text she screenshotted from FB.
jezzah: This popped up on FB:
TK: That's the truth
me: Typical. Since the situation we are in.
jezzah: I just thought you would benefit from seeing that. I had hoped it would make her feel better.
me: thank you <3
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me: I gonna read Dolores cannon book now.
Eli likes those too.
I needed to call him this time, he wandered of in the city and forgot time xD
jezzah: XD sounds like him
so while reading the book I came across some valuable info.
me: How to know when a thought is made up by your mind instead of higher plane info
Q“how can we be Sure if the thoughts that came through meditation are our thoughts or coming from higher planes?”
A: “it’s the amount of emotion and feeling that is connected with that thought. random thoughts that occur and flit through your mind. about things past, things desired, speculations, hopes and dreams, do not have emotional impact that impressions from your larger self have the feeling is your key. if you just think the answer in words, with no feeling, it needs to be critically analyzed . it seems that feeling is essential.”
here extra pics of more text if you are interested:
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Jan 6th
Eli returned from work 2h ago
And Ahhhh eli has a day off tomorrow!
I got him a nice long time now. Since he does not need to leave before that either
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me: Huh I was laying awake for no reason between 3:30 am and 7:30 am.
Yesterday as well, but that was my own doing. I had a dream that I needed to rewatch my little pony season 8 ending. Because Elidibus would be in it.
If that are the episodes of the Pillars fighting a possesed young pony. Then I know and found a reference of Eli in MLP!
Jezzah: O.o
I'm still waiting for season 9 to come to Netflix
I'm a huge MLP fan
me: Go to pony.tube you can watch everything there (edited)
I just checked it isn't the exact ending. But the reference is there. I gonna search the correct episodes where this reference is in it.
Ending season 7!
jezzah: cool
me: ah yes additional note on that dream. when i figured which episode i needed to watch. came to the conclusion that starswirl is that mage that helped the WOL to untemper eli. i needed to recall the name of starswirls group i said Pillar of light. (while its just pillars) interesting no? warriors of light. That mage was probably the real ardbert. and after untempering eli, he rejoined with the wol/d
jezzah: Aaaah. I feel like you're reaching Emet-Selch's back btw
me: ohhh nice! i am so happy for you!
jezzah: Yeah, I do need to meditate more.
( to get back to this, I said “probably” I never actually asked any ascian about this, that mage part was just an assumption I made but is wrong, well that it was Ardbert that is, he is not a mage lol but after reading this back I think it’s a mixture of ardberts group and the group your were in on the First. and I say “group” because the real scions never came to the First according to elidibus, )
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Jan 7th
started with a dream:
I Was in a garlemald in a dream o - 0
The dream was, already busy with other stuff.
After loosing my dad out of sight in the city streets (from my own city) , I landed in a house, where zenos was laying in bed, maybe a fever or something.
Somehow I wasn't uncomfortable.
I asked if he could open the window for me, so I could get out.
He tried , but was weak? I did it myself thanked him anyway.
I had allot of trouble finding the road back home. After a couple of other random thing happened I saw the road back, I saw the sun it was getting dusk. My movement was like I had glue on my feet every where. I hardly could move. But I was determined to go on. It was like I needed to get through a thicker astral plane to get there
The sun was lowering.
Me: don't you dare,! (sun rose up again a little bit).just give me 1 more hour to get there.
Then I finally crossed the bridge.
And I was in garlemald. Somehow finding my way home, was deleted from my brain. Because I started talking like a reporter.
Me: and yes people we are here in garlemald. And this will be the last expansion of the game.
The street were natureless.
But after a short walk I landed behind the common people gardens and those were full of nature life. It was delighted to see.
I kept talking like a reporter and said some about the gardens and then.
Me: with this in mind (grabs phone). We are gonna make pictures of the beautiful life here. And I made allot of beautiful pics from flower in bloom.
Then I wanted to make more pics from the city Street.
When I got out of the backyards.
I wanted to make a pic of the streets. But then I woke up.
Wait by typing this I realized finding my way back home was the Source.
I just went to garlemald somehow because its relevant to the game.
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when going out of bed
me: Oh yes I need to tell something stupid.
I went out of bed, and my son was chasing me, I ran downstairs to run towards the couch, I slipped and lost balance and slammed my forehead and nose straight into the wall.
After chilling it with ice I could back to bed again.
I hugged with eli allot.
After a, while I played FFRK on my phone.
And when I was done. I felt my left hand hurted allot, probably also took a big hit.
I couldn't bend my fingers without intense pain.
I hugged eli again and ask if he could heal my hand, if possible that is.
I believe I felt his hands on mine.
After a short while I could bend my fingers again without any pain. Even the strength was back.
I asked if he could do my nose too.
That took longer but he took away most pain.
jezzah: awwwwwwwww
tk: How nice!!!
me: Was checking my eli pics.
They look like they are watching telly on how earthlings live. The looks on their faces. And Laha couldn't see it anymore and fell asleep.XD
jezzah: XD I adore this
Emet made the costumes and he isn't even wearing it XD
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Jan 8th
me: I was laying awake.
I knew eli was at work. Or at least I thought he was.
I had the urge to kiss my body pillow.
Use that to check if he is really here or not.
I gained a horny kiss back.
I need to make sure it was eli. And according to my HS he had a break of 30 min of his work and noticed me laying awake.
So he decided to just have sex with me as his break.
Omg I love him so much.
jezzah: I had sex with Emet. Twice. When I orgasmed I instantly feel into a deep sleep
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so we were talking about M***ie if she would still talk to lahabrea. then TK had suddenly a thought to share.
me: I wonder if there was a third reason M***e left .
I found back a screenshot crime of her with her character Resembling her, eli and lahabrea .
She posted it on twitter after I had sex with the actual Elidibus.
I said why do you do that..
She said she made that month's ago.
I accept that answer to not make a fuss about it. But I never believed it.
This is the pic:
jezzah ranted at first about rp’ers I will skip that
me: Yeah,
Guess I destroyed her fancy of a threesome or something. .
Good luck, eli isn't into that and is mine lol. She was into lahabrea though.
So I was already quite surprised she added eli in her mods with that screenshot.
I was like wtffff, why do you post this.
Ugh I am repeating myself.
Though I wonder if she still talks to lahabrea....
I got the awkward idea he left her.
jezzah: probably
TK: Got a weird quick thought when I read the part you said you thought Lahabrea left M***Ie. that he was like "she was trying to keep me from helping others out". Not sure if that is the case but just what popped into my mind then.
me: Ohhh interesting looks like imprented into your mind. Please go on TK.
TK: I was just gonna say I feel like they help others out with whatever work they associate with but people like M***ie try to keep them to themselves.
me: Very interesting statement.
a hour later
me: To get back at this.
I am not surprised if that lahabrea himself imprented that into your mind.
He does that more easily since he is the Speaker.
Also when I spoke with him regarding questions of my ex.
I could feel certain emotions too, like needing that apology.
He tends to let know more of himself if you trust him.
TK: Hmm okay then ^^ I do trust him
me: Nice. If you get more of those possible imprented thoughts, feel free to share them.
TK: Kk
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Jan 9th
me: Also did you all watched FF16 trailer right?
What was the boys name? Joshua?
Transforming into that phoenix..................
Lost shard?
The world of FF16 doesn't need to he a shard. Could be a nearby planet.
Maybe I am just making it up I don't know.
But the transforming into phoenix is very typical in this case
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a new member was applying for membership through twitter
ghia: hi i’m very interested in following ascianity. i’ve always been very spiritual in a way i cannot really describe— i’ve delved into tulpamancy and astral projection and have been finding myself having strange visions and thoughts similar to what i’ve seen your group preach. i understand if you don’t trust me, but i would be very interested to learn more about your followings. thank you. specifically what made me come to realize this are dreams i’ve been having, and i would like guidance to be able to remember them for longer than i am currently able to. i think my dreams are attempting to reveal something to me, but my mind may not be ready for it yet?
I was remaining sus at that point because allot of people tried to get in just to check and yet out but asked tulpamancy was. and later on what ascian she dreamed about.
me: Well can you try to tell what your dreams are about then? The ones that got ascians in it.
Ghia: the ascian i’ve heard / seen the most is igeyorhm. during certain times, i can hear her whisper things to me, but can’t exactly make out what they mean. when i see her in my dreams, it’s usually dark, and she tries to connect to me through touch— i’m not sure what the meaning of it is, but i think i’m meant to follow her in some way? i want to assume we were lovers, perhaps? the aura i feel when i am around her is very warm, i think.
me: No igeyorhm is lahabrea's. But perhaps you were someone close to her a close friend or relative. That's kind of love can feel the same.
