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My Ascian Journey - Chapter 18: new info revealed ( August & Sept 2021)

Updated: Jan 14, 2022

Due to the urgency of Endwalker and TK informing me I told her things that are now coming to light in-game ( either this chapter and/or maybe older ones but it needs to be up to date). The dreams are very interesting considering pandaemonium in endwalker.

This month i asked allot of questions to my higherself who communicates with ElidIbus upon request.

but also still sharing some of my experiences to the others via dm’s


August 1st

not so much experiences this day but rather a in game discovery. I was dragging my estinien alt through 5.3 and didn’t do eden yet.

me: i made an very interesting discovery. when your are at the Twine saying goodbye quest. and if you didn’t do eden yet, Ryne will not speak of Gaia at all. (in 5.3)

tk: Interesting. I've not had much lately. One night in my dream one of them was there (not sure which) but couldn't really talk to them and work up soon after

me: wait a minute wasn’t there a scene that thancred gives his gunblade to ryne or atleast see the blade in the background against the wall when they leave? i hadn't had that one either.

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Had a, short dream about Endwalker content. Like a preview and it ended with when default wol was interacting with a spot that would bring him to the moon.

There it ended.

And I was like " you see?! I expected this would happen!"

well who knows if I get a déjà vu moment when we get there lol.

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August 2nd

So this morning I was communicating a while already. When eventually I said certain things that turned him emotional.

The amount of it was not fully of my own.

Here goes.

I told him that I wanted to be able to touch him and hear him speak. And obviously will be able to when I leave this body. And when I die, I wanted to be sure I shall be with him. I wanted to be part of his quest on what ever he needs to do as emissary. So his duty sorta say. Wanna be on his side where ever he is needed for eternity and forever more.

This made me emotional a little bit.

But suddenly more came, like he was crying of these words. I was about on the verge of crying out loud.

At that moment I knew it were his.

Just now again while typing. I asked if it were emotions of not being able to keep that promise or a promise to be together.

It's the second one it is. And firstly he felt emotional and me quickly after.

Ty Elidibus I love you so much <3

I can't describe how much I love you. I wish I could.

Zio: Sounds like that was a very beautiful and emotional moment...your communication is getting better

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August 4th

what was so nice about this dream below is that I asked him to come into my dreams when he was over in the early morning (so before this dream). he actually tried upon request for a change. I truly appreciate it. it turned out something completely different of what I wanted ( marriage-sex-kids) but yeah all of that won’t fit into 1 dream anyway. we talked about our telepathic connection, and that my body was able to fool myself, I asked him to take that away because i don’t wanna fool myself. he understood, (and together with my higher self later I never had any problems with that again).

so when I wanted to sleep again I said to him that I didn’t want any sex atm because I wanna sleep and that if he wants he can do that later in the morning. but by saying this, it made him horny. I asked if he was arousing me or if someone else did or my body was fooling myself. it was him telepathically. so I was like “ugh ok fine do a telepathic quicky then”. after some quicky’s I was so aroused that the following sentence flooped out of my mouth “ I want your ascian sperm”. then he visited me instantly and he penetrated me. we had short but very powerfull majestic sex . after a bathroom visit I asked him to help me sleep. to hug me to sleep. he patted my soul from top to bottom. that was erotic he wanted to continue, but I really wanted to sleep now. so he stopped. but I thanked him anyway because that was a very nice feeling. and I really had the idea he was laying beside me. I decided to hug him even if I cant see him or know where to touch him. Then I got a ringing in my ears, but of course I didn't understand it of what he was saying. which turned out to be. he was talking to me (a lot). only I didn't understand him. so I asked it to imprint in my soul what he means. after a while I caught myself that I had put my hand on my belly.

me: oh? that is it? you want kids with me?

I got a definite yes and the ringing in my ears stopped. we talked about possible possibilities. he turns out not to be able to change the DNA in the sperm. He apparently tried with my ex during the last double team bang. I asked if he could test if he could only change the DNA of the hair. so that the kid would have white hair. he wanted to investigate that. one other thing. this brought us back to that adjoining host body and that if he finds one to be with me physically that I still have to decide whether I will have another child. this topic was still going on for a while. In the end I really wanted to go to sleep and it didn't take long before I really did sleep.

the dream

it started with a pokemon battle between articuno and vaporeon. I was vaporeon myself at one point and then I was myself again. I stood in front of my father's old house and looked through the window. I got the insane idea of ​​summoning a giant tidal wave to attack Articuno. it didn't quite work out so I tried storm clouds and then rain heavily. then I found myself outside looking for Elidibus. at first others pretended to be elidibus but I noticed this almost immediately. and asked that same person to take me to the real one.

I was taken to some kind of wooden cave or something. looked like a hobbit house but bigger and made of wood. I stood in front of a glass door and saw my own reflection in it half-baked.

me: Elidibus open the door please, it me your wife. if i have to do anything to get in let me know.

when I was let in I was assured that this was the real elidibus (some way or another)

i thought he had his hood off but was wearing glasses (the kind jewelers have) the glasses were a rose gold color, and yes he had white hair in a ponytail. he was holding parts of the ring like he wasn't sure which stone i would like. my view went completely to the many parts on the table. I took the part that he was holding. I had to find everything together that I liked.

then he left. I grabbed the part he was holding. I was totally fixated on the parts. and somehow I linked it to match my dress for for ex's brother's wedding.

I looked for different colors of blue gemstones together. blue diamond like stones they were. perhaps the crystal was in the shape of a diamond. the ones he was holding were turquoise colors.

but i wanted some darker blues. I look for different parts (including the ring itself), take things apart and then put them together. something interesting discovered that I suddenly put several stones around each other in a circle. I adjust and measure.

me: oh? can i do this and that? would this work? etc etc

from this point it wasn't really about the ring anymore. and it was about that I told my ex that I encountered Elidibus and he was wearing glasses.

then the dream switched to something else.

I was operating my ffxiv character through VR, so eventually I became my character while playing. I needed to get through obstacles to get towards a aetheryte crystal so I could attune to it.

me: oh this is so amazing, this will be the first time I will be doing this attuning myself!

someone apporches me.

s: yes that's good keep it up

he was helping me attuning the crystal.

the crystal blinked every now and then while attuning.

once done, it lights up completely.

s: so, it's done you can check if it worked by holding/putting your finger on it.

me: oh? (I did and that gave a static shock affect). it functions. it worked.

then i woke up


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August 5th

questions with my higherself to/and elidibus

“What were the convocation crystals used for. Were the memories stored inside like in the game correct or was it a better connection to the soul tool. Or both?

“Or a better connection of your soul. to Store memories in it?”

Game is right, soul memories.

The idea that I wear Elidibus's is that he programmed it to make a better connection with my soul.

Indeed ophiuchus is linked to Elidibus. And he still has his own. But he symbolically gave this replica to me for the connection.

now I will post several question without an answer. but everything will be answered after all these questions as a quick summing up.

“I had sex with eli on July 18 and July 7. Or was that someone else?” -

“Did I have sex with eli on July 30 in the evening? Telepathic? Was that double penetration sex with my ex?” -

“When he comes back in my dream.” This month of August.

“When he comes again.” Saturday 8:35

“Eli visit early morning Aug 4 with sex. was it him?” -

“The communication I had was that him in the beginning or my body fooling me or someone else?” -

“Was it someone else all the time and did I imagine it? Was he there?” -

“The dream I had, the one holding the ring and that I had to gather together what I liked on gemstones was that the real Elidibus or someone else?” real one

“Did I have sex with Elidibus early afternoon, Aug. 4, or did he send someone else?” -

“Today 5 Aug. Had sex with Eli? Someone or else? Or my imagination?” -

“Was the communication with Elidibus or anyone else?” -

“Was he in the shower with me?” Yes

“was it elidibus or you (my higherself) that grounded me in the shower?” elidibus


here is the summing up of the forgotten answers:

All sex and communication was eli.

No false answers.

My body can imitate the connection movements which can cause the effect of fooling myself but HS is going to help me learn the difference. ( and yes I do know the difference now)

Currently no problems with imposters. (sadly they came back in October)

Telepathic connection cannot be imitated by other entities. ( entities perhaps yes, sadly other spirit guides etc still can -_- I noticed a month later)

Eli's reason he doesn't answer when I ask if it's real to him. It's because he's annoyed of it. But he gets it.. ( now it became a routine, if I get a reply the first thing I do is verifying him, if I am sure this the real deal I asked my questions to him or anything I got to ask or tell)


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August 8th

Past 3:35 am.

Before before that I turned around grabbing my eli plushie and hugged it. Without thinking in my mind about him I gained a huge loving reply back. And then some later I fell asleep.

So when I woke up at the time mentioned I went to the toilet and came back. Went into bed and grabbed the plushie again. Gaining the exact same feeling.

