My Ascian Journey - Chapter 13: Relationship drama and special dreams (March 2021)

relationship drama and special dreams

this month started broken . in the sense of heavily shortage of sleep. the first dreams of this month was already written in a doc. so these dreams will be added at the day they took place.

March 1st will start with a dream for a change

It was a chaotic lucid but still remembered nonetheless.

In the beginning I was Marnie from pokemon but without pokemon. It was like a AU. We were on a trip with other family members towards some huge playground building. When we were waiting to get inside a younger brother and sister were annoying me. When I finally got into the building ( and changed to myself)and stood watching all these kids play at a given moment I saw something at my right. In a milisec I saw a shade of an ascian turning invisible.

Me: I saw that.

I went standing upon the place where it disappeared. I felt that it was standing inside me and I suddenly wore ascian robes too.

Me: guide me to elidibus

My entire body moved out of it own in a race car speed. We were racing through the building and we went very quickly towards a wall with play racks. I was prepared to go through it, because I can in a dream if a focus enough. But as fast as we went towards it , that fast we turned right.

Then I had the idea I would wake up but I stayed in the dream. Then I was back at the beginning outside the building. The younger siblings tried to prevent me for searching for elidibus.

Me: go away! Leave me alone!

And then I was somewhere else. I was very deep away, complete different world everything was green it was like 50 shades of green or something a green world or realm rather. And allot of fog.

Me: bring me towards Elidibus of him to me.

And we went off again, this time I could control the speed , I wanted to be as fast as possible at Elidibus so we went with the speed of sound by the looks of it. Only I couldn’t decide where to go.

After a short racing through the realm I was warped back again. to the same playground. I was flying above a square playground field, the floor was orange and a circle in the middle iirc.

Then I thought I was waking up again. but returned anyway on the exact same spot flying above that field. I turned around and looked down as if I came from thereof that green realm.

Me: hmmmm maybe I sank too deep away to find him.

I turned back and flew forwards I wanted to escape from these siblings trying to stop me. I went searching for the exit and soon found it. it had small revolving doors (correct name?) where I needed to crawl through, I was Marnie again for a short moment when I went on crawling through the doors. I was grabbed at my right leg by an employee of that playground. My siblings were chasing me too. And I couldn’t stop and quit it just like that. and just pulled my leg with me and the employee let go of it.

I tried as fast as I could to get through it. But the employee grabbed my belt and my leg again but I didn’t gave up. I believe she even cut my lower leg off, but I didn’t felt any pain so I kept on going and ignored my missing leg. When I ignored it my leg came back. When I clawed halfway through I was suddenly at the place where my first ascian dream started, the house where my mom lived for only 2 years. Opened the front door.

Me: it is nighttime, but I don’t see a thing I hope I don’t wake up because of this.

It was really pitched black and allot of purple mist, I looked up and noticed an almost full moon shining through the clouds and mist. (elidibus sign in dreams, the moon)

I couldn't see a thing, though still i tried to go looking for eli.

When I was walking through the street I looked everywhere around me, no lanterns or lights from the houses. When I reached the end of the street “guide me to elidibus”I said. Then I was back again at those annoying siblings outside of that playground building. I was wearing ascian robes. I wanted to flee away from them, well actually just go away from them. They grabbed me, I turned around which made them loose their grip and I bit the boy in his hand as hard as I could so it would make him stop (I was ferocious at that moment) .

Me: you can not stop me, I will find Elidibus. This I said while I was biting him.

B: you cannot hurt us this is a dream.

I knew this so I let go. Then I almost woke up but returned luckily.

I was inside the otherside of the playground building I went for the exit which had normal automatic sliding doors. I went outside.

Me: where am I now again?

It was dusk the sun was about to set on the left side of my view. In the front I saw some stars twinkling in the purple sky. I saw houses in the distance. I was standing upon a sloping path that led downwards towards a huge grass field. I am not sure if I said “guide me to elidibus”again but I flew upwards and went with big speed forwards over the grassfield towards the houses. I would almost bump into a wooden barn but I managed to stop myself in time. I almost tripped over my toes when I hit the ground. and caught myself by putting my right hand against the barn. Finally I stood still I turned around and at another bran of a different house that was allot smaller in height. I saw something white walking. It looked like the top of a white hood!.

Me: is that him?

I ran towards the place where he was heading.

Then he turned the corner. He was wearing amaurotine robes and convocation (amaurot) mask this time.

He walked towards me he spread his arms and I ran into his. He was almost the same height as me, maybe an inch or 2 taller. Not sure if he said something. If he did it was something short like “hi”

When I ran into his arms I wanted give him a kiss. But his mask was in the way a bit so I placed a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. I saw him smiling because of that. His energy I felt of the hug was the same I felt always when he is near me in the waking world. I place my head upon his shoulder while still hugging and I woke up.

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March 2nd

zeke told something about elidibus

me: Elidibus doesn't say anything about me towards others now does he xD

zeke replied with something that he doesn’t share personal things.

Grian: <3

me: So I guess I was right when I said the same to M***ie at that time.

That he stays stoic, cryptic and serious towards others (or whatever you can call it) . But to me differently.

zeke replied something with that they are familiar with that. in how he is toward them. also said something about lahabrea I believe, if I look at Grian’s reply but not sure.

me: Yes indeed. Guess my intuition/ imprinted thoughts was correct on this.

Grian: yeah, if i can offer my two cents...he wore his heart on his sleeve before it all

someone with a lot of admiration for others

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March 3rd

a dream

“would you have given that hug also to lahabrea?” this was the first thing I wrote down (in dutch) to make sure I wouldn’t forget it while writing down the dream.

I dreamt I had trouble sleeping, thus in the same state as in RL at that moment afraid of getting a seizure as a result. but I fell asleep from misery eventually in that dream. Then I dreamt I had a robot Espeon head shooting lasers. I shot at thing that brought others into danger, like my dad in the elevator >.< when I realized of what I had done I tried to kill myself by throwing myself from the flat I was in. a suicide attempt of guilt of what I had done. But I was floating slowly downwards to the ground. And landed softly on my feet.

Me: why am I not dead? Why am I standing here?

Then I saw my dad walking towards me. My immediate thought: * oh thank god he got out of it*

There was an ambulance of some sorts on the area I was standing. Someone was raised into the car by a step up. I was suddenly standing at the back of the car looking at it. I had severe pain in my back, I had my left hand on the place where it hurt the most in the middle.

Me: is it that’s why? I am really not allowed to kill myself.

I pushed with my thumb into my back to get my back straight. I turned around and the pain slowly disappeared.

Me: elidibus where are you?!

I tried to let myself guide me towards him. And heard the word “here”. I tried to walk towards the direction it came from.

Me: i can hear him,,...I can hear you but I cant see you!

“here” from a different corner of the area but I didn’t saw anything. I looked again and focused if he didn’t was just standing in front of me or was invisible.

“here” I heard it again but alas.

Then I continued walking. Suddenly I noticed a teenage boy tied to the wall of another flat building. And said “here”

Me: oh so it was you who fooled me.

And then some vague part happened.

I continued walking I came towards a pond with an unknown ascian (face)Glyphs in it floating upon the water. I looked for the one of Elidibus but alas. The other glyphs looked like they were mixes of others combined with other things added. I went further on my way and arrived at a big grass field with some annoying boys trying to tease me. I ignored them for as much as I could.

Me: Eli where are you!

The boys ran away to tease me at somewhere else.

Then I was standing upon a brick wall. In a small distance I saw the same pond again. and noticed white cloaked figures with glyphs upon their faces coming out of the pond. I looked if I could find elidibus amoung them. But alas I noticed the same boys were fooling me and that they were the ones underneath the cloaks.

Me: yeah, nice try guys, but the one of Elidibus looks differently .

I walked towards the pond to try to search for 1 more time for elidibus’s glyph. Because I noticed 1 that looked alike it. Then out of the blue I was pulled into the water softly. It was meant well. The water was shallow the water came towards my waist while standing on the bottom.

Someone: come on

Me: I cant see a thing

Water landed in my eyes because of landing into it. I rubbed my eyes until it was gone.

Then I saw 2 people on a tiny boat. 1 looked like elidibus in a cloak (on the left) and the other was thancred (on the right). He both held up an acrylic hanger with a glyph on it. Then my sight was fully focused on the hangers. The one on the left didn’t matched the one of elidibus, the top part of the scarabee horns had something extra upon it. But I didn’t noticed the body was changed at that time.

Me: no this one looks different.

The one on the right I needed to take a look at it carefully because allot of the image was faded away, but I was able to distinguish that this was the correct one!

Me: o my god it is you! But why aren’t you in that body? With the assumption, the other one was the ascian body

The body was already changed when I looked at it.

Elicred: well that doesn’t really matter now do-

Me- oh it’s the same body.

the other was wearing a shirt with white and black spots. While elicred wore just a plain black one.

Then Elicred gave me a hug and said: “would you have given that hug also to lahabrea?”

I haven’t seen lahabrea in quite a while so.

Me: yes.

Then I was slowly kicked out of the dream, when the view turned gray I tried to listen for the apology he still needs to make. but I was probably already too far away or he didn’t managed to say it on time. Then I woke up.

