My Ascian Journey - Chapter 49: Sphene is Deudalaphon and goodbye Corvus
- Ayane Firebird
- Jan 30
- 15 min read
Between the health problems, it was able to do at least this much today. You won't be missing much after this chapter. December had only a few tiny things but quite a lot of interesting dreams, actually, and for the rest of December, I was not functioning at all. Eli stayed 2 full weeks with me to take care of me. and in January, nothing really happened until the 28th.
Nov 2nd Graha tia dream
So I already had a bad night and slept badly.
Eventually, I fell asleep a bit deeper. But the tiredness went along with the dream.
In the dream, I was dead tired, and my ex-in-laws were coming to pick me up to go to an amusement park or something. I had to think about it for a while and decided to stay where I was to continue sleeping.
I went back to bed, which suddenly was in someone's garden. I closed my eyes, and someone came to me.
When I turned around, I saw G'raha Tia with cat ears (Ysthola doesn't even have them in dreams).
Raha: let me heal you.
The environment changed to completely Aether, and I lay on a layer of Aether that was as comfortable as a bed.
Raha: can you put your pants down a bit? So I can reach your hips?
iirc I did what he said or he did it for me. idk even though my pants were down my ass. He placed his thump on my hip bone.
And that felt good, and the pain or discomfort went away.
I don't remember what he said in between. But had to turn around for the other side.
So he did the other side.
And he was behind my back. He was focking flirty but romantic, but I didn't do anything with it.
When he was done, he was no longer visible, but he was still there; the reactions were mostly like how I communicate with Eli in the waking world, but I think with his voice in my head.
Me: Elidibus told me that you wouldn't exist.
He was surprised. He told me that it came down to the fact that he does exist, that he is that placeholder character, in fact, that is supposed to represent Raha.
Me: so you are that placeholder character.
I got a yes.
I wanted to ask how he had found me, but he was gone, and the dream was about something else. Then I woke up.
I told Eli this, and he felt guilty that he didn't do that healing, and that expressed itself in a few tears through me while I had no intention of crying. I came up with the idea to track him down and ask who he really is since he wasn't/isn't someone from my soul family.
In terms of the information that Eli gave, he was a shard (11th) of the placeholder character Raha. He saw that the convocation regularly went to earth, and so he did, too.
And apparently, "Raha" fell in love with me (which explains those old dreams that I would have married him or something), but I didn't feel anything for him. So, he had a crush from a distance. And he now knows that I'm with Eli anyway, so he doesn't really do anything anymore.
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Nov 4th
Whoops, Eli and I both forgot it was bonding day today. We will catch up later. We both have work to do.
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Nov 5th
@everyone newest chapter is up
just in time for the patch. Because some dreams and visions might be fortelling something
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Nov 6th
Meanings: Angel number 22222 means that you are on the perfect path for balance, stability, and leaping to the next spiritual level. This number sequence hints at keeping faith, believing in your own sense of success, and creating surroundings that will help you triumph.
Angel number 22222 tells you that the stars are aligning for something very special to happen in your life. What this may be will depend on you ...
(Eli pls come here!)
and this Reddit post
and this website: https://www.edelwyn.com/22222-angel-number-meaning/
dm to TK
Me: I don’t know how people get krile is from the source. Her parents, as you said in July, are from the 9th. She was born on the 9th.
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Nov 9th
my son as Christmas ancient. Even though I was sitting in a chair. He is taller than me already. In a small 5 months, he is 14. Years flew by these past 5 years.
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Nov 12th patch drop.
Dm’s with TK
Me: any 11th shard hints in the 24-man raid?
TK: I think the one elf that is with you is supposed to be our shard, though I'm not sure yet.
Me: also, the imposter/obsessed machine version and the real Sphene seem separated? Is the machine version even her to begin with? That sneer reeks Ascian, tbh (Eli laughs)
Eli remains like he doesn't want to admit it's an Ascian (because of spoilers) in the machine sphene—unless it really isn't. Can Lahabrea tell more?
Wait I had a session once that Deudalaphon would come in patch content. (it is in the latest chapter I put online)
Deudalaphon is an inventor innovator who would match perfectly
and has wings in their glyph
Eli said to turn Deudalaphon's glyph upside down. So I did. What do you see? You might need to zoom in.
what other the otherway around could have been interpreted as horns are now lightning bolts
and that figure behind the wings looks like that statue in living memory in some way
Another clue I might have found. You see those circles. Now, look at the glyph.