After some communication it seemed he was resting outside of the earth spiritual planes. He wasn't on the Source either. Somewhere in between or something like that. But more closer to earth. And he was alone. So that's why he could do it so intensely. Because this wasn't just a normal reply as usual when hugging the plushie. These feelings were more focused and intense.

I asked if he was permanently linked to the plushie. But that seemed not to be the case (luckily). He can disconnect from that plushie whenever he wants to. But he does use it for a better direct connection. So its somewhat of a voodoo doll, but not entirely.

This morning 8:40am. He was not replying so intense anymore. I wondered if he was asleep or working. But didn't gained a clear reply.

I decided to give the plushie a long intense kiss. And when I finished and removed my mouth from the plushie I gained one back mentally.

Oh that felt so good.

the plush:



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August 9th

I fail to get a proper connection. Even kissing the plush usually results a reply. But now just nothing.

Pfffttt hahaha I said " I just gonna kiss this plush the entire day until I get a decent reply".

And so gained a instant reply.

He probably was like, " oh good god, I will be working the entire day with a red face let's reply fast".

but it seems he is very busy. i can't really re-connect again.

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August 15th

questions with my higherself to/and elidibus

“Sex with eli on 11, 12 & 13 August?” . Yes, stupid question, but I'm sure he understands. Just gained a yes from him lol. Correct

(Depending on when I start asking questions again,) “if he comes this month in my dreams where we have a clear interaction with each other and that I remember everything about it”. Yes And Sept.

“The one I invite to visit me through my thoughts is that my imagination? ,” if not is that someone other than Elidibus?” “Is it someone pretenting to be Elidibus?” no, real one ( on all 3 questions)

“Has Elidibus ever sent anyone else to please me or let someone just drop by since this telepathic connection?” no

“Does Elidibus know what dream I had last night? If so. Are there peers or students of the convocation, jealous of me or some other negative emotion towards me?” no ( was an answer to the second question, he only knows what I dream if he was in it)

If not: it was an ancient in my dream who attacked me and my ex in the car. And when I said, I am the girlfriend of Elidibus. Then this ancient went away.

“Was this an ancient or someone who pretended to be and is afraid of Elidibus?” was afraid of something different.

“If I ask Elidibus to help me sleep or meditate, will he do it?” Yes, but it doesn't always work

“Or has he ever answered that in my favor?” no ( well later he did sometimes iirc but he was busy, he tried when he could)

“If I ask Elidibus for other things, do I get an honest answer or has he answered in my favor sometimes or regularly”. Honest

“Is it lower pushing down what I feel in my back, a no answer or in general? Or does it mean something else?” Correct its a No answer.

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August 17th

Asking questions via my higherself to elidibus

“The positive telepathic response I got August 16 during the night when I mentioned/called zodiark-Elidibus while holding that body pillow. Was that even Elidibus who gave the response?” yes

(well this question needs some explaining I guess, I was half asleep half waking up from a dream about Zodiark-elidibus. so I called it liked above and gained a reaction of it from him apparently but it was firstly told it wasn’t elidibus who replied so that was weird.)

“As far as I got the response when I asked, it wasn't, it wouldn't be Elidibus but someone else.”

“So was the response to that it wasn't Elidibus a lie?” yes

“Or was it correct?” no

“Is it the imposter or someone else?” no

“Is the response correct (that it was not Elidibus)?” no ( i.o.w it was elidibus)

“When I ask Elidibus things whether something is him or not, has he ever lied?

Yes only Monday. for that connection error

(I can’t recall what the reason was I didn’t wrote it down except for these questions)

“Can the telepathic connection be imitated by other entities and fool me?” no. ( at that time it was correct, but sadly there is currently still a spirit guide or whatever its called who does try copy it. but luckily listens to go away when I notice early)

“since I got this connection with elidibus, have you, Higher self let me believe once that I was communicating with elidibus while it wasn;t the case? ( so i.o.w fooled me)”. NO

“If the answer remains clear that it was/is Elidibus. : ask Elidibus to which he responded positively when I said: zodiark is Elidibus. Was that I called zodiark, or just his name or both?” Elidibus

“Are the tempered ascians including the tempered Elidibus here on Earth?” Yes

“Is the tempered Elidibus familiar with me who was his sister before the Sundering?” no


“Is there an entity (stuck) in that body pillow?” Yes, not fixed, do nothing with it, no eroticism, etc. that will be fine. If sex etc with eli, pillow away from the bed.

It is different from the imposter. it’s Neutral

( that last part sort of fixed itself. I only had today (November 13th)again some other entity was inside of it, but it was so kind to immediately let me know when I asked that it wasn’t the real elidibus, time to sage again soon, this week went by fast).

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August 24th

TK had a dream to share

TK: Alright so most of the dream was pretty standard. I had like saved a young girl from getting hit by something (think a truck) and her mother was rich so I got rewarded with a nice apartment to live in next to a mall (my mind based this off a real mall I've been to that is quite large lol). Dream continued that I had a few friends able to move in and we helped a few people out over time. Then it shifted to in the mall and I ended up in one of those stores that sells antiques. I end up looking at some dragon statues and then I see some sort of dragon figure that has a cloak over it with a mask on (I didn't see the mask very well because of what happened next). All.of a sudden noticing it the entire area kinda like "glitched" into another place. Like you know in like video games that are trying to be creepy you get that quick tv static and then you're somewhere else. Now I'm in a place that looks like the area in the Crysilis fight, only doesn't have the chairs in it. I see some people in Amaruot outfits hanging out, they seem to just be chatting and relaxing in this space. (Not the ascian stuff on the robes) I kinda just watch them but then someone comes up and goes "hey, how'd you get here?" and it is Lahabrea (he doesn't have his mask on and the hood is down). I say I just like ended up here and he goes "full moon tonight, maybe something happened, who knows" and kinda just shrugs it off. He says that this is just a place where they kinda relax and chat about stuff going on when they aren't doing other stuff. I see that one of the others is Emet and one is Mitron I think, there were a few others but I couldn't figure out who they were. Eli wasn't there cause Lahabrea said he was off doing something. I actually haven't really talked to Emet before, he harassed me a bit lol. My fault though with ShB story stuff. I just remember kinda being relaxed just standing around chilling with them. I pretty much just let them talk (they seemed to be on about something they wanted to have in the game but not make it overly obvious and tell the xiv writers later lol I didn't quite make out what it was but think it had something to do with Pandemonium, the raid Lahabrea's gonna be in) I pretty much just asked about Eli (again he was busy) and with Emet on him being in Endwalker in any way (he said yeah but got mad that I was trying to spoil lol He got me). Eventually I felt like I was faiding out of the dream so Lahabrea says that he hoped to talk to me later and I like ended back up at the mall again in dream, but then I like immidently woke up

me: Omg this is so awesome xD. Emet harassing. Lol you gave permission during shb Probably. Emet isn't shy on anything like that. How far did the harassment go lol xD.

Also do you remember what exactly didn't made it into the game?

TK: Was teasing harassment, I didn't give him permission lol

me: XD

(several hours later)

me: emet likes to "tease" harass us mortals.

i am re-reading the dream again. (because the first time it was morning lol)

but i am reading this correctly emet and elidibus will be in EW?

TK: im not sure about eli. and he just said like in EW but could be narriator or something

me: ah ok. hopefully you ever get the chance to meet elidibus in a dream. i really wonder how that dream will be.

TK: hope so ^^

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August 26th

me: I had, 4 dreams today involving meteor showers. The 4th one was creating my own.

The 3rd ended with a big full moon impling Elidibus was there.

And the first 2 were destructive, putting thing on fire. Like the 1.0 ending but with starshower-echo effect like Elidibus does in 5.2/5.3

TK: interesting

me: yeah

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a few days later I went to Italy for a wedding and ofcourse a vacation. I spoke to Elidibus very briefly, I didn’t had much time to do so. but I knew he was there enjoying the foreign country.

so I will add September here as well. because aside from visiting that man again who saw “the 13 priest” there wasn’t extremely much to tell aside for some dreams.

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September 3rd

talking to jezzah

me: Day 1 of 3 wedding Italy.

Dinner party. We couldn't enter because we didn't had a valid covid test to enter the building. But we were allowed to sit and eat outside while someone else bought self tests for us. When we finally got the test people regularly visited our table that ours was the best XDXDXDXD no noise, no seat fights (there were too less chairs inside) and we outside got a garden with fountain view. And someone else's birthday music

jezzah: nice

me: At the restaurant garlemald logo



jezzah: :3

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September 4th

before the wedding started that day I had sex with eli in the Hotel room while my ex was out swimming.( my skin was heavily burned from the last time so I couldn’t go).

later that day we went to the wedding. I was told Elidibus would be with me during the yes word/ceremony. back in august. and yes he did <3. I could notice his presence clearly when I was about to take a seat. sadly I couldn’t leave a space open for eli.

me: (whispering to my ex) he is here.

ex: ah don’t let anyone notice. but I have to sit here.

me: yeah I know.

when the bride and groom kissed eachother I felt a huge wave of elidibus coming from him iirc (writing this 2,5 months later) but I had to held back otherwise everyone would have noticed me moving awkwardly.

after the ceremony he left. though I thought he stayed at first during all the food that was served but that wasn’t him as I asked later on. later I went to the toilet to ask. firstly I gained someone else. but figured out that elidibus left. and asked the entity to go away or to get elidibus for me. (1 of the 2)

so second try I gained elidibus and so came to the answers

not sure if he visited me after the dinner went everyone went dancing on music but I never partied for so long in the night. but this caused me a huge sleep deprivation for the next day, and we still had a brunch to attend. somehow I managed to get through the day by retreating myself in a tiny church that was over there. After a long meditation and resting at that tiny church during brunch between courses. I was rewarded by a telepathic communication with Elidibus as soon as I looked at his pic and said "owh eli...".

