October 1st
me: @m***ie, I got a request. Do the unsundered know about our God? If yes what do they know of him? Perhaps an interesting question to ask dont you think? This i have been wondering the past few days.
M***ie: Hmm! That's a deep question! I like it!
me: I hope you can ask one of them, since you get more expanded answers. Also, if it happens to be Elidibus. Ask him if the way i contacted him earlier (by entering my body sorta) is the one he had in mind? But this isn't too much important to ask, only if you get Elidibus for the God question.
M***ie: The likelihood of this phrasing being directly relevant? Low. But seeing "the Ancients" in bold and capitalized as such so often in this book delights me regardless
me: Oeh interesting!
me: My book arrived, and flipping random pages. I came across this. They depicted Elidibus very good. (moon)
The home, the family, reconciliations
me: Getting lahabrea creation vibes of this title.
M***ie: Oh definitely. That may be the closest we earthlings have to Phantomology!
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October 2nd
Mysi***: So I was talking to my partner about the book I was reading for my discussion group, and they were just like "I can see Lahabrea as writing like this" and I was thinking "I can see Lahabrea getting along with these ideas"
Mysi*** linked a page with the whole conversation sadly it doesn’t work anymore.
m***ie: That was amazing. Thank you both for sharing! I laughed out loud at the "Lahabrea-level arrogance". Now I'm imagining the Convocation debating/arguing over very fine details of magical theory. This is entirely inspired by no less than three forums I've been on related to Western Esoterism that constantly descended into very heated debates but tried to stay highbrow about it. Also thank you for the summary of your thoughts on that as well. I really like the concept he was presenting, the way you phrased it and respect him for preserving this. Big thank you to ever writer in the past who worked hard to ensure knowledge such as this did not die out.
me: I read " the scion of Syrian" as the scion of Sharlayan", But yeah lahabrea talk xD.
me: Is this true? I dont got the time to dig it out now. Going to bed xD
M***ie: oh. 2020
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October 3rd
Mysi: It is indeed a blue moon! and you're welcome, I knew you'd like the conversation~. As for the matter of heated yet highbrow debates on finer details of magical theory, I have heard (and it holds up as far as I see) that this kind of work tends one towards arrogance in general.
It's said that when an experience puts you in touch with enough mindblowing truth, then when you come back, you know some things, often unique things, and you can't help noticing that the rest of the world doesn't know it... and it becomes kind of natural to develop an attitude that you know a lot more than all these fools; you actually do, in some very specialized way. And since the highest planes exist beyond proofs or logic, when you try to bring any of it down to earth, you can neither prove nor really explain most of it. The thing is, everybody else who's had such an experience probably knows something you don't, and feels equally sure that they know the truth. And they do! Both people are right, but our mortal minds often can't reconcile it. It's a known hazard of occult communities; it can get to even very advanced people; they know fighting about it is stupid, but they're just SO SURE of this thing that was blasted into their mind by divinity, and yet they aren't on the same page.
The person who founded our lodge (one of my teachers) said that one of his concerns was to avoid internal strife of this sort, as he had never known a branch of our Order that didn't collapse eventually due to this kind of thing. So he wove some Buddhist stuff into our ritual opening and closing that was designed to help everyone cooperate and stay on track. It doesn't look like much, it's quite short; but it may have worked, as our Order existed peacefully for ten years with no conflict among the Adepts; they only issued unanimous decisions; I... honestly wouldn't be able to describe it; I am not an Adept and wasn't privy to it; but apparently we are the only one we know of to end peacefully, due to the leaders having burnout and being tired of teaching, rather than in conflict.
The takeaway I get from this is that emphasizing and constantly reiterating basic stuff like compassion and sharing and helping uplift each other, verbally and routinely, even if you think everyone already knows, goes a long way towards making everyone consistently act calm and peaceful and reasonable with each other. Everyone operating on such a level knows better than to get into petty fights. Of course they do. But apparently the effects and knowledge are so strong that it's just very difficult not to feel like you know the One Truth, and it's a continual struggle, generally, for occultists to curb their know-it-all feelings enough not to act that way.
And that's why so many mages end up being grouchy know-it-alls; at least, so it's said.... ending up with at least a touch of arrogance even if they try not to come down on others with it.
I am no Adept and even I have a terrible case of it. It's like, you see people out there saying things you know are erroneous, and you want so badly to correct that, and you might even have the best intentions to teach people, but your brain and your language cannot actually hold the truth you experienced, they're only holding approximate reflections, so no, your words aren't as correct as the inexpressible truth you are trying to describe.
Even my teachers, even though they haven't conflicted with each other, most of them have a touch (or more) of it, whether or not they express it out loud. The stereotype that mages are all arrogant curmudgeons has very real backing to it. They just have done an excellent job of not actually being bossy know-it-alls to other people as a result of it. ........and then we have Lahabrea, who probably did such an excellent job until his soul started degrading and he lost patience. ;;
I would hasten to add that of course magic makes one a better person in many ways, as well. It's just that, human nature being what it is, a tendency to get lost in the absoluteness of the truth you know, and the temptation to be arrogant about it, is a known hazard of this line of work.
The Unsundered ought by all rights to have matured past that kind of difficulty, but, well, even a slight imperfection in one's personality, the smallest bit of degradation, is probably going to be magnified over millenia of dealing with the Sundered.
me: So true But what about the blue moon do you know anything about that?
m***ie: I appreciate that perspective so much. Almost every time I've talked to someone about these topics, I'm cringing internally at how arrogant some of my experiences sound. I end up apologizing all over myself or downplaying things. Then again, not everyone ought to hear the truth of it.
Mysi: Well like, I know as much about blue moons as that article says. They only happen every few years, so they're considered rare. Various ideas about what it might mean have been around for a very long time, including that it's unlucky, yes-- but those ideas have been around for so long that no one remembers why it's considered unlucky, or which culture the idea came from, or anything.
See, even that sentence verges into that territory xD Goodness yes, it really does give some perspective into how the Unsundered must see the rest of us, especially those on the shards.
A lot of things like that-- folk wisdom, really-- is just SUPER vague, it's a lot like a really old meme. Everyone has heard about it, but nobody can explain anything else about it other than "yeah, I've heard that." That's the kind of thing it is.
me: oh ok.
Btw. My son this morning :" this is my new favorite" *points at my lahabrea in thancred body plushie"
Me: lahabrea?
Him: yeah with eyes on the mask xD.
Nabriales has stripes so yeah he meant lahabrea.
@M***ie: Got my first tarot deck.
This card i pulled for a question to elidibus if i was contacting the right way atm.
I am not gonna share the card yet.
I will tell if you encounter him again and able ask my question.
We will see if its the same answer. ;)
Also if he would say, : "she already got her answer. "
Then Please note i am not doubting the answer. I just love to hear it with the words, which you can hear/write.
M***ie: Ah, that sounds like a good method for independent verification. I'll try and check on my actual weekend (Sunday/Monday)
me: Good xD looking forward to it!
m***ie: Me too, believe me. I could use a break from the mundane world
me: :D
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October 4th
I showed all of them a screenshot of hand tailored ancient robes I ordered from etsy. no screenshot to show this time because of personal info like my real name.
m***ie: Oh, robes? I almost ordered some from a Chinese site but I'm pretty sure it didn't go up to my size.
TK: Sorry haven't been around on here much, just thinking about stuff hi love you guys
M***ie: No problem! I hope you are doing well. I've been mostly mired in work, stress, news, and bad sleep habits this week, bleah.
tk: I just kinda kept getting thoughts to keep checking up, think I like thought I did last night in dream lol. But yeah I know the feeling with news.
m***ie: I ended up running 51-180 of Palace of the Dead with some friends last night just so we could have something to keep us off the news cycle. I know I had some flickers of interesting dreams last night but I was awoken by my cat getting sick so that's gone.
tk: Last few dreams haven't been too great, last night I had some person who I've cut ties with in it yelling and stuff and I hate dreams like that, when these people I want nothing to do with are back in. Also @Ayane your outfit turning out nice, I love seeing your progress every day.
m***ie: Oof. Dammit subconscious. Be nice!
TK: I haven't had anything after that dream I posted though that was like that, unfortunately. I was actually afraid of posting it cause I didn't know how it would go. Frustrating feeling like I have certain feelings or thoughts one way about things but no way to really do anything about it (and telling others people think you be crazy). Feel better all of a sudden posting here though ^^
m***ie: I'm really glad! If it weren't for one of my IRL friends who also believes, I would have been so frustrated for ages not being able to talk to anyone about this sort of thing.
TK: Maybe it was good I saw ayane's tweet one day lol
M***ie: Definitely!!
tk: Sometimes I feel like I'm unwanted here or something though, I know that's probably not true so sorry. Dumb thoughts.
m***ie: :( Please don't feel that way. There's no requirements to participate in any specific way or anything. You're good and definitely welcome!
tk: Thank you.
me: am glad i have found a couple of people (you guys) where i can talk about things we all believe in. I really hope i will find new people in the future for this group. (or maybe you find them?)
@m***Ie: yes custom order. @TK (outfit comment): Thank you!
me: That first meditation practice in the magick book. I always fell asleep because of it xD i can never write it down what my experience was xD
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October 5th
M***ie: Relaxing is good at least! XD
Me: did you had the chance to ask the question?
M***IE Ah yes, though I completely forgot the tarot question Ffff. But I went into it initially with a mindset of "I'm open to whoever wants to talk to me about anything" and that was interesting person stuff and a reminder to keep at what I'm doing and to take care of my body for a change. But I at least got to the God question and as we're all in the same universe they feel we know the same divinity. I heard something like "The Great Mind" maybe.
That the sundered better understand by dividing it up mentally into lesser gods that feels more approachable. That might be my own beliefs coloring things. Unsure.
I'll try the other question tomorrow as that should be less involved. I was glad to have the privacy and a reason to do something more than just meditation
Me: Oh nice, so the Ascians know about our god i take it?
M***IE Exactly. We're in the same universe/existence
(So yeah the Source is in our Universe The Milky way and our universal god called “The great mind”. (or Greater mind) )
me: awesome
me: All though i dont like emet being death though
(but now that I looks at it again this person predicted Reaper before all of us.)
m***ie: It's a beautiful image though. It really hit me hard and I wanted to cry for him.
me: Its is definitely pretty thats for certain. Oh found all separate illustrations on his/her account. Though why is lyna the emperor? Why not someone who actually was one? Emet or varis.
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October 6th
me: I was wondering if you had a chance to ask my question?
m***ie: Not really - been exhausted for a lot of today and finally am sitting up and writing with my pal after keeping her waiting all day.
Mysi: about Lyna as the Emperor-- I would think it's more important to get the symbolic meanings right than the literal ones. I could see a very good argument being made for Emet, but the fact that it's also literal just adds a layer of resonance. But the literal stuff won't be as deeply indicative of who they are as people.
Tarot-wise, the Emperor-- this might be surprising-- is not the person ultimately calling the shots, but the one who carries out law and order and directs their followers accordingly. Lyna is not at all a bad choice as the very loyal Captain of the Guards, who would follow the Exarch's orders to the last, and has her own underlings that she will also direct in accordance with that.
Varis seems to fit this at first since Emet is manipulating him, but he's not pleased about it, and his attitude would make him a pretty dysfunctional Tarot Emperor. Emet would be a very good choice! But as the Death card he is very good too.