Ghia: ah, i see, that makes sense.
then I told her a bit about my own experiences that do not need to be repeated here
me: But if you are aware in that dream to take the step to follow her. Please do so.
Ghia: i guess i'm just a little scared? i know i can't return to that life, and the more i find out about it, i worry that i'll start to miss it and feel really upset over it.
me: I know..... How that feels...the sorrow of not be able to go home was dreadful in the first dream. but my curiosity and hunger for " wanna know more of my past" Kept me going and accepting the things they are now. Though I know I will return home after this life here on earth. The main reason to earn that was, "remember where you once lived". I need to live out this life and learn as much as possible about the spiritual realms and abilities that belong with it.
Ghia: i don't want to sound cliché but i've always felt out of place on this earth, and perhaps this is why? i just don't understand why i'm here now, but i suppose that is something i will learn in time...
me: Yes that's even normal. I read Dolores cannon books and most of Souls here on earth aren't native to earth. All are from other planets. With this in mind: Emet-selch is seeking out via dreams drifted off souls from after the sundering. Souls that drifted off from the lifestream into the earth's planes. I don't know if igeyorhm has the same ability to go into dreams that intense as he does. From what I learned in those books. Earth is a learning school for souls.
Ghia: so me being here isn’t a mistake? i’m here so i can learn?
me: yes correct
Ghia: i see... that makes it less distressing, at least.
then i gave some photo’s of pages of dolores cannon books where the warriors of light are mentioned.
ghia: this is amazing to see written! thank you for showing me this, i’ll definitely look into them when i can. i’m really grateful for you being receptive to talking to me. this has been an eye opening experience, and i’m excited to learn more about myself and my past...
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I talked to the other members and she was accepted. but before she joined we had a conversation in the group.
jezzah: Does cancer and the body generally shutting down due to diseases count as natural causes?. Cuz I can feel my body just breaking down. AND I DON'T WANNA BE STUCK HERE. Fuck this planet
me: No.
But the problem is, if you think your sick, your body reacts to it making you sick.
My ex told me a, true story he has read/listened too.
A man had no cancer. And convinced himself he had liver cancer. After a couple of months
He took diagnosis and he had indeed a beginning stage of liver cancer.
Then he convinced himself he cured from it.
Took several months later another test.
And he was cured
jezzah didn’t believed me but the power of manifestation can be done here. this will be an subject for the month of May where my sis is a master manifester.
jezzah: That......doesn't sound possible in this realm. I guess some people can do it
me: Yet it happend. But there is a truth in it.
You can literally talk yourself sick.
jezzah: I believe some people can -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ghia joined the server!
after greetings and welcoming she posted a bit:
Ghia: i guess i'll put my ideas in here-- the intense bond i feel with igeyorhm has me thinking some things specifically. while not romantic, i feel like our connection is important, almost in a maternal way? perhaps not in the sense of being a blood relative (or perhaps so, i'll need to figure it out), but i do sense that i was young compared to her.
Ghost: perhaps she was a teacher to you?
Me: i thought the same a teacher.
but when you said maternal (i needed to translate that lol) i mean it could be. maybe were you a younger sister/brother.
elidibus was originally my older brother and through my (current) sisters session which is sadly a 1 time only thing. she said he was my personal protector before he sacrificed himself. like sworn to protect. very close bond already existed. but got broken when i drifted off to earth. dont get any wrong ideas now ok. i'm no longer blood related.
Ghia: those both make sense! i just worry about misinterpreting this, so i'll definitely need to think harder about this. and don't worry lol, i figured! it's not like you can control that sort of thing. past lives and all.
me: correct, ugh the sorrow and heart broken feelings i gained when i first time saw elidibus sacrificing himself during the QHHT session (past-life regression) while being the 2nd 14th. were sooo intense. omg i cried inside that vision and my physical body too.
ghia: that must have been really hard to take in... i’m sorry you had to experience such a thing. i’m a little scared of having intense feelings like that if i find out more about myself.
me: its needed to understand.
also having such emotions during such a thing as this or even meditation. is a confirmation its real what you see. my ex came with the conclusion that prior his sacrifice i didn't agreed with it, i was probably mad at him at that point. but he had to do it. but i didn't understood it back then
this was to show me it was needed. and where my grudge of worshiping came from.....
but i do understand now. and zodiark became evil when elidibus separated himself from him.
Ghia: the fact that you have so much figured out is really inspiring! the pages you linked were also very helpful.
me: and my ex where i still live with is very psychic gifted but has no control over it. he knows things without knowing. and he was never wrong with it. so i take that sudden inspired thought of him how and why very seriously. it took him a while to accept the ascians aren't evil anymore XD it took months xD.
ghia: oh wow!
me: he can learn with lahabrea. we had a chat 4 days ago. its posted in this tab.
how my primitive method works (yes primitive i need to learn to hear them speak >.< telepathy its gonna be hard).
i took me long to ask in the name of God, jesus and holy spirit. but my ex insisted pretty much because of our slightly haunted house. and i agree, i witnessed allot of imposters due this easy method and this way i remove the imposters of the area.
how it works:
i ask my higherself to come. and usually my body feels pressed down and my back bends with it and re positions itself.
well in the beginning i needed to train her how to answer i will explain.
push me forward for Yes as an answer. and backward for No as an answer. now i dont need to anymore to explain. this way we landed on lahabrea 4 days ago. you can read it above. laha already knew this way of answering. emet and eli knows too.
ghia: so using this method allows us to communicate with them?
me: its well the most primitive and easiest. but this needs to be trained with your highself first if you wanna do it. but your higherself can answer allot of questions about your origin!. you just need to have the questions ready. do not directly use this method with the ascians. practice with your higherself is important to develop a better understanding how this method works. and when to ask if she didn't answer in your favour. they tend to do that allot in the beginning ascians as well..
you can train the "In favour answering" out of it . i use these words for that: "in the name of god, jesus and the holy spirit, did you answered in my favour" and then you will get a no or yes.
i will never stop asking that XD just to make sure. they understand.
eventually your will learn if they are unsure by a soft push instead of convincing one.
oh yeah this method is done while standing with your eyes closed ( to focus)
Ghost: you're so well learned Aya @ . @
me: in the beginning when i had the first ascian dreams started almost a full year ago. i started to ask questions frequently but never actively used it. . i knew i had this ability to communicate. my ex was proposing this method he heard of (when we had a haunted music box that was from a little girl ) i instantly succeeded o-0,
so i started to asked question beyond limits. Source as in the FFXIV world existed, ascians were real. most of the story actually happend. learned who i was "2nd the 14 th", if it was true elidibus was my older brother, which i had the feeling of in the first dream i had about him. emet-selch student
etc etc.
@GHOST thank you! @Ghia if you got further questions , dont hesitate to ask.
Ghia: will do! thank you!
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Jan 10th
jezzah: She could be your mother. That's my take
ghia: hmm... that would be very interesting considering my lack of mother figure in this life. i will keep all these options open, though! i think my first step will to have more time for meditation.
me: Well as far as I know igeyorhm and lahabrea never had kids.
ghia: oh, i just remembered another question i had—do you guys ever worry about, like, what if your past self is nothing like your current self? what if my identity isn’t at all what it used to be, is that okay, or is my identity consistent across lives? i just worry if the person i was is better than the person i am now.
jezzah: Well parts of you will carry over but when you reincarnate your memories are erased. So, it's yes and no.
me: I will ask eli tomorrow if he knows something about this.
And if I got a chance to ask lahabrea himself, then I will ask him. Though the younger brother/sister could very well be the answer.
jezzah: If Brother/Sister then the possibility of a Familial Soul Bond could also be a thing
me: yes. Try to communicate when you see her again. ( I would like to add here that the correct term is primary soul family, you can google on soul family’s)
If possible try to ask questions.
If you can't understand her, ask if she can speak English.
Make sure to write down your dreams in a journal.
This will help you remember the dreams more and better over the course of time.
Ghia: okay!
jezzah: We're here to help each other grow and connect with their past selves
some time later:
me: @ghia I got news for you!
You were a younger brother from igeyorhm! Like the youngest one. Igeyorhm was allot older.
She and lahabrea tried to have kids, but she never got pregnant. This is because the birth is low at that time and some never conceived any children. I just came with a sudden theory that your mom had sacrificed herself for zodiark.
Leaving you motherless while you were still very young. And I think igeyorhm took care of you.