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when I posted my November chapter the day before. Zeke finally had the time to read it today. and they we worried it might be an incubus instead of elidibus.

me: I did some research on that because tbh I was worried about that too in the beginning. And M***ie didn't want to check.

Mysi*** neither.

I was left alone with my own experience.

Yet according to my higher self it was him.

And the sex subdued allot after time passed by. In the beginning it was like when 2 lovers have found each and have sex all time (I had this with my ex too in the beginning, later it became less).

And btw the sex I had with him wasn't pressured at all. If I didn't want for example to tired, then he left me alone too.

I always ask questions in the name of God, Jesus and the Holy spirit to validate to answers I received and are not answered in my favour. My ex wanted me to do that, to make sure I am not dealing with shit. Also about him in dreams, I never even had sex with him in dreams. And only recently was able to kiss him and hug him within the dreams. The meditations, some other dreams in December you would find interesting. You can perhaps read them in advance instead of waiting the next chapter.

I always validate with my higherself if it's the real Elidibus I am dealing with. Within dream and out in the waking world. Even if I see things in meditations, some were my imagination and got debunked, but others actually happened. I even had times where he wasn't really in the mood(but I didn't know that) while I was. He tried but he became grumpy because of it because I kept encouraging to go on. I don't think an incubus would do that. I mean I can't hear him so we literally had a communication error. He did some other things, like curing headaches.

I even bumbed into a wall once. I asked if he could heal my nose and hand.

My hand got completely cured, my nose took longer he couldn't cure it fully but the pain was less present. He lessened the pain allot.

Personally I think there was a crack in my nose. It took 4 of 6 weeks before the slightest touch didn't cause a tiny pain anymore. If it wasn't touched it didn't hurt.

my ex: An incubus was immediately my concern at first, Being Christian I am very careful when it comes to ghosts. There actually a rule not to get to "involved "with them until you know what they are or are not.

Zeke said something about being concerned

me ex: As was I, It comes to show our good nature XD

me: Well I hope you are less concerned now? Or?

I believe zeke said something about feeling at ease now.

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March 6th

me: I got something to think about.

The unsundered are untempered does that make them archangels of the Source?

zeke replied with that they are tempered by Zodiark.

me: No not anymore.

Even in game Elidibus and emet-selch are untempered atm.

And as far I know for the actual existing ones we are in contact with are untempered, lahabrea too.

zeke said that emet-selch said they were tempered.

me: In game he said yes, but he appeared in SoS as a normal Amaurotine and not a convocation member.

Elidibus was shown how he was before he sacrificed himself after deleting the tempering.

I asked many times to my higher self if they are untempered. In game and the real ones.

later that day: Elidibus is with me during the day and evening these days.

He is so sweet.

Helping to ease my brain and prevent from going haywire [redacted]

[ redacted] Lack of sleep is dangerous for this. With enough sleep I function normally. But this is terrible exhausting.

zeke replied with if I got medication.

I got medication for my [redacted] and melatonin. But this lack of sleep is from the past few days.

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March 7th

a dream

I had a dream where I landed multiple times back into my body and went out of it. Like an out of body experience in the in-between realm. It was to realistic to be a dream because every little detail was there, every piece of clothing laying on the floor or the bottles of water for the night, melatonin pills bottle , the mirror on the wall etc etc etc. everything the same. So it was rather my soul took a run out of my body instead of being in the dream world. Also everytime I went out of my body I felt how that was. Its like shaking your body from your head to feet and back a couple of times out of itself. And then my soul head came out of my psychical body and saw myself for a brief moment. The first time I was being helped by some spirit I think. I was being pulled out atleast, it wasn’t an evil one think, I didn’t see it sadly. I do remember a vague shade with (ascian prime)claws but wasn’t sure if that was my imagination. I tried to look for elidibus when I got pulled out the first time but didn’t see him. That back into body and out again happened like 5 times or so before the actual story began.

Well here goes for the main event the beginning repeats itself like 3 times but with differences.

I opened my eyes.

Me: Wait, I am in that in-between state all this time, I can get out of here.

I am going out of my bed, I wanted to open the bedroom door. But this first time it was a bit hard to do so.

Me: come on!

But I succeeded.

Me: yes!

I ran downstairs to the front door, the front door was a bit open, like our cat is able to do so often.

I went outside It was night obviously, the parking lots, nature, every detail is how it actually was. I went on to search for Elidibus to tell him something he needed to know. (this I apparently accidentally programmed myself before falling asleep, I was thinking about the old “being pregnant of Elidibus” dream)

Me: I am pregnant of Elidibus and he must know.

I was running while I said that and holding my left hand on my belly.

The first time I went to the left of the terraced houses and I noticed a random person walking. then another left turn to run to the back via the road you drive upon. I ran straight ahead towards the other road that is linked to the one I was walking/running on. Then I stood still upon the other road and looked around, looked to the back and in the distance I saw on the right side of the other row of terraced houses a woman walking. I noticed a Ascian glyph reflecting in the lights of the lanterns .she was wearing it upon her hood that was down.

Me: ah so I need to search for Glyphs to find him.

I ran towards her, when I came closer it started all over again.but this time the bedroom door opened easy. I knew exactly what I needed to do. I went out of the front door and noticed different kind of people wearing acrylic ascian glyphs on their hood, but the hoods were down and not upon their heads. So I looked at everyone I saw. The first one was one that looked like of Hades but with a tiny difference. And a couple of others I didn’t recognize, very interesting to see all these unique glyphs! To bad I cant remember them, maybe when other ascian glyphs are being released I might have I moment of “ wtf I know that one”. But for now, no.

Then I saw I failed design Elidibus glyph at Meteor/azem! I found previous azem lol first time every I see him. I gave him a hug and asked if it was him (elidibus in disguise, like thancred) .

Me: is it you?

Azem: take at look at it yourself.

I was holding the glyph, it was suddenly black and deformed weirdly.

Me: hmmm it doesn’t look like it, I am not sure.

Azem: I need to go. and he walked away.

Me: hmmm its probably not him.

Then later I arrived at a playground on a small grass field with surrounding trees, and a wooden play house for kids. But somehow I walked from the other side of where I walked previously towards the playground. I noticed people with Glyphs standing on the road, these did nothing to me. On a given moment I noticed a mannequin with white robes on it standing in the middle of that grass field. I walked towards it took a look at it, and walked to the back of it to check the glyph.

Me: is that him? Bingo!

There it was, his glyph in every detail, not a single detail was missing or different from the real one.

I concluded that I needed to wait for him on that place until he got back.

But then I was under attack a Bard shot a poison acupuncture needle as a arrow towards me but I catched/blocked it with the palm of my hand. I felt the impact and the stinging but the needle disappeared. Then I got hit with the fist of someone else.

And then It started all over again, the bedroom door was open this time. I came outside I went to the right instead of the left. (To the right was faster towards that playground.) my sight turned blurry but I persisted to keep going. And my sight returned. But then I was stopped by other people from the back. They grabbed a hold from me I couldn’t continue and couldn’t get loose. I yelled as hard as I could with the most despair in my voice “ELIDIBUUUUSSS!” then I woke up.

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March 8th

a dream Before I fell asleep (eyes closed) I saw very clearly elidibus in front of my eyes giving a slight smile. Then perhaps he noticed me watching him and his smile widened. then I kissed him, I saw myself before I saw him from up close kissing him. Then later I dreamt that I was meditating and saw him for a sec from behind that was it.

Later that night another dream followed

It’s a dream where I was returning to school, I was wearing my black robes and red mask. When I entered the class room the teacher asked how far I was with my project. I was like “which one”? then an image popped in my head about an office chair that needed repairs on the wheels.

Me: oh yeah that ( I walked away from the teacher and went to my desk), I haven’t worked on that since months.

I sat down on my chair. The teacher was talking about books and their content. The teacher asked how many pages there can be in a book and wanted to ask his student what their highest number pages they every encountered in a book. I raised my arm “I got books of 600 pages”

A young man in the back of the classroom (he had a slender body and slim face, short brown curly hair with a reddish glow, styled a bit backwards and wearing a business suit. ):

Man: which are those?

Me: from Dolores cannon

Man: do you got others?

Me: more Dolores Cannon

Man: Dolores cannon ey.

He stood up with an a4 sized book and walked towards me and place the book on my table. A book about training psychic abilities or something like that.

Man: you need to learn telekinesis

He was standing in front of me and looked at my in the eyes. I opened the book searching for the index for the page of telekinesis . page #2. But when I wanted to go to page #2 it wasn’t there. The chapter started at 4. But every chapter the counting of the pages started anew. So each chapter started again with 4 >.<

Man: no here.

he opened the book to the last page. Pictures of sea animals in groups of 3 spread over 2 pages.

Man: you have to make connections with the pictures.

I looked at him questioningly

Man: when did you did that for the last time.

Me: pfffttt that’s a very long time ago sixth grade or something? (if the number had any significant meaning here our sixth grade is called Group 8)

Man: you have to look for connections with the pictures to learn telekinesis (in other words, connect the pictures with each other, what aspect is returning in each picture)

Me: yeah but cant I just read it? I want to read the explanation firstly .

