I will be debunking a bit of that document that was set up against me in this chapter.
April 1st
me: Lol kicked eli to work this night. To make sure it wasn't another ghost. It was past his "need to go to work time"
After a few small kisses he left, but I had to ignore though ahhhhhh >_<
I am sorry eli. But he understood though.
This was at 3:53 am (work time 3:45) I woke up at 2:45 and went on hugging the body pillow, and he was there. So yeah I guess he forgot the time? that hour flew by before I knew it.
Earlier before I went to bed I was snuggling with him too. At one moment I felt vibrating such a strong energy coming from him, I was like wow what ya doing?! It wasn't hornyness or something but very very strong.
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April 2nd
me: Anyone know Skillet Dreaming of Eden song?
Normally I never cried at this song. And spontaneously I did. And when I replaced 1x eden with Amaurot I cried even harder.
This was during a car ride towards home. Normally eli isn't with me at those moments yet alone body joined.
So I wonder which ascian that was.
later I learned it was emet-selch
( there were replies (but deleted), but can’t remember them fully anymore, something like “oh! interesting”and that sort of things. this also counts for the other things I told in the discord server after this day)
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April 3rd
me: So we are staying over at my ex's parents and Eli protected me against evil spirits again. Since their house is allot more hunted then ours. Possibly because its a very old house from I believe 1800 :s. Eli was very weak in the morning.
He appreciated that I want him to rest in case its needed next night again. At 12pm, eli was still in the bedroom.
I felt the urge to lay down on the bed, while my ex was gaming.
Offered eli to take energy from me to make him feel better this took a while, well we were hugging allot in bed in the main time. Eventually I fell asleep for 15 min at 1pm or so. When I woke up, I received a kiss from him. I think he feels better now.
And I felt satisfied I did this. And glad I felt asleep to replenish my own energy. Which I requested though. I said When he took enough then to let me sleep so I can get my own back.
I bet even for an all-powerful ascian, 8 hours straight of fighting of spirits that wanted to harm us. Is exhausting.
Though my ex still noticed the presences, so eli mainly protected me. Because I slept very good since a long time.
somewhere that day --à
NSFW part
me: Never thought I would be posting here again.
I have been double ganged .
It was short but gooood.
Elidibus couldn't keep going on longer then my ex this time. But Elidibus is strong enough now to fight another night now if needed.
end of NSFW
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April 5th
Chaotic dream last night, allot of ascians, but can only remember I was inside emet-selch’s body. But in control. Alas that lasted only a couple of seconds while flying before it shifted to something else. Could I be a messenger of emet-selch like Zeke is for Elidibus?
Even though it might get only through dreams.
(but these events are so rare, I doubt that I am “that” cable of doing such a thing)
me: @zeke if you get some thoughts about a burning tree (either actual fire threaten burning it down, or mystical fire that doesn't consume it) then please alert me. I wanna know more.
My ex picked this up after "double" fun time last night. Right before eli needed to go.
So after a nightly double bang of my ex and Eli. .
My ex asked jesus to bless Elidibus.
Which gave my ex a combination of feeling and seeing Elidibus. He thought he saw his mask, like he made himself known.
This is a very short summary.
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April 6th
out of nowhere Ghia left the group
zeke shared a story they experienced that involved a dream about elidibus’s past. sadly I can’t remember what it was about. but when they woke up they received messages along with it. but this was only a short summary. sadly I never came to know the full story. but was excited to know more
me: Oh OK still looking forward to read it.
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He was very Affectionate this early noon. And the rest that came with it. .
Eventually I needed to get outta bed because I needed to go to the garden centre. I am positive he tried to keep me in bed . He stayed with me until I left the house.
(now that I read this back, he sure changed allot he is not doing that anymore)
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me: Monday night.....
Damn!
Today, hellooooooo. XD.
Even though eli doesn't mind sharing anymore, as long as he can get me after in private.
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me: its snowing, Elidibus doesn't like snow xD. He doesn't even go to work if it's snowing xD it’s cute And I like it. He stayed in my home the entire day xD
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April 8th
me: Well then, I can pick up his naughty thought feelings about me xD (while he is working, the dirty ass xD) . Which makes me horny instantly. Yet I had to confirm this with my higher self though.
( this is interesting to read back, I completely forgot about it that this happened, but this was only 1 or 2 times and then it faded. though halfway june it stayed and not the horny thoughts, but telepathic communication through feelings, so in some way or another he gave me snippets of what its like to communicate this way before it eventually stayed).
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April 9th…..
GHOST: okay, i was just here because i was really curious about everything. i think soulbonders are interesting. i think everyone here is pretty harmless and just having their own fun, which is good. i just feel like an asshole now because Ayane is concerned about me i'm pretty sure, and i didn't wanna make anyone feel bad by joining here. to make it clear i lied about believing that ascians are real, but that was the only thing i lied about. also i'm not leaking anything or anything like that i was just here to sate my own curiousity. thank you for having me!
me: I can't believe she lied.
That means Ghia did as well.... ( well this I assumed at that time, and she know that she later re-joined in May but was silent as ever.)
The irony I dreamed I contacted Ghost this night and we finally spoke. Or let's say I finally got a reply I was happy. and I wake up to this.
ZIO: I'm sorry, Ayane >:
me: I can't believe it.
Such long a member and just to lie about it.
ZIO: Maybe she wanted to believe, since she was curious, and just couldn't. I can't make excuses for people or even to guess the reason, but I'm sorry she lied all the same.
me: Having brother my brother song playing now doesn't help.... (alarm). I feel so betrayed.
zio: I would hope, but I can't speak for anyone. I genuinely have a relationship with Nabriales, that's true. I do a lot of dreamwork and spiritwork to a lesser degree. I don't know if I have a past life or anything of that sort, but I do believe in other plains of being and characters existing in these realities. I've experienced too much to not believe so.