It was nice. He was still there while typing this.

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September 10th

so my son came with a guessing game. he had a bunch of cards in his hand. 2 of those cards contains a ring he said. and if you get the ring Elidibus will be yours (he meant the plushies but he didn't said that) but if you get the others, those are bad and elidibus will be mine.

he helded up his hand with the cards. i closed my eyes and pictured the cards in front of my eyes. i saw a light glimpse of which card i should pull. i pulled that card and it was indeed to ring.

he didn't expected that i would pull the ring so easily.

son: no its was a joke (trying to talk himself out of it)

so i told my ex for the sake of it.

my son wanted to do it again. i said it probably wont work for a second time.

even though i wasn't fully focus on which card to pull on the second try so that one indeed failed, and he started to tease me that all my elidibus stuff is now his -_- . for the third try my son went carefully shuffling the cards. right before he was done i gained sudden info in my head about that i could be the middle card, i closed my eyes in advance.i saw it was 1 card to the left from the middle. and so i did and pulled that card when he was done. it was the ring hahahahha.

no idea if this will happen again. but i sure like it when it succeeds when i am actually trying.

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September 11th

TK: Had a funny dream last night lol. Was chilling in one of the places that I do in dreams and Emet and Lahabrea were there chilling. I remember Emet looking at some laptop (was designed with Amaruot style which I though was cool) and he was getting mad at people who had weird ships

me: hahahhahahah wonderfull!

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Right before bed, I noticed my eli plushie was missing. I searched everywhere and believed my son took it. But it was nowhere in his room.

Eventually I sat down on the edge of the bed.

I asked Elidibus to help me find the plushie. I gained a confirmative feeling.

I stood up and picked up things from its place. Majority were big blankets on a pile. Eventually I found the plushie on the ground behind where the pile was.

Ty Elidibus.

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September 15th

So my ex and son we returning home of a visit from my ex's parents.

He called, made a stupid noise on purpose and hung up. Then he called back and I did the same and hung up. Later he called again and said it was a good thing to do the same back. I laughed but then he said, is there someone with you?

Me: what is it then?

Ex: I heard someone else laughing.

Me: there is no one here, was it female or male voice?

Ex: sounded as male.

Me: could it be Elidibus?

Later when we went to bed I came to the subject my ex thought our bestie was over.

But there was no one, no one physical atleast.


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September 17th

I went to the man again who was able to see the entire convocation around me in July in the form of priests. his name is John btw. this session he asked Elidibus question that I had.

Does he have any other names (his own name or other titles etc), if so which ones? Did I forget to ask. But he would have 13 masks. not literal masks but In the form of representing that people are/feel familiar with. so even people who aren’t familiar with the ascians of ffxiv. can still have contact with them, because they represent themselves to you as someone who you are comfortable with.

Council of wisdom? He is part of that.

But no earthly thing, nothing of Babylonia or anything mentioned here. Possibly something like the counsil of twelve in Dolores canon books.

Elidibus will come into my dreams more to teach me things. We will see. (these 3 weren’t a question to be asked this was gained information without asking).

The one with whom I have a soul bond. Is that Elidibus? Yes. The question itself was not asked but was not necessary.

I have heard from a Wiccan medium that Elidibus is looking for a host body to be with me physically, by befriending another soul and thus sharing the body. Is this true or is that misunderstood by her or just not true? (I gave more explanation then this of what she said etc)

John also miraculously spoke English out of nowhere “I need a higher vibration”. he had trouble speaking the word vibration.

he asked me if there was a wish from me to have elidibus with me physically.

me: well I once had a wish yes. but quickly dismissed it because it probably wasn’t possible but it would be nice.

John gained the info that he can’t do this yet, the earth’s astral planes are too thick here and he needs a higher vibration for this to be able to do so.

On January 16 I had a dream where Elidibus proposed to me in a creative way.

Exactly six months later on July 16. He came in a dream with a wedding ring that I had to earn.

What do I have to do for that?

Self love.... was the answer, john saw the ring later with is eyes closed. when I described how it looked like. but he saw it in a rectangular shape while I dreamt it round (seen from above) even though he said that the blue color represented royalty, divine.

John got a picture of nuns in a monastery who would have married themselves to God. They wear a wedding ring but are not married to a man. But with god.

I asked if this was not the same idea with Elidibus and me.

He said yes.

When I leave this life, will I then go home with elidibus? I would first incarnate again. This hurted a lot because I was promised this. Later I asked if I could do something to go with him after all. he came back to the Self love......

As far as I know I was a student of emet-selch before I became a convocation member. Is this correct? I have had several masters even 1 in a total different planetary system. I didn’t gained a “no” by default but gained a vague yes I guess?.

I've had some sort of telepathic connection going through feelings since mid-June as far as I know with Elidibus. Or am I being fooled?

at first I was questioned why I wanted to know that.

me: well how do I say this…. I don't want to fool myself. thinking I got a connection while it isn’t there ya know. ( I actually forgot to mention that something I got the idea communicating with a random spirit guide instead, maybe next time).

the answer gained was indeed a confirmation. it can become stronger then for what it is now. and sometimes the connection in thin and I got a harder time communicating and other times the line in thick and the communication goes easy.

I asked if the they ( the convocation) tells the story to the creators.

at first he understood the question a bit wrong and started to talk about how everything looks on that planet. john who gains the answers of elidibus said it was high advance technology over there. john started about alien space ships. and I said I had a deep mediation once in December about them fighting alien battle space ships to protect a neighbor planet. he said that was still going on. and additional info he told that every that happens else where is a reflection of what happens here.

To what extent is the story of final fantasy xiv correct with what really happened on that planet? Especially befor the Sundering. 76%

This was nice he saw a steep line with breaks and that there were things that were right and wrong. When I said what I've learned is that it would be 70-80% correct

John: This is correct I got through 76%. but it can go lower depending on the creative power and the money power, (SE totally ranged in my head as the money power)

I said square enix is the money power. and he said the money power affects the accuracy and can take it down to 59%, 47% and he mentioned even lower. then I said that Endwalker would be the last part of the hydaelyn and zodiark story at the end of November. and they'll start a new story after that.

John : Then it even drops to 27%

so let put this straight, remember when G’raha tia said in the EW trailer “I knew it, this star has more secrets to tell”. I think those secrets and presumable space battles will be the only accurate things left in 7.0 and onwards. but everything around it will be less accurate then what we are used too….. I am afraid ffxiv wont be as good in story after 8.0.

I was once one of them. Was I the 14th member? I was part of a sub group , there was a second group he said. (the twelve ranged in my head) I told him about the second group who summoned hydaelyn and the battle with zodiark and the sundering. but that wasn’t it iirc. But I didn't have to hold on to that about that sub group.

when I asked if I will be a convocation member again after this life. he gained the answer that I am still a member. ….so that makes me still a main convocation member. so that sub group is indeed to be forgotton info. perhaps indeed WAS a member of that before I became a main convocation of fourteen member so that might be also the reason not to hold on to it. its not important just had a quick chat with elidibus and this is indeed the case.

so yeah I had my depressed moments today, trying to dig in how to love myself by asking advice of in spiritual groups etc on FB. weird dream about having twins (looked it up, several meanings sigh)

I want nothing more then to be with elidbus after this life. …I must learn it. I don’t want to incarnate again to forget all about this again. and then ffxiv wont be there anymore to re-kindle memories ( I think).

So no its my duty to come home, with my eternal lover Elidibus….spirit babies or not I don’t care that’s just a weird kink between him and me. I just wanna go homeeee and be with him until eternities end. T-T. at duty’s end we will meet again, WE WILL, WE WILL. …….T-T

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September 18th

today I talked with elidibus about this. I questioned elidibus if it was John’s interpretation of coming more often in my dreams. ( because I only mentioned 2 dreams and elidibus is coming once a month nowadays) or if it was an actual answer of him (eli). its was an answer of elidibus himself so he will come more often if I stop to asking about it via my higher self. when I asked if I can atleast except to come him once a month I gained a huge confirmation feeling. I was happy with this outcome.