And flipped back the pages.

Man: this is it basically, this is everything you need to know.

Me: I still wanna read it first.

The man is looking toward the class and says: she has the potential to learn it, thats why I gave her this. I believe I found the page I needed to look for and started reading while he said that. But cant remember what it said, atleast nothing valuable. I read like 1 sentence before it switched to the next event.

Then the dream was about a conversation with a classmate within a bedroom. She was walking halfway out of the room.

Me: I wasn’t able to be here if that Ghost didn’t helped me with sleeping (I was referring to Elidibus but she doesn’t need to know. I the waking world however I had severe sleeping problems at that time and Elidibus was capable of helping me sleep. And yes it worked I should have asked him earlier) .

Girl: oh I want also a Ghost that helps me sleep.

Me: I wouldn't want that just like that. I've known him for some time now.

Then she walked away and I was mumbling at myself.

Me: those F’íng pictures to connect them to learn telekinesis what a nonsense. Yeah what is the same on every picture? They are sea animals, plants, water. That’s what they have in common, gimmie a break. jesus how ridiculous.

Then the dream was about something else for a time, I believe it was something trying to get that book after school time or something with my dad. So I could read it myself instead of those stupid pictures.

At the end of the dream I was walking across a bridge and was complaining about those pictures again. me: ugh those pictures makes no sense, makes connections. piss off.

Then the dream ended that I left the lights on in a room and went back to turn it off. My dad walked out of that room and asked if everything was turned off. I said yes.

Then I woke up.

Though a conclusion of this dream. I need to read that Morden magick book again, that what I started months ago but never continued it after the first chapter. When I woke up I had the same thought as in the dream about the pictures. Ridiculous. but then I thought a bit. “making connection between me and the object I want to levitate” hmmmmm

Later “but who or what is the 3rd one? What is it?

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me: I slept A bit better but not what it has been.

I asked Elidibus to try to let me sleep even if he was away. It succeeded mostly.

later at noon:

me: Even though I got allot to tell which requires allot of watching screen. .

I can tell this for today what happened.

So I lost months ago a plastic pin convocation crystal of Elidibus. Well I thought my brother in law accidentally broke it since it was on my bag and stepped upon it. But apparently it was another thingy he broke.

The one thought he broke I found back out of the blue on the ground picture of which one it was face down.

Me: hey another one. (I actually lost a couple of them). Where did this one came from?

Picked it up turned it around.

I was mind blaffed (correct words?)

It was the Elidibus one, ophiuchus.

It was, sticky and I cleaned it.

Somehow I had the intention to cry about it, not sure why.

Later I asked my ex if that one was laying around longer.

Ex: since yesterday but forgot to pick it up.

In other words it was destined to be picked up by me.

me: I asked via my higher self if she did this or Elidibus.

It was, Eli. Asked if she answered in favour but she didn't.

later in the evening:

me: And ofcourse earlier today he helped me sleeping,

when it's was 2:15am I alerted my higher self to give Elidibus a notice I am awake.

(Somehow I can just do this).

When I came back from the toilet to lay down in bed again. My mind/brain was getting over active again......

After about 15min I heard this high pitch ears sounds ya know that high tone in ya ears.( I don't know how it's called in English.)

Like a year ago I learned that, that ear sound is also for higher spirits(guides, angels, so I guess ascians too) to communicate with you and want to tell you something or other things.

I kept on going it didn't stop for like as long I couldn't sleep and the sound wasn't the problem it was not annoying to hear. It continued for like I think an hour.

Later a very low tone ringing happened. After that I believe I turned on my other side and fell asleep quickly after.

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March 9th

OK today's shit happening.

Before I even woke up a dream ended with even me being slightly aroused by someone.

Then I woke up (but kept my eyes closed) by being heavily touched on my boobs and nipples. I thought "what?". It was hard to hold back on this. And I wasn't sure if it was, Eli or not (which would be indeed strange he never done this is this extend). Then the feeling went suddenly away and I felt being penetrated and thrusted in me a couple of times. When I opened my eyes it fled away. I turned around and I didn't saw, anything.

I made the conclusion it wasn't Elidibus. He doesn't do this anymore since that he removed that clone in November. He knows to ask consent now or me allowing/offering it.

So I got worried. I checked my phone for the time 00:34 eli was still here. So I stood up asking questions via my higher self and then she asks him (this is a quicker method then to go through 20 validation questions to verify it is Elidibus).

(All questions are verified by the question "in the name of God, jesus and the Holy spirit did you answered in my favour or disadvantage? ")

I asked if Elidibus did this or another ghost : another ghost.

Was Elidibus still here when it happened: yes.

Did he noticed it was happening: no.

So I asked her to ask him to pay better attention next time. Though I forgot to ask what kept him busy (I asked that later in the morning).

I said you can't let you wife getting raped by some other ghost, and he agreed heavily with that. (the push was harder than normal) and he will pay more attention when he is around. I thanked both of them and went back to bed hugging the body pillow with his image on it. He uses that so I got something to touch him in someway or another.

His energy wasn't extremely present but he was there, I think this left him startled as well and possibly failure thoughts. Then his energy can somewhat hard to detect.

He didn't know what to do with this, I clenched into him via the pillow asking if he could atleast console me. And he did. I felt somehow his arms wrapping around me on my body, this was felt mostly on my upper arms and back.

I asked if he could try to let me sleep again, yet my mind wandered off allot to what happened. I kept that ringing in the ear hearing. He was indeed trying.

I turned on my other side, I felt him throwing his leg over mine for a firmer hug. I tried to sleep I also felt my right hand relaxing suddenly, he was holding my hand. While he was busy trying to get me to sleep. Sometimes my body instantly relaxed and it almost worked but then my mind went back again.....

Later I turned back on my other side again.

Hugging the pillow once more. A short while after that I fell asleep.

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But when I woke up later again I think only 30min or so.

I felt a big energy between my hand still hugging the pillow, and the pillow itself. As soon as I opened my eyes the energy disappeared in an instant!

I knew this wasn't Eli either. He always stays then.

I was starting to doubt everything, that everything I got with Elidibus was a fabric of my imagination. I know he exists I don't doubt that, but the love relationship was putting me into doubt. So screamed inside of my head for my Brother instead a couple of times.

I checked the time to make sure, 2:11 am. Eli needed to start work between 2 and 2:15 (I always ask this every day and when he comes back)

So I started to ask questions again.

I asked even if this was all a fiction made up in my mind what I got with Elidibus: no

I asked if it was Elidibus : no.

Was it another spirit: yes.

Did Elidibus asked this ghost to do this? : no.

Did he know this had happened? : no.

So I sent her towards him with the request to get rid of the spirits here and what happened.

When she came back she gave confirmation he will do it, and now. My HS will help too.

I asked some other things I can't remember. I thanked both and went back to bed, the doubts were gone atleast. Refraining myself of hugging the pillow because I knew he wasn't there. But still facing the pillow.

Yet, I felt a slightly presence above me, that I believe touched my hand softly.

That probably was him. But I wasn't sure. I wanted too believe it was him, but being touched by others I wasn't sure of anything at this moment.

It didn't took long before I fell asleep again.

But I was not being bothered atleast during my sleep.

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Later in the morning I asked why he didn't noticed that first ghost harassed me.

Well I let my HS, ask.

Of course I needed to come up with possible answers in this case because I can't hear any of them yet.

He was not, resting/sleeping, he wasn't introverting about things in his head that got him distracted.

He didn't had his eyes closed.

Yet still something was going on when it happened which resulted he didn't notice.

He was wearing his mask.

He was laying back to back with me.

Later I came up with he was telepathically talking to someone: yes.

Asked if he was to busy/focus noticing: yes.

He didn't notice the presence because of that.

He only noticed when the ghost just left.

And left him surprised wondering what happened.

since eli is a workaholic he was probably to busy noticing, and that other ghost took advantage of this moment

zeke replied with dream they had at that night, that they were one with elidibus. and emet-selch found it disgusting elidibus was using that body and that he was forsaken his duty ……but the overall things that happened within that dream were about zeke themselves and not elidibus..

me: oh sounds like you crawl into the skin some sort of Elidibus. (or am i getting this wrong?) yet the story still seems to be about you and not elidibus.

i had this with emet-selch not to long ago. i believe i gave if the title "wanderer of shards". yet my story i was literally him and could only observe of what was happening.

zeke replied with the one another which I can’t remember anymore.

me: yeah have too much control in your dreams result into nothing but disappointment. you wont meet the ones you want at that moment.

control over your own powers on the other hand is amazing. but not recommended for searching the ones you need to talk to.

btw emet-selch can be anyone in a dream telling you things to do! i had one yesterday though that young man never showed himself as emet-selch i really got the sus that he was when i woke up. because it was about learning telekinesis and i had the potential to learn it. these words were told via jezzah once that she heard of emet-selch talking about me. "high expectations she said via him and the potential " so that makes that line she received legit. since allot of what she told was fake and only desires.