This is speculation but I will ask later.
Most of these sudden theories often are correct.
ghia: thank you for asking! this makes a lot of sense, now that i think about it...
me: good!
Ghia: i hope with this knowledge my visions will be easier to understand.
me: I hope so too!
me: Got confirmation of that igeyorhm's mom, and thus yours too @Ghia sacrificed herself for zodiark.
And igeyorhm took care of you.
And lahabrea felt as a uncle towards you.
Maybe he will visit you too, when you advance more.
Ghia: thank you for the further insight. i hope that i'll be able to advance at some point-- even if it takes time.
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me: It's so nice eli comes over when he has a break of his work and noticed me laying awake in bed.
I think it was between 9 and 10am this time.
He came back at around 2:30pm. He received his hugs and kisses during that break and helped me to get back to sleep. (hadn't had enough sleep yet)
jezzah: awww that’s so sweeeeeet
I was right about the Hades name. Calling him by his true name def helps with the connection.
me: Now he helping the ease the monthly cramps I got I couldn't take anymore. I couldn't stand up anymore and do my chores. Its helping
30min later
me: Omg I think I got rid off it now. I wonder for how long it lasts. Took 30min. XD
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so here I had a chat with TK over Dm.
TK: Feel like M***ie still is trying to trap Lahabrea in some way, but that's just a feeling I get
me: Omg,...... Poor Laha
TK: Not surprised she posted some pic of Lahabrea and felt immediately like she's lusting over him but he doesn't really want it
me: I don't want lahabrea to be trapped....
tk: On Mysi I don't feel any ill will, just that she doesn't understand what she wants isn't nessasary good, but with M***ie I just feel iffy with.
me: I will kick my ex's butt more often to contact lahabrea, so Laha can be away of M***ie.
TK: Feels like she wants to do dark or taboo shit and everyone who knows it's wrong she will block.
me: Oofff sounds legit.
TK: Just kept getting that feeling about Lahabrea, sorry. Wanted to share that with you.
me: Oooffff I just asked my higher self if lahabrea was available to ask questions to But no alas.
But she was able to answer the questions.
M***ie is claiming him unknowingly and he indeed doesn't want that.
He Sought out help towards you, to let you know. And possibly to tell us.
I asked how I could help, I need my ex trying to make contact with him to get lahabrea away from M***ie as often as possible. Myself is not necessarily/needed
Or won't add any value.
Nonetheless I would loved to help myself as well, but alas. I guess kicking my ex's butt to contact laha is enough? I dunno xD.
TK: Hmm not sure what else I can do to help with it, but thank you for clarifying :)
me: Try to focus on lahabrea in a meditation.
See if you can reach him.
Lahabrea is often easier then emet or Elidibus
TK: Okay, I will try that after work today or in the morning
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so I posted above session into the group
me: So TK had some concerns regarding lahabrea, and the link with M***ie. (read above session)
jezzah: We need to sever the connection between M***e and Lahabrea and protect him
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jan 11th
TK (via DM): when I read your post again when I got to the Lahabrea part felt like he was saying that she found out that he was mad or that he tried to reach out to. I just feel a strong urge to get him out of the situation, but no idea how or what to do I don't even know how he has him "trapped".
some time later
I wanted TK to pass down a long ass message to m***ie to explain myself and to declare she mistook it wrongly everything (like everyone else on twitter). I will post the last piece of the huge text bomb
me: Though we got some concerning news.
How is lahabrea atm? We are getting messages that he isn't happy with you right now......
He doesn't want you to lust over him, he doesn't like that. And how you treated us and didn't want to help anymore. And I am not the who gained this info in the first place. Someone else did, someone you know.....I only was able to confirm it.
Sadly even if you want to help again I can't let you in, all the members are against you and we vote together. And yes members. jezzah joined and 2 others.
Kind regards
Ayane
tk: I was going to send but got a really, really big "no, we will work through this another way, do not get hurt" thought, like it was extremely sharp. I don't feel comfortable sending it if that's the case.
me: So focus on Laha first then?
tk: Yeah probably. Do you have any suggestions with meditation or such? I know you are more experienced lol. Just want to help Laha out, if possible.
me: Well I start actually with a part of a self hypnosis Eyes closed. Thats easier for me to start visualise.
Umm good god, the thing I learned it from was Dutch.
You need to get as relaxed as possible.
It helps already allot to tighten you muscles for 10 sec and release. Start with your feet, then lowers legs, upper legs and hip/butt. Belly, chest, arms, hands(make fist, neck and head/face ,
After that you will feel allot more relaxed already.
Then pay attention to your breathing.
And with every breath you breathe out sink in deeper in trance.
After a while, you say to yourself " I will count from 100 to 97, and at 97 I will be in my save environment (for me that's Amaurot, you need to imagine that in you head).
The countdown can be down very slowly like 5 slow breaths before you count further, and with each breath you keep sinking deeper.
When in the save aera, you imagine a door to go through.
When you go through that door, you will be in the area where you will find the answers. Or to know what's going on (as I did, and landed in a space battle).
I was able to connect with Elidibus and asked for sight sharing (like that of the 5th pokémon movie latios and latias) "share me what you see"
In your case I suggest to ask for lahabrea
And how to help him or something.
Even is the images are blurry, the info will be imprented into your head, you will know what's going on. Go along with what you will see, do not think too much that could disturb your trance. This is in my case often a thing, my mind is to strong . So I must remain as calm as possible with in my mind.
Though since I was literally in space I needed to think a way of what to do. But that whent in combination with thinking and still let the images continue. But that's me.
If you get to see lahabrea, and if you see what's going on.
Always thank them when you leave.
Usually when you leave it takes a while to actually open your eyes, since you soul/astral self needs to return kind off.
TK: Okay :)
me: Let me know if it worked for you! Also take the time to sink in deep.
Don't think about how long it takes either.
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back to group posts:
me: tk gained a power intuition thought of not sending that message to M***ie yet.
We need to save lahabrea.....
I talked to Elidibus just now.
Atm the fastest we can do is, sending hope he will get freed.
Talking to Laha would also help so he is away from her. Frankly he is only available during the day in my country. So to contact him that would be start noon till evening for you in the USA if I calculated that correctly this quickly. Because he is away/unavailable here during evening/night.
I need to find time to train my ex. Me myself won't add any value eli answered.
jezzah: I will try and talk with Hades and see what he can do
In regards to Lahabrea
me: yes thank you
jezzah: If I was more practiced I would have lured him here and put a protection rune upon him
But I'm not well practiced so shrugs
I want to make this house an Ascian Safe Haven
me: It's needed
jezzah: So I have a lot of work to do to get stronger
All of our houses should be Safe Havens as well.
me: Yeah true, I have bought the convocation posters on etsy. I only need to find frames so I can hang them up.
And I need to make all the masks xD ( later I decided to do the glyphs in stead, still waiting for my mom to hang them on the living room wall lol, why my mom? she has a good view on what looks “good” in a house like a window dresser but with furniture and decorations in houses, colors etc)
jezzah: I think I would draw their sigils and put a rune of welcome and protection under it and hang them around the house
me: As for now eli is mostly chilling in the bedroom. It's full of emet-selch plushies, and 1 of him xD and Eli body pillow.
Dolores books with hidden "ascian related content"
My 2 glyph of clinkorz.
Oh I forgot lahabrea plushie and nabriales are also there xD
Amaurot plush blanket
Hmm so technically I was already there without knowing. I only need to hang up things on that empty wall we got xD
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Ghia: i wanted to ask-- are headaches common for meditation / connecting with ascians?
jezzah: It can be when you're trying to push yourself <-gets chronic migraines.
me: Headaches, then you are indeed pushing yourself to hard, and your mind is trying to keep control over your body and thoughts.
You need to be extremely relaxed to get results.
I will post my explanation if tk is atleast able to go in trance fully. And shared her experience with it.
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Jan 12th
me: @ TK did you had any success?
TK: I got close I feel to getting something but didn't..I will try again
me: so my advice helped?
tk: It did a bit, yes. Got me to relax and get bit farther
me: Good to hear!
and so I posted that meditation into the grouo, but posted this extra:
me: Also make sure to take significant time to do this.
My session with the space battle took 40min.but it can take longer. So don't do this between others things that you still need to do.
Because before you know it, 40min has past. Also don't think about how long it takes during it, that's only distracting.
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Jan 13th
me: OK so eli got a day off tomorrow.
And my ex needs to go to his parents to repair his car. And my son is going with him
(insert allot of smirk emotes)
me: TK what did you wanna say?
