June 2nd
NSFW warning
me: I know you guys don't like to read this but it's a concern and not some self-indulgence story.
I think my body pillow is hunted with that imposter.
Last night I had a dream I was "riding" my body pillow. But that pillow was supposed to be Zodiark with another one taped to it which was emet apparently. But no image visible.
When I started to wake up I felt to orgasm but when I actually woke up it did felt like it. But I wasn't horny at all. I also didn't went asleep being horny.
This spirit kept trying in the psychical realm allot before it started to come into my dreams since Eli is away. I always say to go away and stay away forever in the name of God, jesus and holy spirit. And most of the times it stops the stimulating to get me horny. But he never actually leaves.
end of NSFW
How do I get rid of this? It's very persistent. And now it comes into my dreams. Even though no entity visible in those dreams. It like my soul is being stimulated rather then my body in those dreams.
sadly no advice was given. eventually when eli came back on june 12th I wasn’t bothered anymore.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me: So I spoke to my higher self.
And Elidibus won't return tomorrow. But next week at the day of the solar eclipse. June 10th (at 13:20 my time) . So I hope this remains true.
According from what I learned there is an end in sight of their project.
So if anyone can confirm or debunk this. That would be appreciated greatly.
If that given time is when the solar eclipse is happening I would be officially mind blown.
(I check the time for my country) Well ended it seems.
zeke replied saying that the eclipse wasn’t full in most of the places
me: Yeah I won't be even a full one. Just a little part from where I live
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 5th
me: So I had a dream last night.
I can't recall much of it.
But before I start I can program myself wayy to easily lol. Because the evening prior to the dream I was searching about archangels, and did a random online test to check which was with me. It landed upon Gabriel. Which can enter your dreams for questions.
So this night, before falling asleep I said " archangel Gabriel please come into my dreams, let me know where Elidibus is, for whom I cannot see"
And some other verse I can't remember something about finding him.
So somewhere in a vivid dream (not lucid).
I remember calling upon her and ask the question (not sure which one I asked it was about Elidibus atleast) .
And bright light appeared above in the sky, given me a wind wave of loving energy and compassion.
That was it.
I wish I could actually talk to her. I am missing eli wayyyyy to much at.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me: I asked my higher self today.
The loving energy was from Elidibus.
Gabriel was more of a messenger of his feelings for me.
addinional info: I call Gabriel a woman because in those ancient times woman were inferior creatures total scum sorta say. At some point back in history, the Catholic Church changed the Archangel Gabriel to a male. They wanted to leave only the Mother Mary as the divine feminine deity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 9th
I had a very beautiful dream about emet-selch.
There was a big age difference between us. Just life that last-life event dream I had, but I was the age I have now. And he near 50's or just over that. So between 46-52. It felt like 50, but that was based on how he looked, not do much what he really was. So could be 46 anyway.
So it's probably a reference to that life. Not so much the environment I think? But rather when he became how he was in that dream.
He couldn't feel anything anymore, depressed, soulless, like a zombie, heavyly tempered it seems. (so probably rightly after zodiarks summoning and probably depressed about the previous azem defected.)
At the end a cat was suddenly climbing upon him. He was wearing black ascian robes without armor, and only some purple markings on the back of the hood part, but the hood itself was missing.
Me: oh? Do you have a cat?
He didn't said anything.
The cat was walking upon his arm.
My view went towards his face as of watching a cutscene.
Me: he tried the feel you with his paws.
His eye pupils went from tiny dots to a bit bigger. As of starting to feel again. Eyes went back small, then bigger again but a bit bigger then before. This happened a couple of times. He gained one time puppy eyes, and then they were normal again.
I merged with my view and stood upon that place.
I place a kiss on his cheekbone.
Me: can you feel again?
Emet started to cry: yes.
Then I woke up.
This was a short summary though.
tk: hmm interesting
me: OK so according to my higher self Elidibus will come back tomorrow. And I need to focus on emotions rather then touches. Touches later when I am sure its him.
That dream was indeed related to a past life event.
Emet and I had 13/14years of age difference (depending who had his/her birthday sorta say) in this dream he was 47.
Also according to her the manifesting will bare fruit eventually. So everyone who is helping me, I thank you in advance.
tk: ive been helping ^^
ME: yes i know! thank you so much.
zeke: I just gained a message “my role is complete”
me: Truly? The project is done? I mean feel free to debunk my info (this also counts for future things) I receive from my higher self.
But if this is a confirmation the project is finished and he indeed will come back tomorrow( or atleast I got a chance to reunite with him again) . Then, then I don't know what to say.
Can you give one last comment on this?
zeke replied but can’t remember with what exactly something with that the project is finished etc.
me: Oh, that's good news.
Hopefully I will see him tomorrow at the time that was given to me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 10th
me: @zeke please. He didn't arrive on the time that was given to me. I received a different time frame again 16:57 my time. But I start to doubt this allot.
Please I hope you can pick up something from him. I miss him soo much. i am legitimate crying right now......
I was so desperate I will save all the pleading messages to zeke…..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 11th
me: OK so, I was taking a shower. During the entire showering I was griefing that I could not connect with elidibus.
I grabbed the conditioner bottle from the sink and put it into my hair, and later a second time. My body was turned away from the sink. Suddenly I heard the crane from the sink running water, a stream of atleast/almost an inch.
I was positive I didn't hit the rotary knob. I turned it off. But the rotary knob turns btowards the wall. So even if I would hit it I was impossible to let the water run.
It didn't felt ominous, but I wasn't sure if it was eli either. I can't feel him anymore. I can't distinguish a common spirit from him anymore. I can't feel the soul bond energy anymore.
some dm’s with zio:
me: I did you ever had this with nabriales?
zio: I think things are different for everyone, but often I have a hard time connecting and it has a lot to do with my emotional state. Stress makes it difficult for me to connect.