Grian: same, i believe in similar. i've had this connection w lahabrea before i knew anyone in here.
during the chat in discord I made a dm twitter message to jezzah to clarify things.
zio: Either way, I'm really sorry people lied. It's fine to have different beliefs, or to even just be curious. But I think it's pointless to lie
me: yeah
tk: I have never lied. I have always believed in similar things such as Zio. I don't always agree with what you think is true but I never lie about anything like dreams and such.
me: thank you. So my intuition was actually right on Ghost.....i had to have a couple of days of a chat with her to actually to make sure she wasn't a witch hunter from the drama, because she contacted me during that time Well she wasn't but lied that she believed. I should have known.
later the chat went on about jezzah and if she needs apply some criteria for if she wants to come back.
zio: I...didn't get a great first impression of Jezzah on the day I came here but I can't make a fair judgment either since other I've never interacted with her.
some chat later
Jezzah rejoined
mito: Welcome back!
me: hi welcome back
jezzah: Hi, it's good to be back
mito: How are you?
Jezzah: Actually??? Since starting therapy on a weekly basis I am a lot better actually. Sorry for blowing up and causing drama. I lashed out at Aya when I should have just talked to her about my issues.
mito: No worries. And it's good that you are doing better!
jezzah: My therapist doesn't pull punches and I have had to face some ugly things about myself.
mito: Therapy can help a lot, I can say this from personal experience
me: good to hear that the therapy is working!
jezzah: I desperately needed it and still need it
mito: Healing takes time, and healing isn't linear either
me: good, make use of it as long as possible. you need it.
mito: So, please be patient with yourself.
zio: Hello there
jezzah: hi. Can I have Emet's tag back please? I may have left but he has staid.
me: xD, i need to make adjustments then 1 moment. the roles are bombarded to admin. so hold on.
jezzah: I am in no hurry, my son's bday is today
me: here ya go, and Gratz. i am going to bed now. glad to have you back <3
jezzah: Oh, some news, y'all probably don't know this but we moved into a new place on Jan. It's a house, we have our very own place now which has done wonders for my mental health.
zio: That's wonderful!
jezzah: Oh wait, I remember telling you guys about that, oh, well, new people know
zio: It's good news so always great to hear even for people who knew, I'm sure :U
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April 10th
I notified jezzah about that “little event”on March 31st
jezzah: I read it and it sounds familiar. Something about your ex really connects with the Ascians. Like they can channel through him. Makes me wonder what he actually is.
me: Thanks for your reply on this.
Sadly my ex doesn't or can't control it. It only happens when he is relaxed in his head. And that's rare, his mind never shuts up and can't even meditate. He was however a Source inhabitant too. But not an amaurotine.
jezzah: Considering I am not Native Amaurotine either, maybe I can talk to your ex about trying to find any information about his Source Native Nation. Speaking, has anyone told you the name of my birth country?
me: Nope sadly no. But how would you be able to find out then for him?
jezzah: I just want to talk to him about techniques about focusing his thoughts because he and I have the exact same problem.
jezzah: Thoughts racing and never slowing down
me: Oh I think that would be very helpful yes!
jezzah: If he could shoot me a DM I'll try and help as best as I can.
me: I will say it to him! He is asleep now. And I can't sleep.
jezzah: Instead of trying to silence the thoughts try leading them in a certain direction and see what happens, nudging them and then seeing where the trails leads seemed to work for me. ADHD meditation
me: Oh interesting.
jezzah: Yeah, my brain is never quiet so I just try and nudge the noise in a direction and I just see where it goes. It is how I got the vision of my home country. It'll take some practice and more than once you will need to nudge the thoughts back on track but have him try this out. Don't force, just nudge and let go. But if your thoughts are determined on a certain course it's for a reason, when that happens just sit back and see where it goes. This is usually how the brain of an Oracle works.
me: Very very interesting
jezzah: We're not in control of our thoughts, a higher power is. He is in the position of a messenger so to speak. I would highly recommend he nurture these talents. It's rare for a male oracle.
me: Yeah he is indeed. He is claircognizant too.
jezzah: Usually oracles are female
me: He went towards a spiritual person once, years ago. That guy said he is destined to tab into the earth library history to reveal the truth’s of our history and tell the world. Guess who is able to do that too. A certain Speaker.
jezzah: Sounds legit
me: And my ex having long ass hair like lahabrea ATM doesn't help
jezzah: Please tell me he doesn't put it up in a man bun
me: No just loose hanging, suits better anyway
jezzah: Ok, good, that image was horrifying
me: xD
jezzah: I've had Hades pop in to check in on me, he is ok with me having Nero and Thancred as my fictional lovers. I've managed to settle on two lol
me: Oh ok good to hear
jezzah: He and I cuddle and love on each other
me: Eli is often at work Though. I need to ask if he got time to stay to cuddle etc.
jezzah: Ya know, I was thinking, I could have been a records keeper back in Amaurot. The image of me running around with piles of paperwork has never left me thoughts. Fat stack of papers. Idk why paper as the Amaurotines had holographic technology. But it's what the vision keeps showing me.
then the chat went on about nabriales and that he has a girlfriend. so jezzah asked something to zio
jezzah: So, may I ask some questions?
zio: Ask away.
jezzah: So, I don't want to offend or anything. How do I ask these. Are you and Nabs Soul Bonded mates? How long have you known him and did you know that he is a pervert and has gotten around? I'm sorry if I offended it's just that....I've had some.....he and I have some history. I just wanna understand things. I'm a nosy historian.
zio: It's fine.
Sorry if I'm a little slow, working on something at the moment. But I've been with him for...mmm...two years this August, I think. Somewhere around there.
jezzah: It's ok
me: so 2019 august?
zio: Yeah.
me: Very interesting. The very first dream I had about emet-selch was also that month.
jezzah: Emet seems to be a messenger
me: yeah
jezzah: He is the perfect messenger, He has a certain chill nature about him that the other's just don't have. Probably because he just doesn't care anymore. he is tired.
zio: I don't know what 'd call us, soul bonded or not, but I know we're connected. I hear him and occasionally feel him.