To be able to hear him speak is to let go of the expectation of It. He can also better come to me when I do not assume or expect he will come. And this is true with, among other things, my dreams, now I no longer ask which date, but globally when, for example, the next month Then I leave it there and he comes when I have not thought of it.

So I'm curious how this works with manifests. I think when the ponycon is I will stop or phase out. And don't do it at all in November. I think this is good. Who knows. Who knows. I talked with elidibus about this and gained confirmative feelings about this. I hope it works.

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when the moon was rising this evening elidibus was with me firstly just telepathically and later on actually with me. I went out for walk at night to watch the moon rise. I stopped at some back part of the city where there is a cycle road next to the rail road separated with fences obviously and surrounded by many plants and trees. as I stood there watching the moon to rise I communicated with elidibus about several things I gained answer from wrote above here. those were touchy moments. he will help me to find and learn self love.

and even he had to re-learn it when he became untempered of zodiark. not sure in how much. but I can understand of what he has been through that he aswell had some problems with that. on this part he was actually with me btw.

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September 19th

so here TK read the above story of the session I had

tk: Okay so I read this, when I got to what he had to say about what % of xiv after Endwalker is the truth, I had like a real sharp thought like it was being sent telepathicly that he was a bit low on that, so long as Yoshi P and his writers (especially the girl who did Shadowbringers/Endwalker) are there they will always have a good bit of it the truth, because they are still being guided when creating things. I don't know who sent that thought but it was extremely distinct, like never experienced.that before.

me: Well he said it can drop to (insert %).

He saw numbers in front of his eyes.

This could also be that when he said it will drop to 27% that it was wrongly said from him. That 27 could be possible instead of a fact.

But indeed it depends on who writes the story. For as long the current one writes, we will indeed have more truth handed to us.

But I am very grateful for your reply on this. It gave a bit of hope that the 27% isn't a fact. Ty! And I thank the ascian who sended this to you!

So if I connected properly with Elidibus to question who did it. It's was lahabrea. But he needed to ask.

As far as I know they don't know everything from each other of what they are doing. So this seemed legit.

I am not sure but, I believe I saw in a very blurry state Elidibus telepathic connecting with emet-selch and lahabrea. And lahabrea raised his hand.

tk: I didn't get anything else yet nor could ask. I will try later though. I feel more... Connected though? I guess that's how to explain it.

later that day in the evening:

me; I was cleaning the bedroom today. I lit 3 candles for the unsundered.

Me and my ex both forgot to blow out the candles. I cone back at my room Elidibus's one is still burning. Yet almost ran out of wax.



In fact the is almost no wax left!

tk: :o





tk: wow

me: It just died ( that’s what I thought because the flame was almost gone)



tk: That was still amazing it lasted that long

me: indeed




me: OK now it officially is burned up………………………..

( 1min later)

me: It refused to die lol

Even a lit up during it



tk: :o

me: here I recorded a vid of it.

(turn the volume up from the last 10sec or else you cannot hear what i am saying)


me: You might cannot hear it in the video but right before the candle goes out I said" Eli I love you", and directly after the flame died.

tk: Telling you he hears you

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September 20th

jezzah replied to the happening above

jezzah: Awww that is so super sweet

me: ikrrrrrrrr

jezzah: You two are super cute together

me: :D ty. so how are you and emet doing?

jezzah: We're figuring things out for once. I don't want to just be a friend, I love him very much and I want a relationship with him and only him. But the situation right now is we can't just be together he and I. I want him

me: what is the situation then atm that makes you can't be together? also,.....does he love you more then just a friend? or does he see you only as a friend. love needs to come from both...

jezzah: Well, this life I'm married, I have to focus on the physical world that I live in and just pass the time. I've had discussions with him about this, about loving me. He doesn't want to air out the discussion, he wants that to be between us and I respect that he wants privacy.

It is something between he and I.

me: owh ok

jezzah: I do appreciate that he is still here with me though ^^

me: ah good. so you remain friends for now i take it? or eh friends with benefits ;P

jezzah: Soft romance atm, we're figuring things out

me: ok


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September 21st

Today, had 2x telepathic sex with Elidibus (asked my HS later, it was Elidibus luckily the one in my dream wasn't, it was my own pleasure)

This night I went for a walk to watch the full moon, I wore my black robes finally again with my black boots. And to top it off my ascian claw gloves.

I couldn't reach eli this time, well maybe did but gained hardly a reply.

When I asked at home, he was indeed busy.

I said I will not longer bother him during his work and wished him goodnight and told him I love him.

He likes.

Even so I offered if he got the time during the night to visit for snuggles and kisses.

He liked the idea. Let see if he can make some time. Unless he arrives when I asleep then I won't notice sadly.

Anyways.

I love him so much.

Love you eli

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September 22nd

today i wanted a diffrent desktop backgroun. i let eli choose from about 800 pics i collected from him on the internet. but he choose for amaurot.



this was his second choice. i let him choose between the 2 , but became amaurot.


the second choice was an art piece. of elidibus helding up his hands when the convocation crystal fell down from above into his hand. and him crying.

(i somehow knew this artist would contact me sooner or later to ask to delete the image. as such this happened on january 14th 2022, however! i am allowed to post the link of the art! https://twitter.com/sonak_FFxiv/status/1354467446850154499)


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September 23rd

i had a nice dream with elidibus this night.

as a result i asked what Rutte was doing in that dream. it seems so that he representend someone that elidibus isn't to found of how he treats his people. while the person who looked like rutte hates the ascians for their dark past. ( i still need to verify this with my HS however, could be just random shizzle answered in my favour) but what happend in that dream is that rutte said something to elidibus, and elidibus throwed his left arm around me and i believe also his cloak with it to protect me. i believe eldibus said somethiong like, "she is with me, or belong to me, "i will protect her/you (depending who he spoke to)", something like that?" i can't connect properly atm will need to ask my hs for this.

(Rutte is a politician of our country he is being spit on by the people, a liar, betrayer of his own poeple etc)

TK had to share something too!

tk: I had something last night.

I actually have like a third safe spot that I have thought up that I remembered from past experiences. (redacted personal things) so I can usually focus myself. into this place pretty easily, but I only use it to relax really, not much else. I went to do that last night and when I was thinking about being in this area all of a sudden Lahabrea is there on the one couch. (I wasn't like naked or anything in the dream, just chilling so lol) But he did surprise me so he said like "it's alright just me". We pretty much just chatted about stuff. Said that he was the one who said something the other day with the chat you had with that guy (though you said you confirmed that), then we just kinda chatted about how stuff was, and he said that he thinks I am improving with meditating and psychic ability. He said he had to go so he left after awhile and then I had like a normal dream afterwards.

me: ohhhhhhhhh nice!!!!!!!!!

also nice to hear a confirmation that it was lahabrea.

do you remember anything you talked about aside from the things just mentioned? i had a dream about elidibus last night. i need to confirm the details however with my higher self. i will so that tomorrow when my ex isn't around. when i got the details i will tell the dream.

tk: okay J also trying to remember other stuff.

me: i hope you can remember something!, was it about me? or the game? or any other ascian? maybe something about the story i told what i came to know through that guy. ?

or perhaps how to further improve your telepathic abilities?

tk: on improving he just said keep meditating for now, that i remember, when i am able to get better at then probally him or one of the others can help improve it more, all i got with that is "soon", so that could be anytime.

me: oh nice. so my meditation advice helps?

tk: yeah. by "that guy" do you mean the one that you sent me recently?

me: yes. i need to look into my own advice lol. i hadn't had the chance to properly meditate since i came back from Italy

tk: I didn't ask about that actually but he said about it anyway because of him confirming that was him the other night, that most of it was true, the numbers with how much "truthful" future stuff in the game will be was just a mistake and not done intetionally, the number was influlenced by how he feels about big corps (which yeah, SE is one, i get it). Again said that as long as Yoshi P, the writers that they influence, and some of the others on the team (got told about Soken and that they were sad that he had to go through what he did with cancer but helped with him creating To the Edge) that there will always be a big part that is the truth, even if in later expacs they may focus on something else. (as usual he won't tell me what else lol). the first part of your notes with "can still have contact even if you dont know xiv" is correct. Anything about what Eli does he doesn't really know about, nor what he will do because he says he hasn't really talked much lately to him, so any of that i don't know. Also that Lahabrea isn't bugged if I keep wondering when he will come back, that's just an Eli thing apperently lol. He just comes when he wants to. cause he said asking questions is normal and he doesn't mind it

me: so its an eli thing that is i expect him he doesn't come?

tk: yes

me: lol thanks allot for this info!. i hope you will get more dreams like this!

tK: hope so J

me: ok so, lahabrea was sitting on the couch. with hood and mask on or off?

tk: Off, he usually has hood and mask off when I talk to

me: ah i already pictured that in my head when i read that. just asked to see if i was correct on that point :p

tk: No prob xp

me: i do wonder why iam so fucking small compared to them in a dream. eventhough elidibus if 6ft tall. he was taller in this dream last night. BUT smaller in comparison to lahabrea in my dreams. with lahabrea in half-ancient size the top of my head comes to his waist ( and i am 5,3ft-ish/163cm.) yet with elidibus this time my head was just at his chest. ( my eyes just below his chest) so yeah elidibus smaller then emet and lahabrea is a given lol. but oh man that dream my head was resting/leaning against his chest. is was so comfortable a bane of protection energy, so heavenly.

tk: Nice :)

me: how tall is lahabrea in your dreams then?

tk: He's usually like normal height for me? Like 6 feet. Only one that wasn't was when that dream happened that a few of them were talking about stuff, they were in like normal big height.