Personally, I would have made Emet the Tower. Eulmore is... not unfitting. But Emet's effect in the story is exactly that of the Tower, to a point where that correspondence just leaps out at me as being so intense. ...I do think Ysayle and Estinien make a dysfunctional set of Lovers. They do not take each other's differences to heart, or learn or benefit by them.
me: ikr
me: @M***ie if you haven't done it already. I wonder if you could also ask (if you got elidibus) if he can appear in my dreams again, i am starting to miss him :/
mysi: So I was sent this MP3 by someone with this description, and yes, that's what it is. I liked it so I thought I'd pass it along:
there is no question in my mind that whoever made this knows exactly what they were doing. it's very well done! i would personally recommend it
M***ie: Very interesting! I'll have to check that out soon. People can do some amazing things with music and sound
tk: I'm usually more in tune with getting results from music so I'll try it later
October 7th
me: Also since a few months back. I recall a memory when i was very young. Like 6 or not older then 7 because my younger sister wasn't born yet.
The memory: i always wanted an elder brother to look up to. To learn things from.
(My childhood wasn't an easy breeze, i was being bullied on the tiniest things)
Just so not a brother in this life, but originally i have one, even though it took me 26 years to even came to know this.
I really hope i can see him again in my dreams. I really start to miss his presence. I just wanna give him a huge hug.
Mysi: That's interesting, maybe you knew all along that you wanted Elidibus himself to be there in your life~
And I know what you mean about missing Elidibus's presence. I want the Unsundered to be there with me always... well, they are, but I can't perceive them in the midst of everyday life going on around me. It's not so easy to sense them there, to feel like they are, unless I'm in the right environment conducive to quietly thinking about them..
me: Not my character who he is hugging, but i need this in a dream
mysi: Mood.
Just wanna collapse into them sometimes... (Or at any time.)
me: ikr.
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tk: So I listened to it, then looked up about it. Definetly was an experience but I was only listening to it and not trying to focus or meditate or anything.
mysi: It's similar to a guided meditation, so if you'd like a stronger experience, I'd def recommend doing it while lying down with your eyes closed and letting it take you where it will. It's structurally the same as my daily meditation exercise, so I'm going to replace that spoken one with this on some days~
tk: I figured, but I did not want to immediately listen to it that way in case it was too strong
mysi: Ahh, that makes sense!
I'm so used to this particular meditation that it didn't have a big effect on me, it just made me cry a little at the end, in a good way
But some people were apparently startled by it or unsettled in parts.
tk: This one was fine but I've had ones I've tried where I felt way too anxious after it, which is why I tested it first.
mysi: ooh... Tbh I'm always looking for something to affect me more strongly. xD
tk: I would like that but I don't want the anxious lol
mysi: I feel that. I've personally never gotten anxiety from spiritual exercises but I can imagine its not being fun
I've been constantly warned by my teachers not to try things at home that they deemed "too intense" for my level
Not that I was like, experimenting, just that I sat in once on a more advanced ritual. I had a very chill and pleasant time, but then was pulled aside and warned "don't try this at home without supervision"... like i have NO IDEA what my teacher saw or felt about me that made them think I was too sensitive for it, but apparently they thought I was
after that, the other teachers all asked me at every session if I was okay or had a bad experience, lol... I didn't, though
So if something makes you feel bad then probably you shouldn't do that thing, is my takeaway.
tk: It's rare for the anxiety to happen but I just like to be sure
mysi: Yeah, better safe than sorry!
My teacher was fond of telling us all that the light was more dangerous than the darkness: "You can stumble around in the dark and maybe have a bad time, but it won't make you blind or anything. But the light can really hurt you."
(if he said that again now, I would have to try not to lol...)
tk: heh
me: This is my playlist of meditation music now. I didn't had a list before. I didn't know you could successfully meditate with music on.
mysi: You can meditate to anything anywhere as long as it isn't distracting. It's a balance of what helps your mood vs what might distract you.~
by the way, it can be good to listen to the Qabalista songs in order; the Tree is a map of your guided journey, they are in a very specific order. ..on a second listen, the number of songs that made me cry in a good way went from 2 to 5.
me: Ugh i didn't like the electronic voices so much. Those were the only 3 i actually liked listening too.
mysi: Ahh, not your type of music?
me: Not really
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October 9th
me: Ok so i asked elidibus some questions on the same way i do with my higher self (yes/no answers by pushing me forward or backwards) .
In amaurot times i was a little bit taller then he was. But now if he could present himself someway or another he would be taller then me. (possibly the height we used to know him for in game)
The Ascian cloaks are how they actually look like, they gave the designer of ffxiv gear (forgot her name) the info on how it looked like and she made it unknowingly. (I would like to add that the wings on the back atm they became untempered are missing. the wings were are a symbol of loyalty to Zodiark)
Elidibus is still wearing the Ascian robes. So not the plain white amaurot one. (well not that often)
If i would go to a QHHT regressionist to check past lives i will probably see him. (hells i need money such a, session is expansive)
Apparently my soul color is a blueish purple.
Ah yes, the thing that is different from him compared to the game. Is that he did care to remember more then his duty.
There aren't any other siblings or family members of him here on Earth as far as he knows. But it could be he haven't noticed them yet. I might be the only one still.
About his looks is similar to most current fanart. Silver half long hair(not white) , like this pic but with a broader chin as we know him for as he looks in ascian robes
(the stern face one)
Ofcourse normal eyes xD this fanart is anime-fied
And allot of other questions but those are inrelevant to share.
He stayed a while again. Enjoying my crafting results. I felt when i looked at my shoulderplates i was spit in 2 for a sec which gave the effect of a double smile sensation.
So what do you all think of this?
M***ie: Sorry for my silence. I've felt like garbage for the last day and a half. I'm glad you are able to communicate with him!
me: Yes me too, but the only question remains if this is his desired method he had in mind Though i still miss him in my dreams.....i wanna give him a long lengthy hug.
mysi: I wish I had meaningful dreams anywhere near as often as you do, ahaha..
tk: I have dreams I remember almost every night but they aren't always exciting. Some lately too.
mysi: I wish I had more to add, I can only really interpret my own dreams... I know what they mean from feeling it. And mostly I get boring ones, lol.
M***ie: Same. I was in and out of sleep all night so I recalled several dreams. One was interesting but like a video game as much as anything. Not "capital I interesting"
mysi: I have been getting a lot of imagery out of the Qabala music album... one of the songs reminds me so much of my wol, which actually makes a ton of sense
It's like ... all the imagery in the Netzach sphere is extremely her, and also extremely traditional. And she's the first creative work I made after my initiation. It's no wonder all the symbols run so deep with her story
That's the place artistic creativity comes from
My wol's own most expressed opinion about the album is wishing Ysayle were here to hear some of these and have some conversations about it (edited)
"this is literally all about invocation, this might have helped Ysayle feel more valid" is the sense I'm getting
I think she's... frustrated that she wasn't able to stop and talk to Ysayle just when the latter needed it, and then didn't see her again until her death. And now C'rrah herself has been struggling through a similar thing with Azeyma and she wishes Ysayle were here to understand that.
tk: I'll see next time I listen if I can get one of my "muses" for opinion on them
mysi: In case anyone's curious, some chatter about my wol, her thoughts on Lahabrea, and what she said to me recently about the Ysayle thing:
(no need to like, have something specific to respond with-- I know sometimes I don't have anything to say about other people's OCs either, just like to hear about them)
me: Was this just a backstory of ya character or actual contacted it?
Because the actual WoL is a dude according to my higher self and elidibus.
M***ie: Before I forget, I want to say that I listened to the album you linked, and it was a wonderful experience. I feel like I gained a different level of understanding for some of the spheres I was not as clear about before.
I couldn't help but think about the Echo during the Kether track. No barriers between souls. I realize I had been writing in my Lahabrea series that, as the main character took more of his darkness into her and broke further free of the "blinders" (for lack of a better term) that Hydaelyn had placed on her (a tendancy to forget what came before), the more easily she could touch his soul, blend with it, feel any walls between them fade
mysi: This is a backstory of my character. Whose development is and always has been connected with my stuff.
me: ah ok.
mysi: I'm glad you liked it! I honestly learned a lot from it too, like, I've read book chapters that didn't explain some things as well as the songs did.
me: I only like 3 songs of it (sweathdropsmile)
mysi: holds out hand like a little kid I want to touch Lahabrea~
me: me with Elidibus giving a big bro sis hug.
mysi: Hmm, I actually think that as pieces of music, most of these songs I wouldn't just... like, listen to. There are things that are meant to unsettle. It's something I use as a meditative journey rather than a collection of songs
I don't like some of the songs but I appreciate what they can do
m***ie: It's interesting thinking about how our WoLs handled the most recent revelations in story. Mine reveres knowledge above all and she hated to destroy Emet without having had a chance to speak with him without the skeptical Scions interrupting. Once she understood everything, she was shattered at having to fight the last Unsundered, and that he had lost his memories as well... Such a devastating loss for all.
me: Yeah but they we distractibg me, the electronic voices were alao hard to follow.
mysi: Mine actually ended up summoning an image of him out of her grief, regret, and a whole ton of guilt about what was lost.
Distracting you from what?
And also you're not supposed to necessarily know what all the words are
It's meant to be subconscious imagery
M***ie: Yeah, there was definitely a conscious and subconscious level to the vocals.
me: Hmm the voices were annoying in my head
m***ie: That's fair! Not everything will work for everyone
The only distracting thing for me was my cat insisting on napping on me half way through
mysi: Yeah, I mean, if you don't have a good reaction to it, that's fine. I just wanted to make sure you realized it wasn't supposed to be like, normal music
After about my fourth listen, I was able to consciously listen to the Chokmah vocals-- before that I blacked out every time I heard it-- and the vocals actually say they're a blind (and there's something going on underneath that's hard to make out)
me: Blacked out as fell asleep?
mysi: Oh no no
As in... hmm. I think I don't want to explain it in detail, but it was probably what the song intended
me: I mean what is the song meant for?
mysi: Well. I-- I think there's a greater likelihood that if I try to explain it, it will confuse and mislead you more than it will actually convey what I'm trying to say.
Like, this is a confusing topic and there aren't good words for a lot of what I'm referring to-- words that don't also mean other things
I think that a lot of this stuff, you will subconsciously pick up on if you keep studying the Tree of Life and what all the things mean, and if you keep studying rituals and ways to contact things, and become more familiar with various practices, then I could refer to specific practices and say "it was like this"
but to just try to tell someone what it is, that's difficult for me to figure out how to do.
me: ah ok.
I showed mysi that Lahabrea was added into FFRK, so after that conversation:
mysi: Did I ever tell you about the time when I went into Prae and decided I was just not going to hit him? So I didn't? I ran uselessly around the arena pretending I was helping, although come to think of it, that's not a realistic way to look like you're playing blackmage
And I'd also spent half the Ultima Weapon fight half paying attention. I was lagging behind everyone so much too. I didn't do a good job in there
And I got a commend. And I was like ?????????
So I like to think that the commend is from Lahabrea
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M***ie wanted me to re-send the questions I had through a DM so she wont loose them
me: Copy paste from what i said earlier:
This card i pulled for a question to elidibus if i was contacting the right way atm.
I am not gonna share the card yet.
I will tell if you encounter him again and able ask my question.
We will see if its the same answer. ;)
And if you could ask if he will be in my dreams again more often so i can give him a hug and have a chat. .
(answers were given on October 14th)
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the we were talking about the new dungeon at that time matoya’s relict
tk: So are the Sharlayns connected in some way too?
m***ie: There is a fair bit of evidence that makes it possible to link Sharlayan and Amaurot, in my opinion. I can dig up my old notes and post them here if you are interested. Maybe we need a game lore channel!
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October 10th
me: Thinking of my first emet dream when i first time finished the MSQ of SHB. Halfway august 2019 he asked me to come with him in a dream. But i refused because i was against ascians and hated emet at that point.
He has been watching my dreams after that i think but without me noticing, to see where he could trigger me for to reclaim my heritage.