I know he's...flirty, and if he's gotten around, we haven't talked about it.
jezzah: Yeah, you're Soul Bonded
me: I wish I could hear Eli though.
jezzah: Aya, you're the other one who is SB, how Does this feel like a Soul Bond?
me: Um intense energy melding together of souls when resonating in Harmony. Like Asian prime or something but without transformation. huge love.
jezzah: ^simplified version
me: lol
jezzah: I'm usually the one who knows most about this topic but Aya can also answer some questions
me: Yeah some XD
jezzah: Usually if she is confused she comes to me
(insert forgotten Zeke reply)
me: Go ahead. zeke seems interested to know.
jezzah: Ok, so, it's been a while since I had to explain this but Soul Bonding USUALLY happens when two souls are born with the same frequency. I like to use musical terms for examples. You know how two instruments play perfectly together when they play in sync? Their souls harmonize together. I say usually because there have been instances where two people become soul bonded after the fact. Any questions?
zio: Oop, sorry, was working on my project again. Aaand...hm. Makes sense to me with how you explained it.
here zeke replied with a long comment they meant in “general” about that not everything is a soulbond or something, I can hardly remember. but was rather a wierd reply tbh. I can understand that jezzah would think they were triggered. to me it was odd as well, like some sort of jealously? I don’t know. but I kept my ease about it, in opposition that jezzah who eventually flipped. between almost every sentence said by others and me, zeke replied, sadly I can’t remember the most of it so I will leave out to type “zeke” all the time in between.
me: You mean when jezzah started to talk about nabs?
jezzah: I am confused. What did I do wrong here?
jezzah: I didn't though
jezzah: What did I do? (insert question mark meme gif)
me: But um are you referring to yourself atm when you said that? Sorry if I am too directly.
zeke said something that it was meant in general.
jezzah: I am still confused, what are you referring to.
jezzah: I wasn't forcing labels on anyone
jezzah: I have no idea where you got that.
here jezzah started to flip:
jezzah: I'm gonna be rude for a minute. (insert TRIGGERED feminist gif). This is how you came off to me.
jezzah: You come off as a triggered SJW.
jezzah: Not everything is about "oppression"
me: Gurl easy down now (to jezzah)
jezzah: Mah two cents
jezzah: You did, I have a screenshot
( I asked if jezzah still had that screenshot or asked Grian if he remembered the conversation but alas.)
me: Zeke You know I am soul bonded with elidibus. Your are able to communicate with Eli is something different then soul bonding.
(so yeah to me it came off that zeke was saying jezzah (and I) doesn’t got a soulbond and that theirs was, or similar to that, but I didn’t want to quarrel with that, zeke didn’t replied to my comment but continued with jezzah)
jezzah: I'm gonna stay in my lane and you stay in yours. I am the expert on Soul Bonding, you are not
jezzah: I'm not labeling anything
me: Jezzah please
jezzah: I'm explaining a thing, I'm good now,
jezzah: You know I don't stay quiet, Aya
me: Jezzah wait
jezzah: The situation is settled don't poke
Jezzah: (insert TRIGGERED gif again)
jezzah: So I was right this is you.(to zeke)
(zeke left the group)
Grian: they gave you a perfectly respectful response.
me: Jezzah stop it. Don't ruin it.
Grian: they had every right to be upset after you insulted them. if someone called you a "triggered sjw" for trying to express your feelings, i don't think you'd like it much.
jezzah: Ya know, maybe it was a bad idea coming back, the group has grown a bunch of pansy ass snowflakes
Grian: because we believe in respect?
jezzah: I was accused of oppressing and labeling someone when I was trying to explain a field I know a lot about. So if my defending myself is wrong.
zio: No one said the word oppressed.
grian: the word oppression wasn't used.
jezzah: Then I am out
zio: I am a little confused how this happened
jezzah: Doesn't have to be used
Grian: it wasn't even implied.
jezzah: Yes it was
Grian: no, i have been dating Zeke for three years. i think i can safely say what they're implying. thank you. I'm bowing out. have a good night.
( though I wished he mingled himself sooner in the chat before Zeke left and before the “triggered”shit, I think that would have saved allot of shit. what he knows that zeke is implying or not, doesn’t count for other people. but yeah me saying this at the end is easy to say.)
(jezzah left)
Zio: She already left
TK: good really was gonna say a huge long ass thing
me: @Grian can you get zeke back please? Jezzah had her second chance but fucked it up.
grian: I'll send them the invite. I can't guarantee they'll want to return.
me: But.... Please
(zeke returned)
me: I am not guilty I tried to stop her.
Grian: i am not my partner's keeper, so i don't control what they do ;_;
zio: I...am really confused. I certainly don't think someone saying to think and be mindful when applying terms to people is all that much to ask.
Grian: i quite frankly don't believe jezzah should have children if that's the kind if person she is. sigh. sorry. that upset me greatly. I'll move back into the shadows.
TK: I wasn't tolerating it, sorry. She was coming off as someone who acts like a terf or similar
grian: YEP as an ftm individual i did not enjoy it @.@
TK: I'm nb and most of my friends are trans or nb so I wasn't really taking it very well
me: I understand I had hoped she had changed because I believe in second chances. But she fucked it up.
zio: I think Jezzah needs more time in therapy if she thinks "being blunt" makes it okay to be blatantly offensive. Like...that is not an okay reaction. It's okay to misunderstand. But when you fly off the handle like that?
TK: The problem I think (and what I had before with feeling uneasy around her, but I downplayed it) is she thinks she is 100% right and others are wrong in their experiences.
zio: That sounds like a valid observation...
tk: She has told Ayane several times she was wrong
me: Yeah
tk: Or she would constantly talk about her experiences but ignore everyone else's
me: Well she was the only one to reply on Mine this time in the spirit happening channel . Sorry.
tk: Nah I mean from before wasn't this time.
me: I know. But, yeah um I know I speak allot about my own. But always reply to others. She did that this time too. I was happy she replied on those posts from March 31st till now. And no one did so far.
tk: I can't really comment on the stuff that happens to you irl. All I will say is "hmm interesting" or ":o" I have no experience with it.
me: Then please do so. It's better than nothing.
zio: It's hard for me to know what to say sometimes. Like sometimes you talk about you and your ex getting physical. I feel like that's not really my place to comment on that, though I do feel bad I don't know what to say. I get anxious about giving those lame responses, but if it does make you feel better, I can do that too. agreed
me: ty I tried to keep it a, subtle as possible.
zio: I understand! And I thank you XD I just feel odd going "AH YES. I SEE" about it haha, but I do read.
me: Thank you for reading then!
