February 1st
me: Tried to meditate/selfhypnoses today because I couldn't sleep further in the morning but was still tired.
But on of the sort in In between state I was floating in the air above Amaurot.
Never have I seen it such a clear vision.
I was slowly going down. But then I was thrown out. The plan was to figure out how many years there was between Elidibus joining the convocation and the time of sacrifice, but alas.
I tried again and again to get back into Amaurot but only random shizzle. Also only a few sec scenes.
this is what i saw as the very last image before thrown out
behind me is the bureau of architect.:
but it was daylight and not in the sea xD, lanterns were off.
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February 2nd
TK: I still think Fandaniel. is gonna cause something, like us clashing with him awakens a part of Azem memories. He's the sign of the lion, Azem is the sun, in Alchemy when the lion eats the sun it creats gold. Or another metaphor of that. "On a human level, the green lion eating the sun is a metaphor for when a person’s “consciousness [is] overwhelmed by violent, frustrated desires” (Fabricus). In other words, inside a person, when the metaphor of the green lion eating the sun takes place, the person is compelled to act out destructively. In contrast, when the green lion eats the sun in a person on a higher spiritual path (for example, an alchemist), the person allows the green lion to eat them in order to be purified—to become spiritually golden."
me: omg
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February 3rd
me: I tried to pick up imprented thoughts when I asked earlier. But I guess it were still my desires to hear.
He did say something to me as a goodbye before being saved by the previous azem (if it was azem that is).
Though I am not allowed to know yet how they were saved. but if that comes to light in 6.0 it will be the correct event.
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February 6th endwalker trailer dropped
me: Emet-selch is narrator I knew it. Well I asked xD. The first time I asked was a month before 5.3 or something.
Yes I over exaggerated that on twitter but who cares xD.
Though indirectly I was correct of re-appearing in 6.0. He re-appeared with his voice at the least!.
This I do know almost a year. Let see if he let himself show up when 6.0 arrives. Let see if I can predict shit xD.
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February 7th
me: I woke up from Sleeping but my eyes were still closed. I saw Elidibus giving me a kiss lifted his head back up and smiled, he was wearing the ascian cloak with hood and mask on. Turned his face to his right and disappeared. I saw his glyph in the distance right before opening my eyes.
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February 8th
Eventhough the dream was about something else before.
I was outside my dad said I needed to transfer money to my mom, because I sended earlier to a, wrong account number.
When so doing in noticed a humongous moon in the sky, it was almost full. I think on view sight it was a big as my city. And that's big!
Dad: pay attention!
I needed to finish the transfer.
When I was finished, I was suddenly driving in a car, slightly panicking that I couldn't drive and couldn't find the breaks. Yet the car was still driving.
I saw, the huge moon again it changed to normal size.
While driving I said : ah yes nvm, Eli.
I looked up again in saw him floating upside-down at the moon in full Amaurotine size in white cloak, and the red convocation mask (not the ascians mask) he smiled at me.
Me: come down here you!.......even the armor is appearing upon you. (it did)
After saying that I found myself at the entrance of a grocery store.
I was talking to my ex, face to face.
Eli became in between in his ascian robes. My ex gained a big smirk on his face and grab a hold on Elidibus so he couldn't go away.
Elidibus looked up to him in questionary motion. The expression of " why" you could read from his head.
Eli looked back at me.
He had his ascian mask on, but hood off. He had white hair in a ponytail. The shade or streaks in his hair were silver colored.
I gained a naughty smile on my face.
And kissed him. After the kiss I turned around to get into the store with the intention with eli ofcourse, but he was already gone. And some female dream figure continued with me.
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February 12th
I read this totally different then he says. You too?
Knowing the story is being told by the unsundered.