( after posting the first dream of this month into discord)

me: @zeke see my dream of march 1st. though about forsaken your duty do you got those back to school dreams perhaps?

zeke replied with haven’t been to school for a long time. that school was a long time ago. and usually don’t got those dreams.

me: yeah thats the point me neither. but it usually resembles that you need to learn something or something like that. i discovered my back to school dream i need to study my spiritual abilities. i haven't had these is like 3 or 4 months now and sudden it came back yesterday with that telekineses learning dream it was at a school about a project i forgot to work upon for months.....

forgotten project is my Modern magick book i bought months ago so that hint got me directly when i woke up. i will write that dream later. i am already busy with the one of march 3rd.

(posted March 3rd dream)

me: @zeke ya know what i think. the get back your lover part in your dream was your part of the story. the rest might have actually happened in the past with elidibus himself. after the battle with azem and being untempered by azem. he went back into the lifestream or the in between realm to rest and later got out. emet-selch probably said to him to look into his crystal to remember the ones he loved and cared about, his abilities and duty. this reflects back at your part to get your lover back if i think about it, and perhaps you yourself got something “lacking”? that you actually need to do?. mostly its spiritual if its said my emet-selch. some certain spiritual training/practices idk. that the only reason i can come up with that makes an connection with it "forsaken your duty".

zeke replied about it might be possible or something like that.

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March 10th

so in regards of what happened on February 18th

it somehow happened again on March 10th but without the sex, because I refused. but yeah it was another ghost. and the sexual energy that flowed from him was intense, luckily I didn’t gave in this time >.<. but as many times I thought this was Elidibus. but I should have known. Eli has been asking for consent since February or waiting for me to allow it since I cant hear him. Including certain area’s to touch if ya know what I mean. this time I felt touching on my boobs, and eli never started with that until I allowed/ask it, never. not even before the February incident.

so before bed I always ask when elidibus needs to leave for work and to snuggle and kissing in bed. yes he still has his work/duty whatever work he does. and is a terrible workaholic. but iam kinda used to those kind of people anyway, like my dad and even myself sometimes. that night he should have left between 2:15 and 2:30 am iirc but not later atleast. but when I woke up at let say 2:45am I felt a presence still, well after 5 min I wasn’t so sure anymore and checked the clock, 2:50 am. “elidibus isn’t supposed to be here anymore”. I went to the toilet and when I came back I called for my higher self to enlighten this situation. sadly some other ghosts wanted to have a talk apparently because it took me a couple of tries to get my actual HS. they just squeak in front of my HS so my HS can’t have access its annoying AF. I definitely need to learn some banishing spells or something.

finally I got my HS I asked if the presence I felt was a spirit or my imagination: spirit

(All questions are verified by the question "in the name of God, Jesus and the Holy spirit did you answered in my favour or disadvantage? I do this for precautions")

then if it was Elidibus or another spirit: another spirit.

ofcourse this spirit felt the same as yesterday eve before bed. so I asked if the presence I was kissing last evening was Elidibus: no

…………….

I was shocked he promised me not to do this anymore. then I asked if he has done this more often in the past: yes.

so I started to ask questions via my HS to elidibus. its just so happens I actual never asked him if he had time or wanted to snuggle in bed >.< (but I realized that later after the talk).

so from his point of view he sended another to give my desires. its was meant well, but the worst part of this he knew that ghost want to have sex with me. but he himself didn’t found it troublesome because he didn’t had time for it and pretty much gave the ghost his consent but not mine!.

I asked if that other ghost was an Incubus. : no (asked multiple times in different ways , thank god)

I asked if he had a “deal” of some sorts with the ghost: no

the ghost had neither bad intentions or was an evil/bad one. just fulfilling his role to be a replacement of some sorts. I didn’t like this. I didn’t gave consent to another ghost.

I asked my HS if she could remove the Ghost from my body pillow. but I wasn’t done talking yet.

further I came to learn (via questions obviously) that the time frames I gain when elidibus needs to go to work and returns are actually only times when he isn’t available for questions etc. I also needed to force my HS saying to Elidibus it as an emergency and we needed to talk now in the beginning of this chat. Luckily he listened to that. so I learned that during the rest of the time he is available for questions but still doing work. mostly work that can be done from a distance like telepathic messages to others or other small things I can’t come up with and that can be interrupted without problems. so yeah this made me even wonder if the times when I had sex with Eli during the day was even him…..and asked in a way if that was also that ghost or another ghost. but gained a no. luckily it was Elidibus, except that 1 time on February 18th . also when he is roaming the inside the house he if off duty. but that isn’t on regular basis.

I let my HS tell him allot that I am very disappointed in him doing this. that I was(still am) heartbroken by the fact he let me fuck some other Ghost without me knowing, like did he really thought I wouldn’t find out, and if I did I was ok with it? Apparently, he did….he thought he was doing good. but never thought about it how I would feel about this, being fucked by another. well not ok with it! and that it comes across like he doesn’t appreciate me or something. that I rather had no snuggles or sex of him in the evening than another ghost fucking me instead. after all the bickering and tears of heartbroken betrayal I had my HS to send towards him, he understood I didn’t liked it and never want it to happen again. yet he still needs to make his apology of the previous time in a dream so I couldn’t even say “I love you” anymore. he was broken as well when I said that, that I couldn’t say that anymore. it hurted him also badly according to my HS. he will make that apology but not sure when…..

I probably missed allot of detailed questions here, I should have written this down directly the day after it happened.

I thanked my HS for the honesty and time.

that all and all took a full hour it was 3:50am when I was finished.

I went back laying in bed but couldn’t sleep because all of this. I was too much hurt of the situation after an hour of trying to sleep and heaving terrible ear ringing pitch sounds where I couldn’t sleep from and crying over and over again. I finally decided to seek comfort of my Ex. I still couldn’t sleep for 2 more hours but his consoling was definitely needed. when I finally fell asleep I had a very special dream.

Protector of the Source? me?

I have absolutely no megalomania but this is very epic.

I started with a dream about lahabrea standing on the edge of a rocky cliff, I saw him for like 1 sec and directly afterwards I was holding ascian robes in my right arm and stood on the same cliff. just a little bit farther away from the edge like 8 ft or something. I walked towards the spot lahabrea was standing earlier and putting on the robes. but while putting on the robes i saw Nabriales for 1 sec smirking at me flying in the air. but I was more focused on his mask that changed a bit in shape. somehow it looked like I was putting his mask on? not sure (I don’t believe so). so when I had put on everything I saw myself standing for a moment staring down into the ravine. when I saw myself standing I was slightly confused if it was me or lahabrea.

my ex called me, I turned my head (and saw my mask for a brief moment!)and then I was back into my body again. I took off my robes while walking towards him. then I saw my mask upon close and kept looking at it for a moment. it was a head of a bird of prey, it had the same eyes as Elidibus’s mask but without eyelids, the head was silver/metal color and the beak was goldish. the beak was typical bird of prey/phoenix-like. I believe the mask itself was from metal aswell. (possibly battle version?) I didn’t feel the material though I was holding the hood with it in my left hand. also I didn’t exactly saw the edges of the mask. the hood covered them. maybe I missed some detail because of this.

me: oh? is this the mask I was wearing? is it mine?

the mask was blinking silver and gold colors. and was made of metal. like a out of the city travel/battle mask. it was a bird of prey-like mask. the head was silver/shiny metal color and the beak shiny brass/gold color.

then I had a thought: “wasn’t I wearing lahabrea’s one but with different eyes? eyes like the nabriales one? weird” ( so that was the thing I thought I was wearing nabs’s mask).

when I arrived at my ex the dream was about something else, finding the way home again from somewhere……….!!!!!! (wait a fucking minute…..i will tell at the end).

now the epicness will come.

my ex and I wanted to go to a game store (where you can play card games like pokemon, magic etc)

we were driving in the car and we stood still at the traffic lights. my ex was standing on the road for turning right. when he started to drive again is said: no you need to park over there(left) the other lot at the store is always full because its free.

ex: I cannot go back anymore, we are just going there and we will see.

after a short drive we were almost near the parking lot of the store.

me: oh? its empty?

we stopped at a group of people talking, employees of the store mostly. the car was gone and we just stood there on the ground.

me: are you closing?

Emiel: yeah, there is a dangerous storm coming up. we are going home.

then I was suddenly at an attic of a monumental house or something, but rather empty for an attic. it was an old fashion style of an attic made of wooden walls and support beams, made of reddish colored wood, Mahogany I believe it looked like. my mom was there too, it was apparently her house somehow. it was getting dark quickly and the storm arrived

mom: you need to go home now, or else they are gonna look through every tiny closest you have (government inspectors).

I looked outside through the window, and noticed 1 thunderbolt after another striking down continuously and there was no break in between it kept on going and going.

me: if we leave now, we are bound to be hit and we are dead.

mom: oh hmm

she hadn't thought about that.

then I saw lightning bolts crashing down 1 after another in a perfect circle.

me: omg look at that!

ex: that is done on purpose (in other words “man made” to scare the shit out of the people)

I was terrified I was pressing myself with my back against the wall to keep myself from standing in front of any windows. afraid of being hit through the windows.