TK: Yeah the you and your ex stuff Ill be honest I get weirdly uncomfortable about, So I really don't know what to say to it.
me: Yeah but yeah Eli is often in that story or after it so yeah.
zio: I think... the general meaning is sometimes sex is not something people feel comfortable commenting on, for all kinds of reasons. I'm demisexual so I don't always have an opinion as far as that goes.
tk: I'm fine with sex I'm general..I just find how that works with your ex and Eli just weird. That's all. Not so much Eli himself. But both.
me: Well I don't know how to describe it more neutral then just sex.
grian: I'm relatively uncomfortable w sex myself, which is why i don't comment much ;;
tk: Ughhhh trying to explain it.
me: Is it possible to ignore that word for you and read the rest of the happenings?
grian: i mean...the happening often include sex and depictions of it ^^;; ignoring rhe word doesn't change the actions.
me: sigh
Grian: sorry, I'm just trying to explain why i don't comment much...
me: But I do wanna share.... I mean my ex picking up thoughts from Eli is quite something. Especially for ADHD brain like him.
zio: You can share! Just... don't expect detailed commentary from us when it comes to things like that, I suppose is what we're trying to say. I'm sorry if that's disappointing. I can try to comment more but I won't be able to say something about everything..
me:….., My ex was wondering too why no one replied to it.
tk: Look.im.sorry, I got a lot going on irl atm and when I'm stressed I don't nessasarly think right. So sorry if I don't comment.
me:……. When can you post your dreams then....
tk: Will get around to, sorry.
me: Also the one that you wanted to wait too? Because I really want to read that one now
he some personal things were shared so not typing these up.
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April11th:
dm’s with TK
TK: Alright so dream last night. Don't remember beginning but I remember the basic thing being that where I was at (seemed to me a mix of where I live now and some random other places I've been to) there was some weird stuff going on. Group I was with seemed to be searching for something. I go on my own and there's several clues I follow and I eventually get to what we were trying to find, seems to be like a book and something that looks like a USB drive. Get like a telepathic message on my mind that if I take it and accept it I can become more spiritally able to help out and do things (that was how it was worded), maybe gain some abilities. Took it, felt more focused. Woke up middle of the night and when I went back to sleep ended up same area almost, but the area was grey and misty. Tried to get to either the place that I was sent to the one dream I shared with you. Got to it, got like a table and ended up seeing Lahabrea quickly. Seem frustrated, asked. Said he was frustrated about what happened the other day with Jezzah and questioning why Emet "puts up with her". I should have asked about maybe something else but I just asked about the dream I had. He said it could be that it was saying that either I was developing spiritally or that I had a desire to, but it wasn't a dream from "any of them", but he found it interesting and hope it bears fruit. Didn't get to ask much more cause I woke up soon after.
me: ok thanks for sharing! though what about that dream you had earlier during easter? and the one before you wanted to wait for.
tk: Let me type up that one. Thought you had a response with this one lol.
me: during dungeon atm will reply soon.
some time later:
me: ok so its a very nice dream you had. and i think what he says is true. and is good to see that you were able to go to that place in a earlier dream. i wish i had that kind of spot lol. i gonna put that lahabrea dream from mine into the group now. can you type up the others you had in here or the group?
TK: I will
ME: my dream is posted
TK: Other two. First one was a nightmare, don't really feel like explaining that one cause kinda personal, but kinda like got grabbed out of it by someone in the ascian attire but I had no idea who at the time. (I don't usually have nightmares either, very rare) But I like woke up quickly after. I waited cause I wanted to see if I could ask Lahabrea or someone else either area I can ask. (I have another area that I created myself that's intended to be like a house between universes in a way). Dream I had later I got back to the spot. Lahabrea wasn't there but got Pashtarot instead, who I haven't been really able to talk to but have seen before in dreams. From questions I asked, he did it, that he will probably be important very soon with game stuff (not sure if 5.5 or Endwalker) and that he likes me cause I want to help saw protect stuff with you and help out and stuff (he is the Knight star I guess). That was it lol.
me: ohhhhhhhhhh.
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group posts:
me: Ahh I slept wayy better and had a dream about lahabrea.
This Its getting a thing now right before patches releases. And lahabrea is the second or third time in it in these particular times (before patch release)
me: @zio eli arrived a bit later yesterday eve. But stayed a bit longer too.
I knew that time he would leave again and woke up about 20min later. He greeted my waking up at 2:50am with a strong cuddle to say goodbye. After that he left.
Soo sweet .
Next morning after 10am he visited again.
Which I was a bit cautious with because I didn't know when he would come back and thus it could have been some other ghost. But it was him luckily.
zio: Glad you guys had some time together a double visit is even better.
my full lahabrea dream:
ok so i was already dreaming pretty long something about cheating a school trip i didn't want to go to by saying i had a cold and needed to be tested for corona xD. i faked somehow the cold when they came at my door. including the snorting XD.
later the dream was about some wierd octopus being created out of nothing and then it started to fly i was with someone else and that thing chased the both of us.
through many wierd buildings and apparments we went through trying to shake it off. eventually the happenings changed. i was in a school building walking down the stairs in ascian robes (overlord ones) and the one that was with me i yelled toward to him : i am gonna play the villain now watch me! i was gonna roleplay (tempered)lahabrea XD.
on the ground floor allot of people were standing and talking. i flew upwards and said: BEHOLD HERE IS YOUR END AND THE BRINGER OF CHAOS (or something like that, not sure about the Chaos part word). MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.