Jezzah: They're being guided by the Ascians about which historical context they need to be looking at for the Source. That's what I get.
tk (via dm shared a dream): Trying to have a lucid dream last night failed but I had a nightmare instead... Why I was there was fuzzy but me and some others were in this neighborhood, think we were on vacation. We end up getting tricked into thinking this place was our b+b we were staying at but is where there was a murder and sucides at. This is caused by two entities that reside there. I never later really find out why they are there but pretty much something was done on the property and they got summoned and stuck there. They seem human in appearance but have really strong negative energy from them. There was one that looked like a male and one a 9-10 year old girl. They don't start doing shit until we are pretty settled in. I don't really remember everything but there is a point where the girl is starting to go after me. They seem to be able to warp people's mind into insanity when touching them for long enough (which was the cause of murders and the sucides before.) I remember her like barely getting a touch on me and that hurt physically in my head. But then when I thought I was cornered Lahabrea appeared out of nowhere and just had me run away from them and outside the house. Then felt protected running away from the area (they were stuck near that area so couldn't chase me after). Police got called later, one friend made it out becuase the girl entity was not as good at the insanity touch as the other one and while they got hit, they sort of stumbled out of the area with some sanity left and was recovering. Everyone else got killed. Lahabrea was around there later and he seemed annoyed but I soon woke up so didn't really get to talk to him about anything. Woke up with a headache though and heart rasing -.-
me: Omg I had a similar dream long ago I skipped the horror part in my ascian journey story. But very similar. And emet-selch was the one who saved me from that nightmare.
TK: Interesting
me: ikr, At that time I was aligned sorta say with emet. Actually Elidibus allot as well but didn't notice the bond that was creating at that time.
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February 13th (continued DM)
me: i hope with all my heart that if you ever got the chance to speak with lahabrea you will be able to ask why Elidibus decided to bond so deeply with me that we became lovers.
lahabrea knows this, i hope he will answer. i know i need to learn to hear them speak for myself. he doesn't need to lecture me that xD. but hearing a confirmation or answers from someone else is comforting. you know that yourself too right?
tk: Yeah. I will try to.
me: thx J
tk: I will try tonight even lol
me: i also got some hopes for this night, but i will hope for you too then also. tomorrow its valentines day. let see if eli comes into my dreams to give a present (or romance) XD if i understood correctly he will try.
i know he can if he really wants too, to get into my dreams
tk: Hope something happens
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February 16th
tk via dm
me: i did a meditation in the morning, not sure if it was my imagination. need to ask questions about that to my higher self firstly. some short sight sharing and eli at work? lots of other random bullcrap like my ex turning a box in his hands? after a while i noticed eli returned and i turned on my side and fell asleep with him. i did sleep very deep, probably due the meditation beforehand. i gonna try tonight again to see if it gives better results in dreaming. i had a dream where i picked up the new healer class from gaia and ryne xD
tk: My dream last night was weird lol. I don't really remember everything but I believe I was at some sort of camp for acting and stagehands. Had a really failing experience in the dream (like I wasn't prepared for something and someone sabotaged me) and around this time realized I was in a dream so was lucid, somewhat changed it. Was paired eventually with a group for making our own performance. One of the people LOOKED like Pashtarot did before in that one other dream and another like Lahabrea but they were just in normal modern clothes. Dont remember all of the stuff we planned but it was pretty fun lol
me: ohhh nice. yeah they often dress themselves in modern clothing to mingle among the people. except for elidibus. he either wears amaurot robes or ascian robes. i have never seen him in any other.
on the server this started out of nowhere when I had a chat with my ex who joined the server that day.
jezzah: What did I walk into???
me: huh? he was talking about the actual emet-selch.
jezzah: No, not what I mean. Ugh, it's so frustrating trying to just talk to you
me: well sorry for that :/
jezzah: Nvm I'm just gonna go silent
(tk via dm: I'm sorry. I don't know what is up with Jezzah. Feels to me like shit is going on irl and she just let it out on you.)
me: is that the reason you're not responding? because i cant understand you always? i am dutch my english is crap. what did i do wrong? only misunderstanding you? we got a language barrier here. i cant help it.
ghia: what’s going on?
me: jezzah says i am a pain in the ass to talk to.
Ghia: why do you keep bullying ayane? i don’t get it. i’ve been taking a break from things for my mental health. perhaps you should do the same if you keep taking out your anger on people.
Mito: Maybe you should guys take moment to do something else than this conservation, maybe it's easier to talk when taking moment to do something you like. Maybe ease anxiety and give fresh thoughts.