He probably noticed my desire to have powers in those dreams. And doing insane shit, and endlessly chasing estinien
on January 24th 2020. I bet he was like: oh so easy my dear? Very well then. fingersnap here is your heritage, you are 1 of us.
Bam! first ascian dream landed.
And so at first i was insta fan of emet. And emet only.
Then Elidibus appeared to be my brother, i was flabbergasted.
Me growing more fond of the Ascians as a whole when 5.2 dropped.
At first i was still against them, but i couldn't resist anymore to like them eventually. I was like Alright i will join you, but without tempering that wont be needed.
Elidibus appeared in a dream saying he will join me to the path of light on June 8th
Elidibus seems to appear since june every 2 months in my dreams. He should appear this week then. According the last one was halfway August during post patch depression.
mysi: If they said to me, "Oh, tempering isn't necessary since you already want to help us," I would say, "But I'd love to be able to do the right thing and not be confused about it, or make mistakes to regret later." I myself, personally, would cherish that as a gift.
I'd rather simply do the thing than struggle over it, haha. Pleasing my master without having to work hard at it, having it just be automatic and natural. Always wanting the right choice from being tempered to feel that way, instead of wanting the wrong thing and wishing it were different
Duty wouldn't be a burden. Instead of having to do something I didn't want, I would always be wanting to do the thing I should do anyway. No internal fears or conflicts. I'd personally love that.
Maybe you could tell Elidibus I want it, that he could come offer it to me.... ahaha
If you can, please, a request, next time you see him. Tell him I am pleading for it, tell him I'd crawl on broken glass, I'd walk through fire. Tell him I'm begging, that I have no reservation or regret. That if he wants.. if the offer is extended, I'll take it.
Tell him I don't even want anything else. Let him know just how dramatic I'm being about it. Everything else is just an attempt to soothe myself; I won't let that get in the way of my heart's real desire.
It would be so much easier and nicer and better to naturally desire to do the will of the star, without error or worry, than to merely swear an oath to do so.
tk: I would just like one of them to visit me tbh, if I keep either thinking about the chat often without trying to or that last dream I had.
mysi: I hope they do.
me: No guarantees xD as my dreams are mostly about myself.
And i think if i see him again, i would probably wayy to overjoyed and probably forget.
The tempering as far as i know it will loose your persona. I dont want that, plus its not needed because i am already insane. Also i pledged myself already to their cause when i get back after this life here.
mysi: Ah yes, that's true. You'll be too busy hugging him and persuading him to visit more often xD
As for my personality, I don't have a great one anyway, it's totally replaceable. xD Of course, that's just me.
M***ie: I promise I'll pass on the message if I have the opportunity!
mysi: Thank you~ No pressure!!
Of course I hope I get to see him so I can tell him myself, too xD
m***ie: I hope you can!
mysi: I said it twice on Twitter already, maybe I need to say it three times ;P
M***ie: Never hurts xD I keep thinking about this and the reason I would be fine with tempering feels almost selfish. To be able to believe without room for doubt. To leave my skepticism behind and just embrace it. I went through a phase of listening to local Christian radio for a few months just to give understanding them a fair chance. Didn't work. But there's one local fellow who just radiates pure conviction like I hear in few others. He believes what he's saying to the core. I had to pull over and I started crying because I wish I were the same about my own beliefs and spiritual experiences. There's always this block of fear that stops me and I want to destroy it, but I feel like I need to do that myself.
me: he will probably say you need to be in their world. And if you are already committed to their cause it wouldn't be needed. I think it will go that way if you see him.
I need to live out my life here before i can go home and join them again as i once was. And to be reunited with Elidibus. Also tempering deletes your memory, do you want that? Dont you wanna atleast remember you lived on planet earth?
And in my case and M***ie for 12000+ years since we were already from their world.
There aren't many amaurotines here as far i came to learn from him. But not limited to amaurotines but still not many, my ex BF where i still live with is from a place where Gridania is located and was a Pirate before the sundering.
This completely makes his fandom for Pirates sense.
But i do wonder if you are from the Source Mysi.
In a previous asking round on my higher self instead of elidibus. my Ex was a traveler with Azem so the hating of the Ascians doesn't come from nowhere either. Azem probably told him what the convocation did. And he probably agreed with Azem.
Though i haven't asked this in detail.
tk: I'm not entirely sure about tempering tbh, because I had one of my only good family members essentially get into a cult-like Pentecostal church and they did a complete 180° and I had to leave because they were trying to either get me into it or saying I was evil because I didn't want to. But I understand what @Mysi sees and wants.
mysi: M***ie, I think it's not wrong to be selfish in this case... We all need to develop spiritually and we can only do it for ourselves. The most important thing we can do for the rest of the world is to get ourselves in line first so that we aren't acting out of our own faulty reasoning. It may be a task centered on yourself and for your own benefit, but this is a place where helping yourself really is the first step to doing anything for anyone else. So my teacher told me.
And by that token, I am not really trying to convince any of you that it's right for you. In fact, if you don't want it, you probably shouldn't have it and probably wouldn't get it. I do have some books to recommend if you decide you do.
I have resources and information, I would love to share it, and it's a little hard to do so and give you the confidence to pursue it without asserting that I know what I'm doing. And, after all, I don't. I'm still not an Adept, I haven't been formally initiated. I am overdue for it after completing five years of training with the Golden Dawn. (Please don't tell anyone this.) I haven't been able to meet up for such an initiation, Covid has made it difficult. I don't have that power, that understanding, that deep knowledge conferred by a formal initiation, and you shouldn't trust and rely on me the way you would an Adept. The last thing I would ever want is to lead any of you astray.
But when I pass on what my eldest teacher says, I often wish to tell you this came from.... a good source. I want you to have confidence to hear words that, believe me, I didn't figure out on my own. xD;
me: Well elidibus (at first dream encounter) ask me to join the convocation, i didn't said No but didn't yes either. Since from what i knew back then it goes by tempering Of zodiark. And i wasn't to keen on that part.
Later in some other dream i said i will join them but without tempering, they seemed to be ok with that. So i keep it this way :D
mysi: You should definitely do what feels right to you! If you don't want it, don't pursue it. I'm only reporting my own experiences and ideas and feelings about it.
me: Though i do wonder what Elidibus will say to you when you say you want to be tempered though.
mysi: I know it sounds like a shocking thing to want ... ahaha. I wonder.
me: Its indeed shocking xD
mysi: I'm just shocking like that xD
me: Have you never tried to direct contact Elidibus?
tk: @mysi I trust you. If I didn't trust anyone here about this stuff I wouldn't be here.
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October 11th
mysi: The higher up I look, the less clearly they speak... neither Elidibus nor Emet has given me a more concrete thought than just waves of emotion and encouragement.
I think the only reason Laha drops actual words on me ever is that he's the Speaker, ahaha. And even that has only happened a handful of times.
M***ie brought up skepticism, and I have to say, I feel like it's been (and sometimes still is) my biggest block. I feel like I've gotten better over the years after actually getting results consistently. I feel better than before, but it's hard to notice the small changes day to day. But I feel a lot more reassured now than I did when I began.
It's hard to see my own internal progress, but someone told me that at one of our last social events, my partner (not **ffin but my other partner, who isn't involved in any of it really but just watches me supportively) went up to my teacher and thanked him for what it's done for me, apparently.
I look at things like that and think, "Have I really changed so much?" I have still so far to go. But I guess I have made a lot of progress on that at least. I was such a complete and total wreck before, and now I'm just plagued with occasional uncertainties.
I do, and think I should, and probably always will, use reasonable doubt to sanity-check my conclusions. But... afterward. Not while it's happening. In the moment I have to do better about just abandoning myself to it. I'll analyse the results and evaluate them skeptically afterwards. But while things are happening, I have to believe them so that I can relax and let it happen.
m***ie: Ah, definitely. And I feel bad about being skeptical too because if an entity is going to go through the effort to interact with me, the deserve more than me thinking it was a flight of fancy.
I say my reasoning is selfish because tempering for the reason I would want it sounds like a shortcut to my goal. Having someone else cast my doubt aside when I feel like I need to do it myself. I have all these experiences I've written down and remember clearly. Weird things that other people have been able to verify to some degree... I really ought not to doubt. I don't know why I do, because I have friends I trust who don't judge me for my beliefs. My life is better when it's "weird" as well. It's not negatively impacting my life, and the habits I'm building right now can only make me a better person.
All the work you put in couldn't help but change you, for sure. I really look up to the fact that you've been so dedicated to it.
tk: I definitely dont judge you. I feel like I'm in the same boat with some things.
m***ie: Thank you <3
Also I am definitely interested in any sources you are comfortable with sharing, Mysi. No pressure of course.
tk: If you want to share with me I am open to it as well, don't know if the offer was open to me or not though lol But I kept thinking about it
m***ie: I used to have a really nice collection of blatantly pirated occult/Esoterism books and lost it in a prior hard drive switch, it seems. When I decided to read the Book of Thoth (still working through that but I got sucked back into the fantasy series I've been hooked on) I was like... It's easier to just buy this... me from 15 years ago would be so mad.
Mysi: So I'd recommend starting here: https://www.amazon.com/St-Teresa-Avila-Two-Book/dp/1640322086/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1602424719&refinements=p_27%3ASt.+Teresa+of+Avila&s=books&sr=1-4&text=St.+Teresa+of+Avila
And when you've read and absorbed that, then here: https://www.amazon.com/Collected-Ascent-Spiritual-Canticle-Letters/dp/0935216146/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?dchild=1&keywords=dark+night+of+the+soul&qid=1602424007&sprefix=dark+night+&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyNUE0SVoyN0o4Vzg4JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNDk3NzM0M0RPWDNGUTQ0UDFKJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAwMzgwMTMyU1c5R1lLUzRMSFJGJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfcGhvbmVfc2VhcmNoX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=
If you're interested in the Tree of Life, then this book is good... I was told not to read more than one chapter a day. Not that there's any danger of reading it all in one sitting-- it's huge! But... you learn a lot besides just the spheres: https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Guide-Qabalistic-Symbolism/dp/1578632471/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=a+practical+guide+to+qabalistic+symbolism&qid=1602424136&sprefix=a+practical+guide+to+qa&sr=8-1
But I'd say the first book I listed is the most critical. And... better to read the first one before the second one. Jumping right into the second one might be a little confusing.
me: Lol dark night of the soul (your search words?) is when you come across your twinflame. Watched a couple of youtube vids of that of the symptoms and such. My youngest sister happened to experienced that.
mysi: That's not actually what the book is about, though. It's a different thing
me: Lol it was insta in the search bar. That 3rd book sounds interesting. Is the Hebrew alphabet also in it?
mysi: Yes though, the Hebrew alphabet is in the third one. It's a pretty big compendium
me: Cooool, Bought it on bookdepositry.
mysi: Nice
mysi: also
M***ie: At the crossroads of several niche interests, 1am brain that has been stewing in interesting thoughts, says to share this.
Mysi: Ooohh. So the numbered tarot cards reflect the spheres with 6/sun as the centerpiece..
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M***ie: Due to body issues I had a really funky night - Went to bed late, slept 3 hours, was up for a long time, then slept for a while again. Between this and reading chat here, and The Book of Thoth and residual things in my head from listening to the Qabalista album the night before, I had some weird dreams. Really all I remember was I sat on a hill outside of Amaurot and thought "With the city at my back, yet always ready to welcome me home, I gaze at the clear sky and my mind is clear." Then I realized I was wearing Ascian robes and could feel them very clearly, and I thought "Yes, the Robes of Splendor and the Wings of Victory"
me: Whut? Robes of splendor and the wings of victory? But actual ascian robes or ancient /amaurot robes?