the people were scared as f*ck, me continue to manically laughing like lahabrea. they started to run away. on the opposite side of the crowd the real lahabrea stood there (in ascian robes and mask). when everyone was away. i went towards him. i needed to come with him. so we walked towards the other building next to it. but from it inside of the building. (you could sorta say walk from 1 to 2 inside the building) that second building was for people who had work instead of school. during the walk he grabbed my hand. i looked at him and blushed, but he didn't looked back i saw the side of his face and i thought "am i getting anything with lahabrea now hey?, please not"
i looked forward again. and after some walking through the building we arrived at some room where other people were too. when lahabrea put off his robes he changed into some middle aged man in modern AU director clothing or something. i asked where i could hang mine.
i believe he showed me. can cant recall that short scene. when i putted off my robes i was wearing blue clothing underneath with sneakers (i hardly wear those lol).
i was guided inside the room. and i was being introduced to the rest that was sitting at the table. there were 5 others sitting. and 1 man standing like a teacher or something. i was helding my hands on my back being a little shy.
either lahabrea or that man said: does anyone here know how this is? (implied as me being important or well known) some random nerdy guy at the table said: Naomi (name of 1 of my sisters).
i grabbed the chair to take a seat, while so doing i said "well 1 older (i am the oldest)". when i sat down i saw my Naomi sitting at the table in front of me.
naomi: yes correct (referred to what i said) and at least plus 2000 years ( she referred towards there year 0 here at the start of jesus) .
(whole she spoke i was thinking about why that guy said Naomi while she was sitting there)
naomi continued: " she is very strong (or something like that) and is the most closest to God."
i was silent for a few second, like wtfffffff.
me: ah come on quit with your flattery .
and then i woke up.
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April 12th
me: Does anyone of you got ascian dreams atm?
I always get them standard a couple of day before patch release. It has been like this since this all started with me.
This time I had a nightmare
But saved by someone called Daniel which I screamed for.
And then it became like cutscene watching but still within the event.
My view zoomed in on Daniel and launched and energy ball attack on the one who was trying to rape me, he was wearing white armor and was floating in the air.
After that attack launched at my chaser.
The view went toward the back op him saying: I saved her, Hades (was with subtitles)
Emet-selch : good.
He was in Amaurotine robes and ascian mask.
It ended there.
(no not fandaniel lol)
me: @zio (reply from the day before): lol i missed out this morning XD i was alseep XD. but last night he was here too. and holding me tight after i woke up from that nightmare. even when i turned around. usually the hugging effect looks similar to sleep paralysis. but that goes away as soon as you move. it didn't go away. it was elidibus holding me tightly.
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April 13th
zio: At least he was there after the nightmare, I bet that was nice to wake up to. Even if you got saved in the dream, that sounds pretty stressful.
me: Yeah well not stressful but more like blegh and ieeuuww kind of nightmare. That I was saved by emet-selch or whoever he used was a relief to experience.
zio (reply on the dream where my sister was in it): Interesting that your sister showed up.
me: Yeah indeed. I usually never dream about that sister. If I hit a dream about my sisters it mostly the youngest one who did that session for me.
me: Got something beautiful to tell of last evening/night.
So when my ex was showering Elidibus came to me in bed.
Me being always slightly uncertain asked in the name of God, jesus and the Holy spirit if someone good give me either confirmation that the real Elidibus is here or that I making this up.
A couple of seconds later I started to cry out of nowhere being very emotional and said " I'am sorry".
After I said that I wondered why I said that, this made me realise it was probably him literally speaking through me yet I remained a bit sceptic and cautious(gained confirmation just now! It was probably a am sorry for the doubting yet I forgot to ask that, will do later) .
It was beautiful I was completely in sync with his emotions I believe. I said "I love you" a couple of times. But somehow he kept being emotionally for a short time (didn't look at the clock).
I said to him to use my ex to let his feelings know so I can understand better what he was thinking.
This kinda soothed him more or less.
My ex came to bed and wondered what he heard was me because it sounded sad. And I said to him I had an emotional thing with Elidibus going on and asked if he could come to bed to pick up any thoughts of him.
My granted him permission to use him.
He believed to see him in his head. But didn't feel anything in particular.
I was already trying to sleep but hardly couldn't actually. And declined sex already a couple of times because of cautionness and past happening being harassed in the night I felt disappointment but understanding.
Later he noticed eli wanted to kiss me firmly. And my ex said that.
(My ex will give more details today if what exactly was going on.)
When I heard my ex saying that. I was like oh really?
So I used the body pillow to kiss him. And oh my he was in the mood, good gracious.
Since my ex picked his emotions up it was a good confirmation or good enough that it was the real Elidibus. So I allowed eli to have "fun with me".
I didn't had the stamina to continue very long. So I said he can do one more time but make sure it's good. And he did, damnation.
After I noticed he wasn't fully satisfied but OK with it with my decision to go to sleep. But I could still feel his arousal. Luckily it wasn't distracting to fall asleep.
He was holding me so passionately I could feel his arm surrounding me even when I changed sides with my back towards him.
It was so comfy that I fell asleep soon after.
Later that night I woke up half an hour after the time he needed to work. He noticed still a precence at me, well in the pillow. I checked the time.... Hmmm 30 min and still here? I was cautious. And asked in the name of God, jesus and the Holy spirit to remove any imposters. But it didn't work. This usually works but I still wasn't sure of it. He hugged me, I enjoyed it for a second but my common sense took over. I tried to ignore it and fell asleep .
So i asked this morning if that was him and yes he was. But he didn't mind I didn't trust it. He understands. He wanted to give a goodbye hug and probably some kisses too. So I asked for upfront things if it can happen more often that he stays a bit longer to say goodbye. And gained a yes.
Also apparently he knows when I wake up too . So he makes use of that.
The reason he didn't stayed yesterday morning was because he had work to do that was slightly more important. (this sounds so legit by default).
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later that day I found an commissioned piece of an azem character which the mask stood out to me. it was almost the same as mine, I found it rather greepy to see it. I posted but didn’t gained a reply on it until april 19th.
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April 15th
me: Omg I just woke up from a dream.