Ghia: that’s what i’ve been doing, especially since i’ve been in school, it’s just frustrating to come back to a chat to someone being mean for no reason. i’m not trying to start any issues. just confused. i think if there’s some problems that can be fixed they are worth discussing.
mito: Yes. it's important to discuss and communicate when problems arise that I agree.
me: ty Ghia. btw Trava did you had any spiritual things happened lately?
mito: Maybe it's better to let them cool down for sec, maybe then it's easier to talk when not frustated, when calm it may be easier to discuss constructively.
Ghia: unfortunately no— it’s one of the reasons i haven’t been so active here... i feel bad that i haven’t had any connections as of late.
me: hmmm my dreams are lacking allot too i wonder if there is a connection?
ghia: (@mito) i agree with that. i don’t want to start any problems. @Jezzah we can talk later. (@me) maybe, i was worried it was just my fault. maybe i was too stressed? but if it’s affecting multiple people....
me: hmmm when is the next supermoon? baselesscrack theory but last year we had like 3 in a row and my dreams escalated beyond with ascian content
mito: What's supermoon?
me: XL moon
mito: oh? Extra big moon?
Ghia: very bright!
me: its bigger on sight
mito: Yeah
me: also the fact Eldibus can trigger my dreams projecting a full moon also almost full moon is cute xD. sadly this is monthly now . and no, especially not a full moon in a dream when its outside full too lol.
mito: If we speak generally of spirituality, I think it's ok if person isn't all the time "in their prime". We are humans after all.
me: yeah i know.
Ghia: I see!
Mito: It's ok if person wants to better it, but there isn't really need to beat up themselves for it too much.
me: i just miss the spiritual conversations here . i dont have to be always about ascians. just spiritual things are welcome too
mito: Spirituality can be interesting thing to talk about.
me: yes exactly.
the conversation went on for a while. and then:
Jezzah: I haven't had any interactions with Hades and I'm worried
(tk via dm: Knew it, Was gonna say I had a feeling Emet wasn't talking to her or something)
(me: your intuition is amazing)
(tk: I guess so? Lol)
(me: yeah xD i mean i didn't directly thought about that. and you were spot on as you say "i knew it")
mito: Hi there
jezzah: hi mito
me: ahhh my dreams are not what the used to be, if seems something is going on that affect us all. and ghia didn't had any connections either. around this time ( based upon my baseless crack theory) we should get better connections: 2021 will see two Super Full Moons—on April 26/27 and May 26. The Full Moon in April is traditionally known as Pink Moon and the Full Moon in May is called the Flower Moon in many Northern Hemisphere cultures.
jezzah: I can feel him there it just seems he is unable to reach me somehow.
me: then you have possibly a blockade somewhere. got higher stress then usual maybe ?
jezzah: Maybe
me: go on meditating and i mean actual relaxation meditation . via that you relax your body and perhaps get to connect with Hades as a bonus. they are seriously rewarding you for doing these things. i mean. lately i even get random spirits instead of my higherself. though luckily i pierce right through that. if i meditate the impostors are less. and i swear after meditation and eli is there, you can feel the rewarding comforted energy. they want you to take time to develop yourself. as a reward you can connect with them.
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February 18th.
me: Sadly this day I didn’t had sex with eli…..
He let another spirit to have sex with me because he wasn’t in the mood? While at first before I started he said he was. According to my higher self that is (she asked him). It was already very contradictory answers, did he wanted sex or let me sleep?. I wanted to give him sex to give something in return. I cannot give him much ya know. Plus he was horny the night before he admitted that later. I was very tired this morning actually, but not THAT tired that I couldn’t give sex. So I wanted to give him that out of appreciation for him even though I was tired. after when I rested and started to ask questions all of this came to light that he didn’t had sex with me. Yet he was at the place of the body pillow, so any bonding still happened with him, but the pleasure came from another…..
He wanted me to go to sleep instead of sex, but I doubt that answer somehow. Yet it does explain why I had such weird answers before I even started.
Yet, when I asked if he regretted/felt sorry he didn’t had sex with me by himself he said yes. So yeah he regretted it he didn’t do it.