Dreams are weird man, I have no further explanation. Ascian robes with the metal wings and such. It wasn't anything literal, just a thing
But it was referring to two of the spheres on the Tree of Life
Probably just my brain gluing random thoughts together ^^
mysi: I wonder if the path between Splendor and Victory is something you should look into? There are a lot of aspects to it, but with trust for logic on one side and instinct on the other, it could relate to the doubts. also it is The Tower so it could relate to a framework shift
Also, when I did pathworking for it several years ago I got... something that visually resembled the SoS fight in the game. It was not that actual event but rather something similar like... it felt like a play or a re-creation of that. Almost like I were performing that story in a pageant to honour it or something
It was definitely Crystal Tower, like my mind was drawing imagery from it, but this was long before 5.0
...hmm, I suppose in a sense that's what the game is, isn't it? A pageant to honour it
Ok so anyway that's my association with it, but your dream may be totally different, since you're not me and your paths may have something else to say
(Actually the more I think about it, I wonder if my experience was about figuring out game lore vs. inspirations we have about it)
(The fact that this was so long ago... only makes it even more likely that I was seeing my later concerns rather than the ones I had at the time. It seems like I usually do have images of matters that haven't come up yet)
Right down to the image of fighting someone who I remember as "he looks like Cecil from FFIV but I don't think he is"
that's... very likely what I would have thought seeing Elidibus with no idea who he was.
me: Well i believe i left this info in a different channel. But elidibus told me, the exarch doesn't exsist, he got untempered by the WoD with the convocation crystal at the end of their battle. It could be that you saw that?
mysi: Yeah I know, it felt sort of like performing in a play to honour events in general. And the game is also a play to honour them so...
Given that it was located between facts and inspiration, what I saw may have represented my dealing with the discrepancy itself
Dealing with the need to separate the truth from the game
But like, that's what's in my own psyche. What others get on that path may be about a different matter
me:: Yeah, Still wonder what Elidibus meant in June. He said " i will join you to the path of light"
Path of light can mean many spiritual things. Not just only the path that was opened my m***ie's friend to let fictional(that aren't fiction) characters to enter our world.
mysi: It can. If someone said that to me I would assume it referred to my upcoming, someday, initiation ritual that I hope to have when I'm able to travel again. Since that also means that.
M***ie: Thank you for your interpretation! Weirdly, the night after listening to that album I kept seeing that path and one other specifically. Definitely deserves some investigation. I'd forgotten about that because I hadn't yet had my coffee. I'm very glad I've been keeping a journal lately for dreams and random thoughts.
I very much like that interpretation of the game as well
me: The thing is, Elidibus is very rarely in my dreams. And i really hope he can come more often.
In the beginning he was more frequent in my dreams but since that path of light message he didn't appear anymore until post 5.3 patch for 2 times and thats it.
mysi: Ooo. I saw that path when I was literally on it in my working through the esoteric grades
Elidibus might've been suggesting he would draw you to some path that would lead you upwards to truth and light, as you try to puzzle.it out?
m***ie: It is not just a retelling of their story for us to hear on Earth. Surely millions of people playing through their tale works in some similar way to people praying to their gods or somesuch. I feel like it grants them energy, for lack of a better term. The very literal path I saw when watching my friend's working was like thin paths that could be walked upon made of branching lightning.
me: Puzzle things out, perhaps.
Well elidibus said that quite literally to you remember? Even the people who hate them.
Elidibus : Know we are not dead. We are beyond mortality as legend and concept. Fine creations indeed. Those in your world who speak our names with love or curses either fuel our existence. The only death is being forgotten, so you who would heed Hades' words are looked upon with kindness and thanks. Writers, artists, dreamers, all. Though magic be dull and trifling in your world, this is the power you wield even if you know it not.
mysi: Oooo. I mostly didn't get actual lightning imagery like I expected to. I always get something that seems random. It's like that dream of Amaurot I had that made no sense to me in 2002.
me: O-0 i wish i dreamed of Amaurot in the past. Even though i rarely dream of Amaurot now. Only 2 times or something.
mysi: It did look like a path though, it was like... you know the way the ending of the WoD raids has them running across crystal paths? It was like that but colored like Syrcus Tower
me: Ohhh interesting
mysi: ...Idk, watching Amaurot burning was a pretty uncomfortable dream to have, lol. It didn't feel great. I kept hearing "this is the Apocalypse"
me: Interesting
M***ie: I should have clarified it was blue lightning, like Crystal Tower blue. Utterly wild. Instead of saying "my shaman friend" because it's cumbersome, I'll just use her nickname, El. I told El just now that you'd seen something fairly similar and she goes "wait, hold on. Uuuhhh." and I thought it was just because I randomly hit her with this. But she's working on some kind of art project related to Igeyorhm because she feels strongly drawn to her, and promises a relevant picture soon. Apparently we're all hanging out on the same wavelength O_o.
mysi: Ooooooooo
m***ie: (She's doing work from home for the same job I am though so I'm having to wait until there's a break)
me: I feel a bit excluded somehow because i haven't actually seen it
M***ie: I'm sorry D: But you know Elidibus wants you to see it, and I'm sure you will. I'm not sure why he'd pull you to it specifically but I also don't know its true purpose so I'm sure you'll learn something interesting.
mysi: Maybe you should work your way up to it by meditating on the lower paths and spheres that lead up to it? When I saw it I had spent a couple years doing that. And it's a fairly high path for the lower Tree, so you might need to climb up a few more.
me: I somehow cant picture things before my eyes while closed while meditating. Also nothing appears.I wish i knew how to get further.
mysi: Try a guided meditation? It might help you develop skill at visualizing.
me: Where can i get that?
mysi: Be sure not to deliberately try to picture anything in particular. Youtube is full of them!
M***ie: That book you ordered - Modern Magick - that's what has helped me quite a lot. I personally have visualization issues still and am working on it - I see things only in black and white but I can sometimes intuit color, and even then it's hard to hold on to things. There are a lot of guided meditations on YouTube.
mysi: Like it might not be specifically about anything important but it will train you in how to do it.
me: I will definitely dig more into it when my cosplay is finished. My heart and soul is in those robes i must finish that firstly.
m***ie: I really liked this one: https://youtu.be/4EaMJOo1jks
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October 12th
so I tried the guided meditation.
me: I was able to picture the walking on the beach part.
And my future me was me in ascians robes.
m***ie: Fantastic!!
tk: Almost done so I'll post after.
m***ie: I'm way late on this now but when I had mentioned the path to El and she was startled by me bringing it up out of the blue, it's because this is what she had so far of the gift she was suddenly compelled to make for Igeyorhm.
me: Can she please join our discord channel. She can have the title Igeyorhm as well :3
Also. I had a small dream where i was working on my sleeve armor.
I was foam claying the details, and lahabrea told me telepathically like " do it like this"
And i did, and it worked. I thanked him for helping me.
That was the dream.
But since my sleeves are already in the primer. This might have actually happened but without hearing his voice when i was busy claying them a couple of days ago.
Lahabrea is the overseer of our creations.
I think he is also drawn to it because 95% of the screenshots i use for the details have him on it lol.
Though got a question, how far is El in the story?
M***ie: I love that!!
So she's only level 15 in game but she was so fascinated by my talking about the Ascians that she's had me spoil the story. She doesn't have much time to play anyway.
me: Can you let her join this discord?
Then she can share her findings directly with us.
M***ie: I will ask her
me: cool!
M***ie: She declines, unfortunately, but I can still share things she wishes to share.
me: Oh um but why? Since she is so much into it i cant imagine why she wouldn't?
Btw your robes of splendor are a Bible verse.
M***ie: Why not? She's busy. Works full time like me and she's a published author working on her second trilogy, and she's teaching basic magic theory and suchlike to two people right now.
oh??? Interesting! I'll have to look that up.
Ah, found it (wow, I CANNOT type today for the life of me)
“In the priests putting off their own clothes and putting on these robes of splendor, was it not meant to show how the Lord Jesus laid aside his glory, when he clothed himself in our nature; and when he who knew no sin became sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him? 2 Corinthians 5:21. And was it not meant to show also, how sinners by the Holy Ghost are stripped of that clothing which is theirs by nature, and are clothed in the garments of grace. Zechariah 3:3-4; Ephesians 4:22-24; Isaiah 61:6.”
Am I entirely off base for feeling like that is still relevant in overall feel? I'm thinking about the summoning of Zodiark and suchlike. Hmmm. Hello subconscious. We need to have a talk.
me: We're nothing more then scions and sinners.
M***ie: “All our splendor bathed black in silence
Our surrender, a somber reverie
Slowly drifting down into twilight
Left to sifting through fading memories
Know our places, for worth is wordless
Evanescent, this writing on the wall
Brother, stay this descent to madness
Come and save us, catch us before we fall”
right
me: ikr
m***ie: This song? Inspired
me: I forgot the song even started with splendor. I was used to the fan lyrics before the original came out.
M***ie: I know common words are common words, so I don't want to go overboard connecting dots that don't connect, but it still made me go -record scratch- hold on
me: ikr
M***ie: “All things change - drawn to the flame, to rise from the ashes
To begin, we first must see the end!”
Also very The Tower, not just phoenix imagery.
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m***ie:
me: This is a good one. I gonna try this one again for before sleeping. I almos fell asleep. Almost and tbat during morning https://youtu.be/E8_a7hZmGm8
Oh yeah his voice reminds me of elidibus
M***ie: @mysi These pages from the Book of Thoth talk about the differences in the way Crowley structured the tarot and why and, though the diagram referenced is missing from this Kindle edition, it is based on the Moebius Ribbon you had posted about before.
The last bit cut off is
"...as shown in the words Tsar, Czar, Kaiser, Caesar, Senior, Seigueur, Seflor, Signor, Sir."
M***ie: Also, woah. I've listened to a lot of Michael Seeley's stuff but it has been a while- He really does sound a bit like Elidibus O_O
me: ikr!
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me: So i can contact lahabrea the same way as Elidibus and my higher self.
He is indeed overwatching and guiding my crafting for my cosplay. I thanked him for that.
And he indeed had a relationship with Igeyorhm. The shipping is real.
m***ie: Excellent!
me: i stole your screenshot for a moment.
Me when i work on my cosplay :
M***ie: Hee. He would definitely want to make sure every detail is just right.
me: Yeah thats how i feel indeed. Trying to correct some wierd bumps in the sleeves while the primer is already dried.
me: So i was drawing lines on the hip armor for where to clay and dremel etc.
I couldn't figure out certain lines that were going to a certain direction.
Me: lahabrea can you help figuring this out?
Just a few sec after that i noticed the mistake i made, the reason why i couldn't it figure out how.
I fixed it, and i thanked him. He is so nice!
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October 13th
mysi: Yes :D Crowley please tell us more about the zodiac revolving around Virgo and Pisces. Where can I learn. Actually it makes it sound like Virgo is just there to balance it revolving around Pisces in the first place. I have read this before but now I have so many questions. Maybe I can see what I can dig up about that (twirls hair oh a figure 8 when it REVOLVES, you're so funny)/
Mysi (replying to the robes of splendor part): The robes remind me of a few things
So, there's the idea of getting rid of our false egoic notions: of who and what we are, of our present beliefs and ideas about the world. That is very close to the Tower.