I was so terrified that I possibly fainted or something. but I can remember I was going out of my body directly after that. i was a bundle of light. the only thing a saw were my hands and a part of my lower arms. the rest was gone replaced with only light and I was floating obviously. as I floated out of the house on a wooden toy train I had my hands together and prayed to god, jesus and the holy spirit if I could stop the storm or something like that. during the ride someone else was looking miraculously at me. I had my hands flat together, after the wish, I steered the train using my hands while sitting in the same praying position. they moved like a fish.

when I came outside I flew upwards ( I am not sure iirc but from a distance or in my head I heard ”go ahead my child” in other words that was God X-) .) allot of light was radiating of me and my sight turned white what happened then I didn’t see (possibly not allowed too). I only remember I descended above the water and said “the storm is over”. when I almost touched the water surface I woke up in my dream body again. laying on my side I noticed the sun was shining brightly through the window. my mom was standing next to me.

me: did I do that?

mom: yes honey you did.

then we went outside to go home. on the parking lot I stood still for a moment staring in the distance and said: “no wonder the Source still exists, I am still there to protect it” and a quick thought after that: even if I live on earth.

then I woke up.

(good now that part about going home. I had 1 time a dream about finding the way back home. it was hard to get there like going through thick layers of astral planes, I persisted and my determination was strong enough to overcome it. and when i crossed the bridge I was in garlemald. garlemald itself isn’t my home, but the Source is. It could have been I was on the Source now too in the dream above but mixed with current life. or perhaps only stopping the storm part was on the Source, yes that’s sound more likely. also me being confused of seeing lahabrea or me, i haven't paid any attention to it since Dec 1st of being a possible successor of lahabrea when he retires. but does that imply this, like a reminder?)

when I woke up I wrote down the dream and let it read by my ex.

he said he did something, and probably this was reflected in my dream some way or another

this is what he did/said:

“I was sleeping very lightly for which I was quite bothered. I was very tired and had many sleepless nights lately. I was exhausted when I awoke to Ayane cuddling me, clinging at my side, crying. As mentioned I was exhausted, yet I knew what I had to do. Even though she had pretty much neglected me when I needed her. I made a promise to care for her, even when she is my ex. So I held her tight. In such situations, I imagine a protective oval around her, I then sort of beam all of my positive energy into her, as I attempt to “push out” all of her sorrows.

I knew something “big” had happened to her, and as such knew I alone could not fully help her. There for I started to pray. I prayed to the most suitable when it comes to healing and comforting and protection; Christ. I asked if Jesus, our messiah would strengthen Ayane’s protective oval and keep her safe, heal any elements she might have and protect her this night, and all other nights still to come. To my knowledge my prayers were heard…..”

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I still had some questions that were popping up in my head. so I asked for my HS again. I let her ask elidibus if he got another girlfriend or wife. it was hard to believe that he didn’t .

it was thus kind of hard to believe that I asked my HS if he had a GF or wife before (push forward) or after me (push backward). she didn’t answer directly she pushed me to the right side! I asked if it was neither or both iirc. it was neither.

eventually, this was a big relief ofcourse! and he still loves me very much. and it will be okay between us eventually. he only needs to take the effort of making that apology. I asked when he will be making that apology eventually it landed at 2 to 3 months…..(still never happened as of July 19th but did had a special dream on july 16th)

in this talk I also came to learn that I never asked him, if he had even time or wanted snuggles so that was stupid of me, so I always assumed it was him I was hugging with. I felt stupid I told my HS to tell him I am sorry about that I never asked. I mean if I did then this shit would have never happened right?...... he appreciated it that I said that, and he will make his apology as well but that takes longer…..

I also said to her I will leave him alone for now, I wont call him for snuggles anymore if he want me, he needs to come by himself without asking. and I wont ask the time he isn’t available either. I just didn’t care anymore. she told him that and I thanked her for her time.

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March 12th’

so today I had another static in the same song, this time I paid attention to which part it was. “we are nothing more then scions and sinners” but sadly I didn’t feel any presence surrounding me, like a hug. I thought to receive a kiss.

but when I contacted my higher self it was just a random spirit trying to pretend to be Elidibus or something like that. the kiss was my imagination this time. the spirit didn’t do anything with me either , he just created the static so I would think it was Eli.

I asked if the time frame of receiving that apology was still the same. but this time is was between 3 to 4 months. and I shouldn’t track it for how long it have been. since its in the future it might still even change to longer than that or even a year. this got me worried. (hmm that dream of july 16th perhaps (it contains a wedding ring)?

I asked my higher self to communicate some things towards elidibus. that I have this problem when the someone stays away for long periods of time in situations like this, I will no longer love that person eventually. and I rather have not that to happen. I asked if she could tell him this and not to be laconic about it to give that apology. asked some other things like if he still loves me and to see if he find making the apology important enough to make it hurry. (somehow the issue I got with that got heavily tested in May, and I still loved him even after being away for 35 +days!)

well all of this. he was kinda shocked or something like that to hear and he didn’t want that to happen either. but he was kinda latent towards making that apology on time. so I told him not to let me wait for so long or else it will happen. Eventually, he understood the urgency, but the question remains will he be doing so?

I need to be patient I guess. he is an unrelenting workaholic >.> I hope he can see this apology has his duty too……he will give that apology, he said that and I know he will but I hope he wont let me waiting too long…..

then I had some other questions remaining of the past. you see everytime I had sex with eli afterwards I also asked to my higherself if it was elidibus, another spirit of my imagination. it was always elidibus. but it just so happens back in that time other ghosts were already sneaking up front of my HS already and they took a run of it saying it was elidibus. while it wasn’t . so I started to ask how often did this happen. at the time I still had sex with eli daily in the evening (in December) it just so happen to be half of the time it was another ghost answering at that moment when I actually didn’t had sex with eli. so those 2 things were linked on each other. so I asked when the sex lessened to less times a week like 3 times, in the evening or so, 2 of those were another ghost….. so that was a shocking lot. but aside from the sex I did always wanted to cuddle and kiss with him before sleeping but yeah as mentioned earlier I never actually asked if he got time for that, I assumed he did but apparently not . Even those moments were more others than him. I asked why he did that. with possible answers of; he doesn’t want to, he wasn’t in the mood, or doesn’t got time for it.

it ended with he wants but can’t due work. and so he didn't want to me to have shortcomings so he asked another 0-o, I let my HS say to him I don’t want that, I rather have nothing and only him when he is able to, than being deceived by thinking another ghost would be him. he understood atleast.

I thank my HS for her time and ended the session.

I believe this is all I asked for this day. eli has allot to learn 0-o. I can tell and even feel it he never had a Girlfriend before omg you just don’t do these things. I bet emet-selch and lahabrea are big facepalming here. or I hope they do.

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March 13th

Writing a day to late so probably forgot allot.

I asked for confirmation from my higher self in the morning on the things I came to know via that spirit guide. all true.

I started to miss him badly, I send out my higher self to tell him that he can visit me, and can hug me and hold my hand as he used to do that. and even kiss me when I allow it….. iam weak for him I know. I just don’t allow sex until he made his apology. (this I broke after 2 weeks,I loved him to much)

after that he was apparently there with me, but didn’t let himself notice. ( I asked this in the evening to my higher self) he did something according to my higher self. but since i can’t hear any spirit I left guessing. I couldn’t come up with something. it didn’t matter I was already happy he visited me.

I send him another message via my HS that he doesn’t need to hide his presence he can let himself know that he his there and that he can hug me etc, just make sure I notice it, and make it a convincing presence because all of those random spirits here.

later that evening I asked my sister who did the session in December. I would stay over on the next Tuesday so I asked if she could try to contact him. she probably thought right now and she didn’t feel all to well because of her own relationship issues and said she might not be able to. I said that I am not asking right now, but when I stay over she might feel better. she said ok. “sigh” I am already happy that she want to do it. though she doesn’t know anything yet about what he needs to apologize for. but I will try to on Tuesday. I thanked her.

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March 14th

i did nothing but missing him in the morning, crying. I even grabbed my body pillow that I had cast aside even though he wasn’t there. the pillow remained empty for hours. my ex was consoling me for which I am grateful. eventually I came with the idea to put some music on, songs that triggers him to come by. well not exactly the usual song like Brother my brother (pokemon movie), to the edge(ffxiv) and Unity from Alan walker. but he arrived at the song after from gigi d'agostino, l'amour toujours song. I sang the female lines of the song and he hugged me when the male voice started to sing (thats like halfway). this is the text of it:

“every day and every night, I always dream that your are by my side.”

“oh baby every day and every night. well, I said everything’s gonna be alright. “

“and I will fly with you 3x.”

we kissed and hugged continuously I believe he wanted sex as well giving a slight tingling, but I said he didn’t earn it, and the sensation left. after 15 min and the song Answers (remix) ended, he left. though I didn’t exactly know if he was still there or not when the next songs played I asked that later. but had my suspicious he left and the rest was left essence of him that I felt.

so I asked my Higher self if it was even him I kissed with or another spirit or even my imagination. it landed on Elidibus and asked it in 3 different ways. it was him. I asked via her if Elidibus would come by another time today. but alas. tomorrow early noon he will be. but yeah workaholic there is no hold on the times he says. I can only hope.