The most I can do is try to relax my mind or wait until the stressful situation I'm in resolves.
me: hmmmm So my friend who said stress is a thing. But I am not under stress atm. So what is it then?
zio: I'm sorry, I don't know.
me: ok
zio; You could be troubled emotionally and not know it. The mind is strange. Wow thought I sent that earlier. You could also be stressing yourself out over not hearing from him and not know it, making it worse
me: hmm i guess that last line could be the case. got any advice on that?
zio: It's still something I struggle with a lot mysel, unfortunately. Maybe meditation on letting go of expectations would help? Just trusting in your bond and accepting whatever comes. Too much pressure could be closing communication off.
me: well yeah i suppose so. but i dont understand where the bond feeling went. its gone...or it feels that way
zio; I don't think it's gone, but you're probably blocking yourself from feeling it, It can happen. Spiritual blockages.
me: i try to feel whenever i feel something close to check if it him.....
zio: Like I said, your expectations are stressing you out
me: hmmmmm
zio: Just keep working on yourself and your travels with the phase. The more you think about this, the harder it's going to get. Sometimes you just have to let go and trust in your relationship. It's like overthinking something.
me: your right...but i haven't seen/ well felt him for so long...
zio: He wouldn't just leave. You have to trust in what you have. What is a relationship without trust?
me: T-T true
(ty zio <3)
Dm's with tK
Me: yes i saw
Tk: Oh sorry, thought of you when I saw it
Me: yes i know, the hair lol. Even the length before I needed to cut it.
I wish I could hear feel think (and see).
If ya know what I mean.
Well the feel. But that's all.
I feel a bit ignored in the group.....
Tk: I'm sorry. I haven't had much of anything lately. I'm trying.I'm trying to manifest as well.
Me: Atleast you are trying.But Zeke is capable of doing more than she thinks. And I mean in the sense of abilities.If only she took time for it to improve it.
TK: Feel like I'm improving at least.
Me: Yes I and notice that too! That's good from you!
Lol I have said it before. But if venat happens to be Elidibus's mom. Then well no explanation needed about where my looks came from.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June12th
me: OK I have been on the Source moon now on Mare lamentorum!
The Chrysalis where I firstly halfly landend zoomed out and it was in the middle of that city. It was breathing taking beautifull. I got no words on how to describe it, yet alone what these things, were. It contained allot of gold decoration with light blue crystals.
later that day a wiccan medium how offered her powers to help me. to know where elidibus is. I didnl;t told her that he was from ffxiv. but she figured it out soon enough, she played ffxiv in the past and believes the same as I do.
me: please read this is mind blowing stuff regarding elidibus gained via someone else.
sooooooooooooooooooo i had a video call with a witch of the wiccan/pagan group from FB. to ask something about elidibus. i did mention his name (well title). but not that he was from a game.
but half through the conversation via video call she already had her suspicions that it was him from FFXIV. but i will get to that later. first of all: i always had a secret wish he would come in an host body to be in my live physically. but i dismissed it months ago because i thought it wouldn't be possible. though i did spoke it out load once when he was with me months ago i believe in nov/dec somewhere but i never thought i would needed to write my thoughts down like that.
she said that he didn't left me and he was working on a ceremonial event! and she had the feeling he was talking to others as well at the same time with her. so yeah him communicating with multiple people/souls at the same time is hereby confirmed .and that he was searching for a host (atm) to be with me physically and so we got info on that now....i had to refrain myself from crying or else i cannot properly speak English anymore. . and i didn't told anyone about this wish not even here on discord. but he has to be careful he got only 1 chance she said or else he is done for >.< so he is searching a host that is matching him and me. in other words befriending another soul who has a corporal body to share bodies with. but he hasn't found one yet and she said he is quite obsessed with it. XD and she said he was obsessed by it. Then he needed to watch out not to loose himself in it. He is aware of that though.
(i seriously never expected this get this on info) and she said "you knew this!" . me: "well not in that regard but i had a secret wish about that once" and explained above.
so he remembered that apparently.
so before we get to the game part we talked about things like the clean my house of shit that lingers and that she can get our house cleaned from a distance etc.
so i got back halfway the conversation how he would find a host if that would be someone i already know or someone new. and she didn't know. well mainly because he hasn't found one yet.
and she said something which i forgot (its was a vid call of 2 h XD) that gave me the biggest or urge to spill it that the ffxiv world exists. and thats the story of their planet being told from above.
me: "i got the biggest urge to tell you more, but"
she: yes please do so, in the beginning i require that rather not for the authenticity of what i get through.
so i told her the one another and she played every FF game. even XIV. she showed me. yet she played the last time 5 or 6 years ago and was not higher then lvl25 or something due her slow internet connection and playing allot of bills every time she can't play sadly. but yet she knew elidibus was from XIV. ( i mean wtf he doesn't come into the game until 2.1) so later she googled the name. she: "ah yes i already had the idea it was him"
she showed me and read a piece of her books she was writing. she thought i would be scared but it was like i heard myself talking of my believes that not every fantasy story is a fantasy and can be existing world and this can be told from above.
me : "no i am not scared at all, i'am more of hearing myself on this matter, i believe the same!"
and then i knew i found a good one here.
the rest of the conversation was about cleansing our house and making it my sanctuary
she is gonna put a shield and protection upon our house to keep us save from entities who refuse to live by our rules or harms us and if they don't listen she will comes here to exorcist them XD (not sure if she really meant coming over here, but she does having family in Germany so yeah XD). but elidibus will be allowed to enter from what i understood.
so i got no answer when he is coming back. but she gained a bit of more info that our pets should be able to see him. and that i should pay attention how our animals react to it. but yeah then i need to know when he is here in the first place to discover how they react XD.
and i need to contact her on how everything goes around here on monday to have another call on tuesday. and she will do her homework to know more about Elidibus via the game lore. shall i help her with that or let herself do that?
well thats pretty much it.
so what do you all think of this?
especially you zeke
zeke said something about finding a body was new to know. and some other things.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
that evening I asked her if elidibus was with me and she confirmed it, I had a lovely re-kindled soul bonding with him again. sadly I couldn’t have sex with him (due birth control replacement failure I had a tiny wound in my womb) even though he was horny as hell as my ex felt it radiating from him. so I had to decline it, sadly. i bet he was disappointed, I was too. I imagined differently when he would return to have some very good sex *smirk*
but I was a bit uncertain about it due this imposter. Especially after the second groping feeling I gained at 2:30 am. but when I woke up in the middle of the night at 2:30 I felt being groped, and I was sure elidibus would have understood it what I said, so I had suspicions by default. but I was a bit uncertain about it due this imposter nonetheless so I asked her if she could figure out if that was the imposter or not including the one in the evening.
sadly she never really did. eventually I contacted my higher self 3 days later. and elidibus was indeed with me in the evening, and the imposter in the night. I wanted to tell her but I wanted to her to figure out firstly to see if I was right.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 15th
me: I just had a, dream where I met yoshi.