Now I talk about the 24-man raid.
Me: he does say it's a portal, though. Well, let's see
You missed a line. This Jeuno is based on the 11th shard. It's an imitation.
Sareel Ja landed in the 11th shard originally. It would have been weird if it had been the 9th.
achduke and grand duchy. Right... quite familiar names if you played ff16
erum, there was a voidgate to the 13th over there. From what I make from here, there are gates to other shards nearby the ones we already know.
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Nov 13th
What I get is that the original Sphene is a reïncarnated shard of Deudalaphon that was later corrupted by the Source deudalaphon ascian.
So the 7.1 sphene is the Ascian and the one in living memory is the original 9th-shard one.
The question remains if this is just game lore if it is true. Or did it really happen? Eli says it's mostly game lore.
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Nov 17th
Now, here it comes. Hence, the title name of this chapter
In dm's of Corvus
Me: How are you doing now?
Corvus: Uhh, I'm fine, and you? Wait, What the hell? How do we have a message history? Who are you? Who's been using my Discord account?
Me: Did you lose your memory? Okay, let me ask you this: Do you play FFXIV? And what happened this year in your life?
Do you remember this??
(meaning I was chatting with his wife I found on Bluesky about his memory loss)
Corvus: Okay, slow down. I don't know who in the world your religious friend is that's been somehow using my account to talk to you for apparently over a year, but I've changed my password and 2FA in Discord, so they won't be doing it anymore. If they lied to you about being me, then I imagine you're frustrated too. And no, I have no clue what that tree sketch is about or any of this 5D psychic supernatural stuff.
Me: Okay, let me ask you a few things.
Do you play ffxiv?
Corvus: Oh right, sorry I hadn't answered that. This situation is a bit overwhelming.
But yeah, I've played the game. Not recently, though. I haven't logged in in several months, and I probably should since I think 7.1 just came out or something.
(meaning his wife explained to me he passed out in early February)
Corvus: Alright, I'm discussing this with my wife and apparently, something weird happened to me back in February of this year. I can't really make sense of any of this, and I likely need to speak with a therapist or something, but I guess somehow I've been different since then.
I don't know how it's related, but I've scrolled up and seen some of your conversations with your friend here, and they definitely seem to know stuff about me that no impostor should know. I don't know what that means, and it scares me. Still, all I can say with confidence is that I have no clue about any of this spiritual stuff. While I'm sure you're a fine person, I have no memory of previously being friends with you.
Me: Well, this at least confirms that you aren't the hacker. As I have your wife on bluesky.
It hurts to know you don't remember. And that you are completely shut off your spiritual skills. Yet with the latter, doctors won't help you.
Corvus: I need to speak with my friends and family about how different things have apparently been since February, and that will take some time. I don't know if your friend is someone else who was on my account or some spirit thing, but I hope you find them.
Me: I don't think you were hacked......You have real memory loss.
Corvus: That's a heavy idea to sort through. Because I don't feel like there are any large gaps in my memory, but I certainly can't recall ever being a very spiritual person, nor do I know anybody named Aeneas or Corvus.
Me: Chat from the weblog. You chose the name Corvus as an alias name for my journal.
(showed screenshots of the first conversations I had with him)
Corvus: Oh so "Corvus" is supposed to be me? Huh. Yeah, I've definitely never used that name for anything. I've kinda always been Corvus. Why would I have needed an alias? When was this? And I still have no clue who Aeneas is. Nor have I ever had a meditation slot at night. This all feels so unreal. It's kinda starting to freak me out.
Me: Hmmm, I think I will continue the conversation with your wife.
I think that's better for you now.
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Nov 18th
Dm's with his wife on Bluesky
Wife: Good morning, Ayane. How are you today?
Me: good morning. I am concerned about Corvus, further I am doing fine. I just want to say that the real Corvus (the one before he passed out) will come back. I have some other things to share. I talked to a group member who also knows him, and she said it could be a form of DID. She (zio) said this: “Dissociative Identity Disorder Is when your brain splits off into different identities because of trauma, And often people aren't even aware they have other identities. They come out during stressful situations and take over the body. The original person has no memory of it. Usually, this 'other identity' is very good at posing as the original person. Though sometimes, very rarely, they act like different people entirely”.