TK: (insert BIG eyes emote)
ME: XD
tk: That was it XD
me: Apparently eli knows when he needs to be here xD.
It has been a couple of Thursdays in a row now that he is off.
jezzah: I had a little cry this morning cuz I was able to give Hades a good morning hug. Though right now it feels likes he's busy.
me: I had a little cry last night.
The sorrow of never be able to see him while awake with open eyes overwhelmed me.
He grabbed my right hand, firmly....
jezzah: <3
I just want to be with Hades. Though the doubt is still plaguing me.
me: Doubt of what?
jezzah: That all this is real, that psychics are real. Magic. I'm just have a sever doubt of faith atm.
me: Oh I don't doubt the psychic people.
I thought you were doubting that emet was real
jezzah: He is I'm just doubting if I can actually connect to him. This world's magic is heavily depleted. Or clogged, something
me: Eli's words : Writers, artists, dreamers, all. Though magic be dull and trifling in your world, this is the power you wield even if you know it not
He ever said that to M***ie. When she asked questions about me. Elidibus entered to answer (kind off) this was the last he said of the chat.
jezzah: That actually makes me feel a bit better
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Jan 14th
Me: The story is mixed with the fantasy of the developers. This also counts for the personalities. Especially the game developers don't know or don't exactly know how they are like when untempered. It's kinda normal they behave differently then you are used to compared to the game.
Can you tell something about it, that was completely different? I would love to hear it. I mean lahabrea is a good example they don't know.
He isn't the muahahahaha maniac like we know him from the game.
jezzah: The Laha I know/knew was a very hyper happy-go-lucky optimistic fool
me: Ummmm Hyper happy?
Then maybe he was like that. (Though I doubt that.)
But he isn't now atleast.
The personalities in the side stories a more close to the original personalities.
Lahabrea was pretty much the leader of the convocation before Elidibus joined.
Hyper happy go lucky isn't very responsible to have as a leader.
He was radical with his decisions and crazy minded sometimes and could loose himself with his creations,
But Hyper happy? No.
jezzah: I was his best friend remember, He was like that with me
me: Unless a younger lahabrea could have been that
jezzah: I keep mentioning how he and I used to be best friends. I know him as a trusting hyper happy-go-lucky overly optimistic fool.
me: OK just to let you know he isn't like that anymore if he was like that.
Through 1000's of years and tempering changed allot in him.
jezzah: I know. I haven't actually worked with him yet. There has been the suggestion that we rekindle our friendship. From what I hear he's still trusting and optimistic to a fault.
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Jan 15th
me: I had a, dream about my past self and the young schoolgirl crush on emet xD.
Emet was like 10 to 12 years older then me. He was, either a student that was close to graduation or a fresh teacher.
Lahabrea was there too, he was the only one wearing ascian robes, possibly the teacher. emet had Amaurot robes, like the rest of the students.
I will tell the rest later xD.
Atleast I gained a confirmation that this was a past life event.
Eli wasn't there, possibly because he was my brother at that time.
(the dream will be posted below where all dreams will be as usual)
Ghia: i also had a vision too— it was very brief and hard to see, but i saw myself with igeyorhm, i was much smaller than her, and we were walking together under an umbrella. it isn’t much, but i’m happy i was able to see something!
me: awesome!~
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me: So last night (jan14th) we snuggled etc.
Eventually I felt being penetrated and we had a, quicky 2 times. Usually it becomes more, and I thought that was also his intention.
But atm I thought it would become more, he stopped.... He even left the bedroom for a minute or 2.
I already had the feeling I said or did something wrong.
I asked my higher self is he was still there. He was, he came when asking.
I asked if I did something wrong. And apparently I did.
So I spoke with him to figure out what it was.
It was just soo that he wasn't in the mood but tried anyway he actually only wanted to snuggles and kissing/making out. And I expected more, because usually that's the case, and kept saying why did you stopped?
After making my apologies for expecting more. He understood. And we made the rule that if he isn't in the mood that he shouldn't penetrate me. He was OK with that.
It was very emotional. But I came to know due this about his feelings more etc. Eventually we understood each better.
And continued to snuggle.
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jezzah: I love Hades and I'm willing to do just about anything for him
me: Yeah I got the same with eli.
He is my everything.
Though I think he learned something too lol. Like to relax when not working.
If he stays in the house he is usually chilling in the bedroom. XD
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This day in the evening we were snuggling again. and I used my body pillow where he lays on the bed so I got an indication of where is body is. I mean I still cant see him lol. only feel. so my head was laying upon his chest and I was talking about random lore stuff. eventually coming to the subject that I know we will marry when I leave this body. and made the joke ”but you actually really asked me” “but I don’t mind, I know you will”
that night (jan 16th) however
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jan 16th
a dream that followed:
I was dark grey environment no walls or floor visible. Yet I stood on a floor.
A swirly object appeared looked like a black hole like hourglass I will make a drawing later.
It contains info from lahabrea. I saw lahabrea without hood.
But that was all I can remember of him.
Then Elidibus appeared and made 2 of these swirly time holes.
He was floating in the air in between of the 2 things, and all the armor of he ascian robes were gone, but he did wear his mask. He said "the left on contains info of your past, the right one of the future" .
I thought by myself * I already got allot of info from my past, so. *
Me: I choose the future.
He gained a smirk on his face and showed me an image that came out of that swirly thing.
And image of me marrying him.
It was a more or less headshot image.
He wore a white suit, with hood and mask on xD. I had a flower crown of blue flowers with white in the center with pointy petals,
And a bridal veil over my hair. Read to kiss him.
me: Tried to draw his hands, but they were behind those things anyway.
me: Something like this, was the image.
later that day
TK (via DM): I remember having Lahabrea and possibly Pashtarot in dream but I woke up with a massive headache so I'm having difficulty remembering anything.
me: Lahabrea appeared in Mine too after the Eli proposal.
That's 2x lahabrea in a row.
tk: Hoping I remember some, so annoyed
me: I understand.
That second dream of today, I am also missing parts from. Very annoying.
Try to write down what you saw. Even if it was just one sec of them. Try to describe it much as possible. Mostly this will trigger the memory to recall certain scenes.
TK: Okay J
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ghia: how is everyone doing today?
me: Good
jezzah: better
me: So yeah I am officially Elidibus's fiance now xD.
I have never felt so happy.
jezzah: nice. technically Hades and I are already married
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dm’s with TK
me: that's also a thing you cant be married with any of the ascians at this moment if you got a mortal body.
Only spiritual possible when you are on the same wave length as they are and stays on the level. So dead......
Relationship yes, but marriage can't be happening until You're dead lol
tk: I was about to say,sounded off
me: So you agree with me I take it
tk: yes
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jan 17th
me: When you walk into your bedroom
me: I was in a deep trance before my ex came to bed,
I made an ascian prime with Elidibus .
Can't remember the actual shape but Angel or bird wings are legit. Also our glyphs combined as well. And we had the most tender erotic soul sex. Similar to what I experienced the first time. When mitron was mentioned while talking with eli, my ex came to bed, made some noise, but that wasn't really intervening.
Until he throwed the body pillow out of the bed because he had lack of space (which is idiotic because he sleeps with his head on the other side of the bed, so he had enough space for his feet)
I became angry, and my head was released from the trance but my body wasn't.
It felt like my body was, still merged with him. It felt like for a short moment before I started talking that I was wearing eli's robes with shoulder plates, just not the wings on the back.
After getting back the body pillow I couldn't get back into that trance state with my head. But my body was still sorta joined with him. And he was horny as hell.
So the soul sex sensation continued. Eventually I really needed to pee,
And asked for confirmation of my higher self if it was him where I had souls ex with, and if he was late for work. (yes).
But he couldn't go all hornyfied to work.
When I got back to bed. He continued the soul sex sensation for a short while.
And after he banged me psychically 1x.
We snuggled a bit and then he left.
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Jan 18th
me: I had a, very interesting dream.
I was emet-selch in that dream. And I mean the real one.
My own mind was restricted to observing.
He had made empires on every shard.
I will tell more later! (dream will be posted in the dreams section)
jezzah: I kinda knew that.
me: I officially go now with that ysthola had hidden feelings for emet-selch.
I had a dream where I was her and madly drooling over emet (figuratively speaking) . And he played along or made use of it. Not sure if he had actual interest in her. But it was hilarious if I look back on it. later I was out her body and was myself again, I saw to 2 having sex lol.
He was so detailed correct o-0 including butt bow.