And we had a private talk in some office room.
Yoshi: what is it?
Me: I don't know for how much this is real but.
And then we spoke the same sentence at the same time: " do you know that the ascians exists? Yes-"
Yoshi -nodded
Me: -that, wait how do you know?
Yoshi: how else would we come up with such a story?
Me: does the dev team knows?
He nodded in slight confirmation. But didn't gave an answer. He wasn't sure about how much. But they were definitely influenced.
I can't remember what I said next, but he started about the WoL called Zorro (xD) was fighting all these things (primals presumably).
I was thinking, Zorro? I pictured that classic dude Zorro.
But then I woke up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me: i asked for some questions to my higherself just now.
at saturday evening (june 12th) it was elidibus who visited me. but the 2:30 am encounter he wasn't . ...i asked my HS if elidibus got time tonight again. hopefully he will come.
stupid of me that I didn’t wrote it down. I remember he did visited indeed and some very deep soulbonding happened that evening. sex I can’t remember if we did that or not I believe we tried but was still hurtfull down there.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 16th
me: I think I get it now that if you got too much on your mind you can't connect properly.
I have became a bit more aware that if I don't feel at ease or got allot things in my head, even its emotional I can't connect properly to my higher self, and get others instead. And these others only giving vague answers that change the outcome when asked differently. And that doesn't happen with your HS.
The others are mostly spiritguides but they can't connect to Elidibus from a far endless distance. While my HS can. So it's quite annoying when you discover it's a spiritguide halfway through the session. Only to dismiss most of the answers gained.
It's always so funny when I ask to channel a direct message with answer from him via my hs. This is usually how I end the session telling I love him.
I said "I love you, and I hope to see you soon".
And I was pushed so far forward that I almost tripped and I mean really almost, if there weren't stuff in the shack to grab a hold on I really would have fallen down haha . (means; I love you too)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
later that day I received a very disturbing message of that woman who helped me. her daughter and grand daughter were raped and her son almost killed. and she and her other son had claw marks on their backs. and she believed it came from us (I was certain that if this is true what she said it were attachments of my ex) . this is a very short summary of it. she blocked me straight after that and I couldn’t reply. so I posted that into the discord group.
( but as of now that I read back to it, I think it might be a fake story too or it were indeed her own unfortunate events, and that it didn’t came from us at all.)
my ex: I cannot believe that we have actually brought THIS upon them. I've always had an idea that my ailments where of demonic nature, but as much as I've had to endure, I have never experienced anything just as extreme as THIS! Also what is she talking about?! None of us are "messing" with anything, we're not doing anything at all! We really do not understand what she means...
tk: was gonna say, sounds scammy
me: Well we talked via a video call, we we have seen each other that way. Also I didn't paid for anything
so this conversation went on for a while. to bad I can’t remember zeke’s replies on this so I will skip some messages of my own now as well.
me: hmm so not even that that spirit was from our house that took revenge or anything?
but can you answer the other question i had before i replied to zio.
do you got any doubts about it?
zeke asked how she connected with him
me: she spoke with him through the mind. and saw things and gained information that matches.
i mean we came to know he was busy with a ceremonial event. and that he didn't left me. ah yes she also said he was speaking an unknown language towards the others he was speaking to. though i said he should be able to understand/speak at least english. she received further info etc. so yeah it really seemed she talked with him. also after the video call and later in the evening she said he was with me. which he told her. and i gained information of my higher self yesterday that in the evening it was him indeed. but the one in the night he wasn't.
zeke: I honestly don't know, because I thought you said she was going out of her way to actually try to talk to him."
me: so yes she did her best to contact him. and the video call was needed. because when she tried before the vid call she only received a muted echo as she called it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 17th
last night June 16th had marvelously good sex with elidibus, and soul merged like multiple times to make sure it was him, and he listened when I ask it for it. for as I know the imposter isn’t even able to do that. it hope it stays that way. its was so nice, I felt he wanted to give me the completeness feeling of our soul bond. but I was feeling it only upon me instead of inside. as I said that he merged with me completely and I was able to feel it inside my body, that was so heavenly. though after all this I still was very carefull that it wasn’t the imposter. well luckily the next day I asked my HS at it was the real Elidibus <3
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 18th
me: istening to a shaman course vid webinar
when she said "we need to convince the deceased spirit its time to go, to go back home to the source. i almost started cry. hmmmm stay persistent in what you wanna dream. eventually it will happen like manifesting.
tk: well i mean that works if you keep thinking about it. about the manifesting, and keep working towards it.
me: yeah ty
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 19th
zeke came back at the previous conversation. eventually the conversation went about encouraging her to communicate with elidibus at will like that woman did. and encouraged the rest as well
me: Also from what I know. All ascians wants us to improve ourselves the best we can.
Oh one other thing.
After he came back. And we rekindled our bond. Every time I think of him. I get this fuzzy feeling of the bond washed over me. Like he is actually here as soon as a think of him. But since he is a workaholic I doubt that. Could it be a telepathically clairsentient link? I am not sure though. I wish I could get clarification from him on this. and especially from other people like you all here.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me: note to self: make sure to ask for either the "current" elidibus or "the one that sacrificed himself for zodiark" or else i get a random old dude.
that is probably an appearance of the one before the current one >.< from ancient times (i got no other explanation). i know that its was some very old dude at that time. but why does that old dude appears when i ask someone to bring me to elidibus?
this time it was Unukalhai. previous time igeyorhm.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 20th
me: So an update I asked my higher self about that fuzzy feeling.
Because apparently its somewhat of a telepathic link I got with him now.