He had some trouble to accept a promise to not let it happen again to let another spirit fuck me. After explaining the best I could he accepted to keep the promise to not let it happen again.
But still I feel so , I cant find the word. Used? Misplaced? Not appreciated? ( I did it for him ) deceived? Doesn’t sound like him he would do such a thing? Yet he passed every validation question including spontaneous new ones to verify it was the real Elidibus……
so what must i do with this? any advice is welcome.
jezzah: Now, I haven't truly had sex with Hades in forever and I quite enjoy just being held by him. So I haz no advice.
me: I had like 40min talked to him just now.
I can't come up with possibilities why he did that. But he is atleast sorry about it.
And understand how I feel about this.
But I asked that I wanted to hear an apology from himself with his voice because he really hurted me with this and the reason. I let him choose for telepathy message or dream. He choose dream. I hope I can sleep well tonight to receive this dream.
He promised to never let this happen again.
But he really needs to make an actual apology for this, it hurted me so bad.
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why this was 40min you might think. well I found back in my dream journal some of the other questions asked. these were questions regarding our brother and sister life that might be interesting to read.
until when were you smaller then me? when you joined the convocation,after joining, close to the sacrifice or before the joining? “before joining the convocation”
were you allot smaller then me or just an inch or 2? “ yes, inch or 2”
( on the next question I used an extra confirmation question to check if it was correct together with another question)
were we the same height 1 year before you joined the convocation or later when you joined? named several options. and this became the answer.
“2 years after joining then the last year before the sacrifice 15cm taller then me.”(but smaller then igeyorhm, a side note to this, there were 3~3,5 years between him joining the convocation and the final days and thus his sacrifice).
then some questions about me.
even though I received the convocation crystal early on. did I still needed to apply for membership and show of my skills? “no instantly”
(when younger) did I usually came towards you to show my new skills? “no, sometimes”
did you refrain from complimenting me of my skills because you were smaller then me and felt awkward to do so? “yes”
did I like to tease you? “no”. for instance your height? “no”
did you liked to tease me? “yes”
afterwards I asked the question regarding the shit that had happened that day…which is above mentioned.
some extra info , not sure if I shared this in older chapters. at the age of just turning 18 he joined the convocation. at the age of 21 he sacrificed himself…..
also the previous elidibus was an old man, and sacrificed himself to help summon zodiark or repair the world. I did not asked (well actually forgot) if he also looked old. because I can imagine the aging process is similar to Viera. grow up normally but aging after a certain age (possibly near 30’s) isn’t happening or only happens after several 100’s of years, hence why lahabrea was the oldest one after the retirement of the old elidibus and still looked young.
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February 19th
me: @jezzah Sigh I dreamt you had an answer that you talked to him. But my screen was dark and couldn't see what you wrote. I couldn't get it brighter. can you do something for me? If you got to see him in a dream again when you are asleep. That you ask why he did this?
He still didn't came into a dream yet..... And I slept pretty well compared to the last weeks......
And yet he can literally force himself into a, dream if he really cares...... He didn't....
It's so weird ya know, let some other ghost f*ck me while he could do it himself. While he was in the mood! I don't understand. It's doesn't sound like him, yet it was him. What's going on? What did I do to deserve this.....
jezzah: He's probably dealing with something.
me: If you have a chance to ask, I would be truly grateful..... In a dream that is.
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February 20th
me: Jezzah we need to talk. You have clearly been talking shit about me.
mito: ??
me: Read above screenshot
mito: Yeah I saw. Multiple sources???? I... What?
jezzah: I didn't fucking tell her anything. I haven't spoken to her since she left. Besides you know I find you annoying. What I say behind your back I say to your face. Yet I'm still here. I haven't been feeling well lately don't start with me atm.
me: the problem behind my back saying is that other people read it too. and you are making it worse.
jezzah: Seriously don't start shit with me.
me: i gonna ask mysi*** about this. hopefully she will answer.
jezzah: She won't answer you. Or she'll lie. You know what, I can't do this anymore I'm gone.
me: oh well she left out of her own. @everyone jezzah left.