I had a dream inside a dream. That 4 members were added but not by me. And when I woke up inside that dream and checked my phone everyone left, except Zio and someone else. That was so heartbreaking.
zio: Oh no ;;; at least it was just a dream
tK: D:
me: Luckily I could still sleep after. But it was very sad.
zeke: that must have been very distressing (or something like that)
me: and yes it was distressing.
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later that day
me: so eli is over atm. and my ringneck parrot was saying kisses all time. and i repeated it allot like 4 times. then i gained a hug and kisses from him.
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April 17th
me: Had some little thing today in bed.
Talking to eli eventhough I can't hear him.
I taught him to answer some things via kisses on my mouth or cheekbone lol. It very simple but easy to feel for me.
And I can't recall what made me say this or came to the subject:" you are the fire that keeps me living".
I wasn't emotional at first. But became soon after. Those, were his emotions again I just verified this.
zio: Sometimes talking even when you can't hear respond them back means a lot to them. And that's a beautiful thing to say to him.
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April 19th
aside from the jezzah part which was also in the document, what is discussed this day will be a nice revelation to those. that I didn’t mocked twitter user M at all. in fact I was positively surprised. the most of the conversation was with zeke about it that day. while Azelyn was online spying the conversation….
me: That's the second azem girl xD. Me. Lolz.
me: Um if it contains a bird. I gonna claim copyright for my own glyph.(joke) XD
me: Made a tweet about it( of the mask). I didn't bash her because that will result in drama again (also not my intention to bash her or anything negative to her), instead I turned it the other way in a more positive manner.
(sadly nobody got it correctly on twitter with that tweet, they all made assumptions in the negative spiral).
me: People might say I am creepy. But this is literally creapy for me lol.
zeke said something about it
me: Thank you so much xD
me: She and that artist both got me blocked.
Found this with an alt account.The glyph tweet appeared on my time line of that alt. Afterwards I went to her account to check upon art for my personal collection (as everybody does with their fav character) and then came across the bird tweet.
I hope I can get a reply on this from you all about how the F is she knowing this.
Oh yeah read the tweet aswell for better understanding.
zeke: she probably doesn’t know any better then that’s her own character and not about you. (and said some more)
me: Pffft I know she doesn't know better than she is talking about herself.
But that mask though. Aside from the color it's the exact same shape I dreamed it to be
me: This is her mask. The shape is the same.
zeker said something that it looks like elidibus’s one but with a longer beak
me: Yeah I know his mask.
Though I never pictured my mask to look like any resemblings of others.
The very first time I saw my convocation mask was during my past life regression in november. It was a bird mask. Well bird of prey rather.
Then in what it? Early March? I had that dream where I could see it fully. Though this was more or less a "out of the city mask" . Travel mask of something.
zeke told me a story about their azem, that he/she has a hawk mask aswell, and lot of bird related things because zeke loves birds too, but never continued the idea to put into art/work. and that M’s creation is missing the hook of an actual bird of prey so on that point not exactly the same as mine..
me: It not I don't like it or anything.
But the fact you as well had a Hawk idea of it as well is kinda mind blowing.
Her bird mask is indeed missing that hook, but the rest if very much the same except of the color.
Though my convocation mask itself was red.
You see I didn't had any particular ideas for what azem (the character in game) could have looked like. Instead I was busy with myself, knowing to be the second one. But I never came up with the idea of even my glyph I started to dream about it. Then I wondered if my mask would be a bird too. It was confirmed in the past life regression.
So having coming to know other people having the same idea even if they didn't continue with it. And me actually had it. Is kind of mind blowing awesome.
zeke: do you know the concept of soulmates? it doesn’t needed to be romantic necessarily. your souls could be connected even if you never met, and hereby having the same ideas.
me: interesting!.
zeke made some more explanations about this. and told me about her favorite birds.
me: thank for clarifying that. i love birds since i was little. later it became more specifically which ones, bird of prey's, parrots/parakeets, tropical paradise birds, peacocks, and 1 of they very few water birds: swans, herons, storks, and other big water birds.
zeke said they liked a loon, and asked me is I knew what that was.
me: i had to look that up. i believe it doesn't live here or i never seen one. so no xD
I never heard the English name of it before so I only search the English name which resulted in a black loon. then I ran it into translater
me: oh wait. ours looks different. moment
me: and yes those i find pretty as well still i wonder what happened to my shards. from what i know i am the source shard. but elidibus, my higherself or any other ascian cannot tell what happened to mine.
a sudden theory popped in my head today is that the shards upon the Shard that were rejoined had set adrift too because they couldn't rejoin with me. but where they are i dont know. i understand you dont got an answer to this either. but i have been wondering every now and then. and would love to speculate on this point.
zeke: no one probably know what happened to their shards.
me: so you do wonder too? do you know who you were on the Source?
zeke: I only got memories of elidibus, I don’t have of my own, if I even got any.
me: ah, well i dont actually got memories either. except lately some dreams if those are counted as memory. i only were able to have an actually memory was my convocation crystal when i first saw them in game and had an sudden image in my head drawing the outlines of the shape of the crystals in the sand. the rest if all filled in of coming to know by asking ALLOT. the dreams followed having one, brown-reddish marbled with dark lines it could have been amber instead of crystal. because it didn't survive the sundering. Btw what do you know of Elidibus's memories. I understand he forgot allot and is trying to remember the most of it.
zeke replied but I can’t remember exactly with what.
me: Ohh so not imprented memories in thoughts or anything like that?
Because I meant both, images and thoughts, or any other possibility. Or 1 of them.
zeke was at work now so didn’t replied to it anymore.
well you see that was harmless. I am NOT “that” person people claim me to be. I didn’t humiliated M at all. in fact I was positive but merely wondering how we would know the same. not in a negative way, but a positive one. I didn’t claim it to be my art or that I said she would have stolen mine. where do people come up with that shit?! and yes I said it was my mask on twitter, but people interpreted it wrongly. it looks allot like my mask, I am not claiming her idea or commissioned art in anyway or form. I cannot help that what I dreamed what belonged to me in that dream, comes into art on the other side of the world. and that I came across those tweets of hers, was also harmless and is explained.
zio: Sorry to be unrelated, but I hate days where meditation feels like a struggle.
tk: I know how you feel, too much going on
zio: Waaay too much. My mind is a mess. My anxiety keeps spiking randomly so that's no help fff.
me: Oh my mind is a mess too today can't focus at all. Saying wierd words and can't pronounced a proper sentence.