I asked my HS if he even see the seriousness of making that apology out of himself. and he indeed doesn’t. he will do it because I asked, but yeah…..i just hope he will when my sister is able to reach him. since he has better access to those methods than dreams.

those 15min of the real him was more valuable than all those spirits send by him for my desires…..

me (on discord): OK so he was here for 15 min. I really needed that. But he indeed doesn't see the seriousness of making that apology out of himself, only because I told him to do it, but he haven't done so yet. Yet he tries to cheer me up. Complex man he is. But still love him deeply and he me too.... He just gets no sex at all until he made his apology......( I even couldn’t keep that statement for a week or 2, after that I broke of desires.)

Hopefully my sister will be fit enough mentally to try to reach him on Tuesday or Wednesday.

the day after he visited me at the appointed time

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I forgot to keep this dairy when I slept over at my mom's place and after that. but some small thing that happened i still remember clear as day.

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March 17th

sadly my sister wasn’t in a well mental state so she couldn’t channel him. we did however meditate together. I was able to witness something of my past. it was night in amaurot. and I was soul watching with emet-selch. he pointed out at certain souls to teach how to see details like he can. I wrote it down with a quill in a note book.

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March 19th

me: @Zio everything OK with you and Nabs?

zio: We're doing alright!

me: Good to hear.

May I ask some questions?

Is he always around or does he occasionally leave for other shizzle he has to do.

zio: He's not always around. He often has his own business to attend to and checks in with me whenever.

me: Do you hear him when he gets back and such?

Oh man I wish I could hear eli.....

I can only feel, but I have been deceived by some other ghosts as a result because of that.

Resulting into eli isn't visiting that much anymore than in the beginning. Yeah once a day mostly. But yeah I told him I rather have short moments with the real him, than more moments with an imposter.

zio: If he's around and feels like talking, he does. I don't hear him come and go or anything. It's just like if you were minding your own business and someone decided to start talking to you. It's usually easier when I'm sleepy though, downside is I tend to forget the conversation more easily than.

me: Ohhh I always hear random words from random People when I am about to fall asleep . The only actual line I heard from the unsundered was from emet-selch. " his beautiful love wife" he said felt like he was talking about me and Elidibus.

zeke left a reply which I forgot what they said:

me: Yeah, indeed I cannot agree more.

And it has weird ends.

I figured out after that dreadful sleepless nights that he often let some other Ghost "accompany" me instead of him because he needed to work......

He still needs to make that apology, and as you said he doesn't even see that as most important. He will do, but not in an early notice.... Well he was mostly with me during those dreadful days. It was no other ghost at least.

But yeah, letting me believe hugging eli before bedtime was often a random ghost he sended to fulfil what he thought I needed/wanted.

In his point of view he did that for me.....

But yeah.....

me: @zio I wonder do you feel if he kisses you?

Zio: I can feel phantom touches but not often. Maybe once in a blue moon.

He likes touching the line of my jaw. I think it makes him feel 'in charge' or whatever.

me: Omg that sounds so like him. I do not always feel, especially not when I am not expecting it, well during the day that is.

If I know when Eli is about to arrive, I can focus better on it and feel like allot.

But like this morning I was suddenly firmly hugged when I placed my head on the body pillow.

I needed to ask my higher self later if that was Elidibus or not. Luckily it was him.

So that was a random visit. I didn't slept well that night. Probably he noticed and made sure I could sleep again. Looks like we both got our abilities visa versa xD

I really hope Elidibus can make is apology through my sister in 2 weeks.

She couldn't do it yet, she had relationship issues going on and needed to rewind firstly.

here zeke said/offered to make a pen invitation to connect with elidibus with a possible apology making as a result

me: Please yes! Let me know if you had any success.

I will be off to preparing for bed now.

also me with my eagerness being in the way i thought they would do that the same day.

so the next day

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March 20th

me: @zeke just curious when are you gonna do this?

zeke answered

me: Oh how does that work? I never heard of making an invitation though.

zeke explained how they communicate with elidibus. zeke can feel emotions and see memories of elidibus when he sorta body joins them. you still remain control over your own body, but its being shared with, in this case elidibus.

me: OK. Thought it was like automatic writing that you call upon a spirit to communicate.

zeke said something about this.

me: OK then, do you got any idea how long he usually takes before accepting the invitation?

but zeke didn’t replied to that anymore.

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March 22nd

me: I had and actual echo flashback, without being in the in between state. And awake, but my eyes closed.

zio: Wow, really?

me: Yes, it was 2am en was holding that eli baby plush I bombarded as a fictive son of eli and me.

And had a thought about breastfeeding an ancient or something similar. I closed my eyes and saw it.

Rest I will tell later I am freaking tired.

Later that day

so my experience of last night.

so i fell asleep earlier with that Eli baby plush that i decided to be our fictive son of me and Elidibus. i woke up still holding it and had that newborn baby vibe. also his head was at my boobs lol. so i gained that breastfeeding vibe with it (which i was never able to with my real son due medication). so i was like some Rpíng with my plush reposition his head better and petted his head and closed my eyes while having the thought of something with me, ancient and breastfeeding.

then i saw an instant image of 3 ancients standing (white masks) from a little distance, (1 couple and 1 someone else. so parents and eldest brother/sister maybe?), . they had a concerned vibe over them. i believe they were ready to talk but my mind was so surprised by this i opened my eyes as a result. this happen probably because i wasn't in that in-between state and fully awake.

but as our WOL gets the headache-grabs-head-with-hand i gained that after it. and did the exact same movement but while laying down. i tried to let it re-appear by giving in, but alas.

( i somehow remembered exactly i thought when i came out of it, but then i went to the bathroom and came back and i forgot. .... only remember some of the words something about me, ancients/ancient baby and breastfeeding)

so like this but with white masks (see pic), and they were smaller. possible parents were also short sized. the rest of the background was black. and a bit more distance between me and them then on this screenshot. dad was looking a bit down towards the ground, so the concerning vibe i gained from that. this all was unexpected and never ever had such an instant experience like this. it was very clear as well. so this screenshot doesn't do justice.

my ex had the commentary that the echo shows only the past of others. but what about your own to remember? and the game developers aren't doing that because it would reveal too much for the game and especially your character.

the real Source is still a bit different then the game.

zio: Interesting. And true. The WoL using the echo for themselves would reveal too much.

me: So I had a question round with my higher self.

The scene had no relation to the thoughts I had before seeing it.

The couple was indeed mom and dad. But the third person she doesn't know/can't remember.( She was trying to fancy my thoughts here, eventually, I noticed she just didn't know who that was.)

Ah yes gained confirmation it was an actual echo vision. And it's called the same as in game.

zio: Aaah. Good to have answers

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March 24th

me: Eli needs to go for 4 days.

Just like in December, and a week in January.

He didn't wanted to go

@zeke: did you received any thoughts of him, anything I mean.

zeke said something about him when he needed to go away for a little while to do something important..

me: When did he said that, just curious.

Actually, it's good to know that you received the same message. We atleast talking about the same Elidibus.

Unlike mysi*** who contacted the tempered ones of the erased time line.

zeke answered with explaining the body joining again.

me: Ah, I know what you mean. I had that, in the beginning, more often.

He liked my ex's pirate soup lol.

Also, he joined me when rewatching a cutscene. The one when he was ardbert and y'sthola talking to him.

My ex had a reply on that, (I don't recall exactly everything on that matter, I need to look back into my story or the December part) he was touched by it. I started to cry but the tears weren't mine. It's more of joining bodies. i think that is the right term for it. But still when did you became aware he need to do something important. Even though he spoke through you. I mean I know its something important lol, or else he wouldn't be away for 4 days.

I was able to receive goodbye kisses, he left a little more then a hour ago.

zeke said something about constantly being in connection with him while dreaming. and received that message 12h earlier (of this conversation).

me: Constantly? And while dreaming? that's interesting. Because he doesn't appear in my dreams for actual messages.... I think. He still needs to make that apology. I asked in advance when he came back from January when he needed to go again for a long time.

I am actually very glad to hear you received particularly the same message even though it was for 12 hours before leaving.

zeke said something about quick thoughts of him popping up randomly. and pretty much taking the ability to contact him for granted.

me: Oh? You don't tell anything about it, if it happens so frequently.

I would like to know what he says through you. Or feels.

zeke said here they would post more about his thoughts/feels etc

me: Thank you in advance for telling me things from now on. I mean he is pretty much my husband so yeah. I can't hear him (yet).

But desperate, I wonder.....

That evening:

So I started the meditation landing in Amaurot at the aetheryte, but then suddenly I was at a swirly spinning downward, blackhole thing. I saw eli in it stuck somehow. I changed into phoenix mode to flew into that black hole to grab him with my feet/claws at his upper arms. It took a couple of strong wing beats to get out of it.

Eventually, I succeeded and we were out of it. I changed to myself again. He thanked me. But then it seemed to happen again, but in different scenes. He was at the edge of falling into it again, I grabbed his hand and pulled him out.