Ghia: -_-
me: i wonder in how far she was lying herself because if you are truly innocent you will defend yourself right? or am i seeing this wrong?
Ghia: instead of apologizing to you for being rude, she just got really... mean.
me: yeah
Ghia: i think that shows what kind of person she is.
me: sadly yes
TK: Personally, she has too much shit going on irl and won't get help for it when she clearly needs it, especially with her husband (that is an [redacted] relationship if I've ever seen one) and instead of asking for help she gets way too angry at everyone else.
me: hopefully she wont "black twitter" us, like all other haters. but i can see her doing that sadly
ghia: i think she doesn't understand that other people struggle like she does but are able to be kind to others. definitely needs therapy.
me: yeah…
mito: [redacted] is highly stressing, some will react with anger, when you throw more stress top of it.. It... Can be Hard to remain always calm and collected. You (as People generally). It doesn't of course justify bad behavior.
TK: It is. I know first hand. I just feel like she wasn't really allowing herself to be helped. If you know what I mean.
Ghia: i agree. i hope she gets the help she needs. taking it out on others isn't the way to do it, for sure. jezzah made a tweet about you, by the way.
mito: Wait wha
Ghia: about ayane.
mito: oh
me: and she blocked me( on discord). and if she didn't directly said it to mysi. she could still have said it in a comment towards someone else. and mysi could have read that.
but everyone on twitter read Jezzah's sentences wrong. if that is , what she said she doesn't mean it that way. or its an excuse….
mito: oh
me: but yeah if jezzah was the reason everyone stayed off the group, we can talk freely now.
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February 21st
Ghost: That's unfortunate that they felt the need to leave. Don't know why she had to be so rude to you all the time.
me: Mysi*** didn't come to reason either.
Oh well. I hope we can be a friendly here now. she have been mean allot especially to me. She talked shit about me public which made this witch hunt on twitter worse, and restarted it again. All others weren't happy with her either…
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February 22nd
new member Zeke appeared . zeke is able to pick up memories and emotions of elidibus and able to communicate with him for time to time.
sadly due the document that was set up against me at the end of June, Zeke didn’t felt save anymore in the group and deleted all comments ever placed here….what they commented will be out of my own memory.
after a heart warming welcome of Zeke.
me: what did you remember of what I dreamed?
Also I would like to know if its true he is soul bonded with me. I never was able to gained outside confirmation besides my own, (this happening when he suddenly came over to "bond" softly said happened on the night of Nov 4th it can be read in the spirit happenings channel) . Because the one who could check left at that moment. I was left alone with my experiences. It made me more thrust my ability to communicate. But since a week the presence that suppose to be Elidibus did something wierd......
zeke: its was that dream with the star shower, (and said some other things).
I tagged zeke on several posts in the channels for them to read. regarding elidibus.
can’t remember the replies sadly.
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February 23rd & 24th
another new member Zio, she has a relationship with Nabriales also Soulbonded.
after a welcome of the rest.
me: are you willing to tell how it started with you and nabs?
zio: I'm not quite ready to share just yet! Just want to get a better feel for everyone before I share too much about my spiritual life.
me: ok that's fine
later zeke replied to my story of that I had sex with another instead of eli.
zeke said allot of text about consent, that I didn’t gave that ghost consent and allot more and zeke was actually pissed that that happened to me, elidibus f*cked up bad and zeke hoped for me that I will get that apology soon
(so basically jezzah was right,”dealing with something”)
me: ToT TY
i still hadn't received that apology
zeke said something I can’t recall it was about the apology atleast.
me: i know...... i would soften the pain a bit. even if he does it via you. he still needs to make it personal in my face.
after some other sentences of Zeke:
me: when you joined i had this some sort of hopeful feeling that i would come to know why at least.
well how was he on the 18th? because it happened on that day. and after that 40min talk he stayed for a little while and then left.
zeke: he was agitated around that time and wasn’t really himself, something bothering him.
me: so he wasn't thinking when he let that other ghost F*** me?
zeke: probably not
me: i hope you can talk to him about this. see what he says.
zeke said something but I can’t remember.
me: yeah ok, but if its on your mind perhaps he replies? idk
zeke: I will see what I can do for you
me: ty
then zeke asked about if their partner could Join. and said he has the same with lahabrea a they have with elidibus.
me: cool if your partner wants to join he is welcome! do i need to make a link for you? or do you got the "invite people" button available?
zeke asked about if I could make the link.