After telling me what you told me and asking if it still corresponded with DID, she said this: A little, yes. I mean, it could be a soul walk-in but it could also easily be DID if his wife didn't notice anything particularly odd. And I will copy-paste a message Corvus sent in the group op Dec 24th, 2023
Corvus: To answer some long lasting questions (very late after the fact, sorry), I'm okay. I'm alright. And no, I don't think you're an enemy or dislike you or anything weird. Lmao relax. So yeah, about 6 months ago, I went through a pretty rushed collision of personalities, a messy and haphazard fusion of fragments. It didn't take too long to find out that this melding caused immense mental instability. So much so that I ended up hospitalized. Again. (Yeah, getting tired of ending up in the hospital.)
After a week and a half of inpatient isolation, I was discharged and put on a few months of outpatient follow-up. From there, my directions were simple: go radio silent spiritually. Disconnect from any stimuli that might repeat the mental breakdown that put me in the hospital in the first place. I figured that I'd be fine then if I just didn't respond here personally. I knew the Convocation were watching. They would inevitably see why I was silent. (It seems I put too much faith in them actually saying anything, though.) At school, this was my last semester anyway. I needed to focus on my last classes before graduation. So I did.
All that is done, I've graduated, and my innermost self has had time to stabilize. (edited) [9:41 PM] You were blocked for a moment here and on Twitter because I wasn't discharged from outpatient therapy yet. I just finished my last week. So I'm sorry for the anxious silence, but no, I didn't hate you. I just had to avoid any spiritual discussion for a while.
oh, and this one after my reply
Corvus: “Gotcha, Gotcha. That makes sense. And the timeframe is a blur, but as far as I'm aware and as my family has told me, most of July was a descent into madness, and I was actually taken to the hospital at like the beginning of August. Idk. The discharge papers are around here somewhere. But yeah I did some backreading of what I missed in this server and on the blog. I'm glad you even said there that you know I'm not the type to just ghost you without reason or block you and never look back. Kinda wish I'd given a reason beforehand... That's on me. I kinda have this issue of usually always trying to face everything alone. Like I don't think to depend on people when I probably should. I'm trying to get better about that.
And yeah, I'm good and stable and here to stay. No more wacky adventures, at least for a while. 🤣 Oh, and the "put too much faith" comment? Lmao, I was so sure Eli, or at least Emet, would just tell you, "Oh yeah, here's what's up with him; yeah, he's fine." BZZZT, WRONG. Typical. 😅”
Me: sorry to overwhelm you again with all of this. But I refrained from typing up things I came across because you needed space yesterday. Which I can completely understand
, so my conclusion is that these spiritual skills became too much (and he was very, very good at it. very skilled). Altogether, with his merged shard fragments, it became too much. And he subconsciously created a second identity that isn't spiritual at all. And that one took him over when he passed out. And he threw me on the pile of spiritual awareness. So that is how he forgot about me.
But anyway.....how are you doing.......... did you manage to get that dream again?
Wife: It's okay. Thank you for respecting my space yesterday. I really appreciate it. I spent a lot of time with Corvus yesterday and Saturday as well. Yesterday, I approached our time more observantly. He's on edge about how he's been apparently acting differently. The major differences I noticed are a complete lack of spirituality and a very worldly focus. We're working toward our future and stability. His mental health seems to have improved a lot, honestly, which is why I wasn't super worried about the changes initially. In late May, I became ill. They can't figure out what's wrong with me, and I'm struggling a lot physically and mentally. He's taken great care of me in this time and seemed to get overwhelmed far less often than before.
Last night, I had a weird dream. It was different than the other ones. I was in what I think was a desert. It was very flat and bright in all directions. The sky was practically white. I wandered around looking for anyone or anything until it started to get dark. Eventually, I was so tired that I lay on the ground and looked up at the stars. There were so many of them, constellations I'd never seen before. I felt someone grab my hand and squeeze it. When I looked up, no one was there, but I felt like someone was telling me it was going to be okay. I don't know if I believe all this stuff about Ascians. It's a lot to take in, and I'm not sure what to believe anymore. But I do know that something is up with Corvus, and if you might have answers, I'm willing to listen.
And I am tired. So very tired.
Me: yes, I am tired of yesterday as well. It drains us because we care about him.
And I can only imagine how it would be for you. I bet you feel more tired than me, no doubt. But I also had trouble getting out of bed. And still feel a bit dazed every now and then. Meanwhile doing my work and this in between. I shared what I what I could to give some answers. I suggest going to a Hypno or regression therapist. So that you, the therapist, can reach his subconscious, and the real Corvus will probably talk while under trance/hypnosis.