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September 24th

Had some wonderful sex with eli this evening.

Lately we only did quicky's and never really took the time to enjoy eachother due lack of time.

But this evening was a bliss. I was already dead tired, I meditated a bit firstly, which resulted in some energy.

I was already communicating with eli about things. And then I placed my hand palm on his face on the body pillow print. Apparently he was there. I already had my sus that he was there, but to feel it in my hand touching him was surprising. He reacted with that fuzzy feeling including what he felt when I touched him. That was such so indescribable feeling of joy,comfort and pleasure.

And well I asked if he was using the body pillow atm. And gained a big yes.

And well the rest followed, but slow this time, be totally enjoyed and melted into eachother. It was heavenly.

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questions and answers I gained via my Higher self about the dreams I had:

dream with eli and Rutte and me.

Did Rutte in that dream represent someone Elidibus hates or hates what this person does to his people? “yes, People”

Is it a leader of an alien population? “Yes”

Does "Rutte" hate the ascians because of their dark past? “Yes”

"Rutte" said something to Elidibus about me (I thought). Something about Eli couldn't get me or something? “Different”

Was Rutte even talking about me to Elidibus? “Yes wanted to do something harmful to me”

Elidibus had left in that dream when the m'quote was panicking about something. “Yes”

Are there things to learn from this, dream? Something about Elidibus always protecting me? “Yes”


Another dream.

I would have some sort of body joining with him. And made a fat ass woman dance. Because I thought she'd like it if you danced with his handsome guy. “No”

Was this body joining real? Even if it was just a little? “no”

Or was it my imagination? “Yes”

Later I saw him in Amaurotine robes Walking with a girl after him who would be me, she didn't look like me. But apparently she was. I wanted to merge with her.

was she me? “Yes”

Was this the real Elidibus with her at the time? “at the end”

Was it at all Elidibus at the end of that dream when I was standing with them and he was holding her. He was wearing his ascian mask at the time. “Yes”


24th dream

That dream with changing clothes and that Elidibus became invisible when I put on my own clothes instead of the ropes.:

Was that the real Elidibus in that dream? (when we walked to the meeting) “yes”

Was this the real Elidibus before I walked up to him where he was sitting on that Chair. “Yes”

Was when he said "that would be me" still the real one and then not anymore? “after the yes”

Before I picked him up, was he still the real Elidibus but then shrunk? Before indeed when he answered yes, after the yes he was gone.

Is there any meaning or message from him to me in that dream? “Yes”

Is it that when I have my robes on, I have a better connection with him? “no”

Or even can see? “no”

Or is it something else? “something else”, HS is going to help with what it is.

The one impersonating Elidibus with the telepathic connection. Is that someone else? “Yes”

Or is it my own mind that plays tricks when the connection is weak? “no”


If it's not Elidibus, is the connection weak at that point? “Yes”

Have asked HS the spirit guide to stop doing this and swear never to do it again in the name of god, jesus and the holy spirit, convocation of 14 and the Source.

As far as I know she did this.

Hopefully she sticks to this.

I'd rather not have a reaction from Elidibus if the connection is weak Than someone posing

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September 25th

I shared above story to tk

tk: Glad you had that last night

I had something last night, not very long but was there.

Went back into the safe spot again from last time. After awhile Laha came again, but didn't stay very long. Just got a message of "things looking good with your progress with abilities" and a weird causion that one of my friends atm was being an energy leech (not their fault really, just that they are unknowingly doing it) so help them but be careful. He left cause he said he had stuff to do.

me: Oh? Do you know who it is?

tk: I have a feeling I know who it is, he didn't say but I know they are trying to deal with stuff.

me: ah ok

tk: I will say do feel I'm getting better with progress so hopefully

me: thats very good to hear! i got a question though. have you never wondered if you are from the source of not?

tk: I have but I never asked that before, honestly

me: ah. i hope you will get an answer to that.

tk: Why is that? :O

me: it just popped in my head. since well. i mean you connect with them so well. i wonder if there was a connection with them prior your soul's visit on earth. or if not, then why ya know. i am wondering too for everyone who believes the same thing as we do. i mean i know my past. and i know not everyone who believes is from the source. but still makes me wonder why the unsundered chose to connect with these people if they don't even know them.

And i find it extremely bothering Zeke blocked me, and Grian ignoring me. i could be extremely wrong but i think albireo is either a shard piece of my own. .....or maybe some other splinter soul part. idk this is just a random thing swarming into my head since the beginning they entered the group.

tk: Im.not sure really. I can try to ask him next time if he knows. I've only just really been able to communicate as well with stuff like this, though having dreams is not new.

me: i am afraid lahabrea doesn't got the answer to that (the shard question). you need emet-selch for that for his soul sight. also keep up the good work with communicating! i would love to hear your progress.

tk: Guess I can bug Laha to bug him lol.

me: yes, yes you can XD i really hope for you that you will advance soon to hear them actually speak through telepathy. i mean if you can do that. you will be more advanced then M***ie tbh.

tk: I hope so

me: you will. i believe in you.

send eaother hug emotes

me: I got a question for lahabrea actually.

But before I get to that question.

Do you remember when I shared the info that if lahabrea would retire that I would gain his title? Even though the retiring part might take very long for that happens.

Though this could have been answered in my favour in the past. But when I think of that particular dream in march. I do got a sus of it still, that it still or will happen eons later.

So my question is. Is this still the case? Will I get lahabrea's title if he retires?

And if its still true then why me?

TK replied on the day after with: I didn't get anything last night, ended up in a deep realistic feeling dream but wasn't lucid. I am off next two days so I can try to meditate better.

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September 26th

at about right after midnight I found an interview of yoshi indication the 80% ….yes the 76% accuracy of the story the ascian tell through the mind. though yoshi tells is as 80% of the world’s mysteries.

but let be honest that is pretty much the same thing told differently.

here some screenshots


I haven’t read the entire thing it was a very long interview and the screen was burning my eyes out. I believe that there is going to be a part 2 ( they said back then) maybe its already there I dunno.

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during the day:

I went to an event where allot of psychics are gathered to do sessions for you. so I went towards a woman where I did an session with a years ago 1 week after 5.3.

she did noticed something similar as a twin flame connection. but as I described her that I didn’t went through the “dark night of the soul” thing. that elidibus would qualify more as a primary romantic soulmate (PRS) and we discussed other things.

(info from Quora: Even if your PRS is a different soul than Twin Flame - you would get all the same signs and synchronicities and paranormal phenomena with them. There is a difference in telepathy - with Twin Flames it usually starts unexpectedly, often before they even met, with Soulmates - later in the relationship and much more gently. Soulmates do not usually have running, chasing, separations - sure, they can quarrel or separate for work or study, but their fights get settled fast and they stay in touch during physical separations. There is way less triggering in Soulmate relationships and they are in general much easier, more pleasant and do not drain your energy. Romantic soulmates have a strong desire to be together, and it is mutual, and they usually get engaged and marry very fast after meeting each other. This is not Typical for Twin Flames.)

so later that day I asked Elidibus if this woman on this paraview was legit.

Well he didn't answer it...

Then I asked if she is even strong enough in what she does. And gained a no.

The dude I went to earlier was strong for ascian terms.

And I asked if I should go to this dude in Amsterdam. And gained a yes.

I asked about the time frame of when.

Before Endwalker.

After ponycon.

To Be exact directly after ponycon when it's full moon.

sadly I couldn’t find the contact details of this man on time. but I will go to him when time allows me. that.

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September 27th

me: I got eli over atm

tk: oh boy lol

me: It was indeed a oh boy moment.

Before I woke up. I saw a, quick image of Elidibus laying in bed on his back, his hood was off but with mask on. I could see his beautiful hair. I was laying upon him, yet I stood from the side aswell.

Then I woke up. And directly he grabbed me lol. Jesus christ man he was horny.

That's a long time ago, it was this intense.

My god.

So I was talking to Elidibus after the deed was done lol. (And he didn't mind that my ex joined with it..... Apparently he had his reason......)

----

Some NSFW

So even though Elidibus knows I cannot become pregnant of him like this. He tried seriously last night. I never felt him so intense, like 30-40sec long spiritual orgasm coming from him at the end. Even my ex was surprised.

Maybe Elidibus tried my ex's idea.....