I made an invite but then Jezzah joined 30min later instead. strangely enough it wasn’t my invite that was being used…because that one was still available and it was an 1 time use……according to the System it was TK….and that invite was made 15min before mine. and it was used. TK denied it was her. but I didn’t make a fuss out of it. anyways
jezzah: I'm back. I needed to cool off
me: Listen jezzah, the others don't like your behaviour. How did you came back in the first place?
Ghia: i think you need to apologize.
jezzah: I have her blocked I can't see any of her messages. I'm not gonna get involved with her, I want nothing to do with her. I'm here for everyone else, not her.
Ghia: you need to leave, then.
jezzah: Wow, ok
Ghia: you didn't apologize even though you were the one with the problem.
jezzah: I don't have anything to apologize for, I didn't do anything wrong but if y'all are gonna be like this then fine. Assholes
Ghia: bye.
jezzah left
mito: What is happening?
ghia: jezzah is being stubborn as ever.
me: Who the F did she got back?
ghia: i don't know. she might have an old invite. i don't tolerate that kind of behavior.
me: I can't remember I send a non expiring invite (to her)
ghia: sorry the new members had to see that. i'm not usually so stern.
me: I checked and the invite I sended is invalid.
zeke: that is strange
me: Indeed, Did you read the space battle xD
zeke said something about jezzah and being banned/kicked.
me: Yeah, but wasn't even kicked, she left on her own.
zeke said something but can’t remember what
ghia: she started the whole 'drama' anyways.
me: Yeah, I mean if you block an admin on a FB group then you are insta kicked mostly so yeah. I am the admin . I was like you got it pretty high up in your ass to think like this, stay for the others and have me blocked. I was ready to kick her tbh. But I would like to thank Ghia for this for making her leave on her own.
then zeke said something about that blocked messaged are like spoiler text. that if you click on it you will see the text. “and if jezzah really cared she would have done so. but she didn’t”. and said something about jezzah.
zio: Oh dear.
me: Ohhhhh. I didn't know that
Ghost: Oh wtf. That's so rude of her.
I posted a screenshot of what jezzah was saying on twitter
( as you can see this is a lie, she left on her own and i never said she wasn’t allowed anymore it was her own behavior that caused all this, I didn’t even banned her. in april we rekindled our friendship and she rejoined. but she fucked up so hard in her behavior that the others were absolutely despised by her and she left again, I even tried to stop her so that the others wouldn’t get angry but alas. more on that in april chapter, even through this she didn’t blocked me afterwards and I was able to contact her and remained friends outside the group.)
zio: I don't know why you would want to be a group you blocked someone in anyway....especially since said person owns it.
Ghost: Probably just to prod at Aya. Honestly. Wait wtf lmao. She's calling it a cult now are you kidding. She's so twofaced
me: just like her mom. Does someone got a alt account to give her a lecture of misbehaving?
zio: I think it's best to leave it for now. Talking with her now would only make it worse.
(sadly the drama lit up again as a result anyways due jezzah)
GHOST: I don't even understand why she is so nasty to you like you're so kind...? Like is it just that your native tongue isn't english or something? I don't get it
me: Yeah true, but the main problem she will start the twitter drama again. While It just subdued a bit.
ghia: let her. she'll look like a crazy person.
(to bad people didn’t she her as that, and blamed me….)
zio: I don't think she has much credibility.
me: @Ghost Ikr
Ghost: Yeah it's better to just let her talk to herself.
Ghia: why is she mad at you? i'm the one who told her to fuck off.
me: Yeah... She is saying I brainwashed all of you
zio: Cause she's the public face of the group? Easier to point fingers when there's a name
Ghia: ah, yes. you brainwashed me by being nice.