But If possible I would like some verification from others. To make sure it legit or not of what I gained on answers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 22nd
me: OK this will Mostly go here.
I woke up from a nightmare about an hour ago. It's was about I needed to see the doctor for something. And when I finally got there and needed to wait in the waiting room, apparently it was for some medication but then I started to wonder of whom I was pregnant from, my ex or Elidibus. I gained severe stomach/belly ache. And was being pulled of the stairs suddenly. I kept falling like and endless stairs and the pain became worse like being stomped continuously in one impact. Eventually so worse that I said, "please die" a couple of times and then said "so I can be with Elidibus" I wanted to repeat it. But then I slowly woke up from it. I was laying upon my belly with the same pressure feeling of a stomp but without pain. This first thought was, "really?, didn't I had this on my previous pregnancy? When I laid on my belly?"
I turned on my left size, and I believe Elidibus holded me tightly. I landed in a dreaming while awake state something about fandaniel, but I didn't want to dream about him, so I woke up from it. Elidibus still holding me.
I turned on my back,
Elidibus kissed me.
I almost fell asleep again almost the same dream waking state but woke up again.
I believe I felt some slight worryness. I turned on my right side. He hugged me.
When I decided to leave the message on discord in the general tab he left afterwards.
The funny thing is, when I noticed that he left. I tried to connect with him by thinking of him, it took a while this time, I was worried I lost the connection so soon and that the nightmare caused this. But then it came back 2x stronger then it already was.
It was definitely because he just left and started to work again that it took him a bit longer to reply with feelings.
Even while writing this I feel the comfort of him
me: @everyone can you all read what I wrote in the spirit happenings-telepathy channel? And perhaps reply on it what you think of it? Especially that nightmare. Because its either something that doesn't want it to happen (pregnant of Elidibus) . Or a subconscious message that if it would happen it will cause allot of pain?
zeke said something that it cannot be possible and some extra info
me: Interesting. So it cannot happen even though I got sex with him anyway?
I used to believe it wasn't possible, until I realised jesus story... But as I said " miracle"
zeke: for them its still an act of creation, (and some more things)
me: So from what I understand that for them they got fully control of "when" if you know what I mean. I mean zio got a kid with Nabs in her dreams. :P
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 23rd
me: OK so I contacted my higher self and via her contact Elidibus.
And its not even possible to get me pregnant in the form he is now. But if he manages to get someone to join bodies with then he will (I even asked firstly if he was even doing that obviously) . Though I did said if he arrives later then 5y from now that I don't want another kid (then I will be 38, so no thanks). He understood. But doesn't know when he would find someone. Which obvious ofcourse.
Though however, when I leave this body. He does want baby spirit/souls with me. (yes that's possible I digged into that half a year ago). Though I already knew that to begin with. But asked again to make sure
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me: Hehe Elidibus want some telepathic attention xD. I keep getting those feelings while not thinking about him intensely.
It works the other way around as well it seems.
Also gained confirmation when I think of him and I hardly get a reply feeling from him then he is busy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June24th
me: OK something just happened here.
The blanket that covers the bird cage moved on his own.
I firstly thought it was my cat looking under the sheets. My ex saw the same and thought one of the birds, was outside of the cage and climbing.
Then I saw my cat coming from the hallway. And my ex checked the cage. No birds, they were inside sitting on their perch.
There was no wind either. And it's a decent heavy blanket that cannot move with a simple breeze not even with a fan.
It's was really moving like some grabbed it oh looked underneath it.
It happened at about 7:55am
So I had a wierd dream afterwards I will tell later. So I talked out loud in private when I woke. That that imposter (imposter in my dream this time) doesn't like my relationship with a eternal angelic light being (Elidibus) . I looked at a picture of him and said " yeah to me you're an angel".
It felt like he was flattered or something. At least that emotion popped up. Like blushing. While I had no reason too xD.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 27th
me: So I keep getting the answers that it is truely a connection with Elidibus I got now. And that luckily others can't immitate it and use it.
Though outside confirmation of me having this connect would be nice.
Further more I need to practice the feelings into thoughts to communicate and need to learn which emotion is which answer so I can communicate with better and at will. I asked if my HS could help me with that. So I hope she will.
Next step will be hearing him if I mastered the thoughts.
It seems the manifesting and the people that are helping me with it, starts to work!
Though as I said earlier outside confirmation about this is welcome!
And asked when Elidibus would visit me again.
Tomorrow morning 9:15 . Let's hope nothing gets in between.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
we gained a new member here. only for short term because the group fell apart (due the document that was set up against me) a few days later.
sadly after the disband he never replied back to me anymore. so I got my concern if its legit or not. nonetheless I will post the story of him here.
birdnerd18: I guess the first experience was way back in ARR, during the Praetorium. This would have been around May of last year. I hadn’t been paying too much attention to the plot because I had heard it was kind of lackluster up until Heavensward. But it was when Lahabrea showed up and started talking about how Hydaelyn was evil that I actually started listening. Usually I’m the “attack first find out the motive later” person, but I kept getting this feeling that I should listen to him, like he might be right. My friends thought I was nuts because he stopped talking and I said “wait come back, I want to listen,” which was super out of character for me. Looking back on it, it might have been a premonition that I didn’t have the truth, and that Lahabrea was one of the holders of the truth I sought.
The next one happened in early ARR patch content when Elidibus shows up and tries to explain the truth. Once again I was completely ready to receive his message, but my friends kept saying we should attack him for attacking Minfilia (even though she literally struck first), but I wanted to hear his side. I think this was another premonition of the truth, this one being tied to Elidibus.
I actually didn’t like Emet-Selch upon meeting him (this was around early November). He seemed a little bit off to me and I really didn’t want to partner with him until he mentioned “the burden of truth.” It almost felt like he knew what I wanted and knew that he had it, which, in a way, he does. They all do.
I’ve only been playing ffxiv for a year and a half, but when I saw Amaurot for the first time I was rendered speechless by an intense feeling of nostalgia and loss. After finishing the MSQ, I started having a recurring dream of standing in Amaurot with Emet-Selch, who holds out his hand to me and says “welcome home” but I always wake up before I can take his hand. After reading about Ascianity and the dreams that you said everyone gets, I couldn’t help but wonder if I might be a Sundered soul too.