I wanted to say at the grocery store to my ex: go grab a cart.
What I actually said was something ween woon ancient talk or something. And started to laugh. (I can't even type it down what I said)
My ex: wtf did you just said.
Me: probably some ancient language.
zio: Just seems like it's one of those days for a lot of us. Weird mental energy type day. Sounds like he needs to brush up on his ween woon woon.
me: XD
zio: Sounds like he needs to brush up on his ween woon woon
me: I need xD
zio: Might have to write it ourselves :P
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April 21st
me: I do not know where to post this but my son developing echo?
So my son can dig into someone's memory. Info he cannot know jet he knew it. So my mom told a story yesterday about she as a child accidently stepped on a tube with paint and it shoots everywhere on the new carpet and her mom was furious.
My son: was the paint red or blue?
Mom: yes it was red and the carpet blue, your guessed that correctly.
Me: you tapped into her memories.
He probably gained a vision of her past with colors and pictured how it happened.
What...... Echo? (just realising this).
He is clairvoyant and claircognizant maybe that results into it.
And when I said that, I wasn't realizing tapping into memories is the echo.
As far as I know he isn't from the Source so apparently it can be inherited to not natives of the Source? While mine is somewhat somewhere tucked away deep into my soul unable to reach it atm. He can still do it unknowingly.
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April 22nd
me: zeke how is Elidibus with his emotions lately? Because he seems to be in a blaming himself mood often? Blaming himself that I can't hear him (I got the idea), which gives uncertainty (him and me both) . But not sure.
zeke gave confirmation about this. and said he could use some extra care.
me: J Thanks for the confirmation. And I will, yet there are a couple of spirits pretending to be him. So it's very complicated for me as well to make sure its him or not. And he knows this.
I don't want this uncertainty, if these imposters were just not there I wouldn't have this uncertainty.
I want to be there for him the best I can but only if I can make sure it's him.
some time later:
me: @zeke do you got other emotions/feelings or other things elidibus is letting you know?
zeke replied with something funny I believe, but can’t remember what anymore.
me: omg xD. can you share me more to these things more frequently ? i love to hear these things. i mean its welcome to know what's inside his head atm and other moments ofcourse.
zeke said something that came down that they take it for granted this communication ability, and are so used to it they forget to tell.
me: so you are used to it XD.
zeke: you can say that yes.
me: but what's common for you can be very valuable for another.
me: zeke. Not sure how quickly fleeting the emotions of him are coming through you. If you got the chance tell him I love him, and I will do my best to be there for him always.
zeke: will do.
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April 24th
me: OK wow just wow.
My son just now walking downstairs.
I was reading on my phone about a free course of making a fan trailer and writing fanfiction and he said :what did you said?
Me:huh I said nothing? Did I said fanfiction?
Son: maybe I think so?
If this is truly the case he can read minds.
( I must give you the info now, that he is indeed gifted but these things happen spontaneously. he has no control over it, but should be able to learn that)
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me: So after checking the garden and noticed my wisteria had a seed hanging and planting it in a pot.
I went inside to eat. The backdoor was still open and it was chilly I asked my ex to close the door. But at that moment I gained a kiss from eli and the door closes.
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April 25th
had an extra surprise visit of eli this morning. it really depends on his emotions in how good i can feel him. he was very "passionate" this morning. i wasn't sure it was him at first until i felt the blaming of him again that i cannot see or hear him that was already a good confirmation but even though i had to ask my higher self very quickly if it was really him and luckily it was. (asked again in noon to make sure). that was a nice morning. he still visited at the giving time he would visit me at noon. (i ask those time frames via my higher self since i cannot hear him) even though it was short.
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April 29th
me: Wondering, could he be a bit lonely when he works?
Aside from the work of finding drifted off souls from the Source together with emet-selch (and possible others) I got the idea it's a bit lonely for him.
I still need to verify this with direct communication via my HS. But I believe I received a yes :/
What are your thoughts on this Zeke ?
zeke replied in somewhat a confirmation of it.
me: Yeah that how I felt it too. It was a very unsure or rather not admit kinda answer I got from him. So I offered him to take me with him (my soul) when I am asleep for company.
He liked the idea, but will he do so?
Hopefully I will dream about too if he takes me with him.
So I just talked via my higher self to him.
And asked about that being lonely during work. And I felt allot of sorrow flowing through. Like he was in the verge of crying to admit it (or already was crying).
I felt my HS was hugged firmly someway, it manifested in my physical body like being tied with arms lol. But it wasn't directly upon my body. It was via her what I felt.
According to her he will take me with him when I am asleep.
The only question remains is when..
(sadly I haven’t had a dream about that, but even if you dream your higher self can be with others in this case elidibus.)
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April dreams
Àpril 2nd
a dream about Elidibus and Lahabrea having a pirate duel. they were standing back to back with their guns raised upwards. they took a few steps and then it ended.
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April 7th
a vague dream that emet-selch was since the beginning of pokemon in Giovanni’s body. when I wanted to go to him, Gio changed into Emet in ascian robes. but when I wanted to get closermy knees started to hurt very badly and I couldn’t walk. then I woke up with pain in my knees. I said: no this is real, this isn’t that dream anymore. after moving my legs a bit, the pain went away and I fel asleep again.
then I had a dream about some pokemon DP characters. they said something to me what I can’t remember anymore. but then the Boy characters changes into an ascian (I believe igeyorhm ) and said:” I’ll be honored to be in your bible”. and then disappeared and saw some healing markers (green plus mark) with igey constellation i it.
then another dream about several elemental calamities, lightning, winds and some others that happened before the final days. the so called “rare occurrences, always fleeting”
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April 12th
is actually a nightmare and I will skip allot of it. in short I was chased by Mark Rutte from the government and he wanted to rape me.
eventually I screamed Daniiiieeellllll! (no not fandaniel) Please save me!!!
then the view switched like a cutscene, Daniel appeared in the distance (flying). then zoomed in further I saw a man in white armor that looked blocky, he was wearing a helmet. then zoomed in on the protrusions/spines on his back where he charge an energy ball in between those things. the spines or whatever they looked like those wing things of hydaelyn and zodiark. then the ball was shot and my view went to the back of Daniel. Rutte was bombarded and Daniel said (with subtitles): “I saved her Hades”.
emet-selch: Good
he was wearing amaurotine robes with ascian mask.
then I woke up. eli was worrying about my mental state and kept me hugging for 30min.