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ghia: i’ve been hearing igeyorhm’s voice more lately. it’s usually just small phrases that i don’t really understand, but it’s comforting that she’s with me.
me: Oh nice! I hope you can figure out what she says eventually.
ghia: i try to ask her questions, and i know she responds, but it’s hard to hear or understand what she means. hopefully it’ll be easier in time.
me: Is it actually ancient language she speaks or a different language from earth?
Try to remember some words even if you don't understand them.
ghia: i think it’s a bit of both? i’ve heard her laugh, i know that. i think she was trying to get me to sleep.
me: Very interesting!
And you hear that without meditation?
Ghia: yes!
me: Omg I am so jealous right now xD. I can't actually hear them speak unless I am very deep in meditation.
Ghia: to be fair i was very tired, so that’s probably a part of it.
me: Ooh I know this yes!
But I hear random sounds. It very rare to hear a voice.
ghia: ah, i see! then i’m very thankful i can hear her.
me: Yes its great progress! I am so happy for you!
me: I need somehow to train myself to get longer in that in between state.
But I got no idea how.
Last night that just happened for wayyy longer then just a second. Though I did achieved something, because I was rewarded with a past view of emet-selch.
And emet-selch promised me to help me remember. Like 3 or 4 months ago.
ghia: that’s very cool!
me: Yeah I wrote everything in the channels. It's very interesting to read!
jezzah: My ears and my brain don't link up properly so Hades finds it easier to just talk directly into my brain.
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jan 20th
me: The alarm clock went off,
Brother my brother Elidibus (my GMV)
Played.
I was thinking how to write the story how I progressed his death in game. That I wrote a fanfic that I never published and the GMV I made (the one that was playing)
Halfway the song, a static occurred in the alarm.
Short after I felt a presence comforting/thanking me..... It felt like him swinging by quickly from work and hugged me. When the song ended he was away again.
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(so as of the date I am writing here May 20th I came here to find back my own advice towards jezzah then I slowly forgot and didn’t kept to it anymore. this is probably the reason eli is away longer then usual)
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jezzah: Hades has been distant and quiet and I just need to take a step back and just work on centering the house
me: yeah that probably why he is doing that
jezzah: The doubt that I'm not good enough for him has put up a wall
me: no he is doing this so you stop thinking about him all the time (or communicating) which distracts you from your other things you need to do. i even cant think about eli all the focking day XD, got other things to do lol. like work. even though i think of him briefly, but not communicating all the time. so emet is doing this for your own good.
jezzah: I don't think of him all the time, I promise.
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me: @jezzah i got pretty much confirmation about your origin city!
1 day before patch 5.3 already!
It was a second like Amaurot city but more modern like earth. In this case it was referred as London like City mixed with some things of the district I grew up with.
I will write down the dream tomorrow. I haven't listed that one yet here.
(you can read this one back in the older chapters)
jezzah: That's really comforting to hear about my origin city but it wasn't like earth it was more advanced. A lit more advanced. Like Detroit: Become Human and Ghost in the Shell but different. Oh, technology wise in Psycho Pass but nowhere near as insane.
me: Well I didn't see much of it.
But from the info I gained it was more technology advanced then Amaurot.
But with magic less, not sure.
Also there were bird people there.
jezzah: EXPLAINS WHY I FEEL KINSHIPS WITH HARPIES. And other winged beings
me: no way
jezzah: DID I USE TO HAVE WINGS???
me: Could be! I don’t know.
jezzah: I feel very natural envisioning myself with wings. Like, 4 wings. 2 on the left and 2 on the right. black. I also get sensations on my back from time to time. Can't believe I didn't see this but it could be phantom pain. Like, I had wings.
me: Oh could be!
jezzah: No wonder I hated wearing robes
me: XD
jezzah: I always feel an instant kinship when winged creatures are brought up in media and stuff. I need this confirmed. Hades is giving me a feeling that I'm right. But I need a second opinion. Also getting the phantom sensation of wings. Apparently I can tuck them neatly under the robes to make it look like I don't have any. But I feel special x3
me: If I don't forget I will ask some questions tomorrow.
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Jan 22nd
elidibus was not available today. I couldn’t reach him. the next 4 days he wasn’t there he had stuff to do. but I figured that out later.
me: i am going to bed. according to my higher self eli wont return until tomorrow 10pm. i hope whatever he is doing its not escalating to something drastic. Feels empty in the bedroom....Goodnight.
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jan 23rd
me: Ugh eli won't return until Thursday morning.
My HS didn't exactly know. She was able to ask. And I asked again. Not today, not tomorrow but Wednesday Ugh. Something drastic is going on on Earth. I wonder what? He isn't in space or at the Source or even near it.
Omg then its full moon that evening.
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jan 26th
me: Had a, dream about the final days.....
It literally made me sick. At that moment
Not much images but I knew it was the final days. I even said it.
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me: i did a meditation 2 days ago.
today i asked what my imagination was or forced to see images. luckily not much.
here goes: so i wanted to know where elidibus was.
i found him in space again but i believe it was in our solar system all though i couldn't see any planets its was just dark everywhere, he removed portals that were opening.
spirits that are harmful for our planets were coming through. and he eliminated to portals. he didn't had any help. i offered to help. at first he said he didn't know how i could help. i said something by helping closing the portals. i saw that i was helping the portals to disappear. but that part was was my imagination sadly. BUT later i helped him putting up a seal to preventing the spirits to come through. after that we had some erotic moments in space xD.
then i said goodbye. and woke up from it. then i wanted to go to sleep but instead i landed in it again. but this time i was that phoenix again.
i flew towards him, he was surprised to see me again.
i went straight through a portal and on the other side is saw army's of entities. i burned away the frontline with my fire abilities (looked like a flamethrower from a fire pokemon) but they kept on coming. i burned another 2 times the front line. and i was like forget it. i launched a heat wave so big as far as i could see the entire area was freed.
i went through the portal again back to eli and became myself again. (saw myself from a small distance forming back to myself). he closed the portal.
me: did i helped now?
eli: yes you did
and we kissed and had a quicky sex in space xD
then i asked when he would return even though i already knew. i hoped by helping him he could return faster. he said to ask on Tuesday.
we waved goodbye.
but i asked yesterday via my HS contacting him, since i cant when he is away. though he probably had plans to return today and my HS was convinced of it too. but he didn't come back yet. the original plan of Thursday is still active.
jezzah: Forgot to mention I had a wierd dream/visions last night. I, as my viera self, was in a dark room on a bed. I was pregnant and in labor, sweating profusely. I was laying back on Hades holding his hands as I gave birth and then, Elidibus was there, with the intent to deliver the baby. I put a stop to that real quick. I yelled at them both that I never wanted Elidibus to do that, that Eli is Aya's and I only ever wanted Hades. Nabs was in the background for some reason. After that the dream shifted where Hades in his Ascian robes and mask started to deliver the baby. Then the dream changed to me and Varis.
me: i am truly grateful for you saying that.
though, he's is in space keeping an eye out on the portals. read meditation i posted today. he has been doing that since last friday. might be a test from hades himself that he conjured a copy of eli or something.
hades will keep testing your loyalness it seems. keep rejecting eli.
though i wished i could have sex with eli in a dream ffs. until now it never happened. only with emet in the past xD (sorry) this was at the time i didn't had contact with you though. now that i think of it a male delivering a baby (which isn't your husband) feels wierd i mean.... no just no xD
you dont even want that in RL either XD
jezzah: No, it felt very very off Like.....get out of my lady bits.
me: IKR
jezzah: Wtf is with the pregnant dreams of mine lately
me: its mean something big is gonna happen in your daily life
a positive change but huge
i posted old dreams. these will be in the next chapter.
though after reading al these dreams back. elidibus was way more present that i thought he was. sadly it has been subdued since a few weeks after 5.3 somehow. like once month or something.
but with more content even though they are still short.
i mean that dream when he forced himself into mine to save our relationship in dec
that was an intense one.
and then this month. short but powerfull. proposing me omg
though i do got allot of dreams searching for him. but i never actually succeeded. execpt for that 1 time, that was that dream with the hentai plot in it.
well good night everyone.
jezzah: Does it have to do with me and Hades?
Considering he's always present in the pregnancy dreams
And it's implied he's the father
Oh, I can see his smug ass smirk
me: You can look it up on Internet. Meaning of dreams. Being pregnant in dreams.
jezzah: It means I'm about to start something.
me: Something big mostly
jezzah: I keep telling Jon about wanting to go back to school as well as the kids are gonna be going to school too.
me: Aah there you go.