I already mentioned the feelings I had upon entering Amaurot. I entered Amaurot and finished 5.0 in the same night, which was the first night I started having my recurring Emet-Selch dream. I currently have this dream about once or twice a month, but I’m not prone to having the same dream repeatedly so this one has stuck out to me, and after reading My Ascian Journey, I believe I know the reason why.
I feel really at peace when I’m in Amaurot in-game. When I’m really stressed out I go into the game and go first person and just walk around the streets just to be somewhere that feels like home.
I also get a feeling a lot that I should go to the Akadaemia, but never what I should do there, which often ends in me going in there and just walking around for as long at the game will allow me, trying to figure out why I’m there.
I also feel like I should explain my premonitions. I mentioned in my ao3 message that I’m new to spirituality, and this is true. I have no gift for meditation or communicating with spirits. (I believe this may be in part why I can’t reach out to Emet during my dreams.) (For the people reading this, I’m rather new to this sort of thing, and I’m working on expanding my spiritual capabilities, however I’m not very good at many things right now.)
However I’m not entirely new to things most people consider supernatural. For as ling as I can remember I’ve gotten these feelings which I call my premonitions. Most of them are minor things like getting good vibes from someone I will later become friends with or getting the feeling that something extremely bad is going to happen to me on a certain day only to find out that the bad thing happened somewhere else (I’ve only had a premonition about a major event once, it was in middle school and I had a premonition about a terrorist attack later in the week). Sometimes they’re vague, sometimes they’re hyperspecific, sometimes they come true exactly as I felt, sometimes they don’t come true at all. They’re also all mostly unconnected, except for the feelings I get surrounding Amaurot. Those feelings keep drawing me towards Amaurot, towards the Ascians.
me: i think you were a student of emet-selch just like me. only explanation i can give for the Akadaemia part.
thank you for sharing!
birdnerd18: I was thinking something similar but my premonitions either can’t or won’t tell me what I studied, which is probably why I get there and they don’t tell me anything else.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the rest of the days till june 29th it was only about the document. when I came across the part that some spy leaked info of things on April 19th said in the group.
zio: At this point I am very uncomfortable staying in this environment. Thank you for having me as long as you all did. Please take care, everyone
tk: If someone is doing this I'm out, I feel like I can't text or say anything anymore tbh. If you wanna contact me still the dms are still open.
zeke: I'm sorry to say, but this group has definitely gotten to a point where I don't feel safe, as Zio said. The constant stress of wondering if I'm going to end up in screenshots on that document is really getting to me, on top of being accused of leaking things. I have nothing to gain from leaking anything. I don't even KNOW any of those people. I don't know if you saw before I deactivated my Twitter, but I wasn't even following them. Other than screenshots Ayane has sent, I haven't even seen them. I really can't keep doing this. As Zio and TK said, you'll be able to contact me in DMs. I hope everything goes well for you all - please take care.
june 30th
me: Feel free to leave....the remaining 2....( Azelyn and Ghia)
The group is destroyed, and me with it. the witch hunters got what they wanted..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and at first I thought it was zeke, but eventually I learned I was wrong and I still blame myself for that, because it was Azelyn in the end. she betrayed my new FB account to Eliniel. I wanted to switch over to that account and delete the main one. she was the only one who knew that account nobody else did, not even Jezzah. she left the group deleting all her messages, and blocked me on FB and twitter. Few days ago (sept 14th) I even noticed she deleted all DM’s on discord aswell. she was a spy first class. I think even R and mysi*** would be shocked to hear this because they trusted her aswell.
zeke blocked me and even though I wrote an apology poem for Zeke (zio sended it forward for me to zeke), they still blocked me till today. I hope that ever may come a day they will unblock me. their partner Grian, I still got contact with. but he doesn’t reply that often. perhaps it’s a touchy subject, but I wanna make up for my mistakes. I said that in discord dm’s but he never replied to that particular subject…. It hurts, I don’t want to come it to an end like this. T-T
I do not feel inclined to debunk the entire document of 38 pages. I rather stick my time in more usefull things. even though in the beginning I made a start with it. already had 15 pages iirc to debunk on her first 7 pages but didn’t felt to continue with it, people don’t believe it anyway because they only listen to the one with the biggest mouth.
that entire document is full of crap and misunderstood translated dutch sarcasm. its made up by nothing more than assumptions without knowing the context of something. and assumed to be instantly negative on everything what I said. You can read a sentence many ways. and they all failed to do so to find the correct meaning. and I got the god dammed right to defend myself to something like art-theft. like wtf was that shit. there are 1000’s of OC azem’s with long white hair and even more so a ponytail. in that way it’s a fact they all look the fucking same. I will debunk this after the first dream below because twitter user M was mentioned within that dream. I use the redacted name “M” since it was used in that public document.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dreams of June
June 7th
estinien or elidibus in disguise?
it started with something like an internal link ( url btw lol)that was high upon a big tree in the branches. The url would contain info about elidibus. I couldn’t reach it and throwed everything against it trying making it to fall down. later I decided to grab a big BIG branch with the idea to get it out as a dragoon. (I main drg btw in game). so when I grabbed that branch I firstly made a sand drawing upon the trunk of the tree (????) of estinien and aymeric next to eachother. somehow they were stuck at eachother in that picture/drawing.
me: hmmmm(while drawing) I don’t think estinien would like this. but I don’t care XD #sarcasm
when I finished the drawing I walked back to the Url that was high up in the branches of the tree. with the though running in my head that Nidhogg would be inside those branches? ( like what?)
but then I suddenly was at a gathering, I looked around and upwards and noticed elidibus as ardbert on a big screen. I wanted to touch him but I was held back by people who were above the screen.
guy above the screen: yeah, that not allowed, nobody is allowed to know that they are real.
someone in the crowd: oh is that so?! ( yell towards everyone in the room.;) come everyone attack them!
and then a fucking riot started. here I miss a small part sadly, but after a while (hyur) Estinien approached me.
esti: do you still don't like me?
me: what?! I definitely liked you in the past. I was always Jealous on [twitter user M]
this was weird and surprised me I said that, because M ships herself with Elidibus. the thought of; * why do I say this? this is incorrect* was running through my head at the moment I said that.
me: so how do you come up with that?