I would caution agains linkng that too closely with Splendor; in our present society much of our trouble stems from an over-valuation of this Splendor and an under-balance of value and trust placed in Netzach. It's all part and parcel of how we in our society don't value the arts and humanities as much as we value STEM.,A lot of problems with our current intelligentsia come from this fetishizing of logical proof to the exclusion of the value of our inspirations
But also
There are many more aspects, like choosing what to value in your life as a priority. Like... who are you most of all? Some people are mothers, or lovers, or doctors, or artisinal pastry chefs, or... all kinds of other valuable things, first and foremost. This is good. We need these people. They are living in the pure clothing that is theirs by nature. That's important and keeps society running. In my case I want to put worldly things like that aside, I want something deeper than nature. But it isn't so easy to throw off the world and really put on garments of grace. For one thing, grace isn't something you can produce yourself, it's a gift. You can ask for it but it's not by your own will that you receive it
You can do your very best to become worthy of grace in hopes that it will be granted you, and part of that is ... probably going to involve stepping away from the world.
I may be reading too much of my own stuff in that. Last night I decided I need to stop going on twitter. It exposes me to toxic public opinions that are making it harder to sink more deeply into developing the sensitivity I had when I was tiny
M***ie: Thank you for taking time to respond to this. I'm going to dig into this further and nurture the will to keep growing and improving. There's enough coincidences coming together that I would be silly to ignore it.
Getting away from Twitter, especially during election season sounds most excellent. I'm not ready to break away entirely but I'll use my apps to block me from it more often I think. But it definitely pulls me into unhelpful thought patterns.
mysi: You're welcome! And of course, I could be completely off base with any interpretation I suggest. Think of my suggestions as prompts you can use or ignore as desired xD.
tk: I only look at people I know won't tweet stuff that annoys or puts me in a bad mood. I barely look at my timeline. I don't use any other social media tbh lol.
mysi: And yeah, I think on Twitter I was... like... I get in the habit of projecting some kind of self-image, like I'm curating my brand or something, and it's really bad for me to get stuck in that.
me: I wear like most of the time robes in dreams. It varies with ones, depends what i am doing.
mysi: Ooh, it's neat that you know what you're wearing... I never do.
me: Lahabrea appeared i my dream this night lol. I only saw him at the back. What happened i forgot
And like a very short clip of emet. But also forgot what
But no elidibus sadly
M***ie: I don't see my clothing in dreams usually either, which is another reason that recent one stood out to me. Ah, very nice. I've only seen him in my dreams twice now and would love to again. Here's to all of us seeing who we need and wish to.
mysi: Yes! What we need and wish to (...in my case, I'll stick with "what I need" since what I wish is to do what I must)
me: Well i wish for elidibus to come in my dreams, but he does not come :s
mysi: YET!
M***ie: It will happen. I'm sure if it. Though I couldn't make that connection today, I am still sure.
me: Ok thanks
M***ie: Believe!
mysi: He might be waiting for something to happen in your life
Something you should see or hear or do before he can take you further
me: Oh ofcourse. So lahabrea decided to fill the gaps xD i am grateful for that. But i still miss my brother :/
mysi: Of course you do. I know he will come for you in time.
me: Hold on hope J
M***ie: I really want to achieve lucid dreaming and have had no luck yet. I'm like, come on, brain. If you see these 3 locations, you can only be dreaming. They are well-established places in my dreamscapes and not ones I go to in real life. That's easy. I've been doing consistent reality checks too. I'll get there eventually, but it's frustrating. But maybe it's just not what i need right now. I have enough virtual playgrounds already.
TK: I've had a few lucid dreams, problem is I can't really do it on command. Just happens sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t.
M***ie: Very nice!!
me: Mostly mine are more vivid then lucid. When i came to know that i am dreaming, i still cant control everything. Except for summoning emet seems to work on that command and do things with him . But thats rare that i get an actual lucid dream.
Most are very clear and able to remember them.
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October 14th:
me: So my ex had questions. He cannot connect somehow with his higher self so i do that for him.
But aftet that, he had other questions regarding the worlds future, corrupted government things. At the sudden someone came to me. I asked if it was my higher self (by her name) i gained a no. I asked of it was elidibus i gained a yes.
I told my ex to ask the questions, then he said " who is it?"
me: "elidibus"
Him:"Omg, elittlebus."
And he sorta apologized for all the troll replies he did ever on him.
We came to know the Elidibus's height was a sensitive spot. Yes was, he isn't that small anymore (possibly late bloomer) .
After the possible future questions of planet earth that i cannot share yet.
Elidibus stayed a while again, my ex and i talked about other things, while at random elidibus gave answers to. That was nice.
All though my ex will try not to make fun of him again. Elidibus understood it was all a joke, but didn't like it as much.
mysi: Oh, I'm glad you were able to talk to him! That's wonderful.
Hmm, given that they can change and mould the shape of their own bodies, I wonder if the issue with his height is actually like a reminder of how young he was when he joined the Convocation. An issue actually with people seeing him as less mature due to all of that.
He doesn't want people to think he wasn't mature enough, so he doesn't want people to think of how small he was.
M***ie: I can't imagine he enjoyed the whole fandom drama about his age either.
ME: He was a young adult lol, i believe i shared that info earlier.
M***IE "This is true. Young though he was, none doubted him but for himself. But are we not all subject to the malady of self doubt at some time in our lives?" - Lahabrea
(That was interesting and I won't complain about the sudden commentary)
@TK Come baaaaack T_T I saw you typing. Don't be shy among us weirdos ;)
TK: Sorry! Back and forth with the new content lol. I was gonna say something about what happens in the Bojha story really stuck out to me, not gonna spoil it but it has to do with tempering, Echo and something similar to what Ysayle did. Something just was like in my mind pointing it out lol. Guess similar to Yotsuyu too
M***ie: !!! That's almost enough to get me to drag my very tired carcass out of bed to go start it
And no need to apologize. I just wanted to make sure you knew your words were welcome here.
TK: Heh okay ^^ sometimes I am worried about typing stuff dont know why.
M***ie: No worries. I felt a bit weird sharing my brief channeling there... But as I'm trying to learn not to doubt and I figured it would be interesting to some, I went with it. As a socially awkward bean myself, I understand.
me: Wait get out of bed at 8pm? (we had 8hours difference right? Thats early lol xD.
M***ie: Ah, I didn't sleep much last night so I'm laying in bed reading and chatting~
Did you see the message from Lahabrea above?
...phone, please. You know his name by now... I saw you try to change it to "lasagna"
TK: XDD
Me: Oh? I thought you were saying that? Omg, how did you get such a quick message? Ah well it was like 4:40am when i read that.
Ans i cant sleep atm its 5:33 am
If you can ask lahabrea such a quick note. Tell him i appreciate the help he gives with my cosplay!
I would love the reply on that one.
M***IE:"Of course. With the work you've put into it, it deserves to be accurate"
I don't know. Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes I have to make a big production out of it. But your message has been shared and received and is appreciated
me: YAY :3
M***ie: :D Sometimes I'm helpful! I swear, lack of sleep makes it easier because I can shut the logic blockers off but I can't do THAT on purpose haha
me: Ah so you cant contact Elidibus now? And your are more usefull/helpful then you think ;)
M***ie: Thanks! I'll try. Can't hurt.
me: Awesome!
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That same day M***ie did a question for me if Elidibus could come into my dreams again because I started to miss him and the other questions I had.
M***ie: Okay now I don't know if this was his answer or he's using it as a signature.
"The scribe continues to second guess the simplest answer here." I rolled my eyes, cleared my mind, and heard TWELVE and scratched out XII very firmly.
I do not have the order of the major arcana memorized but I looked it up online and that's the Hanged Man, which I tend to associate with him by its meaning
I'll transcribe the rest momentarily. My automatic handwriting penmanship is A W F U L.
me: Thats not the card i pulled.
M***ie: Signature then. Got it
me: Also its not a second guess, i know it him.
Lahabrea actually confirmed it as well lol by that first reply
Tell you what, i felt a presence going away. When you tried contacting him. :D
M***ie: "It is difficult to intentionally enter dreams. They are a functional conduit for sending messages yes, and ever imperfect. Distortion is always present and a factor to be kept in mind" (I think he means don't take everything in dreams literally because some is just brain nonsense mixed in) "Visualization exercises as such will help her in growing the awareness needed to continue to hear and see and break through the veils. Continue your duty to yourself and we shall meet again with ease."
The "scribe" he referenced was me !!!
He meant the last part to you, even though it went from 'she' to 'you' - Blame the scribe lol
Your duty, i mean
me: Ah i really need to actually hear him. But i am on the good way in the way i ask questions? Because :
M***ie: I see!! "Lord of the Triumph of Light" - makes me think of the Warrior of Light ^^
me: The meaning mostly xD Victory lol.
M***ie: But yes. Tarot is excellent. Ask your questions like you are talking to him and he can reply through the cards. This also lets you grow your skills to trust your intuition
Keep up visualization exercises and don't give up.
me: Well the question i asked was if i connected to him the way he had in mind with the yes and no questions i do with my higher self
M***ie: Meditation is also good for clearing the mind noise and, this is just my interpretation, it can help declutter your mind so your brain doesn't have to do it in your dreams
me: hmmmm
M***ie: Ah right. Lack of sleep is not always helpful
me: Hmm but ok, i will continue the practices. I would love to actually break free of that veil.
M***ie: You and me both. I'm sure it is possible with work and time
me: I hope so. It wont be easy. If i am that powerfull as i am in my dreams.
then i am gonna save the world of its corruption "for our world for our people"
(yeah i stole a quote of elidibus as WoL).
M***ie: NICE.
me: XD, But i do got another question, was it actually he then when he does come into my dreams?
Because He doesn't dismiss it outright,
M***ie: From what I gather it is like a projection. Buuuuut I'm not an expert on dreams
me: But it is him then? But as a hologram to make a comparison.
M***ie: I was going to say that yeah. But they don't have a physical body anyway unless they hijack one so there is little difference anyway.
me: Yeah exactly that why i am thinking he could still be entering its full self. Though maybe thats a special ability. Emet seems to have less trouble with that lol. Because he can enter the lifestream and such. Also he says " meet AGAIN" :D Confirmation much i once was a amaurotine /convocation member. Wait what did he mean with keep the duty to yourself? Not telling anyone?
M***ie: Working on yourself. Visualization. Meditation. Etc. It's what he said last time about duty to inprove yourself.
me: Oh, well at least he gave more concrete answers of what to do now.
M***ie: Huzzah!
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now back to the previous conversation with the others
me: @M***ie since you can contact lahabrea more easily, can you ask if he was in my dreams the last couple of times. Even though it was just very short. And sometimes not even visible but just a message.
A just adore to fact that he cares about my cosplay. I feel so content xD
me: i asked some questions regarding the Ascians masks to elidibus.
I had my own as well, which had a hawk face/ beak.
I gonna try to make my own of foam clay when my cosplay is finished.
New member Azelyn joined! sadly she turned out to be the biggest spy ever so I skip any introductions with her since she deleted everything of her including dm’s when she betrays us all in the end of june 2021. actually she already did that in April but didn’t came to light sooner then june. and I blamed the wrong ex member for the betrayal . which I regret still…. after I came to know Azelyn/AZ/ azphelyn betrayed my only 2nd FB account to the one who set up that document against me, I know it was her. but it was too late to save my connection with the member I falsely accused. more on this in chapter 16.
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October 15th
me: Elidibus might say dreams usually mean nothing.
But its thanks to a dream i know Lahabrea is helping/guiding the crafting of my ascian cosplay.
So how is that? Is elidibus wrong?
me: Even that @M***ie confirmed lahabrea is helping me, i think he halfly guide this piece being dremeld. The gray part was a flat block, at first i wanted to dremel it entirely in this shape.
A sudden thought to cut it into shape came to mind. But first wanna try dremeling it. But after a few sec i listend to the cutting idea. And said "yeah that is indeed a better idea"
And now my fingers hurt from typing because of dremeling for 75min straight. My fingers feel like they are bouncing of the screen of my phone with the vibration of the dremel. XD
But i must continue working lol.