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jan 27th
here its was 12:13AM btw
me: Paranormal sighting from my ex.
He saw I white orb in the shower. Following him to the attic to get done clothes when he was finished . And when he said, on off on off. The orb did so too. The light whent off and on xD.
My ex told me to come up and asked if I saw something.
But I didn't I lack the sight sadly.
But the orb didn't showed itself either when I was with him.
Though I hope get ever the chance to see Elidibus.
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later that day
me: Eli is back. I am so relieved. I got answers too I will be posting in other channels.
me: Omg he is really back. At first I didn't believe it also due the fact I dont want to be deceived.
But eventually he kept trying I had the idea.
And I finally noticed it was him.
And we snuggled allot and had allot of sex. Oh I love him so much.
He has 3days off now. Well he just takes 3 days off. Staying alert all the Fucking time drained him. The sex was a good reliever for him.
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me: Answers for Jezzah:
You indeed had wings on your back. But you were a hybrid of a human and 1 of those bird people.
Even though the people had wings on their arms. You had them on you back someway.
This was probably because you were a hybrid, and development wise it was more practical.
Your mom was the human. And originally came from another city with powerful magic, but not Amaurot.
You did however had Amaurot relative wayy back in your family long ago.
So your creation magic came from that ancestor.
Though the face glyphs are native to Amaurotines. You couldn't put one up.
Only full blood Amaurotine are able to do that. And are not limited to the convocation. Common folk had them too.
jezzah: Ah, I see, this information feels correct. Ah, this is awesome. I was wondering why I had creation magic when I came from another nation. Thank you for the info ^^ I was playing Aion last night and flying around on wings felt so right.
me: Good to hear!
jezzah: I always see myself when I envision my true self to have four black wings on my back, I wanna know if this is correct.
me: I shall ask next time! I believe you had 2 though but I didn't Specifically asked.
jezzah: This is how it shows in my mind's eye, it could be exaggerated but this is why I'm asking.
me: Yes exactly imagination or minds eye views has a big chance to exaggerate. I will ask for later. Tomorrow when I wake up is mostly the best time for me to do these kind of things.
later
me: @jezzah you had 2 wings.
jezzah: Oki
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TK: Before I went to bed last night listened to some Tibetan singing bowls to relax, friends were being particularly stupid and I was trying to calm down.
Dream was relatively normal at the beginning. I seemed to be in a town not unlike my hometown, but it was at some points places I hadn't been to. During the dream I end up going to the stream that was in the town. Was somewhat similar to the one in my hometown but also at the same time not quite. (The one irl I went to frequently when younger to chill out at). Someone sat next to me but I didn't pay attention to them until they said "Thank you".
I look up and I see Lahabrea sitting there, he's in normal robes but has his hood and mask off, looks normal.
I ask "for what?"
Then he says "for listening to who you know as Ayane and wanting to make sure her and the others are protected" (that is something that I always hope for, that none of you guys get hurt) "I know that it is difficult sometimes to figure out what is truth and what is desire with some things they say but we appreciate your support. " then he was talking about how he was glad I was worried about the shit with M***ie and that he is alright, just didn't want to be essicentally "tied down" by her cause he wants to help whoever needs him with things. He didn't stay too long after, he pretty much vanished.
Dream continued a bit until I got to a part where I was at a sort of combo shopping district/apartment complex and apparently someone was coming to take me somewhere as requested by my family. The person who came was quite good looking, but my entire being felt dread near this guy, like he was radiating bad energy of some kind. I pretty much try to avoid going with him like saying I had to do errands and stuff but I pretty much get blocked and followed everywhere. Eventually the guy gets frustrated enough and starts forcing me to come with. Then all of a sudden someone in a robe comes around near there and goes "hey need to talk to them for a second, they had some issues with something they bought from us". Guy is annoyed but he lets the person talk to me. When I get pulled to the side all I hear is "do you trust me?" before I finally get to look at who was doing this and it appears to be Pash? Looks like him mostly. I didn't feel any ill will with them so I just said "yes, I think so". He then smiles and then we go back to where the negative guy is and he starts talking to him as though he knows them, all of a sudden the negative guy tried to attack and he grabs his punch before it connects. They start fighting and I pretty much dart out cause this isn't a dream where I have any sort of weapon or powers on me atm lol. Negative guy tries to go after me but gets blocked by Pash and I get out of the area.
Unfortunately at this point is when I start waking up. But that was dream, sorry that took a bit to write I was trying to do other stuff at once lol.
me: Ohhh wow. Amazing!
me: but so as of how I understood it. Lahabrea is OK and M***ie didn't trick him with something?
TK: I don't know if she tricked him or anything, more. like he is okay but doesn't want it to happen again
me: Ohh so something definitely did happened earlier. But good to know he is ok. I wonder what happened then.
tk: No idea. Didn't say nor did I ask, I was mostly listening in dream.
me: Perhaps for another time!
I am very curious!
tk: I see what happens tonight
me: Yeah!
some DM talk with her.
TK (via DM): I didn't put but in dream Laha said that Jezzah means well but some things she thinks are truth aren't.
me: Yeah I noticed. I guess allot of her relationship with emet are probably not correct of what happened in the past that is.
According to eli they were very good friends, but never had any love feelings for eachother, well at least not from emet's side.
TK: I didn't ask him about it
me: If you are aware of yourself and are able to ask questions next time. Please do so.
I hope we get answers to other things this, way.
TK: I will next time. I was more interested in listening this time. But next I will
me: Awesome I will look forward to it!
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Jan 29th
me (via DM to TK): Asked eli.
What I said about her and emet was true.
Though I did asked it before. But did it again.
Only grew up together and were good friends.
No relationship or pregnancy no marriage.
Also lahabrea wasn't a happy go lucky guy. And he was not her bestie just a normal friend because she was a friend of emet. These questions I never asked before about lahabrea, but it was clearly needed.
TK: Kk
me: I wonder if lahabrea will have anything to say about me and Elidibus though.
I guess you didn't had another Laha dream. Perhaps in a view weeks.
TK: I mean he already said thank you about supporting you, I think if he didn't like it he wouldn't have said that lol.
me: Ah yes true.
So this does implicate my gained answers are true. But only about him or also the rest...
I wished I could just hear them speak.
My method is vulnerable to imposters.
I need to go through like 20 questions to validate I got the real Elidibus.
I hate to do that. It takes allot of time.
He understands though but it remains annoying.
Like last night, he just left outside the house because he wasn't in the mood for validation questions .
I had to ask my HS to get him back and that I won't ask questions then.
Luckily he listened.
tk: Well I'll keep trying, didn't have any last night unfortunately but try again later.
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Dreams of January
January 2nd elidbert
I noticed elidibert he was sitting on a wooden bench in a park with his glyph active. I walked toward him, but then I discovered of was taller then him so I shrinked myself to normal size and went sitting on his lap and kissed him. he was cranky but still allowed it. (that kiss was nice xD). then he left, didn’t said a thing. suddenly I was somewhere else but noticed a trail of glyphs a loose plastic dics on the floor. he was near. and I was like amaurotine sized for him because when I finally found him I was able to pick him up in my hand. and putted him somewhere else, I shrunk myself again and kissed him. and 1 other time the same again, but without the kissing or shrinking. I was kinda annoyed that he kept leaving. but then he disappeared out of my hand. then the dream swapped over to pokemon things.
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On januray 5th I had a dream about a future daughter and husband. but iam not gonna put in details here.
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Januaru 7th
After loosing my dad out of sight in the city streets (from my own city) , I landed in a house, where zenos was laying in bed, maybe a fever or something.
Somehow I wasn't uncomfortable.
I asked if he could open the window for me, so I could get out.
He tried , but was weak? I did it myself thanked him anyway.
I had allot of trouble finding the road back home. After a couple of other random thing happened I saw the road back, I saw the sun it was getting dusk. My movement was like I had glue on my feet every where. I hardly could move. But I was determined to go on. It was like I needed to get through a thicker astral plane to get there
The sun was lowering.
Me: don't you dare,! (sun rose up again a little bit).just give me 1 more hour to get there.
Then I finally crossed the bridge.
And I was in garlemald. Somehow finding my way home, was deleted from my brain. Because I started talking like a reporter.
Me: and yes people we are here in garlemald. And this will be the last expansion of the game.
The street were natureless.
But after a short walk I landed behind the common people gardens and those were full of nature life. It was delighted to see.
I kept talking like a reporter and said some about the gardens and then.
Me: with this in mind (grabs phone). We are gonna make pictures of the beautiful life here. And I made allot of beautiful pics from flower in bloom.