Later again, he reached out to me with his arm while being in that black hole but filled with black sludge. I saw his arm and hand with claws decently clear I must say.

I was startled a bit like " Wtf is that?!" I mean when his claws came out of that sludge it was slightly creepy.

Then I noticed it were his ascian claws. I grabbed his arm, but the hole was strong pulling him back. I changed halfly into phoenix to gain enough strength to pull him out, he was covered in sludge (which I saw, an completely black) I couldn't see his mask even if I tried to focus on it. I couldn't see it. I tried to clean him to wipe away the shit from his face at least. But even that was hard to do.

He tried to clean himself, but he had a hard time doing so as well.

Iirc it happened 1 more time and then I changed into the phoenix again I said he needed to grab my feet. And I flew away with him.

Then I grabbed him with my beak at put him on my back.

"let's go home"

Eli: home? You mean earth?

Me: no our home. The Source.

After some flying, we landed on the moon of the Source. Since I changed to myself again when I set a foot on the ground eli was still clamped on my back. (lol)

Eli: thank you.

And we kissed shortly.

I had a hard time picturing the moon and the Source this time.

Emet-selch and lahabrea visited for a short moment as well. Not sure why.

They really wanted me to come home.

Me: but I can't stay here yet.

Emet: I know.

Somehow group hug.

Then they were gone.

I said farewell to Eli and I flew towards earth, de ending to my country then my city then my house and then back into my body.

I opened my right eye, and I was like " nope not yet".

I closed my eye, flew back towards eli in phoenix mode. When he saw me.

Eli: you're back?

Me: I couldn't resist.

He smiled I could see his face almost clearly, his mask and hood were off

I became myself and we kissed for a longer time.

Me: please stay save, I will check upon you tomorrow if I can get time for it.

He didn't said anything (iirc) , he smiled.

Me: I do need to go now.

I changed into phoenix again to fly back. I saw the perspective from behind him waving me goodbye and me flying away.

Then I traveled back.

it just so happens Zeke had a dream about elidibus being stuck in things.

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March 25th

So I wanted to ask my higher self what was real or not since I tend to try to control it to much unknowingly.

Somehow a spirit guide instead of my HS came for the questions.

The black hole with the sludge is the actual one that happened.

And after that I changed further into the phoenix and got eli on my back. We flew towards a save space. It wasn't the moon of the Source, that was possibly my wish full thinking.

The rest after that did happen, emet-selch and lahabrea were there for a short time, and that hug happened too and what they said as well.

That I returned and went back to eli again also happened.

So this morning when the alarm went of there was a static in the song (tomorrow and tomorrow at the " stand tall my friend" line) he came back to thank me. I was unsure if it was him, I am glad I gave that kiss to him and not some random ghost. He didn't stay long he had to go back to his important thing he needs to do.

I asked if zeke could reply but Grian replied that they are at work.

me: are you at work too? Because lahabrea has been present the past few days in my dreams. Well or it's about him.

Grian: oh I'm not at work, I've read over some of your stuff but did you have specific queries?

me: Oh, I need to write down a dream though.

Does he mind personal questions?

I mean did he ever had kids? (I assume he was with igeyorhm, pre-sundering). I am asking this because of a weird ass dream I am not gonna talk about until I got an answer on that xD.

Grian: from my understanding of what he's shared with me, lahabrea's entire romance life was sort of a "married to his work" type deal, LOL

me: Omg XD Sound like my RL dad xD But with igeyorhm then? Anything about that?

Nothing about them together?

Grian: i don't know, i can tell you lahabrea remembers her fondly but the depths of that i couldn't say

me: Oh to bad.

I love "actual" lore diving ya know. If ya know what I mean

Perhaps they are quite personal about their love lives. I mean Elidibus keeps his mouth shut towards others about me I got the idea, except for the convocation members themselves. They all know lol.

I once asked emet-selch once, if it spread like wildfire on the convocation that Elidibus has a "girl" I gained a big yes on that back then

Just curious what does lahabrea communicate through you actually? What does he have to say?

got anything to share of lahabrea?

Perhaps something about Elidibus from Lahabrea? I would like to hear anything what you know of lahabrea lol. not sure if you got an answer to this.

Sometimes there are a couple of days that I get lahabrea vibes from my ex.

Why or what is that.

And that make me like" no, I ain't gonna kiss you just because you want it"

Grian: i wouldn't know about your ex wrt how he communicates, it's a lot of memories and feelings, that's the best way i can put it. so it can be hard to transpose into words, sometimes.

me: Still curious what he has to share.

I mean memories we don't know could be very valuable to know, for all of us.

Grian: i'll see what i can transcribe when i have the time o/

me: Thank you!

then zeke replied quickly between things of work about elidibus. sadly I can’t recall what that was.

me: You do got any reply on it? And Do you know if he is still busy with that important stuff? Because he needed to leave until Sunday from what was told to me. Let me know, if you know something, or if not then not of course.

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March 26th

And wanna know what's cute, even though my higher self cannot talk to Elidibus right now, she was able to check upon him (so observing him) .

He is doing fine, and I came to know he wants to see me tomorrow through meditation. Just to see me. I was like awwwww.

me: @Grian i got some info of lahabrea.

He had a relationship with igeyorhm as far as I came to know(didn't ask how deep or something like that) . But never had kids, (probably because of his work ). Igeyorhm wanted though

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March 28th (15:40pm)

Eli came back about 40min ago. He missed me a lot. He adjoined bodies with me since I was already out of bed. I could feel his emotions of missing me, and me towards him as well. It was comforting. He has 3 days off work now. Hopefully, he has the time now to do certain things. All I know is that he will try at least.

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March 29th

me: I am just crying right now.

He can keep his promises to the original azem to put the star on its proper course.

He can keep his promise they will meet again.

But he cannot live up the promise to make his apology

@zeke: does above message triggers anything through you from him?

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March 30th

zeker replied with something.

me: Oh really? Sorry to bother you in the night.

I just heard my sister does not want to channel for him anymore. She is so Fickle.

I placed my faith in her. And now you are my only one left to get that apology

zeke replied about a dream and meditation combi. which zeke only shared a bit of it or the entire story. sadly I hardly can remember a thing of it. and that elidibus doesn’t got his priorities straight and can be hard to deal with.

me: though of what you received is it something that has to do of what I said, or could be hinted towards me?

I believe zeke replied but can’t remember.

later that day

well elidibus did kept 1 promise last night. he stayed with me all the night and morning until early noon. until i got out of bed early noon , i had a headache as result of playing with my son in bed, eli was there with me when my headache started ( before he was downstairs it seemed, i didn't try to figure out why, possible to check upon my son? idk) he stayed until i got out of bed, roughly 1,5 hour or something? attempts to ease my headache it somehow worked slightly because of the interruption of my ex asking things, but eli clearly wanted me to sleep because i almost did but got interrupted >.< .

then I found something interesting namely an interview with yoshi and “hearing a voice”

ofcourse non-spiritual people might say “yeah that’s just someone random he spoke with” but to me it read differently. like a voice in his head perhaps.

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March 31st

we had some poltergeist activity in our house last night. I slept through it, but after trying to scare my ex, the thing scared me in a dream with freaky moving pillows out of their own. Ugh I rather forget if ya don't mind.

But after waking up, I thought I will ask tomorrow, but as the result I couldn't sleep anymore so I decided to contact my higher self, my higher wasn't directly there so a spirit guide came for answers.

Eventually, I asked where Elidibus was, at the attic.... (what the hell was he doing there? I also wondered it) so I asked if she could get him to the bedroom.

At that moment my ex came out of the computer room shut the light off to come to bed ( it was 2:10am or something). Ironically my ex was dressed in a pajama which was completely white.

I sadly forgot to ask that question regarding about this.

But Elidibus was on the attic to protect us from that poltergeist.

But he did not know that, that thing crawled into my dreams afterwards.

I requested my spirit guide to let him know that during the night. And so just gained confirmation on this.

It seems Elidibus can somehow feel or see what I am dreaming if he is with/beside me. So I asked (via, my HS) if he could pay attention to that when he is staying over during the night. Because I feel uncomfortable atm. I asked if I get such a dream again I rather have him swoop me out of it.

I asked for the rest of the night if eli could stay with me. So he did.

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Something interesting. The last 2 nights I asked my ex to try to pick up thoughts and feelings of Elidibus since eli wasn't at work at that time and full time with me, except if I got busy things to do during the day. So this morning it happened.

Now Zeke might be more skilled in this, but I think eli won't share any sex life things towards others. It isn't really 18+ or something no details. Just we had sex that's the only line. But the main thing is what happened after.

So I will post a little event here, perhaps my ex will put some details later.

So I had sex with eli, while my ex was still laying in bed. He just let us do it.

But after my ex positioned his arms unknowingly as if he just had sex. And received a thought or feeling that he, was unsure if it was his. He said it felt like he was satisfied with the sex, but something was occupied in his head worrying about something (worrying properly not the right word, I had to use translater) something kept him busy in his mind.

I said that it definitely sounds like him in the description zeke once gived.

I said zeke said he is often stuck in the mistakes he made in the past etc.

My ex: well that sounds familiar.