Wife: Okay I will make some phone calls today and see what I can do. Please get some rest.
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Nov 19th
Me: Hello. How was your day? Sorry if you are not done working yet. We have a significant time difference, as I am from the Netherlands and am going to sleep soon. How is Corvus dealing with the knowledge that it was himself all this time? Or doesn't he realize this yet?
Wife: Hello my day was very long. I'm in a lot of pain. Corvus doesn't want to do hypnotherapy. Whether it's his soul or not, he seems content. He's a little upset by the idea that he's forgotten stuff, but overall seems so well-adjusted. Considering how unwell he was before, I'd be worried about putting him through something like Hypno when he's doing better. We've had our fill of hospitals.
Me: It isn't said that he would become ill again if the previous one came back. In fact, I think he will be healed. I just hope he gets his memory back someday.
But I guess it's no use keeping him in the group. The spiritual group he is in...
It pains me to let him go....T-T.
Wife: Let me talk to him some more and see. I'm not sure if he'll ever regain the memories or be himself again. But I love him as he is, too. Whatever he wants to do from here, I am willing to follow.
(my comment is about her personal stuff, so I don’t post that I have left that out in her reply)
Wife: Okay, get some sleep and sleep well. Try not to worry too much. I'll make sure he's doing okay and continue to talk to him.
Me: Do the names TK, jezzah and Zio ring any bells to him?
Wife: No, and he insists he wants to let the past go. Honestly me asking so many questions and stuff is stressing him out some. I think, at this point, it's best for you and me to go our separate ways.
Me: T-T I understand. But it feels like a good friend died..... If he ever gets his memory back. Even if it happens after several years, pls contact me.
Wife: I will Ayane. If he ever does, I'll let you know. Take care of yourself, Ayane.
Me: TY T-T
And then she blocked me and Corvus on Discord and Bluesky as well….
So, Corvus is gone forever. And I guess he won’t be coming back until the Unsundered are physically here slapping some spiritual sense into him. That would be funny
, to be honest.
(it took me a few days to overcome this. It felt like a dear friend died suddenly while still alive….. )
Group post:
Me: Okay, so I am utterly depressed right now. Corvus doesn't remember who I am anymore and shut off his spiritual side completely and he isn't aware of it he did that.
He passed out in February, according to his wife.
so my conclusion is that these spiritual skills became him too much (and he was very, very good at it. very skilled). Altogether, with his merged shard fragments, it became too much. And he subconsciously created a second identity that isn't spiritual at all. And that one took him over when he passed out.
And he threw me on the pile of spiritual awareness. So that is how he forgot about me.
The first thought was originally a soul walk-in. But that doesn't apply because the soul would remember more than just Corvus's life. Unless there was an agreement of not being spiritual and thus not having memories of the other side...those are my 2 cents on the matter.
It feels like a dear friend died.....
I am heartbroken. I kicked him out of the group just now with pain in my heart. I left a farewell Message with it.....
This group is dead, isn't it...
I politely removed Fabs as well as he wasn't active in spiritual practices either; he didn't mind and said it was fair.
Now, only you three are left. Fabs wasn't active either—not even in
DMs. Alas, there were no replies…..
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Nov 20th
I'm watching the newest episode of Pokemon Horizons. As I said from the beginning, Liko is reincarnated Lucius or a descendant. Well, that latter came true a week later.
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Nov 27th
Me: yup, Liko is descended from Lucius and Rystal
rystal with daughter Layla (mother of Diana) > liko's grandmom Diana > liko's mom > liko
yup, rystal just confirmed she is/was with Lucius
LIKO: so Lucius is my great great grandpa!
Hahaha, I mean, it was quite obvious or reincarnated. But since it's still a kid's show, they probably don't do reincarnation stuff.
Well, that was an interesting episode.
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Nov 29th
Had a dream about Sphene.
The good one is in a White dress, the same model but not reflective and with fewer decorations. The Ascian one is in the known yellow dress. I asked the Ascian Deudalaphon who was inside that body to show their glyph. She got annoyed and turned her head away from me, then walked away.
Then I followed her and asked her 1 more question: what Gender she really is,
"Are you male or female Ascian? For example Emet-selch is male.”
I gained a soft grump, and then the dream ended, but I woke up in another dream telling this to people. ( I mean, the grump has been like, "wtf can’t you see I am a woman”?)
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