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April 16th
I was near a mall center I saw during daylight a moon shape appearing into the sky first it became the moon, but quicly after it turned black with a red glowing ring. and I yelled: “omg bahamut or dalamud moon?!” then that thing turned completely black and disappeared .
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another dream ( in the morning) at the end of it it was about Elidibus and me and kids. I saw a picture of us at some text in a book. I said some things I can’t remember and woke up while still talking. I was angry that I woke up. I mean it finally gets about me and him and kids and then I wake up from it. the most typical about this is that earlier in the morning before this dream I talked with elidibus about if it was even possible to have kids. and that we might need to ask permission of God, and that I will become an eternal spirit. (with kids I mean baby souls).
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April 23th
this was a very long dream with nightmare fuel. I will skip the most of it.
I was being chased by some man-eating Blob, tried allot of things including drowning it. but nothing was able to withheld this thing. someone else was with me and we decided to create a fake tsunami.
me: we have to think of something else, lets create a fake tsunami.
he agreed
me: oh no a tsunami coming, we need to go!. (acting)
that blob was terrified for a short while because it stayed on his place.
after entering a ship made of lego the unsundered were discussed. my ex and someone else were there aswell now.
me: can’t the unsundered save us?
ex: I don’t know, ask them I would say.
I walked down a small stairs and said something about elidibus.
then I thought I woke up, but instead a quick other scene happened and went back to this dream again. the blob was still chasing me. starting from here I already had the idea elidibus was with me or inside me all the time. but couldn’t take the time for that considering the situation. ( even though I will skip allot now) after allot of chasing and other scenes. it turned evening/night in the dream. I sensed that eli was with me. but still I couldn’t make us of that due the situation going on.
after some time keeping that blob’s track I noticed that thing gained a head , arms and legs!.
me: yeah no.. ( in dutch “ja de groeten”sarcasm)
I stepped upon that thing and squashed and wiped him out over the floor. and then removed my foot. and peeled parts away from that things from the floor and throwed it into the sea.
the man that was with me: that’s not enough for that thing.
me: i know but I had to try something.
we fleed as fast as we could but soon after the blob returned and was able to fly with help of a kite.
me: omg no what now?!
I flew away toward a wall of the aera during the flight I encountered my ex again.
ex: go towards there.
he pointed me out towards a corner.
we went to there and I pressed my back against the wall.my ex was flying infront of me.
and that blob followed with his tiny kite.
I had a terrified look on my face when I looked at that blob again.
then I found myself in a chamber with open walls. so it was more of a platform with no walls at all.
the blob was underway. then I was body joined with elidibus. instead of the other way around. I was flooting half inside him and said: ”elidibus whats going on? cast that thing away with your magic!”
now I looked through his eyes. he watched his hands and claws and he was unsure if he was even able to do that and doubted allot. when that blob arrived I decided out of the blue to sing and dance beautiful wicked wiles. all people that were with me danced along. in the beginning I was till body joined with elidibus, but we separated after sung 2 lines of the lyrics. I stayed on the backgrou7nd, but I was to busy with swirly elegant dancing to pay attention to that. the blob didn’t attack me while I did this. probably enchanted xD. after a while of dancing etc I woke up satisfied, snuggling against the body pillow.
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April 26th
after a long bicycle road trip and followed a way towards a building where I needed to go. I was suddenly in a shed. it was dark, but I was still able to see something. there were creepy creatures in that building. huge green spider like creatures that were going to attack me!. I tried to defend myself by deflecting their attacks with magic and physical attacks but I didn’t succeed in destroying them. then I ran way, at least I tried that. at the end of the shed I noticed allot of boxes and crates piled up high into the air. and someone was standing there ( didn’t realized it was emet lol) bare chested. he was only wering a pants and shoes/boots. it was like he was training. but I didn’t thought of that alas.
I stood there for a while and watched what he was going to do. he came towards meand attacked those creatures with rapid fire balls. I tried to join but wasn't strong enough to leave a mark.
emet: I will take it from here, hurry up and go!
I flew upwards and stayed a little while and saw emet yelling attacking with allot of fast fire balls. the creatures were weak against fire. but it also repelled good. he even had some trouble with it, but succeeded eventually . and I left.
I cycled the whole damn road back again towards home and then I woke up.
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April29th
so the dream started in a tiny chamber, I was wearing black robes. I was locked up by M***ie (yes the one where I made this discord group with) and I wasn’t allowed to escape. but i came up with something. I messed around with the door handle. and my bike was suddenly there too. I packed my things in bags and put them on my steering wheel. I continued messing with the door handle. which made the window open (wtf xD), I heard M***e scream.
m***ie: NO! she can't escape!!
I climbed upon my bike and ride away. then I bumbed into a big image of Igeyorhm . but then her glyph appeared with some extra lines added on the bottom. its was amaurotine sized Igey. then she walked away. towards a group convocation members and went on teasing Lahabrea. something with making herself bigger then he is. laha became agitated and later she returned to normal and made it up with him. I gave laha a hug. but my head came somewhere near his waist XD ( they were so tall!)
me: come on lahabrea, she is making it up with you.
L: yeah yeah, it’s fine already
I let him go of the hug. and they walked inside a room.
here the dream ended
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well that was April chapter. next month May will be a month of despair because eli left on May 4th/5th for 35 days!