Ghost: LOL
Ghia: how could you! (joke.)
zio: She followed me too so I hope she likes dog pics and me crying over video games.
zeke: she followed me just now as well.
me: She all just followed you just now?
zio: Which weirds me out a little because I don't know how she would have found me? She followed me right after you sent me the invitation.
(I admit that WAS creepy)
me: What?, How?!, now She blocked me on twitter.
zio: I am not remotely active in the ffxiv or ascian fandom so I don't know how she found me.
Ghost: That’s weird
later the partner of Zeke joined “grian”
I had a conversation with Zeke while I couldn’t sleep it was midnight about 1am for me at that time.
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the next morning:
me: My dream self is aware he must apologise but I can't find him in the dreams....
I even dreamed just now to typ it on in Word, so he could reply using the keyboard. But the letters on the screen kept changing in different ones instead of the ones I typed. I was very focused I knew I was dreaming.
But the letters kept F'ing up though typing Elidibus succeeded at the first time but the rest was horrible. I tested the letters eventually, R=L s=c o= idk forgotten.
Majority of the letters I needed to type appeared differently on screen. .
I was confused af, why?! I asked myself why now?! Then the dream switched into something else.
zeke said something about I need to be focused on the apology. and named a example that you will dream of cheese when you ate it before you fall asleep.
me: I was actually focusing on getting the apology though before I falled asleep. And well the confusion was more like a "Wtf is happening"
zeke said something about not asking but searching for him.
me: But perhaps.... I can try, so your saying don't ask in the dream.
But must I search for him? I had a dream 2 days ago I was searching for him. So he could make his apology.
zeke said something having my mind completely empty except the word apology.
me: hmmm Then I need to go to bed earlier. My meditations take quite allot of time to take effect. Like 40min or longer. But I can try ofcourse.
zeke said something about that I need to listen more instead of searching and asking.
me: Ty for your advice! I hope its gonna help!
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later that day I posted a screenshot that I made an comment on jezzah’s post with an alt account. jezzah was talking about elidibus being disappointed in me. while that wasn’t true quite the opposite actually. he was very comforting towards me.
but zeke suggested to take it off. and so I did.
Ghia: interestingly enough, she's being transphobic and homophobic herself.
me: what does perma banned mean on twitter? jezzah says she is.
zio: It means she says she is permanently kicked out of the server
me: oh that way ty
later
tk: Had small bit in my dream with Lahabrea in it again. Was just i got a small bit to talk to him, he was just mad about what happened recently, didn't really get to ask anything. Massive headache this morning
me: awww, do you know what he said?
tk: Just that he was annoyed about what happened with Jezzah. I have a feeling he doesn't like the emet clone shit either.
me: yeah i bet. now i have to follow zeke's advice to see if it works i need to listen more in a dream instead of searching and asking.
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February 25th
me: No success of Eli making his apology.
But I had a vivid dream instead of lucid about we switched in body height. but the evening before I felled asleep I gained a clairaudience message of emet-selch “his beautifull love wife” he meant elidibus and me.
He is as far as I know he is about 1 head taller then me (I am short too lol). but so it was visa versa in this dream.
Well:
I saw a picture of Elidibus standing with 4 or 5 sons on emet-selch/Hades (xD) they vary allot in height. 1 was taller then eli, and the rest allot shorter.
I remember I had a vague thought of; so eli isn't the only one who is short.
I went outside the house I was in.
I was wearing the Amaurotine robes.
I walked to the left and saw Elidibus. A thought crossed my head, I remembered that I would still love him if he was shorter then me.
I walked up to him and said while holding his face : "remember what I said that I would still love you even if you were smaller then me?"
I kissed him. And bended my back a bit down to compensate the size difference. Then it ended.
(the kiss was better then the previous one lol)
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February 26th
me: Not the apology dream but I was listening for a change even though he was talking to a little boy.
Here goes.
So I saw this little African boy from the front, I was looking down at him. He was not older then a 4yo. He had white clothing and a white tricorn hat.
A narrator was talking explaining what was going on (that narrator of that bullfrog, sqeeking like a dog toy) sadly I didn't paid attention to the narrator I was focused on the boy that looked upwards, very shy and unsure to a person that was talking to him.