M***ie: It doesn't mean everything in dreams is nonsense. Just that some things are and you have to kind of filter out the brain nonsense and find the food stuff. Like panning for gold I suppose.
me: ah, i dont got a problem with that i think.
Lahabrea entering my dreams is clear enough,
possibly any ascian appearance, or me being one has value for my spiritual state. (edited)
And other things like normal life shit i dig out easily if something is nonsense.
But the ones that i remember clearly are mostly the ones with a meaning.
I think he underestimates ls how frequent i got those dreams xD
Mysi: My dreams are still boring most of the time, but that may just mean I'm working things out during meditations etc. and don't have as much to process when asleep. Idk.
You'd think I'd be done already with the same "lost while driving and looking for my hotel" scenario by now
me: I had that kind of dream (before i heard from elidibus via m***ie what my duty is) frequently that i went back to school, or finishing an education. Now i know what to do, they became rare.
( here comes some redacted words for privacy because of someone illness, and mine…but if you know on what the echo looks like right before your WoL gets a vision. then you probably know already, just in case I wont put this part into the ao3 version either or adjusted the beginning atleast)
mysi: Ah, to know one's duty. I'm not well suited to be a historian. I have a terrible memory and even lose entire weeks to [redacted for privacy] at times. I simply can't keep my memories forever, regardless of what I'd like.
me: Wait, you got [redacted]? I swear [redacted] is a disfunctioning Echo that makes you forget instead of remember like a curse placed over it. (Yes i got [redacted]) .
mysi: I have [redacted] and [redacted] are a symptom. I've also thought it was rather like the Echo!
Suddenly everyone's worried whether you are okay, your head hurts, and you're the only one who doesn't know what happened xD
me: Yes that xD
And, when i tried like letting thing floats when i was younger. (not that i could do it, but i always tried sometimes because awesomeness) i frequently almost caught a [redacted] back then.
It felt and still does like a curse. I cant use my powers. Like the echo is laying dormant but the [redacted] prevent me to get it.
But i haven't had a [redacted] for 1 year now i believe. And i think i can break the Veils now, the only question remains (beside visualization practice and meditation) how to do it.
mysi: It's been about the same length of time for me (eta: 2 years, I meant), and you know what got messed up last time? I was playing xiv and I forgot the end of 3.0. I completely forgot what happened in it until I re-watched it. And then I remembered seeing it the first time and even my reaction to it.
Of course... back then, that scene didn't have much meaning to me. Now, though, I do kind of side-eye the fact that I forgot it. I forgot that Igeyorhm even existed at all, I couldn't remember what happened to Lahabrea, it's weird.
me: Well my memory work differently. Mostly unimportant stuff on long term are forgotten. Well unimportant for me then, my ex is usually highly frustrated when i cant remember some things from 10 years ago xD. Things and in this case the game that are dear to me, somehow never left my memory.
mysi: At the time, the story of xiv didn't mean a lot to me. I didn't pay attention to the Ascians and was only just casually catching up on the story. Until 5.0 I just sort of had xiv on the backburner, being absorbed in my magical studies instead. So it wasn't something that would stick. But then, last year when I rewatched the cut scene, I had this weird spinny nauseous feeling and then remembered seeing it before.
me: Lol sounds like echo xD
mysi: Indeed xD
me: xD
mysi: The main point I remembered that when I first saw it, I was yelling at the wol that they were stupid to use up the auracite on Igey when Laha had been getting in our way more often.
I literally called for the wol to destroy him... I didn't know any better, I was so ignorant, he's the last person I would ever want to harm now. ;
me: Ikr i know the feeling
mysi: I guess I deserved to remember that I did that.
me: I was against the Ascians even after shb,....and hated emet. Its the first ascian dream i had that made me realize i was one myself. So i couldn't hate them anymore or else i would just hate myself but i started with just likeing emet-selch at first. After that first elidibus dream where he was my brother i whent pro Ascian. I didn't cared anymore, i was one myself and it didn't felt wrong, instead it felt i found something back long lost. But yeah, i feel quilty every now and then, that i was against them. In the first place.
mysi: In the Qitana Ravel when Emet told me about their goals, I knew immediately that I wanted to help them. There was no way I could oppose their plans to make everything whole and complete. And they are working for the will of the star, so I can only support that.
me: Yes, it did grow more sympathy about them to me at that part. But i still wasn't sure about them at that time.
mysi: That makes sense. I just already knew my own direction before I heard of theirs... so I knew right away it was the same.
me: Thats nice. Though i am very glad Emet-selch gave me that dream. I am very positive he did that.
mysi: Oh yes, it must be so good to know that. Perhaps I am one of them too, and they never had to tell me so they've kept it secret so far. I don't know much beyond this not being my first lifetime working for this goal.
me: I was so amazed when i got that first dream and woke up with a migraine thats how heavy the dream was. Search for qlues in the internet, it came down to a soul awakening, remembering your duty or past lives. So yeah i had allot of questions xD.
mysi: It's so good that they put you on track to finding out, though. I'm sure they miss you a lot!
me: This is what m***ie got from me from elidibus: "Visualization exercises as such will help her in growing the awareness needed to continue to hear and see and break through the veils. Continue your duty to yourself and we shall meet again with ease." ( I posted a screenshot of the last lines of elidibus with this comment).
. “at duty’s end we will meet again, we will, we will.”
mysi: That line always gets me ;;
me: I miss them too.
And that line makes me cry even more now.
mysi: Yes ;;
me: Like he is talking to me
mysi: I'm sure he feels that way about you.
me: I hope so!
mysi: I miss them too, each in their own ways.. ♡
me: Yes i know what you mean.
That lahabrea is guiding my crafting is so nice!
XD i felt so content when i heard back from him via M***ie
So i asked my higher self or was it eli? i dont know xD. When lahabrea came to guide my cosplay.
Its was during the shoulderplates xD.
I do got a, question though,
When you talk to them, they never show really emotions now do they?
mysi: They don't, no... but that's probably typical for higher beings.
me: Yeah indeed, i read that allot in Dolores cannon books.
Emotions are even planet earth thing. Of course they dont know the existence of the Source in those books . But i think we can safely say that can be included.
( even though this was my knowledge in 2020, emotions are definitely there at higher beings and planes of existence. especially love. but negative emotions are non-existent in the 5D those are purely human, or vile spirits).
mysi: Yeah, I think so too.
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October 18th
me: @m***ie I got a question you can might ask to either Lahabrea or Elidibus.
First some back ground info:
I am gonna try to save up money for a QHHT Practitioner (quantum healing hynosis therapy, the same method Dolores cannon uses) .
From what i know those people can ask the subconscious to lift up the veils or most of it, while you are in complete trance. (as far as i have read in Dolores books)
Now the question: will this help me to break through the Veils?
Or/and will i get a chat with Elidibus or anyone of the convocation while being under hypnosis?
hench maybe they even know Dolores cannon, she passed away in 2014, but she became even well known in the spiritual worlds, i will be going to a lvl2 (lvl3 is highest) student of hers in my own country. shall i DM you the question as well?
M***ie: Sure! That's a good idea - I don't have the best memory I'll ready this when I can.
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October 19th:
me: I was working on my cosplay, and i cant remember i pushed something or hit anything, but something fell of the table that happened to a tape roll. Right after that some purple smoke halfly camouflaged in front of my mother painting on the wall. I asked if it was him (lahabrea), i was pushed forward. And if he dropped the tape roll to be noticed. Another yes. I said i wished i could actually see him, or more then that slight purple clouds that there was only for a second or 2. "thank you anyway for making your presence known" i said.
m***ie: Oooh, very exciting!
me: It indeed was xD.
I cant wait until you find the time to ask the other questions i have
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October 20th:
So my sister visited me ( the one who is doing tarot, and believes me for the FFXIV actually exsisting). So i was telling her about lahabrea helping with my cosplay. She couldn't pronounce the right correctly, and started to make fun of it, and my ex BF joined the fun. I was getting annoyed by it, because i didn't know if Lahabrea would be annoyed by it too. they continued for a while including wierd accents. They both sat in the living room. Then all of a sudden the automatic bubble blower activated itself. But it didn't contained bubble soap. They were baffled(is that the correct word?) and i was laughing loudly, because i knew it was lahabrea doing that. Me : lahabrea wants you to stop lol Ex BF: no it must be something evil. After my sis turn the thing off they stopped making fun of Lahabrea's name. Later i asked silently in yes/no question mode. If it was lahabrea. It was indeed a him doing that. He wasn't bothered by the making fun of his name, he is used to ever worse. O-0 He noticed that i didn't liked it, so he wanted them to stop for me because he saw how annoyed i was of it. That was so sweet of him, i thanked him for that.
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October 21st
m***ie: Poor guy has to be used to that by now. My closest group of friends call him "Baja Blast" "Breadman" and "Gingerbreadman" -_-
me: Wtf xD. Those names dont even make sense xD . @TK i saw you typing xD
TK: i was gonna say I call him Lahabread as a joke but I don't mean it.
me: My ex bf says blahabrea -_-
I just cant stand making fun of names of those who i respect dearly.
I just respect the convocation so much i cant bare a thought to make fun of names.
Perhaps in exception some things they say or yell in Igeyorhm's case.
(pay closely attention on how she screams when she gets blasted, it sound like a horny scream at the end ) that where i am quilty at for laughing.
tk: I respect them, but I also joke with people I respect lol
me: Yeah i know what you mean.
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October 22nd I was busy with my ascian cosplay for Halloween and was busy with the wings on the back.
Me: At first i didn't know how or where to start the carving of the wings. But as soon as i grabbed the knife it went somehow automatically. I knew instantly what to do.
Lahabrea likes crafting
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I will put in a dream here that I had on October 20th but got replies on the 22nd
me: Finally a ascian amaurotine dream again.
And i think this was in a QHHT state. In so far i have read in which state the person will see the visions.
Here goes:
I was sitting at the back of my ex BF, while he was driving a scooter. (we dont got one in RL lol)
We were driving allong the water edges but into sand, well mud actually.
Later it became grass again temporarily. After that it was water again, but we were driving upon the water now. The water was getting deeper. He drove straight through it, flinging me off. He went under water, and came up again. I was some attached to the scooter, but decided to fly after/next to him instead.
Later we were driving on a hill, i looked at the left and saw amaurotines and convocation members at the foot of the hill.
Me: me, convocation, (jumps desperately on the grass to get of the scooter), Ascians. I need to go there.
And i went towards them. I wore black robes, i hugged the first convocation member i saw. But couldn't see who it was.
Me: who are you actually?
She removed her mask and hood.
She looked like a carribean skintone, a sturdy round face, but beautifully make uped her face. She had a blond bang like emet has the white one.
Agave was her name (lol)
Then another member came towards us, also removed her hood and mask, she had blue hair but forgot her name and looks. Her name was mentioned though
Later an old man of the convocation gave a lecture or something, explaining some magic symbols in according to primals, in this case Shiva.
Then i noticed the First WoL standing next to him. I saw a strand of silver hair, but his face was covered with the helmet.
I went under the helmet to peek his face.
Me: Elidibus?! And gave him a half assed hug ( i had trouble not waking up yet, didn't wanted so soon)
Elidibus had a very surprised look on his face. And then said
Eli: Ayanto? (shortened name of Ayantano?)
Me: yes!
Then i started to wake up, but first dreamt that i was about to write this dream down. Including the correct date of today.
mysi: Ohh so Ayanto is what he calls you?
me: Ayantano is my higher selfs name.
So possibly the name i had during amaurot.
m***ie: Oh!! That's a really interesting one! I'm excited you are back to having relevant dreams again. I am not but all is still well. So happy you saw Elidibus in your dreams once more, and that you met other folks too.
me: The dreams come and go.