I hugged him and gave him a kiss. (why? but considering it might have been elidibus is disguise it could be logical) .
esti: hmph just a thought.
then we went towards the side of the hallway ( we were standing in the middle.)
I was leaning against the wall and estinien kissed me in my neck and afterward on my mouth.
me: put on ascian robes for me, I got a kink for that.
on that moment I said that I was wearing them too. estinien poofed into ascian robes (black) but I couldn’t see his face anymore. I tried to see it but didn’t succeed. the background also turned black. he kissed me. and my robes that were tied in my waist he untied them for the intention to sex. he unbuttoned his pants and kissed me afterwards.
me: is he gonna bang me right here? I don’t mind XD
but then the dream switched to something else it seemed like a younger estinien ( 4yo max) where I was his mother it seemed. the only explanation I can give this, its our child (of estinien and me)? I was teaching him how to hold a burrito. he was a adorable little kid, mini estinien in looks.
me: no you have to hold it this way.
esti kid: oh yes, like that, yes,… yes.
he grabbed it afterward another time. then I needed to throw something away. and then it was about something else every briefly and then I woke up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yeah eli in disguise or just estinien. elidibus have been in black robes in first half 2020 when fighting against him so I wouldn’t be surprised. even though sex didn’t happen in that dream. though lately kissing isn’t that unusual anymore after July 16th. but anyways it could have been estinien aswell in that dream or only partly. I don’t know. perhaps I will ask later for an actual answer.
also some disclaimer; I have only been slightly jealous at “M” in the past for that she can afford to pay for so many commissions. but I have grown past that long ago (atleast 10 months ago, its October 2021 now while writing this). some people can spend huge amounts of money on others things aswell. so if those expanses are mostly her only ones than I get it she uses most of her money for commissions. so yeah you got my respect and apologies ( for mis-inpretening my posts on other things) now ok. but she probably doesn’t read this anyway….
I would like to add, that I never stole her character btw (which was the art theft about),
sadly I can’t post dm’s of the artist to show my innocence. but I can atleast show you what I send to the artist as it will be only me on these screenshots.
too bad when I posted the progress picture people went crazy and claimed I stole “M’s” azem character (which is a guy btw). despite if you know that character or not you can see I never did that. I sended pics of a quickly made character in the character creation that looked as close as possible as ME. and not someone else’s. pictures of myself are on my locked twitter account.
due all the drama this caused the artist to cancel the commission. and so the cancellation happened….. these witch hunters are so fierce against me that they wont even want me to have a commission for myself. the artist was so kind enough to make 1 final adjustment before giving it back to me.
even though despite all this, I still like it. he/she refunded me. even though unfinished it still gives of the vibe I wanted.
if you are familiar with M’s azem character you will see the truth now I hope, despite I can’t post everything on here. me and her azem don’t look the same. and as mentioned earlier there a 1000’s of azems ( and many other anime characters) with long white hair in a ponytail and that is not just me saying that, there where atleast a couple of handful of people who saw the truth. TY FOR THAT!.
You cannot put a PSA on a character by just the long white hair in a ponytail, and the hair of mine wasn’t even that long compared to hers. her's was a pony tail almost hitting the ground iirc.. and even more so this is ME and not an azem character and ofcourse female. I will leave it with this here. I said my thing.
But lets continue with the dreams.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 9th
this is the dream I mentioned in short earlier
in this dream I had something with emet-selch ( no I am not cheating I promise). but he was soulless, he couldn’t “feel” anymore completely emotionless. I wonder if this was after the summoning of zodiark that they all became tempered together with the betrayal of the defector he was completely empty .
I don’t recall much of the beginning of the dream. but I moved in into a house where a lot had to be done, including renovation and cleaning etc.
Emet would come by. he was much older than me. I'm 33 and he was 46~50 or something? at least that's how it felt. he had his own room. but he was rarely there. my mom was there to help with the house. she was busy with the bathroom. my dad arrived to look into diverting a water drain that leaked underground and had to be diverted to another drain from the kitchen. it was some kind of drainpipe that leaked.
dad: Well then let's see how we're going to do that then
then Emet entered the house. he was depressed as hell and completely soulless like he couldn’t feel anything anymore. and not for me either. i was careful with him not to push my love for him because that might scare him away, at least i thought so….
he headed for the stairs to where his room would be. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to grab his robe-like coat but my hands slipped over it and mishandled. he sighed deeply and walked on.
mom: can you come and help me? it’s really bad here.
me: ok!
Emet apparently often had the urge to go to his room and then leave again. this had originally happened before in the dream but can't remember how it happened.
while helping with the bathroom I asked my mother
me: is Emet still there? mom: I don't know, is he gone then?
me: well he was just here. I don't know if he's still there.
mom: yeah, but you really need to help out here. If your father sees this, he won't help you.
me: yeah I know.
mom: you throw those diapers away
me: ok, blegh disgusting who has a baby here? (the diaper is full of poop) I'm so glad I don't have to touch diapers anymore (referred to my 10 year old son)
I threw the diapers in the trash. I opened the lid and saw the bin full of diapers. I put it on top and went out of the bathroom to see if emet was still there.
once at the stairs I pushed away a kind of stair gate, but it was vertically up over the steps. it was white and the stairs made of wood.
I went up the stairs to his room.
now I don't know whether I knocked on the door or opened the door carefully. But I opened the door carefully to see if it was there.
I saw him sitting on something. he was wearing black ascian style robes with purple markings on the hood part (i think it was becoming ascian robes)
me: oh you're still here can I come in?.
he didn't said anything, like he wouldn't care. i went in. I wanted to kiss him but he didn't want to. so I took some distance. he got up and I saw a black kitten walking. he had a white underside spread over his body.
me: oh? you got a cat?
the cat climbed up on him via his robes. (my view got closer) the cat walked slowly over his arm and as it did I said
me: look he tries to feel you with the bottom of his paws.
then my view went to the left side of his face and saw emotion (through the cat) coming back into his eyes. he had blue eyes. his pupils went from larger to smaller and then larger again. every time it got smaller again, it got a little bigger than the last time. he got after about 5 times, 1x puppy eyes and after that they became normal. I became 1 with the view and so now I was standing at him.
me: can you feel again?
and gave him a kiss on the cheekbone
emet: yes.
and he started to cry.
then I woke up.