My view switched to that person.
It was an old version of Elidibus, the side of his head looked like is was getting bald, and had some wrinkles on his face.
I thought by myself :" is this what Elidibus real looks like?, I still love him though even though I might be a bit awkward, or is this the previous one? "
Eli kept talking to the boy I tried to focus on what he said, but the English he used were such complicated words for me that I couldn't understand him or it was ancient. While talking he changed slowly to the younger one/the one we know.
The only word I understood was "emissary".
Oh yeah he was wearing white robes, with a dark blue turtle neck underneath. He was pretty wide shoulderd I must say. Saw his face, his hair, his eyes (absolutely f**King hot).
Then a couple of things happened at the same time but in order:
When he finished talking, I had a urge to move my toe, the narrator was about to talk again and said the word "then" he turned his head towards me, and I moved my toe and I woke up. FUCK!
me: So this was, either to show there was a previous Elidibus before the one we know, or a test if he would look old and if I would still love him.
later I gained confirmation it was the old one at first. and then changing into the current one. like switching seats. good god he is handsome.
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February 27th
me: Eli is so sweet.
I woke up in night just now a, few minutes he needed to leave. I felt he was hugging me some sort of saying goodbye.
When I said I will see you soon (7,5h from now) I felt his presence leaving.
later that day zeke said something about elidibus having an identity issue
me: Identity issue? He has always been the Elidibus of how I know him, also before he bonded with me. Even in dreams.
It's very rare to even see his face. He always wears ascian robes with mask or plain white ones like Amaurot robes.
I can even ask my higher self if I had a dream about Elidibus if it was the real one or not.
A couple of dreams are debunked by her. I didn't wrote those down either. Only 1 wrote down I had recently that was debunked .
I couldn't summon him sadly. Not even imagine him in my dreams. I really need to encounter him instead on conjuring him up. All I want is that apology.
My dream self is aware now that if I find him to listen instead of asking.
Now only to find him...
me(different channel): oh no one had any experiences today?
i was walking outside watching the full moon coming up. elidibus was with me.
ghia: that's very cute!
me: i knowwwww, he liked it
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February 28th
me: omg i was trying automatic "typing"on the keyboard. didn't succeed much. then i asked are you even typing words. and then "no"succesfully came on the screen with my eyes closed. xD. this is what i had: Dsysd lpfbnebdlISNX,ZHD whsdbcmnm,zlkjha Lakndfgh no eli ain't good at this, but he tried xD as he said he would. i cannot typ blindly i always look at the keyboard
me: before i did the automatic typing thing today. i pulled on my robes for the evening cold. i went sitting on the edge on the couch with my phone and felt a hug coming from behind. after a minute or so i wanted to ask if it was him. "can i ask?"i said. i was pushed forward.
after verifying it was indeed him. and since he was with me now i suggested the automatic typing thing. i gave 3 option. yes ( so he can do that), will try, or no. he chose will try.
so then i said come with me and went sitting on the computer.
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remaining February dreams
February 12th
I was laying in bed in amaurotine robes with the elidibus body pillow but with a different print. there was a very strong close bond between us palpable even though he wasn’t there. it looked like repressed feelings i couldn't express when i was his sister, but i can now. I was totally into it. very strong feelings and emotions.
February 14th
something with date of a calendar I believe feb 28th? I was love in the air with elidibus. he would be my first and my last love.
(nothing particular happen that day on the 28th, but I just realized this dream was on valentines day <3,)
February 16th
lahabrea MII
I was playing with the NDS, making a character as a replacement of a pokemon in my team. it became lahabrea xD. special attack : Blue scorching flames. I was adjusting his stats, max HP and attack damage. later I showed it to my ex.
me: look lahabrea with even his voice.
the character (lahabrea) laughed maniacal
afterwards I wanted to play with him but then the dream went about something else.
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well this was a short chapter this time. next chapter I will be dealing with imposters trying to get sexual attention by imitating elidibus ( yes dangerous if it would go to far). took me 2 months to get rid of them eventually. also very special dreams and allot of other revelations.
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