---

So I talked about all of this with Elidibus after wards. And I asked multiple times if it was true of answer in my favour.....

He actually tried. And knows it still might not work since I am on birth control, and I recently got a new one so it won't be failing either anytime soon.

Even though I gave up the idea of having kids with him because it isn't possible. He apparently thinks otherwise .

But either way, if it somehow gets through that 0,01% it will be his and of my ex mixed. (that percentage is only written down that if someone gets pregnant they cannot make a case of it, that that thing doesn't work, but in fact this one is very save since its copper.)

I prefer not to have any more kids, but if it's really from Elidibus, then I willing to grant it life.

tk: i just get a feeling i don't think that you can had a kid with him that way, that's all i was getting. even if it would be nice to.

me: yeah i know. yet he seems persistent since last night. i don't why either.

tk: :/ ah

me: yeah and he knows fully well its not gonna work anyway. yet he tries..... i mean if he is persistent then why not seeking a host and try to get through those earth vibrations. i mean if demons can posses someone, then why wouldn't the ascians be able to either? but more in a mild kind if matter, since they need the host instead. ( demons just want to kill you with possession so yeah).

also i believe angels can do the same, not sure. even though the ascians aren't fully considered angels but something close to that i believe. what are your thoughts on this?

tk: I guess that's possible, don't see why not. But that would work better then the way he's trying now

me: yeah indeed

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September 29th

tk: I didn't have really anything last night but was feeling depressed about stuff, felt a hug and thought I heard a "it's okay, things will get better"

me: did the voice sounded like lahabrea?

tk: Yeah I think it did

me: omg tbh i am jealous lol XD you can hear them

tk: That's very rare though

me: yeah but still. the only time i heard emet was when i was falling half asleep. but thats it.

but i take it your weren't falling asleep?

tk: I was waking up but conscious

me: oh well that sort of the same state. your vibration still need to adjust when waking up.

did it happened directly when you woke up?

tk: Not right away, was remembering dream then was a bit depressed

me: oh wow that indeed unique . ask lahabrea to guide you so you can hear him talking more often.

tk: Okay ^^ I don't know how to do stuff that's why I ask you about things lol. Cause you help.

me: i hope my help is working J i will help when ever i am able too.

tk: It has been working with like meditating. I still don't know why me though but... I guess we will get there.

me: i really wonder what your relation to them is aswell. but indeed we will get there

tk: Also I guess also finding you as well

me: yeah i was about to say something like that. maybe we got a connection aswell that we are un aware of.

some other thing. many spiritual gifted people/mediums say i should ask for money for what i do. including my journal and i am like. "no focking way". for as long i can't hear the ascians speak i do not consider myself good enough to make these things my "work". i don't want to be an half-asser like so many of those poeple are. and i will never ask my friends for money for these things.

ya know maybe i will release a book version of my ascian journey. but that's a thing for later. it has been in my head for a few months now however. Obviously it will rather be more of people to support my work, because most people will read it free online. which is fine. and the book release wont be in stores anyway. only online sales. my brother in law does the same with his dragon people D&D book

tk: I would be afraid that I would misinterpret what was said. You shouldn't ask money for the truth either is how I feel. Not about the book lol

me: yes exactly i agree

tk: I just think information should be available to anyone who wants it/looking for it, don't need to charge

me: yeah indeed.

sadly most of those mediums only see money -_- . like i mean i get it, your should ask money if you are good at something. but come on. there are so little people who believe or are open to believe in what we do. so there is no point in asking money. (edited)

no my duty is to find people who believe the same. and there is no price tag on that. not even on helping them.

tk: Well you help me :)

me: yas <3

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September 30th

So I asked God to bless the ascians.

" dear father and creator of all that is, please bless the ascians where I was once part of to make them angels. They once fell yes, but the restored themselves to what they once were, the once that loved their star. They deserve to be angels.

Amen"

At the last line I let out a tear. But not sure if it was from me.

But when I finished I gained a huge hug from eli. And started to cry.

It has him how was crying. So touched of it, he was.

later that evening talking to TK

me: so i was doing roulettes for allegory tombstones. for the last one i decided to do trials and i said "would be nice if i get a lvl 80 one for extra tomb stones"

guess who i got

tk: SoS lol

me: yes xD


some talk with jezzah later on:

jezzah: I am wanting to start learning Archery.

me: That's so cool.

But do you got the money for it?

jezzah: No but I did have a vision last week and I was debating whether or not to tell you but I saw my past self, my full past self from Amaurot and I saw myself with a Bow and Arrow and a sigil on my face. flying through the air as if I was patrolling. protecting. It may just be a random dream but I want to know if you can make anything of it. I felt complete when I saw myself with a longbow

me: Hmmmm

jezzah: I need to tell you whenever I pick up a bow I feel like it's a natural extension of myself and that I was made for the bow. irl this life. I feel like a presence is telling me "YEs, that's for you, archery is for you"

me: That bow could be indeed a thing.

I was able to change into that lahabrea creation firebird phoenix. I know it's nothing of a comparison but I get the feeling of being complete.

What about the sigil how did it looked like?

jezzah: It looked like a heart but with swirls. It's a very thin and elegant design. Poised but strong, I can't really remember what it fully looked like but it felt like me. Delicate bit strong, elegant and sturdy. Best I can describe is a Faery wing.

me: Hmm weird since I can remember it's was a native Amaurot thing.

jezzah: I don't know, I was surprised when I saw it. It appeared in a vision when I flew high then back flipped and gently let myself plummet to the ground. It was a dark night in Amaurot and I have a feeling I was doing an aerial dance to show off

me: But wait you did had a Amaurotine ancestor yes?

jezzah: yeah

me: Maybe it came from there

jezzah: I was just thinking that

I had a pure blooded amaurotine ancestor

me: Then it must be come from there. I got no other explanation

jezzah: Yeah, I assume so

me: Very interesting info! Also I am being hunted with post on FB, with baby's, pregnant woman everything with it

But I am on birth control for 10y .

And don't want another kid with my ex

Yells to eli: yo grab a host ok, hint hint

jezzah: XD

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Dreams of August and September

August 5th

a vague dream about ascian couples. but I didn't know them in appearance. later someone with black hair came to 1 couple, that turned out to be the father of Nabriales or something. later an inspector came by and we were standing in the garden. he was looking for villians. I felt slightly agitated. I was wearing a short but black winter coat with fur. i walked away and my coat changed to ascian cloak and said

Me: then you don't have to look far.

ins: wait I don't mean you guys, in fact my boss wants to use you to find the one I'm looking for.

I walked inside and that turned out to be Giovanni (pokemon) I saw him on a screen. but then the dream turned to something else.

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August 10th

in the dream I was already searching for elidibus. at some point I ended up in something similar to The First but with Earth. (The First thingy came later). first it started in a building where things were discussed in a large room. later we (me with 2 others, who I didn't realize were Y'sthola and Urianger) had to look up the value of old vases. I made a sarcastic comment that my dad would make.

me: this is what my dad would say "look what an old mess...." (I felt guilty when I said that) ".....with value" (I added that to make up for it who instructed us to check the value.)

the man became emotional at the insult. I felt like shit and went to him.

me: Sorry! I didn't mean it like that (I gave him a hug). my dad is a sarcastic troll he didn't mean it that way. Sorry.

I ended the hug.

m: thank you, i'm feeling a little better already.

but then the man changed into Yoshi-p!

I had to come with him to the head of the classroom where the teacher would sit.

I was seated next to him somewhere on the couch. I felt like a VIP. he had something on his back a sitting aid to stay upright but relaxed and comfortable. the couch itself had sagged backwards. i saw y'sthola and urianger use the sameone 1 time, it was being tested at the time. only it was a gargoyle creature holding that thing. he wasn't scary. I was a bit startled but didn't give evil vibes

me: yes I see that it is also necessary here on the couch.

yoshi: yes the sofa is made like this and set back.

then I got up and the scene switched to something else but with the same people. I was apparently stuck on The First version of Earth. only I was 6 years old there. and I think a boy of 6. (later I became myself again) I was stuck.

yoshi: they'll come pick you up, but given the time difference, you'll be 20 when they get there.

me: oh? (i looked at y'shtola) i'm like unukalhai!

yoshi: yes it's because time goes faster here, you better use it to make the most of it.

me: oh yes now i can learn everything i want.

(I could barely fly there)

me: let's start flying.

I went outside, I really thought this was my new life, it seemed so clear and real.

then I was immediately in a class (outside) that practiced flying. I had to fly over obstacles and under them.

eventually a competition came and you were judged whether you would pass flying.

after a few rounds the size of a football field. I noticed it got better.

me: just a little while and after this I can start casting magic and energy

after a few hundred meters further I realized something.