Hopefully i get a major one on Halloween night
(then m***Ie posted a dream of hers)
m***ie: I think this was mostly a "let's mix several things together and see what happens kind of dream" but:
I was travelling and we were near somewhere I kept calling Carson City in the dream. I had been to a cool gaming shop there once so I decided to return and check it out. The people there were fighting monsters but it wasn't an urgent thing. More like hunting them for loot. I made my way down to the bottom of the main structure which looked like an almost Middle Eastern castle/spire complex that's built into a rock spire. The shop didn't seem to be there and was replaced with another business and closed. I asked someone there about it and they said it was still around but the owner had not been sure he could keep the place open so he went in business with his son and the place is now both a gaming shop and barber shop. Just then I saw a flash of the back of Ascian robes not far away and I pursued them through the crowd. I got closer and saw it was Lahabrea. He was actually wearing more casual clothing to fit in here. I said "I know you" and he snapped back "of course you do. You nearly killed me." I said "no, I'm not the Warrior of Light. Emet-Selch taught me your history and" "AND you consigned him to oblivion as you would have me had not that idiot Thordan captured my soul. But no, I didn't die. Somehow instead I'm in this world, licking my wounds." I took his hand. "Can we talk somewhere?" Then we were in a motel room. I explained that while I knew him from the game and we fought there, Emet's teachings made me realize that I knew them once as myself, not the character. He was suspicious at first but I said "then how else would you have ended up in this world, in this place in the middle of nowhere, and how would I have come here again were it not for fate?" I started to wake up here but I was sitting next to him holding his hands in mine, and I could feel him considering my words. Then my alarm went off :/
me: Fuck that alarm clock!
But very interesting!
But there is 1 thing. Nidhoggs eye absorbed lahabrea, the eye was in the sword Thordan was holding.
Estinien pierced the eyes.
m***ie: What a time for it to go off!!
me: I could mean his soul is already freed thanks to estinien lol
M***ie: I think about that a lot, too
I wanted to ask him in my dream
me: I hope you can next time!
M***ie: Though I think my dreamself had other priorities in mind and, that's valid
me: XD
m***ie: I was almost starting to hit lucidity at the end of it, where I was aware I was dreaming and it felt like I was trying to issue commands to my dreamself but she was ignoring me xD Probably because I was equally okay with either outcome.
me: But its very strange he was, suspicious of you though.
Or this happened when he first time got here. In the past.
I cant wait to get the money, to get to the QHHT Practitioner. XD
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October 23rd
mysi: That dream reminds me of... Lahabrea once pointed out to me that, although I said that I wanted to atone for the way I initially treated them in the game, I had no idea how to do so. Thankfully... (Hmm, how to put this.) He isn't the sort of person who really requires atonement.
Not as much as Elidibus, at least.
Nor even as much as Emet, who expects, if not atonement, then proof of change at the least.
Those two have expectations; formalities like that assure them that you've changed.
Lahabrea is more used to overlooking mistakes (not forgetting, just letting go) before the learner even realises they should be fixing them. He doesn't expect you to have your act together the moment you change your mind. To reach him, a constant and unhesitating affection is enough.
me: I noticed this from lahabrea as well yes.
m***ie: I like this. That fits with my experiences as well
me: In which way do you mean atonement? I got like multiple translations here. Like punishment?
M***ie: I'd been getting these messages from my tarot readings that amounted to "do the work to improve yourself, body and mind, or you will experience heartbreak." I was trying to reconcile that, like, would those who speak to me abandon me? Would I lose this connection? But then a much more mundane, tangible thing came into play today - I have x amount of time I can take off work for migraines as such and with how stressful this year is, I've been abusing it. I've been not doing the work to improve myself - Good sleep hygiene, exercise, a good diet. Simple simple things. As a result, I get stressed out more and have more migraines.
Now I'm down to 3 days I can take off for the rest of the entire year. I'm at a point where finally, I have no choice but to improve myself. To be both stronger and kinder to myself. Here is what I was warned of and how to prevent the heartbreak of potentially losing a job I, as much as I bitch about it, greatly appreciate, losing all of those connections, changing up my life.
So silly to think a guide, for lack of a better term, would abandon me because I'm not perfect immediately. Especially beings that have lived for so long - they know these things don't happen overnight.
Atonement is less like punishment, and more like doing better to make up for doing something wrong.
me: ah thank you. Then i must say, Elidibus want that we work on ourselves. I dont believe he ever said about actual leaving us, if we didn't. Right???? Or did he?
Atm i am busy AF, probably after my cosplay is done, my work will explode (got a webstore) . Stressful times before the holidays, people buying presents for Sinterklaas and Christmas. .
I hope they got the patience..... Eli and emet.
Though emet is really drawn to remembering things. If you desire to remember, he will come. Eventually.
M***ie: Oh no, I didn't want it to come off that way. The worry of anyone leaving due to lack of progress was me simply misinterpreting a message due to my own filters (lack of self-confidence, and other things)
me: Ohhh ok! Did you had any conversation with lahabrea this week?
M***ie: Another dream- Of all things, TK posted an image in chat. It was a chimera, FFXIV style, but with the 4 faces/heads of a kerub- hawk, ox, lion, & man (but the last was smooth, shiny, and almost gun metal grey in a way that reminded me of an alien from Aliens). Oh, I never answered your question. I'll ask what you asked in DM when I'm able.
me: Thank you!
tk: Somehow things about me come back to weird creatures or just creatures in general lol
m***ie: Interesting! I was like "that was an extremely specific dream"
tk: Yes lol.
Mysi: Atonement is like... when you accept that something you did was wrong, and you can't undo it, but you try to at least put some of it right again, insofar as you can.
October 24th
me: I had a dream i had a echo ( past?) attack. I thought first it was a [redacted], but my body wasn't shocking. I said to my ex, no its the echo.
Then i landed in another dream.
I was in Indonesia, that somehow was merged with Africa, and the entire continent was somewhere more nearer to the artic. So a huge ocean between that and Europe.
We needed to go by airplane to go home, my ex and son sat in the airplane i forgot something, i told the pilot to wait. But he didn't.
Luckily another plane with the same destination (Netherlands) came later.
During the travel i admired the view, the plane wasn't a regular one, it was 1 of those personal/smaller planes where only a few people can board. I also came to learn that the plane i missed first when lt to Iceland and then to the Netherlands.
And mine went straight to the city Hilversum in my country.
Me talking to the pilot: oh that a bummer for them, we wont arriving on the same time.
How long was the travel you said? 48 hours?
Then he talked about a break at his place at 6pm, and continue flying the next day. I was able to stay with him if i would carry my own luggage (lol)
Me: sure no problem. I can do that.
So the next day happened i wore the weirdest combination of clothes, orange linen pants, and a bright light green shirt, we were flying above land and he did some stunts in the air. After 2 loopings i told him to stop, my head wasn't agreeing with it.
He went flying normal again and enjoyed the few again.
Then right before waking up an image of an amaurotine appeared for my eyes. (Hythlodeaus?)
Oh i remember suddenly a earlier dream before the echo started.
My son had 5 convocation stones in his mouth chewing on it. (the resin versions i got)
I grabbed them out of his mouth , saying he is mental insane for doing this. And the elidibus one had a bite bitten off. I was so pissed.
(how the F did that fit all in his mouth?!)
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October 25th
here I got replies of the dreams above
m***ie: I'm glad the bit with your son chewing on the constellation stones was just a dream!!!
me: IKR!!!
M***ie: I read that like oh nooooo
me: Have read the DM?
M***ie: Yes! I've just been doing some new things spiritually and things are hard to explain. It is good stuff and helping me but it's also left me waking up several times a night with weird dreams and waking up at dawn inadvertently so I'm a bit of a mess ;; hopefully I can knock myself out with some medicine tonight and try tomorrow.
me: Ok! What are you practicing?
m***ie: I'm going to keep it to myself for now until I've ingrained an actual habit. I feel like anytime I tell people "I'm going to do this thing now!" it backfires
Then I drop the habit or plans AND feel dumb for it lol
me: Owww ok. Well i hope you share it eventually. Since i got allot to practice and everything would help.
m***ie: If I thought it would be immediately helpful to you, I promise I would share it! I will say I finally found a way to meditate that works for me and doesn't feel like I'm just constantly fighting with my very noisy brain. Four fold breaths. Breathe in, hold, breathe out, pause, all for the same amount of time. So I will count as I go- "1, 2, 3, 4" as I breathe in, again as I hold, etc
But it's rather energizing and relaxing at the same time and so I need to move this to when I wake up rather than before bed I think.
me: Sounds good
( this indeed a very good method for meditating and to fall asleep if you must sleep. for to fall asleep you can skip the hold and pause. and just count 1 to 5 slowly while breathing in and 1 to 5 when breathing out. )
October 26th
mysi: M***e I was literally just telling **ffin about the Four-fold Breath and saying... this is pretty powerful, it puts me right into a trance. and then they said, "Oh I know it from therapy as an anti-anxiety thing, it's called square breathing". we realised it came from yoga :D
me: Oh? Direct into trance? How does that feel to go into trance? Because i never succeeded so far. How do i now i am know in trance?
m***ie: Oh wow! The amount of synchronicity I've been experiencing lately is getting absurd. That's great to know. I noticed that myself last night. I hit a light trance after not too many minutes of it. I was amazed. And it's midnight so time to sign off, do this thing, and sleep.
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October 27th
me: elidibus decided to come at me yesterday eve, he wanted me to meditate lol. Even though my mind is to strong to actually go in trance i felt like a zombie every few seconds. And later i decided to ask some questions with my HS method.
He does miss me, for not being in their world . He will pick me up when i will die of old age (i presume old age, dunno) , only then i will be able to see him....
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October 28th
M***ie (replying to above): This makes me think of the Echo a bit, especially the Ascian Prime scene and Elidibus' early words for us in game:
"And this brings us back to AL I, 8. The individual, in essence, is not really an individual; he is merely an arbitrary boundary around a particular subset of totality. In order to experience as an individual, he must be given the illusion that that boundary is, in fact, him.
me: Ehhhhhhhh, go on ( I didn’t understood a thing of it)
M***ie: I can send you the page it is from but it might feel out of context. Here is the rest of that paragraph: "This illusion is the Khu, the spirit, the soul, “the magical garment which it weaves for itself, a “form’ for its being beyond form, by use of which it can experience through self-consciousness.” The actual individual, the boundary between what is perceived as self and what is perceived as not-self, is the Khabs, the star, the unit of existence that is both an integral part of totality, and the central point from which the Khu is able to perceive “everything else”."
me: Sorry i feel Like i escaped white auracite today, understanding things is hard atm. Very tired. Though what parts of what i said makes you think its like the echo?
Ah after eating a good piece of meat i feel a better (grass fed) . I understand what you mean i think.
But which part reminded you of the echo of what i said earlier? (edited)
M***ie: Unfortunately I'm logging into work now but I'll do my best. I feel like the Ascian Prime transformation part shows that the boundary between beings isn't as solid as people think, if that makes sense.
me: You mean, Elidibus fused with me or something? I did felt that way
Even though it was temporary
M***ie: and Elidibus from the first time we meet him in game. This is about Tataru not being able to see him:
me: Oh yes that part.
M***ie: Anyway, I'm off to work. That was just something that made me go "huh!" and I figured I would share it here.
me: Thanks!. I asked some questions regarding your findings on this. It seems my echo is developing.
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October 29th
Mysi shared some info she got from a book and summed up some interesting points:
mysi: oohhh yes. Crowley's description of the individual-boundary illusion there... I feel like I have a fuzzy half-understanding of it, but in the way where I'm likely to misinterpret all my experiences if I try to pin it down.