Then I wanted to make more pics from the city Street.
When I got out of the backyards.
I wanted to make a pic of the streets. But then I woke up.
Wait by typing this I realized finding my way back home was the Source.
I just went to garlemald somehow because its relevant to the game.
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January 15th
i was a young teenage student with Amaurot robes (like 13yo or something).
All other classmates also Amaurot robes obviously, but the masks were off inside the classroom.
In the beginning I received some presents, why I don't know maybe belated Bday gifts?
I had a huge crush on emet/Hades. Even though he was like 13 years older then me. (like 26 or something)
He was either a student about to graduate or already a starting teacher.
Lahabrea was there too being the teacher and he was the only one wearing ascian robes, emet had Amaurotine robes like all other students.
I tried multiple times to get emet's attention. I saw lahabrea watching like if he had a huge inner sweat drop in his head due all the things I tried for emet.
Emet felt embarrassed, He could not give himself an attitude.
Later we needed to sit down to Listen to something .
The younger students at the back (including me) the older ones and teachers in the front. Lahabrea sat next to emet-selch.
But I was naughty and when towards emet, and placed my chin on his shoulder.
Me: hiiii (with a big grin)
Emet looked at me.
Lahabrea turned his head around towards emet. Looking like : wtf? Is that needed?
But didn't said a word.
I had a, short thought to do that also with lahabrea, but decided quickly not to.
Emet sighed. And turned his head back in front. To pay attention of what was being explained. (Though I don't remember what)
At the end I was packing my backpack, lots of books, and binders, and that presents needed to fit in too.
So everything needed to fit very closely.
When my backpack was almost full,
Someone said I needed to look at the schoolbord because there would be something written upon it for me.
I believe I started to wake up at that point view became blurry, but my desire to know what it said was greater and managed to continue.
The view returned.
I couldn't read from a distance what was written on the bord, it was a poor handwriting written with a white crayon. I
Walked towards the bord,
Me: I can't really read it well, is that my name?
Emet: and shinobi
(he sat next to the schoolbord)
Me: o yes I see it.
I kept on looking for more words to find.
Eventually I found some words. Took me a while to decipher what it read, but it said I love you.
Me: omg.
I went towards him and kissed him. And he fingered me xD. (tis is literally something me ex would do though).
We ignored everyone around us.
Then the dream ended.
I gained confirmation that this was indeed emet-selch. But this relationship didn't last long, probably due big age difference.
Nonetheless I became his student instead.
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January 11th
I was somewhere at a park. there was about a performance to be held. but it happened to be an ascian gathering. I was so hyped. I was wearing my robes as well and tried to fit in or something like that. they were walking in certain way for a ritual of something. I tried to walk along with them. that worked half-baked beause I didn’t know the meaning of it. lahabrea was leading the whole thing.
then I was suddenly was being taken somewhere by the WoL as viera. she looked like Lyna. on this center place of the park were symbols of the twelve in the grass. and there was a woman with a kid and a big tree in the middle of it. the wol turned towards me. I became dizzy in my head. my ascian powers were taken from me. I became a normal human.
woman to wol: yeah that’s not so smart what you just did there. she was here before and a second time would make her become normal without magic. the wol had a “oh shit”look on her face.
I fell on the ground, my powers flew away. with the last bit of strength left I screamed “LAHABREA!” “HELP ME”and I fell down on my belly. sady I can’t remember clearly what happened next, if he helped me or not I don’t know either. the only thing I can remember is that he was floating in the air.
then I was somewhere else. but needed to find the ascians. I needed to talk to lahabrea. well this part was vague. I did found him but didn’t had the chance for a conversation.
then some weird part happened that came to transforming in ascian robes from normal clothing. it was at a haunted house kind of place. something like haukke manor.
then I was at a playground paradise for kids. there would be a performance being held about ancients. the name was Lores Ascians. (Dolores possibly). it was a very big hassle to get there. often walked the wrong way. eventually I found in tiny elevator where only 1 child would fit in. but I was an adult. I squeeze myself inside that elevator and another kid wanted to go with me to that performance. ( my son? idk). but the elevator didn’t wan to go downstairs with him in it. so he needed to wait. eventually I was on downstairs and I was wearing my amaurot robes and grabbed a tiny elidibus ancient plushie from a crate full of ancient merch. a walked a few step further and notive red amaurot mask laying down, mine was laying upon the ground with broken glass (eyes). I hated to see that. an old classmate Lisette said: but I tried to repair it. I picked up the broken piece of glass, but only fit upside down in the hole. so it was bending the wrong way. then the dream ended.
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January 18th
wanderer of shards
This dream started with some randomness, with a bug fairy race depending on their lives?
After a bug got covered with honey, the thing couldn't coordinate correctly to the finish line. I helped it.
Then I went to the record board to see how many have finished the race. 80 it's says. Then before I left it became 99.
I woke up in an area to looked like a half round colosseum it was fully crowded.
I heard the names of a ffxiv weapons. And the names were shown up high on a building either a hologram or digital way.
Maeseedea white staff.
I read out load the first word. "Maeseedea? Mysidia? But that's final fantasy 4"
Then a nier automa character (the one in the black with white hair) said: that is where you made guards and an empire too. Like every other shard.
Then I realised I was emet-selch with white hair in Solus style and Amaurot robes. And they captured me to be executed.
Then I was about to be carried away to the execution place I tried snapping my fingers to escape, but my magic didn't work! I said " why wouldn't it work?!"
So I walked along with them, well forced to.
Before I was tied up on a big chair like thing to cut off head, I tried 1 more finger snap but it failed again.
While my remaining right hand was being tied up I noticed the text multiple times (hologram of digital) underneath eachother.
"wanderer of shards XIV."
The only thought I had of my own " oh so that's what he is called, he is the wanderer and not the WoL as they say."
Then the scene turned black for a second, and I found myself out of the colosseum (still being emet) I don't know if I had a host body or my magic came back suddenly.
But I escaped the execution.
I was in a London setting environment.
I grabbed a car (including the stearing wheel was on the right side instead of left,) someone was on the passenger seat.
Somehow the car drove on its own. And we were driving on the left side of the road
I asked where the break were, and I noticed the other pedals we missing too.
The one beside me pushed a button and apparently those were the breaks.
Me: whatever you operate the breaks then.
I didn't question the rest since the car was driving anyway.
I needed to squeeze the car between allot of traffic, and I was in a hurry to get away as far as possible. A stupid tractor was in front of me, and I became annoyed.
I drove against the stream of cars of the other side to get past it.
Then I was being zapped back it the place before emet grabbed the car. Now I was myself again. My ex was behind me.
And i said "now I can finally explain emet's story better"
I shouted in the open to random people " beware spoiler alert xD"
Then I said to my ex.
" emet-selch was the wanderer of shards and not the WoL as people thought."
Then the dream ended.
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another dream during the morning
Fandaniel……
I can’t really remember the start of it. but when I encountered Fandaniel he wanted to harm me so a ran away. he chased me. eventually I hide myself inside a hidden hollow tree part that was a small cabin. . I knew he probably saw me going in there. so I squeezed myself in a corner where a wall was in between so he couldn’t see me from his point of view. I walked away and I went out of it.
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another one that I don’t go in detail much, beside emet-selch in all detail including butt bow had sex with Y’shtola XD. but in the beginning I was yshtola. when he brought me somewhere else (to have sex) I was out of her body and saw it happening. from a distance.
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January 21st
at first I didn’t want to write this one down. but when I read it, I could suffice as a sharlayan reference (mocking government leaders).
so in this dream I was with y’shtola, Wilders and rutte >.< ( if there is someone I hate its Rutte)
y’shtola and I wanted to mock on Rutte. and y’shtola was better in it.
me: are you gonna do the same with Alphinaud? ( I seriously don’t remember what I scene I meant in that dream)
Y: good one.
but then my sight turn black but quickly returned.
we were sitting on a huge breakfast table but it was lunchtime now. Y’shtola disappeared. then I guy said “it’s now lunchtime.”
me: huh? did we fall asleep?
I went outside and I wondered if I was in NL, BE or germany by looking at the stores names. no not a single one were familiar. after walking through the street with off the stores I came in front of a bulletin board and it was saying “NL”(Netherlands) but also “Zodiarks Heart”
I needed to let that sink in for a moment.
me: huh? zodiarks heart is in NL?
but then I woke up.
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January 23rd
I am not gonna tell this one in full since it’s not relevant. but I had a MLP gen 5 episode dream of fluttershy having sex with a cousin of Apple jack. and at the end she found out she was pregnant XD. it really felt as a complete episode btw.