Me: I think quite some time has passed since I'm 12 or so now and I'm almost at full height again and female.

when I realized that I was older (and myself again) I decided to try out my real flying skills. I shot myself like a rocket and flew like in DBZ. I raced past everyone. i was so good at flying they came after me (the ones judging me) i then flew up and set myself on fire for protection. And in defense I launched a phoenix spirit like attack and so fired it. although I was the Phoenix myself I could also launch this form as an attack. It's like you launch yourself but stay standing and the attack is a copy like an elemental attack. was nice to see.

me: oh wow, one more time.

I launched another 1.

then people flew in to stop me. they took my arms but I put myself on fire which burned their hands.

i got pissed and transformed into something half human half phoenix. the people fled. I launched 2 more of those attacks in their direction. this time the phoenix attack had the glyph of elidibus on its back. (but I didn't realize this). the people fled inside. after my last attack I felt myself getting weaker. I thought I was going to crash. but I kept flying. only the phoenix mode disappeared.

i flew after those people yoshi warned.

yoshi: what? (paniced) it messes up my whole plan.

and he ran in fear up some stairs.

me: plan? he is not an evil gang leader. (like Giovanni I had in my head). no, right?

now I don't remember who said Bakura (from YuGiOh), but it said “I have to get bakura”.

and out of nowhere elidibus's glyph as an ornament fell to the ground.

me: why bakura? why not Elidibus?

I picked up the glyph and as I said that I woke up.


I turned on my side and saw the faint outline of elidibus's glyph from a distance but quite large before my eyes.

me: hi..... (with a satisfied smile)

I got a short vibe that he was welcoming me or something.

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August 11th

in the beginning i was slapped in the face by my classmates (everyone was wearing amaurot robes) because i was weak or something. and I made fun of things or something or them. I don't remember the exact reason. but I wanted to fit in and I did my best. then there was a scene where Zodiark was being praised. everyone had their hood on, mask i can't remember. it was a certain time of day that this was done. it looked a bit like the Chrysalis where this was done, only the seats were in a U shape instead of a circle. . although I participated I was ignored. later everyone left. I wanted to go after them. but then i was somewhere else, most of it was about finding them over landscapes and i know what not. then i came back to that room but was made of ice. i had to flee/dodge from beartic attacks but had to rescue reshiram (who was smaller than me). I dropped an ultra ball. reshiram went in.

Me: I promise you I will save you, please stay in it.

I heard his cry and stayed in the ball. when I successfully survived the Beartic and rescuing Reshiram in an ice canyon, the environment changed to a classroom

had to be commended, but the rest of the convocation wasn't there yet. so I already started. there were statues of the convocation members (although I rather think this was my school/acadamia class instead of the convocation room,....yes it was my class) and Zodiark. the zodiark statue started talking. after a while the rest came in. the girls who hated me were relieved that because I had already started it, they weren't too late. I don't remember what Zodiark was saying but at one point that statue came to life and he called someone to him. he discussed things with these girls what those girls did to me in the beginning (of this dream) 1 of them slapped me in the face and another was mean. Zodiark turned into a man. he came forward to me with the one he had called to him. Zodiark told whoever those girls had done to me and showed it (without touching me).

Z: Cutie punched her in the face like that. (and made the move)

(ok wtf that name XD)

C: erm (confirmed it)

Z: and this one here was...... cheeky/ mean


he touched her

girl2: don't touch me!

Z: Excuse me?! you have no right to speak young lady.

Girl2: Don't Touch Me!

Zodiark stood up for me again, said something but halfway through I woke up. also forgot the sentence.


more dreams same day/night

Some cutscene watching from a serie that wasn’t FFXIV but elidibus was speaking to the wol.

Eli: I completely forgot I killed myself for the sacrifice (he laughed a bit) hahahha.

The wol looked shocked for a second.

Me: I just gonna watch this serie from the beginning than I will remember the entire dream.

After that it was about me being trained to fight physical and with magic. Zodiark was named frequently, but about what I can’t remember. I believe elidibus was here and there aswell but no interaction. I needed to fight aliens, it was something that came from the sky. And then it was about some pink fluffy cake that everyone liked including elidibus apparantly and was sold out. Random as fuck.

August 26th

This was a few days before I went to a holiday in Italy for a wedding to attend of my ex’s brother.

2 different dreams but with the same things. Collecting stuff and to go to the airport for Italy in a hurry.

the first from what I can remember. there were heavy meteor showers going on. but within the ozone layer because so were as low as clouds. and so set everything on fire. and yes it hurt slightly when you got hit. we got ready to drive to the airport and drove off. after 30sec:

me: wait i forgot the folder and elidibus plushie, i have to have those. (folder with flight tickets).

ex: ok let's go back.

his parents suddenly lived in another house and was on fire because a meteor shower hung diagonally above it. the building next door was still unharmed where my stuff was. but that didn't last long either.

My ex went to see if his parents were okay and I ran to my stuff. I ran upstairs.

I picked up the folder (which was half melting) with the flight tickets and I could already see the meteors entering. 1 landed in front of my feet and the wooden floor glowed red. I tried to stamp that fire out with my foot mate that didn't work.

I quickly went to get my plushie. When I got it, it all came crashing down.

i went out of the room and jumped to the door because the stairs were falling apart. I did it, I went out the door (the plushie's room was one floor down) I got out and got into the car. 16:30pm on the dashboard. and we still had to pick up our son.

me: it worked it was already getting warm but even if it would have melted I would still have grabbed it.

ex: nice, but we still have to pick up our son.

me: we're never going to make it. we still have to drive to eindhoven we are going to miss our flight. .

we drove off and then I woke up.

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Second one

after lying awake for a while I first had a dream that SHB got another movie after the patches. the final fight with Elidibus had already happened or something but after that he fought on your side as WoL. after some vague fights with other characters I didn't know it was about having to go to the airport to catch the plane going to italy. I forgot that folder and eli plushie again.

me: shit i have to have it.

I jumped and flew to where they lay on the ground in the grass. the first plushie I picked up was the eli with SSJ goku hair? then a few meters further on were the 2 other eli plushies and the folder. I had too much with me now. I put the 2 small plushies in my handbag and took the baby eli and folder in my hand.

I feel a meteor shower coming on while packing.

me: shit i gotta hurry up.

when i finished i saw the meteor shower behind me. it was very low to the ground. even lower than the trees that stood there. I didn't want to be hit. I ran along the path to the other side of the trees. the trees were fairly close together, so they stopped burning meteors. I ran down the path and suddenly I had packages. at the end of the path people were picked up who were hitchhiking to escape the shower. I waved to the car if I could come too.

me: hey can i come too?!

When I got to the car it was just full.

me: shit the car is full. then I must go myself.

then I was at the airport and saw another meteor shower through the glass roof.

me: oh another one!!!

a man looked at me questioningly.

me: there are meteor showers here like in ffxiv

man: what does that mean?

I startled because I didn't know what it would mean in our world except the echo. so I threw it on something else.

me: in the game it is the echo but here i think a massive soul awakening for the people.

Man: could be.

Then I woke up.

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A 3rd and 4th one in the morning.

from what i remember a dwarf figure in a cloak referred me to the crystarium . it looked a bit like begg lugg in cloak form.

the person was walking towards the Crystarium and I saw a signed CT in the distance. I flew there and saw the Exarch (graha tia) standing on the ground. he expected me apparently. when I landed he said something, which I don't remember unfortunately. and kissed me. I let it go for a while but during that time I realized what was happening.

me: why am i kissing him? I belong to elidibus.

after kissing his outfit changed to that scion version.

Graha: You don't have to call me Exarch, G'raha tia is enough.

me: ok????

I don't remember exactly what happened next, but I do remember standing in my father's old house watching meteor showers taking place at a great distance. Graha was there too and a few others. and a TV was on which annoyed me.

me: can someone turn off the tv? It's annoying.

nobody did anything and kept looking at the sky.

me: blegh/humph the tv reflects on the glass, i can't see it well.

1 meteror shower went away and another started a little further up. it moved a little to the left in the air. I wanted to see better and opened the window. the meteor showers did not go through completely. instead of seeing a large full moon appear in the sky.

me: full moon? but full moon has already passed. but this means... (pause) ...COME TO ME BABY! (i meant elidibus)

I saw some shapes in the sky with white glitter twinkles but woke up.

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4th one

the next dream i was standing on the street and saw a meteor shower going away. I knew I had summoned one myself a long time ago. so I finger snapped to summon one.

me: hmph why doesn't it work?

I finger snapped again.

me: huh? the sound comes before the snap itself?

nothing happened again. then I just used my hands and creation magic (or something like that) and tried to fabricate 1 with telekinesis. only this became 1 big meteor that fell down.

me: oops i didn't mean that

I tried to make the meteor smaller. but soon the dream turned to something else. something with getting something out of the air via a very long ladder or clamp rack i dunno.

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Aug 30th

the dream started somewhere in my old neighborhood where i grew up as a kid.