I've read so many authors saying roughly similar thngs and yet every time I think I understand some of it, I find that I really don't. It seems sure enough that our self-boundaries are not what (or where) we think they are. But for all the oodles of writers who have seen roughly this same thing, none of them have explained it so that I can grasp what it is. Unrelatedly, here's some stuff I was reading today that has... a lot in it of interest.
1) "God's two gifts to man of intellect and the word". In this context, "the word" means the ability to create... like... creation magic. It sort of looks like it's saying that's what ascends to the immortals. Which is fascinating. And who else calls their creation magic the Word? The Akademia.
2) "The world, too, is a god, image of a greater god... the totality of life." Here we find an association with living creation, nature, the ecosystem, the creatures-- all wrapped up in this deity. It sounds like Zodiark as described here. I wish I'd had these pages to hand when I was discussing on Twitter whether or not you could "really" count Zodiark and Hydaelyn as deities. Many systems, including likely this one, make provisions not only for such auxiliary/restricted-scope deities, but go on to insist that this specific one is in fact Deity. It looks like such a Zodiark analogue, it's not The Demiurge Of Everything, but it's the totality of life and nature.
3) "How could there be dead things in God, and if the world is God, how can there be dead things in the world?" This is where he just explains that nothing actually dies. Going on the trail of the previous thing about Zodiark, it's one explanation for the Unsundered view of the world-- their people are not dead, they are sleeping as Zodiark is sleeping, and that sure does make it easier to
4) In fact, he says, they're not dead, but moving, and that life consists of constant movement. That's also correspondent with what we know of Zodiark.
me: But what if some of the ancients choose to be reborn?
mysi : 5) "whether you speak of matter or bodies or substance, these things are energies of God who is the All". There's a strain of cohesion here that I think the Convocation would have appreciated in their monotheism, although I also side-eye that same monotheism as not giving fair due to e.g. the elemental primals and other such influences.
: ...Sorry, I'm not sure I understand the question. I'm talking about the souls sacrificed to Zodiark
Who are presumably still in there and promised to be returned.
me: Yeah i talk about those too. But an soul as their got to choose if its want to be reborn. There could be a few who did that. Sundered soul are reborn automatically it seems.
Even we on earth got to choose when to be reborn, or not doing it at all. We choose to be reborn.
mysi: Yeah, I just don't think that is what he's talking about here in the text ;P
I mean that's a really common paradigm but it's not really related to the topic he's trying to expound, which is the nature of death
He's trying to talk about physical dissolution not being the same thing as the end of life
What happens afterwards is just like, not his point here.
me: Well you said they were sleeping like zodiark, thats where i hooked in.
mysi: Yeah, when I said that I was pointing out the similarity between the text here and the things described to us in the game by Emet
me: ok.
mysi: Does that help? ; I think approaching the same ideas from different cultural and philosophical frameworks like these can help us get a better handle on what the ideas actually are, which is why I like these kinds of comparisons. Like, what words might be common in literature to describe the things we are thinking of.
me: Not something new to me xD.
I have read Dolores cannon books. She can go via the QHHT dig into people's past lives including when its was dead from its mortal body and what it did at that moment. Even if the soul lived on a different planet, and came to earth to learn.
mysi: Yeah. But these ideas are also very complex, I don't think they're entirely new to any of us, but how well do we truly understand how they fit into the larger framework? What preconceptions do we have? What cultural ideas change the way we think of topics?
me: true
mysi: It's kind of a synthetic approach, which I think just overall helps the pieces fit together, for me, at least.
me: To bad Dolores is no longer alive, she left this world in 2014.
Luckily she left students and 1 of them is living in my own country.
I hope to get more answers or confirmation while doing a session.
mysi: I hope you can get what you're looking for!
me: I really do hope so!
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October 30th
me: So my ex wanted to ask questions, but a few seconds before, something already arrived ready to answer. So Before my ex wanted to ask questions.
Ex: i must ask these things.
Me: thats fine someone already came to me but i dont know who.
At the end of the questions that whent about holy water.
Ex: are you elidibus?
(and i thought but ofcourse who else might just come to me xD i gave him Permission to do that anyways)
Ex: have you contacted jezus. (he proposed that idea to him 1 or 2 weeks ago)
Answer : yes.
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mysi: I spent way too much time trying to make an innuendo out of this
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October 31st
me: So, i was walking in the forest with a my bestie in cosplay. Halfway elidibus came to me. I noticed by suddenly my body felt heavier. I felt like half fused with him for a sort moment. Because my friend started talking so the concentration of the fusing was gone. To bad i couldn't see the full moon due clouds :/
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Dreams of October
October 2nd
It was actually a way longer dream but the end is only worth noticing.
I was with my mom, dad and my son cycling towards France we were standing at a water edge. Dark skies cleared and a bright sun appeared. And I said: the sky has cleared and we have been graced with another beautiful day, but this time you were able to see it ( I was referring to eli)
Mom: what did you said?
Me: nothing.
And we went further on our bicycles.
(Btw that cycling through france is what my mom and dad actually did/have done. they cycled from the Netherlands all the way through France when they just met each other).
October 6th
The dream started with I was in a complete white area, no walls or other physical objects. I closed my eyes and spoke Ancient. Then lahabrea appeared very shortly but disappeared just as quick has he came, but he remained talking to me. He said that the armor plate on the right arm that I was making had important symbolism. I said it was possible that it wasn’t entirely correct because I had some mistakes in it. He said that it doesn’t matter and that it looks good enough to do justice to the symbolism. To bad I forgot to ask what it meant. After that I was busy appreciating and cherishing that thing and was careful with it.
October 8th
I am an ascian in the Pokemon world now as well, the evil gang awakened my powers. but they couldn't hypnotize me (while they could with random people.) but while trying they unlocked my ascian powers in the Pokemon world. I kept myself stupid, because the hypnotizing didn't work. Leader you are a ascian right?
Me: yeah
Leader: dont you wanna be that here too then?
Me: well being an ascian in the Pokemon world would be a dream come true, but i got no purpose here. I prefer to use it in the final fantasy xiv world. Leader talking to the rest: come never mind her, if we stay here she will lead us astray. And they finally left. In myself i thanked them for unlocking it. And while focusing on my powers i finally saw black smoke as energy coming from my hands. So i went outside to test the strength in the Pokemon world . But then woke up.(edited)
Ah yeah the world championships were held in the dream lol.
October 12th
I dreamt I was busy with the sleeve armor of my ascian cosplay and lahabrea gave me telepathic messages how I needed to clay with the foam clay. Several times I thank him.
October 13th
2 dreams
1: short images of lahabrea from his back side and emet in solus clothing that pointed out something, I cannot remember what happened with emet, yeah he said something: that’s cute (that was it). with lahabrea it was about my cosplay but I only saw him from the back.
2: Ok then, dream after my early morning sleep. I was at a water edge in a city it was dark and the crescent moon was at the heavens. I attacked something that was crossing the water, probably in self defense because i was wearing ascian robes. I attacked it with wind elemental energy. I noticed it didn't work and stopped. I noticed the thing that was crossing the water was already gone.
Then i noticed Minfillia (source minfillia) i was wondering why she wasn't afraid of me, but didn't ask her. I went to the left to continue walking at the water edge. She was following me but i didn't care. Later where i stopped at a random place with still water surrounded but more nature added. I noticed her busy with something, and i decided to ask her minfillia (which was Ryne now but i still called her Minfillia) can you summon elidibus for me?
She said: "ok no problem" And put the fingers straight into the ground as a shovel, they glowed and pulled it out again. She continued to do her stuff like this was nothing for her lol. When i was wondering when he would come i noticed she made other holes in to ground. But the holes are glowing now are they all have a floating greenish rock above them. They shoot out lines on the ground that at my left side collected themselves into what almost looked like elidibus (half upper body) as a drawing on the ground. It started to glow more intense. But then i woke up due a noise from outside. Almost!
Now i wonder if this was a heavy lore implication. Because my thoughts about elidibus were that he was inside the crystal tower but at the same time he wasn't.
So it was like both versions at once. So the game lore and reality at once.
So Ryne is gonna release elidibus from the tower. Makes more sense though then my theory of bringing Graha back to the first to cancel his spell.
October 22nd
I also had a dream:
Originally a very long dream but one about that I missed a premiere of an ascian movie, I tried to figure out if I could watch it again but couldn’t find it. Eventually I found the building where they did showed it again. I only saw a zoomed in view of a Shield with zodiark symbols on it. (the one on the ascian robes on the back)
October 25th
I was walking in the grocery store and it became lucid. I went searching for ascians. I tried with my mind to visualize them. Then I turned the corner I saw emet. but adjusted to modern setting, his white hair bang was blond and thinner and he had lichter brown hair. He greeted me I grab his arm and said: lets have sex.
Emet: Sure!
So yeah that happened sex with emet.
October 27th
I was with a group of people outside. I saw dalumud moon in the sky, bahamut was in it. But it glowed orange gold like, like the star shower. I waited for the star shower to come but didn't came. Bahamut had trouble getting out of his shell. I went on a search for red gemstones and granite in someone’s room. Later i went back to the open area where i saw bahamut in the sky. Dark clouds covered the shell, i tried to use my powers to get rid of the clouds, but didn't work. So i started to hum the answers song. But the people i was with were laughing at me because they didn't knew the song. Then i thought : shall i just let the song ring on my phone?, no i am gonna sing it. Then i started to sing with susans voice like the half of the song. The cloud disappeared now i could throw the stones at him to help him set free. But the stones were to small, and only cause small explosions. Then i noticed big bombs hidden in a wall behind me, i swooped them out and immediately flinged them at the shell. Then suddenly someone grabbed me throwing me on the ground to protect me from the explosions. Boom massive bang! Bahamut was freed, i didn't saw him, but i could hear him roar in the distance. Then i saw what happened to be estinien's parents? They were mocking about estinien that estinien didn't liked them as parents. Then i thought: Whuuaatt? Estinien is heavy attached to his lost family, how come? Then i woke up.
October 28th
Even though I wrote this dream down at the date of happening I cannot remember it somehow.
In this dream I had allot of random shit through it.
I encountered Elidibus as WoL and he needed to fight to regain memories. First he fought against a younger brother (younger then me) of him. After it was my turn I changed into a female version of the WoL with white hair. Then I watched myself from a distance. I got knocked down somewhere during the fight but got back on my feet with the help of my sword. I pulled myself standing. Others thing happened but I forgot.
October 31th
This was a weird dream because some tv character was in it. The dad of the thundermans >.<
Something about a lost ring of the Thundermans. Our friend Wesley that thought my Ex and I were married (WHAT?!) that was very confusing and awkward.
Later I saw row of pumpkins in a grasfield and found that ring back between the pumpkins. That dad from the Thundermans already putted on a different ring. But I apparently didn’t noticed the one he was wearing now had Elidibus’s glyph on it! (FFS) he picked up the lost ring.
Then a dwarf (of ffxiv) said: maybe you can open this now as well. While at the same time a cave appeared and a door opened with pictured treasures on it. While walking through the hallways Emet selch gave narration (xD) then I was watching it as an episode from something.
Me: how is this possible?
I saw the credits and after the credit it continued a little bit. lahabrea was turned into a baby size and heard him yelling:
Laha: I got a new name for retailer
Me: and that is?
I didn’t understand him sounded like: muf muf xD I walked towards him
Me: sorry I didn’t heard you very well, what did you said?
Laha: I got a new name for retailer!
Me: yes, and that is?
Laha: garlic xD
I was laughing myself sick XD
That was it.
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phew that was allot of rewriting! originally this chapter was only 9 Word pages but now 71! The soul bonding with elidibus happened in November on the 4th to be exact . Please look forward to it.