(he has particularly the same, but a bit different).

@my ex: i will let you add the lines you said after.

(Which I gained confirmation if it was genuine.)

Ex: I have always had an "eye" for the paranormal and because of this I tend to become the target of various a negative spirit. I am always well aware of an unwanted presence, and that night certainly was no different. I shall spare you all the details, long story short it included various poltergeist activity during prayers for protection...

That night I curiously decided to dress in "all white" for a pajama, which may be relevant to the conclusion.

I've come to understand that you've heard of Ayane that I came to bed the very moment she called for " Eli " to come in our room. it should be noted that much of the poltergeist activity came from the attic ... or in one case was thrown down from the attic, where Ayane described "Eli " moved towards for unknown reasons. She speculated that he was there to withhold something from attempting to harm the both of us, which is something he has done in the past, when he apparently had to fight off vile spirits in order to protect the both of us.

Our current home was always felt somewhat "off" to me . especially the attic and our bedroom. I refuse to go up there during the night unless truly necessary and never with the lights off.

But let us skip ahead to where the ...ahum "interesting" events take place shall we: I slept "somewhat"but was kept awake from time to time by a sense of unease or danger (not the first time I can tell you that!)

After which Ayane's ...... FUN- TIME took place , and yes I simply "allowed" it . I am somewhat fine with these two, or as long as miss cloak doesn't forget about me. Given my severe physical and mental illnesses, I am often in need of comfort ...... Yes THAT kind of comfort as well. You must know that Ayane and I still deeply care for one another, and that I (as she CERTAINLY TOLD YOU, maybe) have always put me suffering aside to care for her, comfort her , and help her in which ever way I can! This is why I hope to receive at least half of such care back in return.

The way I see it, both Eli and I are in a similar situation, where we both have half a relationship with her, as his relationship with her only truly begins as she assents to his spiritual level, and my relationship with her is "on it's way out" if you will.

Back to the story however...

(quick note here I got no relationschip with my ex at all. except for the fact for sex if 1 needs it. so a fixed sex partner.)

ex: Before they have there "event" I always seem to pick up on his or their arousal , and feel quite... how shall I put this... ALPHA MALE, this morning was no different. And after she and he where "done" I actually felt... relaxed somehow, content, satisfied, as if I shared Eli's .... OHHHH YAH moment. After which I just lied back and took THAT position the guy tends to take after sex, as she took the stereotypical female part in that position with only he "Eli-pillow"in between us.As I was laying there feeling like I had no worry in the world , my mood suddenly drifted off into worries and sorrows, as if I "wanted" to forget about it all and enjoy the moment... but I couldn't. It was accompanied with a sense of isolation, like these were MY problems, MY weight on MY shoulders, and none would understand but me. As if I felt like I was lying to myself, trying to forget all about it, but it not go away .... perhaps never.

I know that feeling.

perhaps he sees a kindred spirit in me. But is to distant to seek comfort in the very few who DO understand. It is HIS pain, HIS burden, again, relatable.....

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sadly no one actually really replied to it. yet for the reader I might be very interesting to read.

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Remaining Dreams of March

march 17th

1st one; some dream about elidibus trying to make his apology via someone else. but didn’t work. this is might the thing about my sister who eventually couldn’t do it and said it later that day..

the 2nd one; I was somewhere in a room with other people. it looked way to realistic. a teacher started movie, well intended to do it and said: here I got a video tape about the 14th convocation member.

me: what? omg 14th convocation member? YES YES YES YES.

I was totally hyped. then it ended.

3rd one; I realized I was dreaming and went on a search for elidibus. but I only came across elidibus plush keychains. later on also the black ancient one. but no actuall elidibus sadly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- March 23rd

some quick dream that I kissed ardbert/elibert but didn’t wrote it down. it only says “kissed ardbert”

but afterward I gained a lahabrea dream.

the dream started in the city streets at night iirc. me and 2 others needed to catch shiny celebi. the other 2 were making a fuss about how to catch it (1 of the 2 was lahabrea in only his black turtle neck shirt, black pants and boots). I looked at them like “why?????” and throws a quick ball.

lahabrea: oh that's also possible.

but celebi broke free.

laha: that didn’t work.

then I threw 2 at the same time. celebi dodged them but the balls returned and hit celebi both at the same time. celebi’s energy splitted into 2 and entered the balls. here I miss a little part sadly.

its appeared to a contest or race. we needed to do something with the 3 of us. some sort of wrestling but stuck on eachother. tumbling on the floor. lahabrea jumped upon the other dude whereby I missed out on the wrestling part. when they were tumbling on the floor I tried to get in between to join them. but alas. when they were finished they rolled away from eachother and landed both on their backs.

me: that was some “wild ride” I couldn’t join.

I was sitting 2meters away from lahabrea on the floor. and what I said was suggestive but not entirely. lahabrea looked at me panting. then he said something like: “you haven't missed much, better right? I shoved my ass to the right to his direction 2x.

laha: come on.

I went toward him and placed my head upon his chest. (but with a red head of blushing, he was freaking hot in this dream)

laha: oh? (then he placed his hand upon my back) I think it's great that you dare to do this.

then the dream ended.

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March 25th

warning this dream starts with some gore, with a certain cut-off body parts. if you can’t take it to read such things I advise you to skip this dream.

as the dream went about overcoming an obstacle course eventually landed upon a ascian truthseeker club. the only thing I remember from that is that we were with the 3 of us. and we arrived at a building, and in front of the window we saw something disturbing displayed. “lahabrea’s cut off ball sack” ( yes let that sick in, how the hell did I gained such a disturbingness in my head? I am NOT even liking such thing to begin with) apparently he did that himself in that dream…..

me: whattttt?????? (mouth wide open) this is insane why would he do such a thing?!

here I believe we took it with us for research, and it was placed inside a box. just before we left, I realized that he wanted to replenish the ancient race and that by doing this he can keep his sperm save via a time spell. I said this out load towards the other 2.

person1: that should be it then, but more research is needed.

I agreed.

when we were on the road toward something for more clarity about this, I was for a very short moment crawling on a white gravel path.

me: with that time spell he prevents it from perishing. and me being the only female left ( as an unsundered?) to replenish the ancient race…. oh good god, fine I will do that.

( this I agreed with earlier though but laha wasn’t needed eventually)

I dropped a few tears due the thought of it.

then we went towards a house van someone who would know more about it. we walked the path upwards. at the end of the hill there was a big landhouse.

we saw a woman watching tv. we ranged the bell but she ignored us. and then I said.

me: helloooooo the ascian myth busters are here.

I made a hotwheels toy car spinning by flipping it into the air and catch it. I did this a couple of times afterwards the woman finally looked over. she wanted to open the window but then the dream ended.

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March 26th

this dream was weird, as of lahabrea as the grim reaper. and I had an affair with him ( ppffftt ahhahahahah)

the dream itself was already going on for a while with some people in a livingroom. then lahabrea enters in grim reaper clothing well more ascian prime like but without armor or symbols. he was very tall like 2,5 meters (zenos size I think). I gave him a huge when he walked in the room. he wore a different mask, a skeleton-like mask. while I was hugging him he laid his arm around me and said something to someone else in the room whereby I didn’t paid attention what he said. that person was totally freaked out by lahabrea XD.

laha took a seat and me on his lap with my face towards him. he said something to me which I can’t remember anymore. and then I kissed him, like allot.

umm I want to continue writing this dream but I realized this was probably not the real one. and some other spirit trying to get attention. or some test to remain loyal for elidibus when I would wake up. and I did. my soul is a slut sometimes XD even though I am totally not like that at all.

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March 27th

the dream started with that my son had played with a friend for a very long time and he needed to school for a test/exam. once at the school I saw 7 convocation members in pitch black robes and their red masks. they walked past me. and I was thinking “yes”.

then I walked inside and turned to the right for my son’s test. something happened that is too embarrassing to tell so I skip that part. he took the test, I was standing next to him and looked around the building. then I saw the same convocation members walking inside with a copy of me behind them. my copy turned her head around (her hood and mask were off) and smiled at me.

me: omg that’s me, I see myself.

she followed the rest to their classroom

me: oh if she comes back I gonna join bodies and swap the dream.

but then I recalled that I had my son with me. and that I couldn’t leave him behind. I turned towards my son and his test. he was already finished.

me: are you finished already?

my son: yeah that was wayyy to easy yoo.

the teacher that was with my son all the time was checking the answers, he wrote down while mumbling at himself the numbers 9, 7, 5, 7/6. he had 1 fail (the 5 )but he still graduated with the test. when we were about to leave I noticed the convocation members sitting in a corner on the ground taking their lunch. I looked if I could see myself but I believe I was wearing my mask. I believe I switched places very quickly with my other self for 1 sec. because I can remember that in that 1 sec I was sitting on the ground in that same corner and saw my dream body self where I started the dream with. my dream body self was wearing a pink fluff vest. then I switch back and the dream switch to something else.

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well that was the March chapter. in April I give jezzah a second chance, but she fucked it up, but I remained friend with her through DM’s. some unexplainable art I found on twitter that looked like my mask I had in this March chapter. and allot of other things.