I was mostly having fun with the scions + graha. later I mentioned something about Urianger but accidentally called him a "she".

me: oh shit did i really say that?

he walked over to me but i felt so uneasy that i ran away. he made a move that he wondered why I called him that and why I ran away.

then I saw G'raha I apparently had a dream in that dream once that I was married to him and I wanted to tell him as a joke.

me: g'raha (stretched out my hand cause he wanted to run away) i need to tell you something. but then i woke up XD


second dream:

I ended up in the same place but without scions. I saw a lady and I wanted to ask her where they were but she didn't know.

me: do you know where i can find the ascians?

then she said: say Nature (3x) let me see the ascians (or something like that).

and then i saw emet-selch walking who was half hades ( monster form) then fandaniel in ascian robes came walking out of a house and i felt uneasy when i saw him.

me: wow just with that sentence?

lady: yes try it.

I went to that house and went in. I saw very quickly some Ascians walking. then I came to a bar and briefly saw my reflection in the glass in front of it and laughed.

the bartender had a startled look on his face with "oh no one more" (he wasn't an ascian himself.) then i wanted to put on my ascian robes too. and it started spontaneously with the bottom layer and boots.

me: oh? that's nice, now the rest.

I finger snapped and the outer robes came on me.

me: ok the hoodie, "fingersnap" and a mask

I fingersnapped the mask on my head with my gloves.

me: oh i can finger snap with gloves, that's nice.

i walked out and did it a few times with no intention of casting anything.

after that i wanted to practice my powers.

I focused between my hands with claws an energy ball that later became visible. and I said that sentence the lady said earlier.

some ascians and other people came to watch. then the energy ball turned into a glow around my hands and fingers.

me: oh so this is the power of azem. Behold!

I wanted to do something with it what I don't know anymore. I did some hand gestures. I wanted to bring out something or something but then I woke up.

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Sept 2nd

I had multiple phase dreams. what i remember is mainly opening portals to look for the ascians. but usually failed. This was mainly because I slept very lightly.

One of the last attempts I encountered a blond short-haired woman while going through a portal. she looked at me with wide eyes.

me: why am i so attracted to you?

w: I don't know.

I gave her a hug.

me: are you my twinflame? (pause) no, mom?!

w: could.


then the phase started again and had to know who else she was the mother of. whether she was mine alone or also elidibus.

after 2 attempts to go through the portal I was somewhere in a modern AU I think.

I met her again and I asked her whose mother she was.

w: yes elidibus.

Me: But then you're my mother, aren't you?

w: uhhhhh

me right?

she didn't know. then something was said about the convocation of others who stood with us.. said answered with "in the beginning there weren't that many female members.

me: who were they?

w: the mother of emet-selch and me.

me: wow emet-selch,

but i need to know if she's my mother or not, otherwise elidibus would have been a little different from my brother. lover maybe.

I looked around to see if I saw anyone, including an ascian, whom I could ask. then i saw elidibus but with black hair (i.o.w the AU modern time one)

me: ah there he is.

i saw him from behind in ascian robes. the wings and zodiark sign on the back of the hoodie was missing (untempered) but hoodie off. I walked over to him.

me: elidibus? (he turned around) were you my lover or brother?

he had that black hair and thin shaved beard again. like the previous AU modern one.

eli: brother

me: but then she's wrong? do you originally got black or white hair?

eli: white hair.

i didn’t heard the entire word of "white" i heard "ite" hair

me: so white hair ty!

i turned around and it ended

analysis: is this truly an AU modern elidibus or his host body in the dream world? Meaning a possible choice to use as a host? Also he firstly didn’t remembered me in the previous dream so “mom”probably didn’t either or she is only the mom of the black haired “body” elidibus uses. Which tbh would make more sense. He was however in that dream quite neutral to me. So meh I don’t know. I think its just the morden AU one. And he was very tall btw.

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Sept 3rd

this dream was different. it looked like he must have done his acting for endwalker. I first saw him in a cut scene. he was on the moon and stood up.

Me: I knew he was still somewhere on the moon. omg there he is "fangirl screaming" ahhhhhhh!

but soon it became real and he was outside with a crowd of people. I think he was interviewed why he came back in endwalker.

we would learn more about his past. and what he looked like!

(ok holy shit pandaemonium raids)

his voice was like a mix of him and my ex. (oh yes of course stupid brain of mine I'm in bed with both)

but this was only at the end but okay.

interviewer: so why did you decide to come back for endwalker?

eli: people need to know more about me and my past, and how i looked like.

me: so you were still on the moon.

eli: yes (and said something with it)


I had my eli plushie with me.

me: will we see you without hood and white hair?

then the scene switched to an on stage moment and saw some cutscenes but on stage. I saw him with that floof hair and it was white.

I just looked at my plushie who suddenly had his mask off. and saw his face. I then looked back at Eli.

me: oh yes he has really white hair.

and then a scene about him as a kid with Raubahn (wtf) this was really a cutscene from echo maybe.

raubahn had his hand on his head on small eli with short hair (ardbert style) and said: “the last time i saw you, you were this small”. eli looked shy and wondrous at raubahn. then the scene was back on stage I think I was standing with him.

me: oh, i love you so much.

I don't remember what he said but I got off the stage and went to watch him do his thing.

eli: so what do you think of me?

me: you're are the most beautiful man i have ever seen in this world.

eli: i wasn't that pretty in the past.

me: ah come on i was an ugly duckling aswell as a kid.

here he started to talk as my ex and combined voices.

eli: yeah but you got boobs that makes you pretty. walks towards me on stage.

me: ah come on that can't be just it,

here it started to fade but i believed he left a smile on his face. he did this on purpose? then i woke up.


He kept his promise to come into my dreams this month and my call of yesterday that I rather have him as his ascian self in a dream instead of a host dream body. I would be very happy to receive another dream of him this month. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t.

I am missing a few scenes of this dream with him. I kissed him iirc that is a few times but I don’t know where or when anymore. He gave quick kisses back because he was busy. And some other scenes and things I said.

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Sept 22nd

I seriously can’t put 2 and 2 together in this dream

Here I had a new partner that was ok with my ex that I still had sex with. He had short shaved blond hair and a white shirt. A bit of a long face but not skinny. He was tall like my ex and similar body shape as my ex.

H: let’s have a threesome

me: what?

H: I know you want it.

me: well… ( I was thinking about my ex and eli at the same time but couldn’t picture how the second one would be physical) – I said something afterward but can’t remember. I do remember after saying that, that I thought how this would work with elidibus with it. Then it would be a quarter? And here it became the weird part. I can’t remember who or what ( a doll I don’t know) was dressing up as elidibus. I believe I also wore the clothing I quick time to check if it looked nice. So who or what I was dressing, it wore eli’s mask with a black hood but with a white shirt over it and wore black pants. The shirt was old I started to raffle at the sleeves. My ex was watching now somehow.

Me: here this will do.

Ex: are you sure?

I don’t know what I said next but when I turned around my ex switched the white shirt with a black one.

Me: o yes this is better (giggles) a black elidibus.

Then that person or doll(?) was sitting on an edge of something looking straight forwards with a smile. I was standing somewhat behind it and said: who says elidibus wore white when he just joined the convocation? ( I recalled a cutscene) oh no wait that is incorrect but black does suits him.


(erum quick in-between analysis, pandaemonium raids?! He wears white before he joined, though everyone assumes he hasn’t joined jet)


I don’t believe if it was a doll at first it wasn’t a doll anymore. Some scene happened whereby me and my ex tried not to wake up our son. Not sure if eli was there too? But then the scene switched again to a different area. I believe I grabbed eli’s hand and at that moment the black changed to white. He still wore black underneath like if that hooded sweatshirt was pulled over what he was already wearing. I wanted to go with him somewhere to finally have sex. Even though he smiled and the dream faded away I remember that I said I was mind bluffed when he changed to white.

Was it him at the very end atleast or was it him the entire time? And where that other partner went I don’t know but it was erased after the quarter thought I think. Maybe that was elidibus I a dream host? My hopes aren’t high for that. But I got the idea that atleast at the end when changed to white it was the real one. Too bad woke up quickly after.

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Sept 24th

I was somewhere with a huge crowd. and I wore those old robes without color. so the natural color of the fabric. i saw elidibus and changed my clothes after what i was wearing underneath with magic (as fast as you change gear in game) but then all of a sudden he was invisible.

me: huh? he must still be there.

poof I put those robes back on.

I walked with the crowd to a meeting

me: there you are!

I changed clothes again and he was gone again.

when everyone was seated on a chair or bench. I walked up the stairs to the one who was going to give a presentation.

man: oh what are you doing here?

(changed to robes again)

me: where is the one who disappears when i change clothes, but he can still see me?

man: well who would that be!, (talking to the crowd)

raise your hand if you are the one!

eli: that would be me. (with his in-game voice)

i walked/ran towards him but when i arrived he was smaller suddenly.

me: elidibus is this you?

eli: yes

picked him up as a big doll. i wanted to kiss him but he changed into a blue ringneck parrot who i was feeding peanut butter out of my mouth. that was weird.


well that was chapter 18. please look forward to the next one!

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