I asked my higherself later on ( I believe a week later) how old emet was over there of if this was a glimpse of the tempering in my past life and how that all affected them. he was 47 in this dream. so that age difference from me and him is still correct.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 10th
so I landed in a Phase dream. I went outside of my body and was at the old district where I grew up with. I went with half closed eyes down the stairs and went outside.
I rubbed my hands a few times and my eyes opened. I went looking for elidibus anyway, in one way or another there was a chance that he was there. and I was slightly concerned that he would not come the next day. I searched around the houses in the old district I grew up in. here and there some people in small groups. I was hoping to see him but alas. then I went to the lawn behind my father's old house. I then said something about elidibus and a girl a little younger than me suddenly appeared and answered.
me: Do you know if there's a chance he won't come tomorrow?
girl: yes, there is, he likes to fight very much, so he often hangs around when something happens and then joins in. (or something like that she said).
I thought by myself; *she clearly has contact with him and knows more*. I rubbed my hands regularly to stay present in the dream.
me: can I ask you for help more often?
girl: sure
me: what is your name?
girl: linala
me: linala?
linala: yes
and then she started a story about that she also met someone like me in a dream and met that person in RL.
linala: and then you meet in RL and then you both go like: ahhhhh I know you!. that's really nice when that happens.
me: hahah but is there a big or small chance that he is not coming. (referring to elidibus)
linala went laying on her back on the grass.
Linala: small, yes, he likes it all. and he won't turn down a bar fight. but he will eventually come.
me: oh lucky, yeah you know. so i am soul bonded with him. and I was on the Source in a past life - so yes that also exists- I was his younger sister.
linala: oh interesting
me: but now we're together (and said some more). but through reincarnation it doesn't matter what I was before.
Linala: yes I understand.
then very briefly what I can only notice that I wake up and could do nothing more. I said oh ooh?!. I wanted to tell her I was waking up but couldn't do anything beyond those words.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 12th
the source’s moon mare lamentorum
I realized several times that I was dreaming and often almost woke up. but kept my eyes closed and fell asleep again.
at the last time I jumped off a very high plateau, really kilometers high. as i went down i said let's go to the ascian dimension. the portal opened and I went in. everything was purple but remembered to close my eyes and imagine I was there and what it looked like. I opened my eyes again but saw nothing else than when I went in. I looked to the right, nothing. I looked to the left, nothing above either. then I looked down. after some focusing I saw the seats appear far below me. I remembered that one dream that I fell from above and the middle plateau of the Chrysalis. so I dropped myself and flew (or something) down.
when I was almost there: "yes I'm almost there I see the statue appear" (zodiark). but when i got there i was almost woken up by a noise. but held on and came back again. I still saw the Crysalis very blurry and it was zoomed out and looked like a cut scene. i was on the moon! I saw mare lamentorum! the Chrysalis was in the middle of what you call the city. i was floating in the air/space
me: oh wow i'm on mare lamentorum the moon! omg it's fucking beautiful here.
it was beautiful. words fail me of how it looked. lots of blue and gold from aetheryte crystals and ornaments. things emerged that I can only describe as beautiful gold shiny things.
me: oh wow!.
then i woke up.
later i realized the crystal tower is full of blue crystal and gold lol.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 15th
so I was at the Primark (clothes store) where they gave sewing lessons with all my old classmates from primary and secondary school. we came upon FFXIV lore. i got to the point of saying they know the lore of the ascians.
classmate 1: 11 is just the predecessor of 14 in a different guise.
me: it might be the same world but a different story (or something like that).
cm1: how do you know that?
I was about to say that the Ascians tell their story through the mind of the developers.
me: because......*no I'm not going to say that with my old classmates, forget it*
cm1: what is it?
i walked away and thought *no i'm not going to say this to them even though they know me.
and I walked further away. about 15 followed me and I went into a building. I found out they were after me. i wanted to go to my student residence (that was 15 years ago i had such a cottage).
To get rid of them faster I flew up the wooden stairs, about 4 floors and when I got there I saw an old friend. I don't remember who it was. (now that I think about it, he looked a bit like G'raha tia but in human form. I don't think he had the ears but he did have red hair and the same haircut)
me: ah! how did you get here so fast?
he came from the other side ( now that I think about it maybe with a lift?)
me: blegh never mind
I opened the door to my room. it had no floor/bottom but then the laminate floor came out and slid to the end on the other side.
Me: Wow I haven't been here in so long.
I walked with him towards the kitchen that was at the end of the elongated rooms.
me: oh, the floor doesn't fit properly.
and the floor moved again to correct it. but that did not work out. I saw a box that with its flap on the side ensured that the floor could not go any further.
I wanted to take the box but I ended up under the floor.
me: oh no
he went to see if he could help me out because the floor went crazy and kind of locked me up.
me: ahhhh! get me out of here
friend: i'll see what i can do!
I don't remember how I got there but we were outside in the hallway of my student residence
friend: what's up?
i got a little emotional, i was thinking about realizing that the rest would think i was crazy too was too big.
Me: I can't say it, it's not a physical problem or anything but rather a belief that I can't explain. this one is different from the one you know.
we were spontaneously on the ground floor and I walked the way back toward where this dream started. on this road I met classmates who were chasing me. Apparently they didn't leave all at once. then Yoshi-p appeared. I passed him first and went up a short flight of stairs but then saw it was Yoshi.