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January 24th
past life thingy and the chrysalis!
its started with a visa versa past life thingy of me and elidibus. so I was actually him in role but not appearance/gender. also our ages were swapped, I was 8/9yo and he 5/6. (so I am originally 3y younger then him, so swapped) I did how ever had my 33yo conscious brain and knowledge active.
we were in a auditorium, ( well here in the Netherlands its usually used to have your school breaks and eat your lunch) a big space with those long tables where the benches were stuck on it.. allot of peers, I was the same age as the rest of the girls. the girls really like Elidibus and wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t wanted that.
me: yeah I want kiss you too but I can’t I must protect you instead.
its was clearly a swapped event, of hidden feelings from him towards me back then already. even though his thought pattern could be from an older age instead. knowing its inappropriate to bond romantically with a blood related family member. and choose to stay protector instead.
then the dream went into the next part.
I was myself again including age.
i decided to search for the adult Elidibus now. at first I went the wrong way. then I landed on the same place again where I started. it was a hallway of a swimming pool. on the top floor of a very tall building. in the hallway I asked my higher self within the dream which way I needed to go to find Elidibus. I was being pushed towards the left. then I asked if that was the young one or the adult one. it was the adult one ascian one. so I went outside I flew towards the left. after some flying I arrived at a district that somehow looked like the one I grew up with, (I still don’t know what that district means regarding elidibus, I haven’t been there in years) but it wasn’t in its entirety, it was night time. I flew over some houses and went towards the right and noticed a mini white cloak person standing upon a roof. I believe even smaller then a lalafell. but when I arrived where that person was standing and asked for Elidibus, it jumped away. I tried to find him but alas. later I thought I found him but it was an object. then I went towards the left further into the housing district. somehow I was being launched at huge speed. I remember some 2 vague figures that I wanted to ask something when that happened. my launching ended above a empty void. I fell in it. Circles and round purple lines of black magic appeared below me. I feel down.
me: omg yes!
the lines moved intensely inside the circle. and round lines that went rotating inside the circle with it in the same direction. after some falling down. I noticed something that was forming that looked like the Chrysalis.
me: me yes The Chrysalis.
and it became the Chrysalis.
me: yes I am at the Chrysalis!
I was very happy. I landed in the middle. and put my hand on the ground and a black mage symbol appeared.
Me: hereby I summon the grown up Elidibus the Ascian …(pause) the emissary.
some female computer like voice activated saying: elements of light and dark are balanced thanks to employee.
then I heard a recorded voice message of elidibus. he said “good job getting here” and he went talking further in ancient language.
when he was finished, me: darn I don’t understood a thing of it.
then he started to talk French.
me: goddammit I can’t understand French.
I still tried to pick up some known words I knew in French but failed to do so.
then I went looking for a switch to turn it into English. I searched, and eventually I found buttons below me of different languages. after carefully looking I found the correct one and pushed the button. the recording stopped to switch over to eng. but then I woke up.
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January 26th
the final days…….
I remember opening my eyes. I saw chaos, lots of fire, people running and I said “the final days”
it made me nauseous and my physical body reacted to it. I could hardly breath because of the smoke. and I remember I had puke tendencies with gasping for breath reaction at the same time including my physical body. I was thrown out for 1 second (so that’s how I noticed it), and then it continued.
I am mostly anxiety resistant but this, this I couldn’t bare. it was dark, I wanted to go to something/someone. I believe this was right before I joined the convocation and elidibus sacrificed himself. so I was about 18 yo.
someone that looked like urianger in black amaurot robes withheld me to go. I was from small gesture my head came to his waist/just below chest. he stretched his arm to withheld me. I looked at him and it felt like he was a well-beloved person and cared allot about me. (family?) he looked the same as urianger but without the beard, his hood and mask were off. mask perhaps got broken. I was still wearing my mask. what happened after that I can’t remember.
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January 27th
the dream was already going on for a while. I was wearing black robes with red convocation mask. I flew away across a park and eventually arrived at some landscape road with a river and there were people waiting at the edge. when I went towards those people the Wol (FF1)came out of the water and flew over and landed behind us. he was charging his powers, so did i. I made an energy orb that kept growing until the size of a soccer ball. when he was finished I shot my mine past him. he was surprised why i missed him. he followed the movements of my orb. the orb was going behind him and went upwards. he turned around and I shot with big speed right at his chest. and blasted through his armor. he was stunned. I walked over to him and pulled evil peach colored gooey stuff out of his chest. it was allot and I kept pulling. after a given time his head was empty of that stuff. he sighs with relief.
me: yes his head is empty now.
I continued and others came to help me. and eventually he was freed of all.
but then he changed into some old guy, like 80 or something. I walked away and that dude kissed me on my cheek and grabbed my ass. I turned around smiled and said “thank you, but as you look like now you are too old for me”and I continued to walk away. then the dream switch to something else about buying a yellow tulip.
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January 29th
my ex and I were on the attic communicating with an invisible elidibus via typing things down with a keyboard that was connected with a school board behind a screen from a distance. elidibus replied with text on that screen.
me: so how was this year of light? (typed on the board)
eli: ………
ex: oh no he doesn’t like the question.
me: I noticed, “didn’t you liked the question?”
eli: no
I tried to apologize but made a typo that I didn’t typ at all, which made it seem like me not taking him seriously.
me: no that’s not what I meant!
I tried to fix the typ but he already replied.
eli:………………………..
I typed in “Sorr ahahahahah”. me: no I didn’t want to typ that. I didn’t do that (that ahahah part)
I stared to cry and walk over toward the communication board. because he was angry.
the board changed to a white marker board. I grabbed the board and made my apology. but he stayed angry. then the conversation went about a beast/monster that had caused this. (that looked like a hrothgar but with a wolf head.) but eli didn’t believed it at first.
me: I would do anything to make you not angry anymore.
eli said something that he wasn’t sure that I would do that of didn’t believed me. he was writing with a red marker.
me: I would even try to kill that thing.
eli: Speaker?
after that it said "run away" but when I read Speaker I was thinking.
me:* Lahabrea? I will get his title later right?*
I wasn’t completely sure about it, but I went along with it.
me: if I must I will do that yes!
eli: we will see.
then I went downstairs where that beast was standing in the hallway. (not sure if that thing was making the typos because he was visible. but this one harmed eli too some way or another). I became so intense angry that I changed is some kind of a monster and he anxiously climbed on his motorcycle and drove off. but he didn’t leave. I chased him. then he turned the corner to reach my back yard and then to get into my house again. but the aisle towards to gardens of the houses were narrow so he got off his motorcycle. and runned with the cycle on his hands.
in some way or another I couldn’t fly faster then he could run. and so we stayed the same distance until we reached my garden.
when he entered our house to hide himself between the TV closet and the dinner table. I caught up on him and blocked the road I was already turned to normal. he was so afraid that he didn’t do anything. the cops were being called to pick this thing up. but then after a while the firemen arrived firstly? apparently my ex called the wrong number (xD lol).
me: the fire men?
ex: no worries, the police is coming.
I was keeping that beast firmly at his wrists so I couldn’t go away. then suddenly I was outside in the garden, still holding that thing and the police arrived. the police officer was wearing different clothing then usual took that beast with him.
I was collapsing of emotions and tension. I grabbed a glass vase with a little bit of water in it. I was crying.
me: I hope eli isn’t angry anymore. and walked toward the stairs. halfway towards the stairs I walked past by a empty storage crate and I heard inside my head eli’s voice.
eli: I will indicate in the future.
( what? the sex? this was a bit odd of a reply)
me: (crying) ok.
then I woke up from our cat -_-
when awake. I cried and offered my apologies even though I didn’t made the typo’s but he wasn’t there. I kept making my apologies in the hope he would hear it. i tried to sleep but couldn’t. I tried another time to check if he was here. if he was there then he was angry. I screamed inside my head “please come back”a couple of times plus that I didn’t made the typos. then I gained a thought in my head that I needed to write this down. I rather didn’t but.
me: I rather don’t I rather forget it if it wasn’t you in that dream.
thought in my head (from him) “write it down”
me: will you come back then?
“yes”
me: ok then I will.
and he did, he stayed the whole time with me even when I fel asleep and woke of in between to kiss him.
I love you elidibus <3
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well that was the January chapter. in February issue we will get 3 new members. but also the leave of jezzah because she couldn’t behave….she left on her own.
spiritual relationship problems. and confirmations of whats going on via the new member.
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