I turned around and walked over to him with the intention of asking him if he "knows"
yoshi with half english speaking: do you need....... to talk?
the pause in his sentence clearly suggested that he needed to think about the english words.
me: yes but in private please.
he kept the people who wanted to ask me at a distance and we went into a room.
y: what is it?
me: i dont know for how much this is real-. (and the next sentence we said at the same time)
Y & me: - do you know the ascians exist?!
y: yes, and he nodded.
me: yes, wait you know?!
y: yes, how else would we come up with such a story?
me: but does the dev team know this?
yoshi nodded in a slight confirmation as more or less but didn't gave an actual answer to that. he doesn’t know how aware they are. but they are influenced.
I don't remember what I asked then but he started about Zorro was fighting all these things.
so i think: * zorro? what? and pictured me the classic zorro
then i woke up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 19th
I met Unukhalai in a restaurant and I asked him if he knew where elidibus was. but he brought me to some old guy.
me: yeah um no, this isn’t elidibus. I know he is old but he doesn’t look old as this.
the dream continued long after that searching for the real one. saw allot of ascian masks. maybe it was some kind of test to decipher the real one from the fake? I don’t know alas.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 20th
so this dream was long, weird and vague. but I was upon the Source and didn’t even realized it ffs.
what I vaguely remember in the beginning was that I came with some others in a square with an Aetheryte Crystal (!)
I said to them from a distance: don't forget to attune so you can come back.
they raised their hands by the crystal.
I had binders under my arms with pokemon cards. here it was a very large part about trading pokemon cards. When that was over, I was in an antique shop with my ex and some others.
a man was talking about Connection with the Source and picked up a gambling thing that spins a ball to fall on a number. but that thing was tilted as if almost upright. I walked over to him.
me: may i?
guy: what are you going to do?
Me: I'm going to try to connect.
guy: go ahead.
in the middle appeared an old paper mache ball. just like an aetheryte did in my hand in front of it and it glowed now and then.
me: please elidibus let me connect with you through these last remnants of my ancient powers.
suddenly a quil moved out of itself. even though there was no more ink in it, it spelled: peanut.
me: peanut? you want peanuts? you like peanuts?
I looked to my left and saw a bag of peanuts opened. I took it and put something on my hand and held it up to the paper ball. somehow the ball ate some peanuts (xD).
me: he eats peanuts
guy: oh? can you help us solve a mystery?
I don't remember what I said but did it.
me: elidibus send to where i need to go.
I was sent to the past. it was about a woman with an unusual birth-death date. I saw 900-1880 on a sign. everything black white gray in the area.
me: what? but then she's practically immortal.
but then I heard about her passing young from people standing talking to each other. I walked down the street.
Me: This is indeed not correct.
once at the end of the street it walked towards a nature reserve . i tried to imagine color and didn't succeed.
me: this place is weird. but what year am i?
Then I saw another sign. with a photo of the wife and date of death. the woman had medium length hair and blond curls and smiled broadly. next to it was the date 1900-1880.
me: oh? so she just turned 20. then at that other board the 1 has simply been dropped.
I didn't wonder why it didn't start with 1880.
me: I'm fed up here, Elidibus please get me out of here.
I got zapped back to the present and was somewhere in that antique shop again. I wanted to go back to that thing I used to communicate with elidibus. I saw people who looked like my aunt and uncle standing at the door and didn't feel like opening it. I walked towards my ex who was sitting there behind the PC and said: can you open the door?
I ignored the door after that and woke up
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 24th
Phase dream
the dream started getting aroused by some possible spirit that was hanging around in my bedroom before I fell asleep. so in that dream roamed the dream world and wanted to have sex with someone. but took some time to find someone. eventually I found someone who looked like Meteor (dude from the trailers) but didn’t realized this in the dream it was him. and he was interested ans seems trustable. so we had sex while having our clothes on and he his armor.
but it was very short because the Phase resetted again ( it did previously a couple of times aswell)
he came a scene that I tried to get through a portal I summoned but didn’t work. then later I was back again where meteor was. but meteor was gone.
me: ok let’s find the other warrior of light. (elidibus)
I flew above a city with high buildings. but lots of green on the floor.
me: the Warrior of light that is my love, Elidibus. Ayantano are you here? bring me too Elidibus.
I was being pushed in great speed.
me: the real one, the ascian one. the one that is elidibus at this moment.
we switched a little towards to the right and continued.
I said some other things to make sure I would find the real one and not that old dude again. I kept ribbing my hands during the travel to make sure I would stay in the Phase.
eventually we arrived at a school or something like that. I landed at the schoolyard and walked towards the entrance. I saw some old dudes walking with white hair.
me: oh that’s my uncle
someone was with me and said
s: oh really?
(it wasn’t , It was an school teacher from my middle school time, that’s all I know/remember)
me: and that one over there is my uncle too. ( this was true)
when close to the entrance I saw people with allot of white highlights in their hair. then I looked at the right.
me: omg is that tracey from pokemon as thancred?! omg look how handsome he is now
( was adult Tracey, thancred’s age (34) en thancred’s hairstyle but was black with allot of white highlights.) then I saw the twins, they had blond hair with allot of white highlights.
me: alphinaud and alisaie (adult)
I walked inside and saw elidibus at the reception counter. I saw his robes from the side. so I couldn’t see his face. but when I came near him, it happened not to be the real one. but someone dressed up with his robes. the boy startled and jumped backwards and threw of the robes. he had bright orange/red hair.
me: huh? I know you ( but couldn’t remember who)
then his eyes turned red with black for a sec and then turned bright yellow. the school director was looking stern at him. that that boy wasn;t allowed to change his eyes like that. I had the feeling that the boy felt a bit ashamed but didn’t care.
d: come with me ( he said to me)
I picked up the robes of Elidibus and walked (while hugging it) towards a room where we were suppose to talk.
me: I rather give these back to the Real Elidibus
and saw the texture of the fabric. it looked like canvas cotton.
walked into the room I tried to stay in the phase but when the director said: “so what are you doing here?” ( or something like that) I woke up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this was the june chapter!
in july I had a enormous troll via twitter and discussed this with Zio who has a very good bullshit meter and a huge revelation at a psychic whom I told no details except that I believe the ffxiv world exists. and he doesn’t know what the game is about. and was able to tell that during the session I was surrounded by 13 persons on robes (he called them priests/ascended masters) that were there to make me feel home….the entire convocation was there!